


These Violent Delights

by KingPapi



Series: Phase 3 [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Trailer, F/M, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Pre-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-01-19 20:29:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 42
Words: 145,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12417582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingPapi/pseuds/KingPapi
Summary: "These violent delights have violent endsAnd in their triump die, like fire and powderWhich, as they kiss, consume"Months after Avengers: Age of Ultron, Bruce Banner returns for Natasha's heart, and she gladly takes him back, prepared to spend the rest of her life with him. In disarray for his feelings for Natasha, Steve leaves New York on soul searching journey. Completely unaware of her feelings for Steve, she finds herself missing him with every passing day. Steve returns for Natasha two days before her wedding and they have a memorable night, conflicting her choices and her future.  Rated M: Strong Sexual Content and Strong Language





	1. DESIRE

_Natasha's POV_  
_"To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves."_  
_― Federico García Lorca_

* * *

  _ **ONE|DESIRE** _

I was tired but restless. My wedding to Bruce Banner was drawing closer and even though I wasn't really involved in any of the planning, that was Maria's department, I was feeling some stress. Apparently, that is normal for brides, pre-wedding stress? At least that's what all the magazine articles I read told me. Bruce was the one that insisted on getting married. Ever since he returned and begged me to take him back, I knew he was the one for me. Returning for a woman's heart was all so old-fashioned, but then . . . so was Bruce. I knew I wanted a life with him and I was finally OK with the decision, but yet . . . something was still nagging at me, keeping me from sleep.

A glance at the glowing clock face on the nightstand told me it was after one in the morning as I threw the covers back and climbed out of bed. Bruce usually spent nights here with me, keeping vigil over me while I slept, but he was gone tonight. He would be finishing the experiments at the Avengers HQ, prior to the wedding.

It was always hard for me to sleep alone now, but I was finding it impossible for some reason tonight. Walking over to the window, I opened it for a little air then inhaled deeply as the smell of the rain spilled in. I had always enjoyed the scent of rain. Maybe because growing up in Russia, it had been so scarce. Resting my forehead against the glass, I stood there watching the raindrops slowly slide down the window, and for some reason, my thoughts turned to Steve Rogers. Hell, why wouldn't it?

I hadn't seen Steve in months, not since that day I left him in Sokovia. As he stood there, his heart broken, I never admitted to loving him, and yet . . . not enough. It had broken my heart, and still, I bet he would have comforted me, as usual, which felt so wrong. But that was Steve . . . and God, I missed him so much.

I left him there that day and soon after months of hiding, I heard he left New York, to run . . . to find himself again. I couldn't stand the pain he was going through . . . so much that he couldn't talk to us, his friends, his family, the people that meant the most in the world to him. He didn't even know about the wedding. Sighing deeply, I placed a fingertip on the window to follow a raindrop as it slid slowly down the pane of glass as I wondered, Why is Steve haunting me tonight?

My mind then wandered back to the kiss we shared so long ago in that mall. That simple kiss started out as a battle between us, then it turned into something else entirely . . . something so exciting and passionate, that the kiss succeeded in making me realize how much I really care about him. Not care . . . love. I love him. But not enough.

Bruce had never kissed me with that much passion, no matter how much I asked him . . . or begged him to. We could kiss, but as soon as I pushed him by kissing a little too rough, or letting my hands travel where he deemed they shouldn't, he pulled away. I loved him and wanted more than anything to be with him, and I was shut down at every turn. On those rare nights when I was alone, or in the shower, I would try to take care of it myself, but it wasn't enough. It was never enough. I had this need . . . this passion that burned inside that I had to repress, all the time. I felt Bruce was doing the same. I just didn't understand why.

Yes, I did . . . I knew he was worried about hurting me. With his... unpredictable behavior as the Hulk, he was much stronger than me and he was worried if he got carried away, he could really hurt me . . . or worse, but I was so tired of feeling like a china doll that he was afraid to break. I mean, I loved that I always came first with Bruce. Most girls would kill for a boyfriend like that. And yet . . . sometimes his overprotectiveness was stifling and made me feel smothered. I longed for the day when we could let go and just . . . feel what we felt for each other.

Smiling to myself, I remembered how Steve and I used to try to set him up with random females in the world, little did I know I wanted to be his one and only woman.

As I let out a yawn, I decided maybe I should try sleeping again when out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something out in the dark . . . a figure, someone familiar. I focused on and . . . there!  Steve?

Lifting the window higher, I stuck my head out to get a better look. "Steve?" I called softly, knowing his freaky hearing would pick up the sound of my voice without having to shout. They shield shined again then disappeared. Was that Steve? Is he really home?

Maybe it was because I was thinking about him that I imagined I saw something. I must be losing my mind, I thought as I began to turn away, but something stopped me. If he was out there, I needed him to know that I missed him and I did still care. Looking out over the street light pole, I said softly, "Steve, if you are out there, I miss you. I miss you so much. . . . Fury really misses you and so does the team."

Sighing, I hung my head for a moment, feeling rather stupid for talking to the dark, empty backyard. But there was one more thing I had to say: "I love you, Steve Rogers. I always will."

As I placed my hands on the sill to close the window, I heard from below, "Is that true?"

My heart stopped as I looked down to see Steve standing there, in the pouring rain, below my window. I actually closed my eyes and rubbed them then opened them again to see if it was really him. There he stood, hands on his hips, staring up at me. I couldn't speak out of shock, so I just nodded.

"Can I come up?" Steve asked.

Nodding again, I finally found my voice and added, "Yes, of course." Steve used the street light pole beside the house to climb up then I stepped back and allowed him some space to push his huge body through my window, unfolding it to stand in front of me. His shaggy blonde hair was wet and dripping down his hard torso as he was dressed in his normal armor, but it looked it had been through hell. Noticing a puddle quickly forming at his feet, I gave him a small smile as I offered softly, "I'll go get some towels."

I returned quickly and handed Steve one of the towels. He took it and dried his hair and his chest and arms then he stopped as he reached for his ripped armor to look at me. Nodding, I turned my back so he could remove his dripping wet armor. They hit the floor with a light thud along with his shield and then I heard him say softly, "OK."

I turned back to find him standing by the window with a bright pink towel wrapped around his waist. I would have laughed if he hadn't taken my breath away with his beauty. I know men aren't supposed to be beautiful, but Steve is. His body is amazing, even with the scars . . . muscular and strong without being too obviously pumped up. And he was so oblivious to it. He had no idea how many girls checked him out when we went anywhere, which only made him more attractive.

Steve quickly closed the gap between us to scoop me up into his strong arms and hold me tightly against his hard body. "Steve," I sighed, my cheek burning against his hot, bare chest as he buried his face into my neck and I heard him whisper, "Natasha."

I have no idea how long we stood there, wrapped around each other. I was shocked at how much I had really missed Steve, and how good it felt to have his arms around me again. Finally, he lifted his head to look down at me and I let out a small gasp. Steve looked so tired, so worn. His hair had grown out and it hung down into his eyes. A full-grown beard was on his face. But more importantly, there was no smile on his face, which was not like my Steve, who always had a smile for me. He had scars placed all around his body, and I could tell that some wounds were fresh.

Reaching up, I brushed the hair from his eyes as I asked softly, "Steve? Are you OK?"

Steve silently shook his head from side to side as his eyes drank me in. I became slightly embarrassed to realize I was clothed only in a thin tank top and pajama shorts as the night was unusually warm for early June in New York. I was self-conscious under his scrutiny, yet I did nothing to hide from it. Suddenly his gaze shifted from my body to my lips and I could see what he was thinking, yet again, I did nothing to stop it. As his head bent toward me as if in slow motion, I found myself nervously anticipating how his lips would feel when they met mine. His hands rested on my hips and as our lips touched, his grip tightened and he pulled me closer.

This wasn't the same kiss we had shared on the escalator so long ago . . . this one was rougher, needier. Steve was taking from me what he needed, not asking, and I was helpless to stop him. As his lips moved, his tongue pushed its way into my mouth to tangle with mine and I actually moaned. I began an inner war, telling myself that I needed to shove him away, I needed to stop this. My hands lay on his chest and instead of pushing, they ran up over his hard, muscular shoulders to lock around his neck. Traitors.

Steve groaned as he deepened the kiss and leaned into me. I could feel his hardness and it scared me, yet excited me at the same time. I had never been kissed like this . . . I had never felt the passion and need like this, although I had wanted to for a very long time. His hands crept around to my back and down to cup my ass and then suddenly l felt myself being lifted and I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist to keep from falling. Again I felt his need as I slid over him and he hissed from the contact.

As he backed me up to the wall, my hands found their way into his hair and I tugged it as his mouth slid from my lips to my throat. Stop, Natasha! Stop him before this goes any farther! I could hear myself screaming in my head, and yet, I was paralyzed by a primitive hunger that needed to be sated.

Finally, I found my voice and I croaked out, "Steve," to get his attention. Steve froze, gazing at me with eyes that were black with a raw desire I could never have imagined. This was a very different Steve looking back at me. I could see just how much he wanted me . . . needed me. It was my undoing. Selfishly giving into my own need, I attacked his lips with mine before he laid me on the bed with a growl. As Steve leaned over me, I could feel his heart practically beating out of his chest. His lips moved down my throat and into that hollow of my collarbone and I felt my body melt into a pool of arousal. My tank top disappeared and I gasped when Steve roughly cupped my breast and ran a thumb over the tip. Arching my back, I willed him to take more and he did, his teeth grazing my nipple before he sucked it into his mouth and I had to hold back my cry. I had never felt like this . . . ever. I never wanted it to stop. My fingers threaded themselves into his hair as he worshipped my breasts, my breath coming faster as I could no longer put together a coherent thought . . . all I could feel, taste and smell was Steve. His intense heat surrounded me and held me captive. Somehow his towel disappeared along with my shorts, and our bodies, slick with sweat, slid against one another as our lips joined and rejoined. My body was telling me it wanted something more . . . I needed something more as Steve moved to lie on top of me, and I instinctively spread my legs to accommodate his weight. Positioning himself at my entrance, already so wet in anticipation, I could feel Steve there, just barely touching me, and for a moment, he looked down at me and I lost myself in those dark eyes, full of desire. I could see the silent question he was asking, and as an answer, I gripped his head and brought it down to meet my lips just as he slowly slipped inside me.

Steve's kiss smothered my cry as the pain of his intrusion shot through me. I had heard that it hurt the first time, and it did as he broke through, but it was gone in an instant to be replaced by a throbbing need. Steve held still, kissing me, knowing this was new to me until I ground my hips against him to let him know I needed to move. I felt the growl in his chest as  I felt a sudden pain on my shoulder and I moaned in pain and ecstasy as he pulled out only to plunge inside again.

Steve pumped so slowly at first then he set a quicker pace and I joined it, stroke for stroke, marveling at the heat that was building between us. I was working hard for something I had never felt like this before and when it hit, I felt the explosion of my orgasm rock my whole body, sending out wave after wave of pleasure.

Steve's body shuddered and he groaned as he, too, felt the waves pass over him as he emptied into me. Our hearts were thudding in our chests, both of us panting to catch our breath as Steve tried to roll off of me, but I wrapped my arms and legs around him to hold him captive for a little longer.

Finally, after a few minutes, I loosened my hold and he rolled off to lay on his back beside me. Looking over at him, desperately wanting to say something, I found myself completely speechless. I just took his virginity . . . what did one say at this moment?

Finally, Steve extended his arm out to invite me to move over, which I did, curling myself into his body as his arm came down over me. I realized then we didn't need words. For now, this was enough.

I woke sometime later to the feeling of a hand skimming slowly up and down my body. It took me a minute to realize that I had not dreamed Steve climbing through my window . . . he was still here . . . or else I was still dreaming. Apparently, I had turned onto my side while I slept and Steve was now behind me, pressing his hardness into my backside as his hand slid slowly down to my thigh, and back up, down and back, starting a slow burn deep inside me. Rolling over, I touched him gently on the cheek and when he offered me a smile, that's when I finally saw my Steve. Smiling back, I leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the lips.

That kiss turned into another and another which led to our hands traveling and exploring. Steve's touch excited me in a way I never thought possible and I was curious about doing the same for him, so I let my hand travel down to lightly run my fingers along his shaft, and was delighted when he hissed and dug his hand into my hip. Taking him in hand, I teased and stroked until Steve groaned and pulled me to lay on top of him, where I propped myself up with my hands on his chest as I looked down at him through a curtain of my hair. Steve smiled as he could see I wasn't sure what he wanted at first then, taking a hold of my hips, he shifted until he could slide my body down over him. Oh. My. God. I threw my head back and closed my eyes as this new sensation rolled over me.

Steve bucked his hips to get me started and then I quickly took over, riding him faster and faster as his hands moved over my breasts. "Oh, Steve . . . y-y-yes . . . " I moaned as quietly as I could. The pressure built quickly until I felt the spasms rack my body and I collapsed on Steve's chest, panting.

When I regained enough strength to look up at him, I was treated again with a smile as I felt his chuckle rumble in his chest beneath me. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing. You just amaze me, Romanoff."

Smiling back, I kissed him on the lips.

Steve's grin slowly disappeared as a look of lust took over and he quickly rolled us so he was on top. "I'd like to feel that again, too," he whispered as he pushed himself inside me. "You looked so beautiful when you let go like that."

Steve quickly set a pace then placed one of my legs onto his shoulder so he could go deeper. It wasn't long before I felt his body stiffen as he found his release then Steve lay there, trying to catch his breath before propping himself up to look down at me. Smiling, I brushed his hair from his eyes and he smiled back. Again, I searched for something to say, but my mind was blank. My emotions were all over the place right now. Then I felt him lightly run a finger over my shoulder and I saw a look of concern cross his face as he whispered, "I'm sorry . . . I didn't realize . . . "

"What?"

"I must have . . .  there's a mark here." Bending toward me, Steve put a series of soft kisses over my shoulder then added, "I never meant to hurt you."

"You didn't, Steve, really," I assured him as I remembered that bite and the thrill it sent through me. Taking his face into my hands, I kissed him tenderly on the lips to let him know I wasn't angry with him.

As Steve moved over to lie beside me, I let out a yawn and turned away from him to settle into my pillow, deciding I liked spooning. I quickly reached back and pulled on his arm until it fell over me and I felt him move in behind me to bury his face into my hair and breathe in my scent. I drifted off to sleep once again with a huge smile on my face.

The next time I woke, the sun was streaming through the window. Stretching out my arms and legs, I reveled in how completely satisfied my body felt until I blinked a few times and noticed that I was alone in my bed. I wondered for a moment if I had dreamt of being with Steve until I realized I was naked under the covers. Last night had felt like a dream . . . so perfect . . . I never knew sex could be like that. Running my hand over the indent in the pillow next to mine, I pulled it to me and inhaled deeply to find Steve's scent. It had been real . . . all of it.

Smiling widely against the pillow, I rolled to my side to shove the pillow under my head and caught a glint of sun bounce off of the huge diamond-studded ring on my left hand . . . my engagement ring. It suddenly felt like it weighed a hundred fucking pounds as it sat there, glaring at me. Guilt and humiliation swept over me and consumed me as the realization of what happened sunk in. What have I done? Oh my God, what kind of a tramp sleeps with her best friend two days before her wedding to the man she loves? Bruce was forgotten last night . . . I couldn't believe how Steve had come in and made me forget my fiancé so completely.

Tears of shame rolled down my cheeks as I allowed myself to feel the gravity of what I had done. What we had done. Sitting up, clutching the sheet to my chest, I looked around as I wondered, Where the hell is Steve? Did he really just come here to fuck me then run again?

After throwing back the covers in disgust, I pulled on my pajamas then stepped over to the window to gather up the towels Steve had used and found a blood pattern on them with his shredded clothes. So he escaped butt naked and bleeding out my window and ran away. Dammit, Steve! I thought as I glared out the window toward the now crowded streets. Why couldn't you have stayed and at least talked to me?

Stomping my way to the bathroom, I shoved the towels into the hamper then crawled into the shower to scrub away all evidence of Steve Rogers, sobbing as I scrubbed. My skin was red when I finally turned off the water and leaned back against the wall of the shower, gulping down air as I tried to get a hold of myself. It's not like Steve raped me . . . far from it. I could have stopped him, but I wanted him, pure and simple. And the worst part? I enjoyed it . . . really, really, enjoyed it. All of it . . . every bit. And I would probably do it again, in a heartbeat. _Slut._

But, did it change anything? I thought about that as I dried the water from my hair and body. I knew how Steve felt . . . he loved me and wanted more than anything for me to choose him over Bruce. He had made that very clear, many times. Is that why he came here last night? To change my mind? I really didn't think he came here to do that, but I wasn't sure. I had to admit I had strong feelings for Steve, and I did love him, but I loved Bruce more . . . didn't I? But then last night, was so amazing . . . to think I could have that with Steve . . . every night . . .

But I could have that with Bruce, couldn't I? Looking down at my ring again, I let out a long drawn-out sigh. I had tried to live without Bruce before and it literally almost killed both of us. I loved him, I needed him . . . I knew we were meant to be together. So why did I have sex with Steve? Curiosity? Just pure lust? Looking into the mirror at my reflection, I was suddenly disgusted with the person I saw staring back at me. "Oh my God," I muttered as I noticed Steve's bite mark on my shoulder. Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to remember that moment he bit me, as he slipped inside me that first time. It felt so amazing . . . shaking my head at my reflection I grumbled, "How am I going to hide this from Bruce?" _Slut, slut, slut, slut._

I slunk back to my room and dressed for work in my leather black suit and a pair of combat boots and furiously stripped the sheets off of my bed and took them with me downstairs to the laundry room to throw into the washer. I had to make sure that there was no evidence of Steve's scent when Bruce came back.

After that chore was done, I walked into our small, cluttered kitchen to start the coffee. My dad would be up soon and he insisted on coffee to start his day. Once I got it going, I found myself staring out the kitchen window to the streets of New York, thinking again about last night. Where is Steve now? I wondered. Should I call him? Should I wait for him to call me? Or should I just push it from my mind and act like it never happened? Dammit, Steve!

With a sigh, I started the dishwater, wishing again for the hundredth time that we could leap into the 21st Century and invest in a dishwasher. Bruce always promised he'd look into it, but he was a busy man and it seemed to fall quickly to the bottom of his priority list.

I finished the dishes and then quickly made my way upstairs to get ready for work. After pulling my hair into a ponytail and brushing my teeth, I made my bed and gathered his laundry then headed for the laundry room to move my sheets to the dryer and throw his clothes into the washer before leaving for work. After glancing at the clock, I slipped into my shoes and made my way out to the truck. Right now, I was glad that I had to train today. I really needed the distraction.


	2. PAIN.

_Natasha's P.O.V_  
_"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it."_  
_—_ J.K. Rowling

* * *

**_TWO|PAIN_ **

After a day of long hard training, I drove home, and carried all the groceries I bought into the house, put them away then started on my first dish: lasagna, Bruce's favorite. I reached up to turn on the radio that he always kept on top of the fridge and hummed along as I cooked, I found my mind kept slipping back to the night before . . . with Steve. I asked myself over and over, why did I let that happen? If I really loved Bruce enough to marry him and spend all of eternity with him, why would I have sex with Steve, his best friend, _my_ best friend? Was it rebellion? Was it just being horny? Or was it how I really felt about Steve?

I leaned against the counter as that last thought went through my mind. I did have feelings for Steve . . . intense feelings that were a lot stronger than I thought they were. But I couldn't just throw away all the plans I had with Bruce because I had an awesome night of sex with Steve . . . could I? Should I?

"I don't want to think about it anymore!" I shouted to no one as I cranked up the volume on the radio and started singing loudly along with Bruno Mars.

I glanced up at the clock after I finished drying the last pan and was surprised to see it was after seven. The freezer was full, and I left plenty in the fridge to last for the rest of this week. I was tired, but it was a good tired.

After all that cooking, I decided I didn't really want to cook anything for myself, even though I was starving, so I grabbed the phone and called Jo-Jo's Pizza, my favorite pizza place, and ordered a pepperoni and bacon pizza then settled down on the couch in front of the TV to wait for it.

I was startled when I heard a knock at the door just ten minutes later. That can't be the pizza already? I hauled myself from the couch and opened the door to find Steve standing there. He had cut his hair and was wearing a gray S.H.I.E.L.D shirt with his dog- tags and camouflage pants. "Oh! I thought you were the pizza I ordered," I blurted out stupidly.

His wide smile took my breath away. "Nope, sorry. But it sounds like I got here just in time," he replied as he breezed by me and made his way into the living room to plop down on the couch as I just stood at the door staring at him. He turned back to ask, "You gonna stand there and wait for it?"

I gave the door a shove to close it then stalked over to plant myself between him and the TV, hands on my hips. "What are you doing here?"

"You haven't seen me in like, months, and that's how you greet me? Geez, Nat, no wonder I'm your only best friend." He picked up the remote and leaned to the side to point it at the TV.

I stared at him in awe. Is he really going to come in here and pretend that we didn't have sex last night? More than once? I was livid.

Jerking the remote from his hand, I seethed, "Steven Grant Rogers, you son of a bitch! You have some fucking nerve, you know that?"

He had the nerve to look shocked. I wasn't known for having a foul mouth as he did, but I was pissed and this occasion certainly called for some swearing. "Whoa, what's up to your ass?"

"Are you serious?" I waited for an answer. When he just went on staring at me, I spit out, "Are you really going to pretend that nothing happened last night? We had sex, Steve, twice, and then you just disappear bare ass out my window and I don't hear from you all day? Do you think you can really just waltz in here and pretend that we're still just pals, eating pizza and watching TV?"

That's when he had the audacity to shrug and smile innocently. I picked up the first thing I could get my hands on, which happened to be a book, a big ass book, and threw it at his head.

"Hey!" he shouted as he ducked just in time to let it sail past him to land on the floor with a thud. "What the hell? I thought maybe we could sit and talk like adults about this, Nat. You don't have to chuck shit at my head."

"I can't believe you! I woke up this morning to find you gone . . . was that your plan, Steve? Fuck and run?"

His eyes grew wide as he said, "Fuck and run? Really? That's what you thought?"

"What was I supposed to think?"

Just then, the doorbell rang, and I threw a wicked glare at him. "Aren't you lucky? Saved by the pizza."

I grabbed my wallet and yanked open the door, paid the delivery guy then stomped into the kitchen. "Hey! Where are you going with that pizza?" Steve called out.

I slammed the pizza box on the table, grabbed ONE plate from the cupboard, a bottle of water from the fridge, then jerked out a chair and plopped down on it. Steve came into the kitchen just as I was setting a slice on my plate. He reached for the box and I slammed the lid shut.

"Come on, Nat. I really did come here to talk. Why can't we talk over pizza?" And there it was . . . that  _'I'm so cute you can't resist me'_  smile that I really hated right now. But of course, it got to me like it always did, so I rolled my eyes, gave a deep sigh and opened the lid.

"Yes! Thanks." He took out a slice and bit it in half while I stood to grab another plate out of the cupboard and set it in front of him. He took another huge bite and said with his mouth full, "You have no idea how much I missed pizza."

I had to smile at that. Why did he have to be so damned cute?

We ate in silence for a few minutes then he swallowed and said, "So, I guess you're pretty busy right now with . . . plans and stuff."

I shook my head. "Nope. I just have to show up."

His brows furrowed as he took another slice of pizza from the box. "Isn't that like a big deal for a woman? Planning her wedding?"

"I suppose," I shrugged, "but this wedding is really for him, not me."

"Shouldn't that tell you something?"

I sighed and sat back. "Stop it, Steve. I can't do this with you. Not now. I can't just sit here and . . . talk about my wedding with you," I said angrily.

He sighed and actually set down the piece of pizza that was in his hand. I didn't think that was possible. "Natasha, I . . . " he started then stopped and stood up to run his hand through his hair and look out the window over the kitchen sink. Taking a deep breath, he tried again, "I didn't come here last night too. . . you know, to have sex with you . . . " he turned back to look at me and add, "to 'fuck and run' as you so politely put it. I don't know why I came. I just needed to see you... To just . . . tell you . . . " his voice faded away as he hung his head to gaze at the floor.

I stayed quiet, waiting for him to go on. "Then, I heard your voice," he said softly as he looked at me. "I heard you talking to me . . . and . . . after I climbed inside and saw you, it's like something inside just took over."

It would sound weird to anyone else, but I knew exactly what he was talking about. Steve was different last night . . . much different from the awkward man standing here now in my kitchen. "I know," I agreed quietly.

He sat back down beside me and asked curiously, "You know?"

"Yes, I could tell you were different, Steve. I was a little scared at first, but," I closed my eyes and swallowed, "then it really excited me." Oh fuck, I admitted it made a difference to say it out loud. I'm sure he already knew how much I liked everything that had happened last night.

I opened my eyes to find him gazing at me intently. "Natasha, what happened last night, for me, was like . . . a primal need or something. I won't lie . . . it was beautiful. It was everything I have wanted for so long . . . "

"I know, I get that, OK? It was for me, too," I admitted as I shoved myself angrily away from the table to stand up. "But it should never have happened, Steve. I should never have allowed it . . . "

"Why? What are you saying? You wanted it as much as I did, I know it, I saw it in your eyes . . . and I felt it. Why are you fighting it?"

"Because I love Bruce!" I shouted. "I am ENGAGED to him. I am marrying him the day after tomorrow!"

"But you love me too, don't you!? You showed me how much you loved me..."

"God, Steve, just stop. I don't know why I let that happen, I . . . "

Steve stood and grabbed me by the shoulders. "Look at me, Natasha. Just admit it . . . please just say it. You wanted me." He shook me and demanded, "Admit it, dammit!"

"Yes, OK? Yes!" I cried. "I wanted you! And I loved it, all of it. I love you! There, are you happy?"

Before I could anticipate it, his lips crushed down on mine, and he pulled me tightly against his hard body in an attempt to possess me . . . his hands pressing, molding my body to his to make me a part of him. This time though, I was pissed and I fought back, putting my hands on his chest and shoving him back as I shouted, "Stop it, Steve, now!"

I turned away from him and tried to get myself under control. I was shaking from anger and arousal. I wanted to keep kissing him . . . my body was screaming out for him to take me right here on the kitchen floor. But it was wrong . . . so wrong. I couldn't keep leading him on.

"Natasha, I'm sorry, but last night was the best of my life, and I'm not going to lie about it, to you or to myself. I could never have imagined anything more perfect."

I hung my head and tried to figure a way out of this mess I found myself in. I love Bruce . . . I want to be with him. Why, oh why can't I let go of Steve?

Steve's hands lightly gripped my shoulders and turned me slowly around then his face dipped close to mine, and I could feel his breath on my cheek as he whispered softly, "Nat, I love you so damn much, and . . ."

"Steve," I interrupted as I looked up into his eyes. "I love you, too, but . . ."

His eyes shut to ready himself for the blow he knew was coming. "It doesn't change anything," he finished for me.

When he opened his eyes again, I shook my head. "I'm so sorry. Last night was . . . so completely shocking and exciting and wonderful and everything it should be . . . but it was so, so wrong. I cheated on Bruce and I will never forgive myself for that."

"And have you asked yourself why you did?" he shot back angrily, shaking me just a little. "If you love him as much as you say you do, why did you let me make love to you? Cause that's what it was for me, Natasha. It wasn't just sex."

I rubbed my throbbing forehead and tried to think of a way to answer that. I had been thinking about it all day and still had no answer! "It wasn't just sex for me either. Look, I don't have to explain myself or how I feel about Bruce to you, OK? I am engaged to him and I am going to marry him. Period."

"Dammit," Steve muttered under his breath as let me go and turned away. Then suddenly, his hand shot out to grab his plate from the table and he heaved it at the wall as he shouted, "Goddammit!"

As I looked at all the pieces of that plate lying on the kitchen floor, I realized I was looking at a picture of his heart. As I stood there hating myself, for hurting him, I waited for him to say something . . . anything. Finally, I touched him on the shoulder. "Steve?"

I could not only see the pain in his eyes, but I could also feel it. It cut right through me. I heard him sigh deeply then he turned his body to face me as he said, "Nat, I understand why you have to do this. You may love me, but for some fucking reason that I can't understand . . . you need him." Then he gave me a small smile as he added, "And, God, you're so damn stubborn. When you make up your mind to do something . . . " He shook his head then said, "I've done everything I could to make you see how much I love you, and I wish things could be different . . . but . . . they aren't, so, go ahead, marry him, but, do me a favor will ya?" He reached down to take my hand and rest it on his chest over his heart.

I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks as I nodded. He was getting to me again, and I knew I had to be careful.

"Just don't forget... that I love you."

I couldn't speak over the huge lump that suddenly appeared in my throat. I let him pull me into his arms to hold me close and I melted into him. "And one more thing?" he whispered. "Can we spend one more night together, just being Steve and Nat?"

I looked up to see the unshed tears shining in his eyes and I caved. I smiled as I answered, "Yeah, I'd like that."

He sniffed and nodded then let me go to say, "Good. Um, why don't you take the pizza into the other room while I clean up this mess?"

"Yeah, OK." I picked up the pizza and made my way into the living room to drop the box onto the coffee table then sink down onto the couch. I was emotionally drained at this point and not sure if I could sit here and pretend that the last 18 hours never happened. So much had changed between Steve and me. Could we really just sit here together, watching TV and eating pizza like we did when we were just best friends?

I heard Steve pour the pieces of the plate into the trash and soon after, he walked in and plopped down beside me. I leaned forward and took a slice of pizza out of the box to hand to him then got one for myself as he picked up the remote to turn on the TV. My hunger was completely gone now, but I forced myself to take a bite as I heard Steve say excitedly, "Hell, yeah! Terminator. Your favorite," he added sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Just for you, tonight, I will watch it and love every minute of it."

He grinned as he took a big bite of his pizza.  _Steve and Nat_. I would really, really miss this.

I actually relaxed enough to enjoy myself. We bantered during the movie, and turned down the sound to say the lines during his favorite scenes, as we had seen this movie so many times, we knew them all. It was so good to laugh with him again and relive those old days. They seemed so far away now.

I glanced at the clock and saw that it was past nine.  _Poor Bruce_. The meeting must be going on longer than he anticipated. I explained this to Steve and he smiled.

"Yeah, I know how much he hates those meetings. I was kind of hoping to see him. I actually missed him."

"He missed you, too. It was pretty tough on him."

I saw in his face how much that touched him. "Wow. I guess I didn't realize how my taking off like that would affect him."

"And Sam," I added for him. "He's been pretty lonely without you."

"I know," he sighed.

I yawned and Steve smiled as he asked, "Am I keeping you up too late, Grandma?"

"Well, I didn't get much sleep. " I stopped and bit my lip.  _Yeah, I think he knows you didn't get much sleep last night. He was there, remember?_

I could tell by his look, he realized what was going through my mind. "Um, yeah, me either."

It was quiet then. Too quiet. Hello? Huge elephant in the room, you can leave now.

"I guess maybe I better go," Steve said reluctantly as he clicked off the TV and placed the remote on the coffee table.

"Yeah, I guess," I replied quietly.

Tick, tock, tick, tock . . . the ticking of the mantle clock suddenly filled the awkward silence in the room. Steve's eyebrows arched as he sighed then pushed himself off of the couch to walk to the door. I followed him and now we stood there, looking at each other, both of us have so much to say and yet, neither knowing how to say it. There was so much I wanted him to know, so much I needed to thank him for. He saved my life, more than once, and I owed him everything. I loved him . . . but not enough.

Finally, Steve cleared his throat and said, "Thanks, Nat, for tonight. And . . . for last night," he added softly as he brushed a strand of hair from my forehead. "It made coming back all worthwhile."

That lump in my throat reared its ugly head again and I tried hard to swallow my tears over it. "Steve," I croaked. "I'm so . . . "

"Don't say it," he said as his eye squeezed shut. "Please, please don't say you're sorry." Then his eyes opened and again I could see how much this was killing him even though he was doing his best to try and hide it.

I gave him a small smile then wrapped my arms around his waist. He pulled me close and dropped a kiss on my head. "I love you, Nat. I will always love you. And I'll be around if you ever need that spare option."

I nodded against his chest and held on tight, not quite ready to let go yet. Finally, I loosened my hold on him enough to look up and ask, "Steve? Kiss me, just once more, please?"

I knew it was torturing him, but I couldn't help it. I needed to feel close to him one last time. He took my face in his hands and lowered his head slowly until his lips met mine in a soft kiss that soon deepened into a more intense one until I whimpered against his lips and he pulled away to rest his forehead against mine. "It's OK, honey. I'll be alright."

I nodded as I struggled to hold the tears inside and finally let go of him. "Goodbye, Steve," I whispered.

"Bye, Nat." With one last look, he quietly opened the door and walked out into the night, pulling it closed behind him.

Suddenly I wanted to rip the door open and scream out, "Don't go, Steve!" I felt the walls closing in on me as my chest heaved, trying to draw in air. This is wrong . . . so wrong. I can't just let him walk away, can I? I need him too much . . . dammit! I love him too much!

I slammed both fists against the door in rage at myself and what I was doing again to Steve, as I heard his car speed off into the night. I turned and let my body slide down until I landed in a heap on the floor, finally letting out the sobs that had been threatening to surface all night and I cried for Steve Rogers. He was my lover, someone I would always love. But not enough.


	3. CHOICES

_Natasha's P.O.V_  
_"Sometimes you make choices in life and sometimes choices make you."_  
_― Gayle Forman_

* * *

_**THREE|CHOICES** _

After locking the doors and turning off the lights, I made my way up the stairs to my room and closed the door. I finally pulled on some pajama pants and a t-shirt and crawled into bed. Tomorrow would be a long day for me. Being the center of attention was not something I enjoyed at all, and I knew it would be draining. But at the end of it, I would be married to Bruce, the man I loved, and that's all that really counted.

As I pulled the covers up over me and settled my head onto my pillow, I reached out and ran my hand over the other pillow . . . the one that Steve had used when he slept here with me. Steve . . . I closed my eyes and saw in my memory how he looked that night, lying here beside me, his eyes full of love and desire. My eyes opened to see the empty pillow there, and I drew it close to me and held it as I felt the pain in my heart knowing I would never see Steve like that again. I thought, Am I doing the right thing marrying Bruce now that I really know how I feel about Steve? I knew I had to stop trying to second guess myself. I knew I would always love Steve, and there was a part of me that was secretly glad we shared that night. But it was in the past, and that was where it would have to stay. Tomorrow was the first day of my new life with Bruce. One that would last forever . . .

"Are you almost finished, Maria? I thought you wanted me to do her hair?" Sharon asked impatiently from the doorway. She was gorgeously draped in a shimmery silver sheath that was her bridesmaid dress. How would anyone notice me with Sharon in the room? Maria was wearing a dress that matched Sharon's and she looked just as radiant. I felt like an old worn book between two shiny silver bookends.

"Yes, I'm just about done," Maria answered. She had lined my lips and was now filling in the color. "There. Perfect," she said as she stepped back to let me take a look in the mirror.

The face looking back at me was very different than I was used to. "Wow, you're fucking awesome."

"Thanks, you look beautiful." Then she turned to Sharon and gave her a description of how she thought my hair should look and how the veil needed to be fastened underneath. I sat there and silently wished I was the groom. I'm sure all Bruce had to do was shower and put on a damn tux. Big deal.

I sat there another thirty minutes while Sharon curled and teased and put my hair up then finally I was allowed to stand. "Come over here and take a look in the mirror, Natasha," Maria invited. I made my way to the three-way mirror and was taken aback.

Boy, was I fucking banging or what? "It's amazing," I said softly. The hair, the make-up . . . all made me look like the kind of bride you might see in an old movie. I couldn't believe the transformation.

Maria came up behind me and hugged me to her then turned to Sharon. "We better get into place. Do you have the flowers?"

Sharon nodded and handed me a huge bridal bouquet of white roses then turned to give Maria a smaller one of red roses that matched her own.

I moved to the top of the stairs, and as the music started, I watched as Sharon and Maria each descended to take their places. Then, it was my turn. I walked slowly and I held a sharp breath. I really didn't want to tumble down the stairs on my wedding day. Thankfully, Maria had thought of that, and the shoes she purchased had low heels. As we made our descent, I tried hard not to focus on how everyone was staring at me.  _Just focus on Bruce_ , I told myself.

I stopped in front of Bruce, who looked so handsome in his black tux, along with Tony, Clint, and Thor beside him. I took my hand and put it in Bruce's as the ceremony began.

The ceremony went quickly, and I was glad. I was so nervous, my legs felt like Jello and I was afraid I would faint dead away. Soon it was time to kiss the bride, and Bruce took my face in his hands and kissed me softly then gave me his crooked smile. We were introduced to the crowd as "Mr. and Mrs. Bruce Banner," and everyone clapped.

We walked back down the small aisle then stood at the back to form a receiving line. Bruce pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, Mrs. Banner. You look beautiful."

I kissed him and whispered, "I love you, Mr. Banner."

Then our private moment was interrupted by all the wedding guests wanting to wish us well. I noticed with a pang that Steve did not attend here, not that I really expected him to. I had put him through enough. It was time I stopped being selfish and let him go.

The rest of Bruce's family were all polite in welcoming me into the family then they moved on to join the party. I looked over to Bruce with a worried look and he smiled and assured me I did fine.

The reception got into full swing and I was surprised at how civil everybody was being. It was weird being surrounded by people who don't want to fight each other.

Then the time arrived for our first dance, and my nerves kicked in again . . . that center of attention thing. But Bruce took me in his arms and smiled his beautiful smile at me, and I felt all the apprehension just float away. Of course the two glasses of champagne I had right before that helped too.

I worried so much for nothing. The wedding went off perfectly, and I even managed to enjoy myself. But every now and then, I felt a painful pull on my heart. I hoped that Steve was finding a way to get through today and that eventually he would move on and find someone to love . . . someone who deserved him. I knew it would kill me to see him with someone else, but he was too good of a man to spend the rest of his life alone, loving me.

_Steve's POV_

There she is . . . my Natasha. She was dressed in a huge white gown that made her look a little uncomfortable, but still beautiful. I tried to stay away today. I didn't want to be here and see her married to him, but for some masochistic reason, here I was, torturing myself, watching as Bruce twirled her lovingly around the dance floor. She was smiling up at him and I felt my heart break yet again and shatter into a million pieces.

"Honestly, Steve, why are you doing this to yourself?" I heard from behind me.

"I don't know, Wanda," I sighed. "I guess I'm a glutton for punishment."

She snorted as she stepped up beside me. "I guess. You're almost as good at it as I am."

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"I wasn't sure what you might do."

I glanced at her and smiled. "Afraid I might take on a whole bunch of heroes by myself and kidnap the bride?"

"You might be stupid enough to try," she retorted.

I shook my head as I watched Natasha laugh at something that Bruce whispered into her ear. "I might if I thought it would do any good," I muttered. As we stood there, the two of us, looking in on something we couldn't be a part of, I felt Wanda reach out and take my hand.

"I'm here for you, Steve. You need a friend, Steve, and right now, I'm all you've got."

I squeezed that hand and nodded. I did need a friend. And booze . . . lots and lots of booze.

"Come on, let's get the hell out of here. It's nauseating," Wanda stated as she pulled on my hand.

I knew she was right. I needed to go, but I resisted and stood still for just one more look. Natasha, my Nat. I felt that no matter what happened, the rest of my life, nothing would hurt as much as this moment. I took in a ragged breath and tried to blink back the fucking tears that I did not want to let out.  _Let her go. For God's sake, just let her go._

I felt Wanda tug on my hand yet again, trying to pull me away. "OK, let's go," I sighed as I quickly ran a hand past my eyes. Enough pain for one lifetime, Steve."You got any beer at your house?"

Wanda laughed at that. "No, but I know where I can get some. I like the way you think, Rogers."

As I let Wanda drag me away from the window and out into the woods, my brain was telling me it was time to leave Natasha behind, but I knew, no matter what, she would always be in my heart.


	4. DISCOVERY

_Natasha's POV_  
_"The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them"_  
_— Thomas Merton_

* * *

**_FOUR|DISCOVERY_ **

After many hours on three different planes, we finally arrived at our honeymoon destination: Palawan, Philippines.

"It's so beautiful here," I gushed as we climbed out of the boat that had brought us here. It really was. The sky and the water were the same color of blue, and the sand so white it hurt your eyes to look at it. And it was so warm . . . I had forgotten what that felt like! It had to be at least 90. We made our way across the sand from the boat dock to the huge, sprawling white island house, which was gorgeous, of course. The man that drove the boat helped Bruce with our luggage then he went back to the boat and sped away.

"So we are here, on this island, all alone?" I asked Bruce.

"Yes. Do you like it?" he answered with an anxious smile.

I could hardly contain the smile that broke out on my face. "I love it! It's beautiful. Thank you for bringing me here."

Happiness was bubbling over inside me as he took me in his arms and kissed me softly on the lips. "I'm glad you like it. See surprises aren't all that bad." I rolled my eyes and smiled as he added, "Let me show you around." He took my hand and gave me the grand tour of the inside of the house. Then, we walked outside onto the veranda and he gave me a small tour of the outside. "Even the water is warm here, so if you want to swim, feel free."

"I hate to say anything, but I'm really hungry," I told him shyly.

"It's alright. I had them stock the kitchen. Why don't you have something to eat while I unpack?"

I made my way to the gourmet kitchen and took a look inside the gigantic stainless steel refrigerator where I found lots of individual meals, in containers, marked on top what each held. I took out one that said, "Fettuccine Alfredo" and popped it into the microwave. There was also a container that said simply, "Salad," so I opened the top and added some French dressing I found on the door of the fridge and started eating it while my meal cooked. I wandered over to the window and looked out while I shoveled the salad into my mouth. Never in my wildest imagination did I ever picture me somewhere like this.

The microwave dinged, so I set my salad down on the counter and went to get my meal. I took both out onto the veranda and sat at the table there to eat while I looked out at the ocean. We had arrived late, and now the sun was setting over the water and it was the most amazing sunset I had ever seen . . . color so vibrant, filling the sky with oranges, reds, pinks, and purples. It was truly beautiful.

Once I finished eating, I set my containers in the sink and went to find Bruce. The jet lag was catching up with me and I suddenly felt so tired. I finally found my way to the sparkling all-white master bedroom, and called out, "Bruce?"

Not getting a response, I looked around and then hearing water running, I noticed the adjoining bathroom door was open and realized he must be in the shower.

Stepping into the bathroom, I was taken aback for a moment when I saw his body outlined through the shower door. I was amazed to think that Bruce was on the other side of that door, completely naked. I had never seen Bruce naked. I smiled wickedly and decided to join him.  This is our honeymoon. Isn't this what people do on their honeymoon? Then I saw the bandage on my shoulder that still covered Steve's mark and I quickly tried to shove the guilt away. This was my honeymoon with Bruce. Things were going to change tonight.

Once I was completely undressed, I moved quietly over to the shower, my hand shaking as I reached out for the door. I opened the door, boldly stepped inside and closed the door behind me. At the click, Bruce turned toward me. "Natasha?"

"Who else would it be?" I said with what I hoped was a sexy smile.

His body was so perfect . . . like a Greek marble statue. I rested my hands on his chiseled chest and nervously waited for him to make the first move. Then he noticed the bandage. Shit. Why wouldn't this thing heal already? "Natasha? What happened?"

I gave him the same lie I gave Sharon about the curling iron and was happy when I saw his face relax into a smile. "Keeping you safe is a full-time job," he said softly.

"Are you up to it?" I asked.

"Yes."

He just stood there for a moment, and I could see he was contemplating what to do. "Don't think, Bruce. Just feel, please?"

Finally, his head bent toward me and he captured my lips with his own. I felt his hands rest on my hips as he gently kissed me. I broke away to say, "I won't break. Don't be so gentle with me."

"Natasha, we've been over this. I will try, but I don't think you understand the control it takes for me to be able to do this."

"Just try. That's all I'm asking." I kissed him, a little more aggressively, and he groaned as he pulled me closer. He allowed his hands to run up and down my body and I leaned into him to get closer. His mouth left my lips and traveled down my throat and then he growled as he lifted me into his arms.

He flipped off the water and kicked open the shower door to carry me to the huge bed, dressed all in white, where he laid me down and hovered over me. "You are so beautiful, Natasha. I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't. I trust you."

I pulled his head down to mine to kiss him some more while my hands moved over his shoulders. They were slim and so smooth . . . not huge and broadened like. . _ddon't go there,_  Natasha. I tried hard to stay in the moment as his hands gripped my arms and his teeth grazed my neck. One of his hands left my arm to slide down to my breast and I gasped as he cupped it. He instantly froze and looked up at me.

"Good gasp, not bad," I assured him quickly with a kiss. His hand moved to explore my breast lightly, brushing the tip every now and then, causing me to moan. He was trying too hard to be gentle, and it was killing me! I wanted him to be rough, to go with the passion that we had held back so long. To be like . . . don't do that, Natasha. Don't compare him to Steve. I moved under him, trying to spur him on.

"Am I too heavy?" he asked quickly, moving to the side.

"No! Keep going." I could see the frustration on his face as I kissed his cheek, his nose then his lips. "Please," I whispered. I reached between us, surprising him by taking him in hand and was pleased to hear his groan. At least I knew I could excite him. I was rather worried about that. I stroked up and down and explored until finally, he crushed his lips on mine and ground them against my teeth. His hand fell onto my hip and he gripped it hard as he pushed against me. I let him ravage me with his mouth as I wound my fingers into his hair and pulled hard. As his hands worked my breasts, I tried hard not to flinch. I wanted him like this . . . feeling the passion he felt for me. He was finally getting carried away, and I was sure I could handle it, even if I got a few bruises to show for it. He rolled me onto my back and settled between my legs and I heard a low growl escape from his chest.

He hesitated for a second, to look at me, and I was taken aback at what I saw there. His eyes were very dark, completely black and it was almost as if . . . as if Bruce was gone and someone, or something else had taken over. He buried his hand into my hair and pulled, his head falling to my neck as he plunged into me and I tried hard to swallow my scream. He stopped for just a moment then proceeded to pump me over and over until I thought I would rip apart. The headboard of the bed hit the wall so hard every time, I was sure there would be a hole there. I had wanted him to go with the passion, but now, I could see that this was not my Bruce. He was being driven by something . . . was this what he was trying to tell me about all this time?

I tried to bite into his shoulder to keep from crying out when finally he stopped and I felt him shudder with his release. 

Oh my God . . . I squeezed my eyes shut as my chest was heaving, and I tried hard to gulp air and calm down. I naively thought I could handle it . . . I thought he was making too much of it, being too cautious. Why didn't I listen to him? Why did I have to push him so hard? I know why . . . to erase the memory of that night with Steve from my mind. I wanted so badly for this night to be perfect . . . more perfect than that one . . . to prove to myself that I had made the right choice . . .

I eased my eyes open and turned my head to look at Bruce. He was lying there, very still, eyes closed, and not needing air, he wasn't panting like I was. I tried to push the panic and pain away as I rolled to my side and propped up on my elbow. "Bruce?" I whispered.

He opened his eyes to look at me and I could see it there . . . the disappointment, the frustration . . . the shame. I bent down to kiss him lightly on the lips and then I laid my head on his shoulder. He somewhat reluctantly put his arm around me and held me as I drifted off to sleep, using all the strength I had not to cry.

When I woke, I knew it was morning, as the sun was shining so brightly, I could barely open my eyes. I blinked a few times and tried to stretch, and that's when the pain hit. My arms, my breasts, my hips, and . . . between my legs. I felt like I had been run over by a truck or something. I opened my eyes, blinking against the sun a few times, to find Bruce was nowhere to be seen.

I finally moved gently to the side of the bed. I sat there for a moment then pushed myself off of the bed to head to the bathroom. Once I saw myself in the mirror, I almost fainted! There were bruises all over my body, some darker than others. I could barely walk from the pain between my legs and I hoped there wasn't permanent damage done there. I finally managed to pee then I got into the shower.

As I showered, I let out all of the emotion I had been holding and sobbed quietly, not wanting Bruce to hear me. I had waited so long to have sex with him, to be able to show him how much I loved him, and he was right all along. He had hurt me, and I had hated every minute of it. It hadn't been loving and passionate and perfect like . . . it was with Steve. That thought made me sob even more! Had I made a mistake by marrying Bruce?

I loved Bruce, I needed him. Just because our wedding night wasn't what I dreamed it would be didn't make the marriage a mistake. Our relationship was never about sex in the first place . . . it was about . . . what was it about? We weren't really friends . . . I mean, we never started out that way. I had been caught up in the whirlwind romance of Bruce since day one . . . I almost died when he left me all those months, but why? What was it about him that . . . I had to stop this and get a grip on my emotions. They were running wild right now, and driving me to analyze this situation way too much.

I needed to find Bruce, to talk to him. Now.

Once my shower was finished, I dried off, brushed my teeth then slowly made my way to the bedroom to find some clothes. I opened a couple of drawers until I found clean underwear and a bra then I went to the closet to see a bunch of strange clothes hanging there.

I pulled a light yellow sundress off of a hanger and drew it over my head. I'm sure this color would look so good against my pale, ghost-like complexion. I wished I had something long-sleeved to cover the bruises. I knew once Bruce saw me, he would hate himself. If he didn't already.

I made my way to the kitchen to find that he had made coffee for me. I gratefully poured a cup and made my way outside to the veranda and that's when I saw him, sitting on the sand near the water, his knees drawn up. I took a few sips of my coffee then sat the cup on the table and made my way through the sand to Bruce. He was barefoot, wearing a pair of white pants and a light blue button-up shirt, but I could still see the sun sparkle off of his face and chest. I knew he heard me coming, but he didn't move. I sat down beside him then lightly elbowed him. "Hey, husband."

"Are you alright?" he asked his jaw tense, his eyes never moving from the water.

"I'm fine, Bruce. Don't worry so much."

His head whipped around to face me. "Don't worry? Did you look at yourself at all? You are covered in bruises, and I could tell by your gait that it pains you to walk. My God, I could have done permanent damage. I knew it would be hard to control my strength, but I did not realize the lust that came along with it. If I hadn't  . . . I could have killed you, Natasha."

I put my hand on his shoulder and said, "Stop it. I'm fine."

"You're not fine, you're in pain. Stop trying to trivialize this!"

"OK, Bruce, you were right! There, are you happy?" I shouted angrily. "I finally admitted you were right. I pushed you too hard to do something you knew you didn't want to do. I'm sorry that I put you through that. "

He just sat there, silently staring out at the water, so I went on to say, "Look, let's please just enjoy our time here. This place is beautiful, and I don't want you moping around and feeling like you're some kind of monster. I pushed you too hard, and I'm really, really sorry."

He finally gave me a small smile. "You are the one with all the bruises, and you are apologizing and comforting me? I'll never understand you, Natasha."

"Well, you have a very long time to figure me out," I told him with a smirk.

He leaned forward and put a very gentle kiss on my lips. "Have you ever been snorkeling?"

"Underwater? Where there's no air and sharks and stuff? Uh, no."

He chuckled as he said, "It's not all that scary. I think you'll enjoy it."

So, that afternoon, we went snorkeling. It was scary as hell, and I didn't really like it at all, but I went along with it because Bruce seemed to really enjoy it. Afterward, he pulled out books and told me all about the fish we had seen while I ate my dinner.

"And there were no sharks. I told you," he added with a sly smile.

"There could have been . . . you don't know."

"Natasha, they can sense what I am. They won't come near while I'm in the water."

"Oh, I didn't think of that. But what about the other fish?"

"I guess they are just not as smart as the sharks." I laughed at his smirk and shook my head. We could do this. Everything would be OK.

The next few weeks went by quickly. Things were strained for the first couple of days, but finally my bruises healed, and with the evidence gone, Bruce finally relaxed and did his best to keep me busy. We swam, snorkeled again, spent time walking the beach, watching movies, reading. We even took a few trips to the main land to shop the markets and I cooked some meals using some of the freshest seafood I ever had. And in the evening, we played board games. I wondered how many other couples actually played board games on their honeymoon. Not many, I'll bet. At night, he held me just like he always did, and I tried to pretend that it was enough.

This honeymoon kind of felt like when my mom and I used to go on trips together. I hated that I didn't have that "romantic" feeling for Bruce . . . not since our first night here. I loved him, but . . . I didn't "desire" him. I guess I was afraid to feel that for him now. It made me think more about future more and more

We were now into our fourth week and I wondered how long we could actually stay away from the real world. I was on a chaise lounge, on the beach, enjoying the heat of the sun soaking into my body when suddenly, Steve popped into my mind. I had my eyes closed and flashes of being with him played in my mind and I wickedly gave into the temptation to relive it. _His hot body, covering mine with a thin layer of sweat as he pushed into me, over and over, that sweet pressure building between us as his teeth sunk into my shoulder until finally . . . that moment of release that shook my whole body._

I opened my eyes and quickly scanned the area to see that I was still alone. I was actually breathing heavy and was too close to letting my hand trail between my legs to relieve the throbbing that was now there. I sighed and let my head flop back onto the chair. I had to stop this. It wasn't fair to Bruce. I was sure that sex would be great with him if I weren't such a mere mortal.

I picked up my book and made my way back inside to shower. Bruce was lounging on the huge sectional with a book and he smiled as I walked past. "I'm going to shower. Be out in a few," I informed him.

He nodded and stuck his nose back into his book.

I closed myself into the bathroom and showered away the sand, sweat, and sunscreen. I was amazed at the color I was getting. My ghostly white pallor was actually turning a nice shade of healthy. As I was drying myself, I noticed how Steve's mark on my shoulder had finally healed, leaving just a small hint that it had been there.  _If only the memory would fade, too_.

Before I got dressed, I decided maybe I should put on some lotion, so I opened the cupboards looking for some when I came across a box marked "feminine products." I smiled and opened it to find it stuffed with tampons and pads. I had covered all my bases. I set it back in the cupboard then sat back on my heels to do some calculating.

I had my last period two weeks before the wedding, which meant I should have had another period two weeks after the wedding . . . but I didn't. I was shocked to realize that I was now almost two weeks late! I was never late! How could I not realize that I was that late? OK, Natasha, don't panic. Wait a few more days, it'll come. It always does.

I pulled on my clothes, the lotion being forgotten, and made my way out to the bedroom to sink down onto the bed. My eyes closed as the realization hit me that Steve and I didn't use any birth control when we . . . Oh God, I'm not only a slut, but I'm also a stupid slut. What if I'm pregnant with Steve's baby?

I wondered how long I had to wait to take a test to be sure. I'm sure there were no pregnancy tests hidden in any of the cupboards or drawers. I sighed as I went to the dresser to pick up my brush and pull the tangles out of my wet hair. I decided I would wait until the end of the week. Then if I hadn't started by then, I would suggest we go home and I would take a test as soon as I could get away from Bruce.

A pregnancy would change every thing.

 _Steve_. If I was pregnant with his baby, there was no way in hell he would let it be raised by Bruce.

I sunk back down on the bed again and dropped my head into my hands with a deep sigh.  _Oh, Natasha. What have you got yourself into this time_?


	5. COPE

_Steve's POV_  
_"Facing it, always facing it, that's the way to get through. Face it."_  
_— Joseph Conrad_

* * *

**_  FIVE|COPE _ **

I finished the dirt bike I had been working on in the garage for the last few weeks and was thinking I needed another project to keep me busy. I had bought the bike at the junkyard and fixed it up and I just sold it for twice what I put into bad. Nothing really helped to fill the huge gaping hole inside my chest that Natasha left behind, but working alone in the garage kept me from spreading my misery around to everyone else. So, I decided to go back to the junkyard later today to see what else I could find. I was on patrol with Vision this morning, so I thought I might ask him to come with me. 

I jogged out to meet him. "Finally, can we please leave." Vision sounded pissed, which wasn't like him.

"What's up your ass?"

"I just don't like waiting around for you, that's all. Let's go."

We took off to make our way around the circuit when I tuned into what was really bothering him. "What's Wanda done now?"

"Captain, she's driving me crazy!"

Sam and I were the only ones that knew about him and Wanda. They had been messing around for a while now, but Wanda was determined to keep it casual. She didn't want any kind of a relationship.

"She is convinced that I want to marry her. Just because I mentioned the other day about how we should get our own place someday. I didn't say anything about marriage . . . she's the one that took it that way. I feel like we should move forward a little, that's all.

"Yeah, that's gotta suck."

"I like her, I really do. A lot. But I'm not ready to get married and have kids. Not quite sure if I can have children."

"So, did you tell her that?"

"I tried, but she's not speaking to me right now."

"Alright, I'll try and talk to her."

"Would you? She might listen to you. I know you guys are friends and all."

Strangely enough, we were. Kindred spirits, Wanda called us. We both knew the heartbreak of losing the one person we loved most in the world and it was nice to get together and share in our misery. Although, since Wanda had been hanging out with Vision, she wasn't quite as miserable as she used to be.

"I'll do what I can, but I can't promise anything. You know how stubborn she is."

"Yep. I have to admit though, it's one of the things I like best about her, I wish I could give her a child one day."

A child. A baby. It had been over three weeks since Natasha left for her honeymoon and I kept wondering how long it would be for her to realize she might be pregnant. Wouldn't she know if she missed a period by now? I shoved it from my mind and tried to concentrate on Vision’s problem. Anyone's problems but my own.

"Hey, I'm heading out to the junkyard later. Wanna come? I'm looking for a new project to keep me busy."

"Sure, why not. With Wanda pissed at me, it's not like I got anything else to do."

"Thanks. Way to make me feel loved ."

"Aw, you know what I mean. Yeah, I'll come with you. You know the only time we see each other now is on patrol since you locked yourself up in that garage of yours."

"Uh, I think you deserted me first when you and Wanda got together"

"Fair enough . . . "

We finished out our patrol and spent the afternoon at the junkyard, poking around until I found what I was looking for. It was an old motorcycle, but it was a Harley, and I knew it could be worth good money if I could find original parts to fix it. It would be a challenge, but the price was right and I really needed something to keep my hands busy. Vision helped me load it up then we took off.

It was good spending the day with Vision. He even managed to make me laugh, which I hadn't done much of lately. I smiled as I remembered Wanda calling him a 'fucking moron.' I guess she had no idea at the time how true that phrase would become. 

I dropped Vision at his compound, with a promise to spend more time with him, but then decided I wasn't quite ready to go home. So, since Vision had asked me to talk to Wanda, I decided I might as well get that over with now. I drove over to the Avenger's HQ and parked near her cabin.

I knocked on the door then heard Wanda shout out, "I told you, I don't want to talk!"

"It's Steve. Can I come in?"

"Oh. Just a minute." I heard some moving around for a few seconds then she opened the door with, "What do you want?"

"Just to talk," I answered as I sauntered past into her inner sanctum. "Wow. So this is what your room looks like. I always wondered." I was surprised to see that her room had a little bit more of a girly look than I anticipated. The walls were painted a light yellow, with a few expensive painted portraits scattered here and there, along with frilly white curtains on the windows. Everything was neat and organized.

"Sure, come on in," she muttered as she closed the door.

I sat down on the edge of the white, wrought iron bed covered with what looked to be a handmade quilt and then grinned at her as I held up a stuffed teddy bear that was very old and obviously well-loved. "Off the bed, Captain," she ordered as she ripped the bear out of my hands. "You can sit on the desk chair or the floor, but the bed is off limits."

"Yes, ma'am." I got up and moved to pull the desk chair out and straddle it backward as Wanda sat down on the bed and curled her long legs beneath her.

"So, I take it Vision sent you here to talk some sense into me?"

"Come on, Wanda. You're killing the guy. He told me why you're upset, and it was all a misunderstanding. He's not ready to get married and settle down."

Wanda sighed as she hung her head. "I know that, Steve. I know he wasn't proposing . . . it's just . . . " she raised her head to look at me as she tucked a lock of her dark hair behind her ear, "he's getting too close."

"Too close?"

"Yeah, I mean, at first it was just sex . . . you know, for fun. Hanging out, having a few laughs. But, somewhere along the line, he . . . started being . . . sweeter," she said softly.

"Vision? Sweet?" She shot me a look that told me I should shut up, so I did.

"Look, I will not lose anyone else close to me, alright? I will not go through that, not again."

Oh, Pietro, her brother. I get it now. "Have you told him that?"

"No. I can't," she answered with a small shake of her head. "But he should know . . . he should realize that I can't take that risk. We talked about this in the beginning and he promised he wouldn't get serious. I should have known better."

She hung her head again and I felt for her. For both of them. "Yeah, but look at it from Vision’s point of view. What if he's worried about losing you too? He's taking a risk, too."

"I just don't want to deal with this anymore, Steve! I just want my life back! I want to be normal . . . I want to go to college, study journalism, write for a famous newspaper or magazine then maybe meet a guy, get married, have kids. I had a plan, you know? Why did things have to change for me?" The look on her face said it all . . . this was the most vulnerable I had ever seen Wanda and it was killing me.

"Hey, I'm sorry . . . I wish I could change things for you, but I can't."

Silently we sat there, wallowing in our misery for a moment then Wanda gifted me with a small smile. "I know you do, thank you."

"Of course. Glad I could make you feel better," I shot back with a grin. She actually laughed just a little. It was good to see that. "So? What are you going to do about Vision?"

"I don't know," she sighed as she clutched her knees to her chest. "I really like him, more than I wanted to. I guess I'm just . . . scared." Then she added quickly, "You tell him I said that and you're dead meat."

I put my hands up in defense and said, "Lips are sealed." Then she laughed again and I joined her.

"Look, Wanda, just talk to him, will ya? Tell him how you feel. I'm sure you guys can work something out."

She took a deep breath and finally nodded. "OK. I do miss him."

Wanda suddenly grinned as she told me, "Steve, you need a woman."

"Yeah, I know, but she's on her honeymoon with her husband. Not really accessible right now," I quipped.

She rolled her eyes knowingly at me. "Not that woman."

"Well, she's the only woman I want," I insisted as I pushed myself off of the chair and moved to the window to look outside. I hated the thought of Natasha in his arms. Of him kissing her and making her feel like I did. I closed my eyes briefly and relived that moment with Natasha on top of me, coming so hard around me . . . how she looked as she smiled down at me . . . it killed me inside to think of her like that with anyone but me. She belonged with me. I just wish I could have made her see that.

"Steve?"

I turned to see Wanda pat the bed as an invitation to sit with her, so I slowly walked over and sunk down beside her. "I thought the bed was off limits?"

With a very soft smile, she said, "It is unless I invite you." For just a moment she looked at my lips as she ran her thumb lightly along my bottom lip then she leaned in and covered my lips with hers. I felt a shudder go through my whole body. We played at each other's lips until she parted mine with her tongue. As her tongue explored and teased, her hand worked its way under my t-shirt to touch the skin on my stomach.

"Wanda," I growled. "I don't know if we should start this."

"Too late," she said softly. She captured my lips again and I surrendered. She wrapped her arms around my neck and her fingers into my hair. This was wrong, so wrong. But damn it felt right. Her hands left my hair to run over my shoulders and my back. She pulled my bottom lip into her mouth and sucked on it, earning a little groan from me.

I felt her tug at my shirt shortly before she just ripped it in half as I did the same to hers. Then she laid her palms onto my shoulders and slid them down over my muscles and onto my chest. "God, you are so hot! Every time I see you, I want to knock you down and do just this," She told me as she leaned forward and put her lips on my chest. I kissed back more aggressively as I reached for the hooks on her bra. I fumbled for a little bit, but they finally came undone and I rubbed her back lightly with my fingertips. She broke away from me and reached up and slid the straps of her bra down her arms and let it fall. My eyes were instinctively glued to her chest and she reached down and picked up my hand and placed it on her so I cupped her breast. My eyes darted to her and she nodded. I used my thumb to run it lightly over the tip. She shuddered as I kept it up. Then my other hand began doing the same on her other breast. She tipped her head back and savored the feeling of arousal as I felt the wetness spread onto her underwear.

She unzipped her jeans and slid them down over her hips and stepped out of them.

Shortly, she put her hands on the waistband of my shorts and smiled. Then she jerked them down and marveled at what she saw. I'm a 96-year-old man, and I’m still insecure about my private area. But she didn’t seem to mind. She looked up at my face and smiled as she ran my hand lightly over me. I closed my eyes and my head tipped back while I felt myself lose more control.

“Wanda...this.." I started breathily. She crushed her lips on mine and I kissed back just as aggressively.  She ran her hand slowly down my chest then took me into her hand. 

I broke away from her lips to pull her underwear down. I left them around her knees, and I found that sexy somehow. She did too as she smiled lightly against my lips. I looked up at her, unsure of how to proceed. She took my hand and placed it on top of her mound. I rubbed my hand back and forth a couple of times then my finger dipped and stroked the folds there and found where she was very wet. I laid beside her and as I kissed her, my fingers explored until I found the little nub I was looking for. She gasped as I rolled it between my fingers then I rubbed and stroked and played until she arched her back and cried out and came. I smiled at her and said, "Wow, that was amazing."

She laughed and said, "Yes, it was." She grabbed my head and brought her lips back to mine and ravaged my mouth with her tongue. It was amazing and I could tell she definitely wanted more.

It wasn't long until I reached down and ripped her underwear off. I moved on top of her and pressed against her leg. "Yes, Steve," She whispered to let me know it was OK. I stopped at the entrance then pushed in slowly. She moaned and I asked quickly, "Are you OK?" She smiled and said, "Yes! God, yes. Now start moving!" Suddenly, I didn't feel the need to hold back at all. She wrapped her legs around my waist and dug her nails into my shoulders as I worked hard to find that release. "Yes, Steve, yes, yes!" She cried as she pumped her hips to meet my every stroke. Oh the feeling of me inside her was more than I could stand. And when she came, I could feel her shake violently. My body was . . . humming with this strange vibration when I released and slumped next to her as we fought to catch our breath.

Finally, she rose slightly so she could look down at me. "Steve?" I opened my eyes and purred, "Mmmm?”

"The way you responded proves my point. You need a woman. Someone to make out with, have some fun with." She placed kisses along my neck as she added, "You're a sexy man, Steve Rogers. I would do it myself, but I have Vision to think of."

I smiled at her and kissed her before I stood up. "Thank you, Wanda. This was... amazing."

"It was for me too."

As I proceeded to put on my clothes I said "Don’t forget to talk to Vision, OK? I'll see you soon." After I was fully clothed I opened the door and jumped into the car and started it up, throwing gravel as all the memories I was trying so hard to forget came back to me. I did need a woman, bad! But I didn't need just any woman . . . I needed Natasha.

 


	6. SECRET

_Natasha's POV_  
_"You can't stop the future,_ _You can't rewind the past,_ _t_ _he only way to learn the secret._ _..is to press play_."  
_”_ Jay Asher

* * *

**_SIX|SECRET_ **

We arrived home from our honeymoon very late at night and I had groggily made my way up the stairs to our room, pulled off my clothes and flopped down onto the bed. I slept for the next ten hours straight. This jet leg was a bitch.

When I finally woke up, I found I was alone in bed . . . with a note on the pillow beside me.

_Natasha,_

_Duty calls, back at the lab. Maybe if you come to the HQ, you can stop by._

_Love,_

_Bruce_

_PS There are coffee and cinnamon rolls waiting in the kitchen._

Coffee . . . he knows me well. I headed into the bathroom and as I undressed to take a shower, I felt a small wave of nausea pass over me. I had suffered through bouts of it on the flights home, but I thought it was just the turbulence. Now I wasn't so sure. I showered, dressed in my own clothes, finally, and slowly descended the stairway in search of my coffee. I found it in the kitchen, desperately waiting for me to claim it.

I poured some coffee into a cup. I took a sip and then stepped over to the oven and took out a tray of the most heavenly smelling cinnamon rolls I had ever come across.

"Oh, Bruce. You have outdone yourself," I gushed, my mouth already salivating in anticipation.

I sat down at the counter and boy did I have a feast. I quickly devoured it in seconds.

I ran upstairs to brush my teeth and grab my purse when all of a sudden, another wave of nausea hit me, this one a lot stronger, and I had to run into the bathroom. _What a waste of a heavenly cinnamon roll_ , I thought as I finally stopped heaving and flushed the toilet. With my stomach now empty, I brushed my teeth and then went to sit on the bed for a moment. Now I was more suspicious than ever. I needed to get to the city for a pregnancy test.

I picked up my purse and headed downstairs to take a set of keys from the rack near the garage door.

I drove to the city and I parked the car and ran into the drug store, grabbed not one, but two different tests, paid cash for them then ran back out to duck into the car before anyone saw me.

As soon as I got home, I ran up the stairs directly into the bathroom and shut the door. I felt like a slutty woman as I ripped open the box and quickly scanned the directions. I peed on the first stick then set it on the counter, and then I peed on the next stick and set it on the counter beside the first. I pulled my pants up, flushed the toilet, put the lid down and then sat on it to stare at the sticks.

As I sat there, I wasn't sure what I wanted them to tell me. I thought I really wanted it to be negative.

But, I found that a small part of me kind of hoped it was positive. I had never thought much about having a child until now. All of my life ever since _they_ sterilized me, I believed I could never have children and that was fine with me. But now thinking I could be feeling a new life moving inside me, then raising and nurturing a child seemed so beautiful. And there was a little voice in the back of my mind that kept reminding me it was Steve's baby. Bruce told me he couldn't give me one a long time ago. It was like a way for me to selfishly keep a part of Steve with me always. It had been a month since I had seen him and I suddenly realized how much I really missed him.

I dropped my head into my hands and tried to shove that thought from my mind. Ten minutes suddenly seemed like such a long time. Finally, I looked up at the clock to see it had been eleven minutes. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and stood up to look at the sticks.

A plus sign and a YES. Both of them were positive. I was pregnant. Oh my God, I'm pregnant. I leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor. My hand instinctively moved to my stomach as I thought, _Now what?_

I have no idea how long I sat there on the bathroom floor until the house phone rang and I practically jumped out of my skin. I stood up and shoved all of the evidence of the tests back into the bag to take out and bury deep into the trash can. I was glad that trash pick-up was tomorrow morning.

As I opened the bathroom door, I heard the answering machine pick up the phone call and was stunned as Steve's voice came through loud and clear, "Um, hey guys, it's Steve." Then there was a long pause like he was trying to decide whether to leave a message or not. "I, uh, I just wondered if you've guys made it back yet, um, bye." Then he hung up.

I stopped at the bottom of the stairs to sink down onto the bottom step. It amazed me that he would pick this exact moment to call. Should I tell him? Maybe I should talk to Tony first . . . I dropped my head into my hands again and wondered how the hell I ended up in this mess. It was just too hard loving both of them. And I did. I knew I did. I loved them both, but so different. If I could just roll them together to make one guy, I'd be great. _Yeah, that's not selfish at all._

I pushed myself off of the step to take the bag I was now clutching to my chest out to bury deep into the trash can then I walked back inside. I glanced at the clock and noticed it was almost noon. Maybe I could convince Clint to have lunch with me. We've always been good friends and I haven't seen him a lot lately. I just hoped I could stay calm enough to talk to him. Then I would call Tony. Tony's mom taught him everything she knows and I did not only need his medical expertise, but I also needed his advice. I just hoped he would understand.

"Nat! Look at you . . . you look great!" Clint gushed as he hugged me outside the diner. "I think you even have a bit of a tan. How'd that happen?"

"You know there are places in this world where the sun actually shines more than once or twice a month," I teased.

He chuckled as he held the door open for me to walk past him into the diner. We sat down at his usual table and the waitress walked right over to pour him a cup of coffee. "Want some, hon?"

"No," I answered with a shake of my head. "Just water for me, thanks."

Clint ordered a cheeseburger deluxe with fries, while I went for a bowl of chicken noodle soup, as my stomach was still a little shaky. He politely asked about my trip and I told him all about the island and snorkeling, which he got a big kick out of. "You? Snorkeling?"

"A rush, a fucking rush I tell you."

"Is that so," We shared a look and we laughed.

Luckily, our food came and I got out of that conversation. As we ate, he talked a little about what had been going on here in New York and at the HQ, and of course, I didn't miss anything, he surprised me by saying, "Haven't seen Cap much. He's been spending most of his time in the garage working on some dirt bike he plans to sell. After that, goes to the gym for hours."

 _A knife through the heart, Clint._ Thanks. "Oh yeah? That's cool," I commented, trying to keep my voice as even as possible.

"He, uh, he's pretty down right now. I feel sorry."

"Clint, don't go there OK?"

"I'm sorry, Nat. I'm not telling you that to make you feel bad, I just . . . well, I know you guys are... complicated, and, I don't know . . . isn't there some way for you to still be friends?"

_Friends . . . yeah, well, if we share a child, I guess we should at least be friends._

I took a sip of water and wondered how to get away from this topic when thankfully he glanced at his watch and said, "Oh, hey, I better get back to training. Thanks for coming by. I . . . well, it was good catching up."

I smiled at him and hugged him as we stood up from the table. "I missed you, too, Clint." When he let go, I stepped back and told him, "I was thinking that I would like to set aside one day of the week so we can hang out with you and Laura and the kids. Would that be alright with you?"

His eyes softened as a smile spread over his lips. "Yeah, I think that would be great."

"OK, what night works best for you?"

"Um, how about Wednesday? Middle of the week."

"Sounds good. Wednesdays, it is. Lunch is at six. Don't be late," I warned with a mock angry look.

He chuckled as he put his arm around my shoulder to give me a squeeze. "I wouldn't dream of it."

After he left to walk back to training I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and called Tony. I asked if he was available to see me about a private matter, and he told me he would meet me in his office in 15 minutes. I closed the phone and sighed deeply. _Oh, Tony, I hope you're ready for this one._

I took a deep breath then knocked on the office door and waited nervously until I heard, "Come in." I opened it and stuck my head inside. "Hey."

"Hello, Natasha! It's so good to see you. Look at all the color in your face. Looks like the Philippines agreed with you." He had come around his desk to envelop me in a hug.

"Yes, it did. It was wonderful. Thank you so much for letting us use it for our honeymoon."

He closed the door and pointed toward a chair as an invitation to sit down. I noticed as I looked around that his office was well manicured, just like Tony. He displayed his latest medical licenses and a few watercolors of Pepper's on the walls, and there were several beautifully framed photographs of us sitting on his massive wooden antique desk. "So, what is this visit all about? Is something wrong?"

I chewed on my lip for a couple of seconds then blurted out, "I'm pregnant."

I noticed his quick look of confusion and shock, "Holy shit, are you sure?"

"I took two tests this morning and both came out positive."

"When was your last menstrual cycle?" he asked as he automatically reached over for a large pad of paper and began jotting notes.

"Two weeks before the wedding, which means I should have had a period two weeks after the wedding. I'm now almost three weeks late." He nodded and jotted a few things down on a pad of paper.

Then he shocked me by saying, "I'm so sorry, I should have warned Bruce. I knew it was very rare. I have only heard of a handful of cases . . ." What? Bruce? This baby could be . . . Bruce's? Oh my God. I was stunned! I had no idea that this was even possible! As I had my small panic attack, I realized that To was still talking, so I tried hard to focus.

" . . . I should've told him to be careful." Then I noticed he was quiet. Too quiet.

"What are you not telling me?" I asked anxiously.

"Well, you might not . . . survive the birth."

I closed my eyes and my hands moved over my stomach to protect it. "Why?"

"Natasha, the serum isn't compatible with your body. The baby will overgrow and it will crush you from the inside."

"Oh my God," I whispered. No, I couldn't believe that this baby was some monster that would kill me. Nope . . . not happening.

Again he picked up his pen as he asked, "Natasha, have you had any symptoms yet besides the missed period? Morning sickness? Weight gain?"

"I actually had some nausea on the plane ride home, and this morning, I threw up one of Bruce's delicious cinnamon rolls. Such a waste." I gave him a small smile, but it went unnoticed as he jotted again on his notepad.

"Hmm. These babies usually progress very quickly from what I've read. I should do some more research," he said as he scribbled on the pad.

Tell him, Natasha. Just tell him. "Um, there may be a chance that . . . this baby . . . isn't . . ." Just spit it out! "Um, isn't Bruce's."

Tony closed his eyes for just a moment then asked quietly, "Steve?"

I nodded and tried hard to sniff the tears back. I didn't deserve to cry and be comforted. I wronged Bruce and I deserved to be screamed at, to be called names. Of course, Tony, being who he is, did neither of those. He simply asked, "When?"

"Two nights before the wedding," I answered softly.

He nodded. "I take it Banner doesn't know?"

I shook my head and wiped my tears. "No. I never wanted him to know. I feel so horrible that it happened at all." Well, that wasn't entirely the truth, but I did feel bad about it. "It wasn't planned . . . it just . . . happened. If it is Steve's baby, will he or she be affected as Bruce's would?"

Tony quickly switched back to medical mode. "Considering Banner's side effect, I think that's doubtful. I would like to run some tests if that's OK with you."

I nodded. "OK. Let's do the tests."

He smiled his reassuring smile and said, "I'll go make some arrangements. I'll be right back." I nodded as he quickly got up and left the room.

I sat there, alone and let the tears come. I had no idea what to hope for. If this is Steve's baby, he or she and I would come through safely, but Bruce would hate me for my betrayal. If this was Bruce's baby, it might be a monster who could kill me. Either way, it wasn't looking too good at the moment.

I shoved the tears away and wiped my eyes just as Tony returned to tell me he wanted some blood work first then in a couple of days he would do an ultrasound. "Why don't you follow me to the lab and we'll take your blood now, alright?"

I followed him down the hall to the lab, where he graciously turned me over to one of the lab techs who would take the sample. He left me there with a pat on the shoulder and a smile then told me he would see me at home. I was so amazed by his kindness. I just admitted to him that I betrayed Bruce, and yet, he still showed me sympathy.

After I finished in the lab, I walked slowly down the hall and out to the car. I climbed in behind the wheel and wondered how I would get through the next few days. I knew my secret was safe for now, but not for long. I knew this was one secret that would have to come out, and it would be very painful for all of us when it did.


	7. FATE.

_Natasha POV_  
_"What's meant to be will always find a way"_  
_— Trisha Yearwood_

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**_ S_** **_EVEN|FATE_ **

Bruce was propped against the headboard with a book in his hand as he said softly, "Good morning, love," as I finally forced my eyes open. I guess the jet lag must still be getting to me a bit as I fell into bed last night around nine, and even now, after hours of sleep, I'm still so tired. I stretched for a moment then sat up to give him a kiss when nausea hit. Oh no. How can I hide this from Bruce? I kissed him quickly then smiled and excused myself to use the bathroom.

Luckily, I hadn't eaten much for dinner the night before, so I had nothing really to throw up. I turned the water on to try and hide any noise that might escape while I dry-heaved then I flushed the toilet and washed my face. Eventually, nausea calmed and I walked back into the bedroom.

"Are you feeling well? You look a little flushed." Dammit!

"I'm alright . . . I think it's just the jet lag or something." Great, now I'm lying to my husband instead of my friends. Guess being a spy has its perks.

"Can I get you anything? Maybe . . . um, tea and toast? Or some eggs?"

"Tea and toast would be great, thanks." I slid back into bed and leaned back against the pillows.

He softly kissed my forehead and assured me he would be back soon. As he closed the door behind him, I let the guilt wash over me once again. I just wanted to blurt out everything: _Bruce, I'm a slut. I slept with Steve two days before our wedding and now I'm pregnant. But I don't know if it's his or yours, because apparently, you are capable of getting me pregnant, but it might turn out to be a monster that can kill me. Sorry_. Yeah, that sounds good.

I stared at the ceiling and picked at the blanket waiting for him to come back. I was anxious to have the other test that Tony suggested so I knew for sure what to tell Bruce because I knew I had to tell him soon. I couldn't let this go on for long. Bruce was too smart . . . he would see through this sooner than later.

And then there was Steve. I thought back to that message he left on our answering machine. I could hear the desperation in his voice . . . I had a feeling he, too, had realized we didn't use any protection and he was curious to know if I was pregnant. It wouldn't be long until Steve would come calling to know the truth. Oh, what a tangled web we weave . . .

I jumped when I heard Bruce come through the door. "Did I wake you?" he asked anxiously.

"It's alright . . . I was just dozing." Liar, liar. He put a tray across my lap that held a steaming cup of tea, and a small china plate with buttered toast. "Thank you, this is really sweet."

He dropped a kiss on my forehead before settling onto the bed beside me. "It's not really. I just want to take care of you. I love you, Natasha."

I smiled as I sipped my tea. "Mmm, this is good. And I love you, too."

I managed to eat some toast and drink some tea and was happy when it really did help. Before long, the nausea was at bay, and I was ready to get up and shower. "Sharon informed me last night that she had a mission overseas and she wanted to spend some time together today before she left tonight. Is that alright with you?"

"Yes, of course. Why don't you get ready and I'll take the tray back downstairs," he answered with a smile.

"Alright. See you soon," I said with a quick kiss. He surprised me by pulling me close and kissing me again, longer, lingering over my lips. I savored the moment and moved my lips with his . . . he had not done that in weeks . . . not since . . .

"Mmm, that was nice," I whispered. "I miss kissing you." And there it was . . . the mask of disappointment. Way to go, Natasha.

"Yes, well, you had better get going," he said quickly as he picked up the tray and walked out the door, closing it behind him.

I sighed and threw the covers back to climb out of bed. He was going to hate himself forever for what happened between us on our honeymoon. I couldn't imagine what he would be like if he found out he fathered a child and what it might do to me.

I tried to throw that thought off of me as well, as I showered and dressed, brushed my teeth and then went downstairs and out the door to find Sharon. I didn't have to look far. She was waiting for me in the living room, looking gorgeous in a pair of white pants and a black tank top, with a short white jacket thrown over it."Natasha, Bruce tells me you're not feeling well," she pouted so prettily.

"After my tea and toast, I actually feel a lot better," I told her honestly.

"Well, I was planning on helping you shop for things you'll need, but if you're not up to it . . . " she started, sounding disappointed.

"No, that's fine. I'll let you know if I need to come home."

Her face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Alright then! Let's get going!" She grabbed my hand and practically dragged me toward her car. I waved goodbye to Bruce, who was laughing softly at the door.

I loved Sharon, I really did. But she just got so out of hand when she went shopping. We shopped and I was happy to keep nausea in check by sipping some Sprite and nibbling on a warm pretzel from a stand in the mall. Although, while I was trying on the first batch of clothes, I noticed that I couldn't zip the pants. I checked the size and tried again to zip them. Granted, I didn't know much about babies, but I thought most women didn't start wearing maternity clothes until they were at least three or four months along, not weeks.

"Natasha? Does everything fit?" Sharon called from outside the dressing room.

"Um, I need a bigger size in the pants. Apparently, I gained some weight from all that great seafood I ate on my honeymoon." Lie, lie, lie. Then I suddenly wondered if Sharon had seen anything. Did she know, but just didn't say anything? Oh God, what if she did know and Bruce saw it before I could tell him?

"Hand them out and I'll be right back." I opened the door a crack and handed her the pants then looked in the mirror again. I felt my heart sink as I remembered that Tony had said that my baby would develop more quickly. I closed my eyes as my hands closed over my stomach. I found myself caring for this baby even if it turned out that it would be dangerous to me. How could my own baby want to do me harm?

I jumped at the rap on the door as Sharon said, "Here you go, Natasha. Try these." I opened the door and took the pants even though any little bit of joy at spending time with Sharon had been sucked from me. I took the pants from the hanger and stepped into them, determined to push the negative thoughts from my mind. I was having the test Tony ordered tomorrow. Until then, I was going to do everything I could to stay positive. As for Sharon knowing . . . I guess I would just have to trust that if she did sense something, she would keep it to herself until I could tell Bruce.

We arrived home soon after with our arms full of shopping bags. Bruce helped me carry everything up to our room and laughed at how much Sharon had insisted on buying me.

"Well, she told me it would be cold back east, so I had to have a complete winter wardrobe. You know how she gets. I have three winter coats in there alone! One for school, one for good, and one just because she liked how it looked on me. Don't even get me started on boots."

Bruce's arms came around me and then his lips brushed my neck. "What a crazy bunch of friends we have, huh?"

"Insane." I laughed softly.

"Oh, almost forgot. I have a meeting tomorrow in the morning."

"Good. I will have to shop for groceries first, and then I figured I would probably do a little house-cleaning for us too, plus I have an errand to run. I may end up spending most of the day."

"That's fine. I'll have you all to myself when I get home."

I smiled and leaned in to kiss him. "Good."

I got up the next day to prepare for whatever Tony would discover with the test he would be doing on me. I didn't lie . . . I did need to the grocery shop and I did want to do some cleaning, so I headed to the store first and back home to unload the groceries and do the cleaning. My test was scheduled for one, so I had some time.

Luckily, nausea I had earlier left me, so I ran the vacuum, started laundry, dusted and picked up, then cleaned the bathroom. I decided since I had time before I had to leave, I would go ahead and put the lasagna together and put it in the fridge then pull it out later to put into the oven.

Once I had that done, I made myself a sandwich and sat down on the couch to watch a little TV until it was time to go. My nerves were really starting to get the best of me and I had all kinds of crazy thoughts running through my mind. I was hoping watching some mindless television program would distract me.

It shouldn't have surprised me when I got one bite into my sandwich and I jumped out of my skin at a knock on the door. Once my heart started beating again, I wondered, Who would know I was here? Although the big, black SUV parked outside would probably give it away.

I opened the door and felt my knees give way as I saw Steve standing there. Then everything went black.

"Natasha! Nat, come on, wake up." I could hear a voice through the fog as I struggled to open my eyes. "That's it, honey, open your eyes."

Finally, I forced my eyes open to connect with Steve's intent gaze. "Steve? What happened?" I was trying desperately to sift through the haze and figure out why I was now laying on the couch, my head apparently resting on Steve's lap. I hadn't seen him since the day before my wedding when we said goodbye. That was almost five weeks ago.

"You opened the door, took one look at me and fainted. I know I'm handsome and all, but really, Nat . . . "

I managed to roll my eyes at his grin as I tried to sit up. "Shut up, Steve."

"Sorry, couldn't resist. Are you alright?"

I put my hand to my forehead for a minute then answered, "Yes, I just waited too long to eat, I guess. I was just sitting down to have a sandwich. Maybe my blood sugar was too low or something." Lies . . . more lies.

"Well then, here. Eat," he commanded as he handed me my plate.

I picked up the sandwich and took a small bite without looking at him.

He was quiet for awhile, strange for Steve, which meant he was trying to think of how to approach the question he most wanted the answer to. Finally, he said, "So, you look good. Except for fainting, how are you feeling?" Real smooth, Steve.

"Fine, good. I got a lot of sun and relaxation while I was gone, so, I'm good. How about you?"

"Good, I guess," he mumbled as he ran his hand through his hair, his signature move when he was frustrated.

I felt bad about causing that frustration, but I wasn't going to just give in and tell him, even though I felt such a pull to unload everything on him. I had done that too much in the past. This time, I needed to see Tony first. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was almost 12:45. "Um, I hate to rush off, but I have to go, Steve. Since I was home, I, uh, promised to meet Lauren and tell her all about my trip, and I don't want to be late." Whoa, this lying thing was just getting easier and easier. Better be careful, Natasha.

I shoved the last bite of my sandwich into my mouth and picked up my plate to take to the kitchen when Steve's hand shot out and grabbed my arm before I even got one butt cheek off the couch. "No, wait." Shit, I was so close. "Before you go, I have to know one thing."

I closed my eyes and willed to be hit by lightning, or maybe an earthquake where the floor would open up and swallow me, anything other than having to answer his question. "Natasha, look at me." I forced myself to give in to his command and he went on, "I realized after . . . you know, that night, that we didn't use any . . . protection, so, tell me, please, are you pregnant?" And there it was.

My brain froze and I couldn't think of a thing to say. Where's your bag of lies now, huh? I sat there silently for a moment, which was probably a dead give away then finally, avoiding direct eye contact, I mumbled, "There's nothing for you to worry about, Steve." There, that's vague. Not a lie, but not exactly the truth.

But I knew he wouldn't buy it. He gripped both of my arms and looked me right in the eye. "Natasha, tell me the truth. Yes or no. Are. You. Pregnant?"

Looking into his eyes, and seeing how much he cared, I caved. "Yes," I whispered. I watched his face to see his reaction. No shock, so he must have been thinking long and hard about this. A little fear, but yet, some relief? Then suddenly, his hands left my arms to capture my face. "Oh, Nat. I'm sorry. I should have thought . . . I didn't mean for this to happen. You don't hate me, do you?"

I slowly shook my head. "No, I don't hate you. But, Steve . . ." How do I tell him it might not be his? Just say it. "Um, this baby may not be yours."

There's the shock. His hands dropped away as he tried to comprehend what I had just told him. "Bruce...right." Steve shook his head back and forth as he shoved himself off the couch to pace back and forth in front of me.

"Tony told me that it's rare but possible. I haven't even told Bruce yet." I sniffed back the tears that were threatening and stood up. "Look, Steve, I really have to go. I'm having a test at one and as soon as I know the results, I promise we'll talk, OK?"

I moved to walk past him when he stopped me and hauled me against his massive chest. It had been so long since I felt those arms around me and I was terrified I would lose it if I remained there too long. I was trying so hard to stay strong, and this was not helping. I wanted him to hold on and never let go. "It will be OK, Nat. Whatever you find out, it will be OK."

I took in a deep breath and relished his manly, woodsy scent for a moment then sucking up what little strength I had left, I pushed away from him to pick up my purse and keys. I was determined not to use Steve as a crutch this time. He opened the door for me and I brushed past him to walk outside. As I opened the car door to climb inside, Steve stopped me with, "Natasha? Promise me you'll tell me the truth. Whatever it is?"

I hesitated then nodded. "I promise." I was sick of lying. I had never liked it even though I’m very good at it. Especially with Steve. He always knew when I was lying . . . even when I didn't.

He leaned forward to put a gentle kiss on my forehead. "Talk to you soon."

I climbed up into the car and started the engine as he made his way to his motorcyle and run home. I took a deep breath and backed out of the driveway then turned toward the city. I was scared but more than ready to find out what the hell was really happening to me.

I met Tony in his office again and then he walked me to the ultrasound room. He told the tech that he would be conducting the test himself and she smiled and nodded and left the room. He could see I was curious, so he explained, "I saw some strange abnormalities in your blood work, Natasha. I'm a little worried about what might show up on here. I didn't want to have to try and come up with an explanation for the tech." Oh, right. It's just a freaky super fetus . . . nothing to worry about.

I laid back as he instructed and lifted my shirt and unzipped my jeans as he squirted some gel type stuff over my middle. "I'm going to run this wand over the area and we should get a pretty good picture here on the screen what's going on inside," he explained. I nodded and turned my head toward the computer screen, wondering nervously what we would see.

I thought I was prepared for anything, but I wasn't expecting what I saw on that screen. My hand flew to my mouth as I gasped, "Two? Do I see . . . are there are two babies?"

Tony nodded as he moved the wand and clicked keys on the computer keyboard. I could see he was taking measurements of each. "Yes, but you see how this one is much larger?" he asked as he pointed at it with his index finger. I did. One baby was huge compared to the other. "This is what I was concerned about. It seems to be developing much faster than the other embryo."

"Why is that?"

He paused and turned to look at me. "Natasha, as strange as it sounds, I'm afraid that you have become pregnant by both Bruce and Steve. This embryo is growing at an enormous rate" he pointed out with his pen, "while the other embryo is growing normally. That leads me to believe that this one is Bruce's, while this one must be Steve's. "

I was once again stunned! I had no idea how to respond to that. After I picked my jaw up off of the floor, I stuttered, "But how . . . is that . . . I mean, how can that even happen?"

"When a woman is ovulating and she has sex with two different partners at close to the same time, more than one egg can be fertilized. You see they each have their own sac of fluid, so they are fraternal twins, not identical."

"Oh my God. I can't believe this." I couldn't. I was mortified. I thought it was a mess before, but this takes the cake.

"You might remember that I told you if the baby was Bruce's it would grow at a much more rapid pace?" I nodded numbly as he went on, "At the rate it is growing now, I estimate it will continue to grow about three to four times faster than a human baby, which means it will run out of room soon and . . . " he paused.

"And? And what?"

"Nat, it will smother and kill the other embryo."

"I can't believe this is happening," I whispered as I closed my eyes. Once again, I had to choose between them . . . Bruce and Steve and now their babies.

I felt Tony take my hand as he said, "Nat, this won't end well. As hard as it is for me to tell you, you need to know. You see, the baby grows too rapidly and ends up destroying the mother from the inside out by breaking bones as it needs more room, and to give you and your other baby the best chance of survival, I would like to remove this embryo now before it gets any bigger."

I shook my head slowly back and forth as I stared at the screen. This wasn't a monster . . . it was my baby. Mine and Bruce's. We made this baby . . . how could I just kill it?

"Natasha, I can see what you're thinking. I know this is difficult. But, you have to realize that Bruce will not hesitate once he knows the facts. You are too important to him. He will want to do this to save you."

He was right, of course. Bruce was always thinking of my safety first. I reached out and ran my finger across the image on the screen. I could see it already looked like a baby, and yet, it didn't. Its head was shaped differently, larger, probably due to it growing so fast. . . I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to think. "I don't know . . . it's just not fair."

"You're right, Natasha, it's not. I'm so sorry you have to make such a tough decision."

Finally, I opened my eyes to look at him. "If we do this, how soon?"

"I'd like to do it immediately . . . today. But, I don't want to do it here, which I'm sure you understand. I have a room set up at the house. I could do the procedure there. I will go out to the desk and check my schedule to make sure they can get someone to cover for me then I will drive you home."

"So soon? I need to think, I need to talk . . . "

"Nat, I think it would be easier to do now, so you don't get too attached. You also have the other baby to think about . . . unless . . . I guess I should ask, do you want to keep the other baby? I mean, I just assumed, but I could just as easily . . . "

I surprised myself by practically yelled, "Yes! Yes, I want to keep the other baby." I didn't realize until just now, how badly I wanted it. "I know it won't be easy for Bruce, but I want it, very much." Then I added, "Are you sure there is no way we can save this baby? Maybe, deliver it early and keep it in an incubator or something? Anything?"

He shook his head slowly as he handed me some wet wipes. "You can use these to clean up and I'll be right back." He scooted the stool back and stood to go then he put his hand on my shoulder. "Natasha, I know this will be very difficult, but it is the right thing to do." I nodded through my tears as he left the room.

I looked back at the image on the screen. Two babies, one from each of the men I loved. I should have seen that one coming. I never could seem to choose between them. But now, it seemed the choice was being made for me. How would we all live this choice?

 


	8. DECISIONS

_Steve's POV_  
_"Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward."_  
_” E.E. Cummings_

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**_EIGHT|DECISIONS_ **

I left Natasha and drove toward the HQ's gym which is always empty. I needed time alone to process what I already suspected, that Natasha was pregnant, but what I never thought would ever be possible . . . I might not be the father. Thinking about her giving birth to some super baby shook me to the core. A vision of Natasha holding a baby floated into my mind when I saw her holding it to her breast and the baby gripping onto it like a lifeline. And then, she looks at me with her last dying breath.

Once I finally stopped driving and stopped heaving, I stood up straight, wiped my arm across my mouth and looked up at the sky. _Please, God, don't let it be true. I want more than anything, for Natasha's sake, to be the father of this baby. Please._

I had been thinking all this time that if Natasha was pregnant, it might be the one thing that would save her life and bring her closer to me. Now, there was actually a chance Bruce might have outdone me again. My phone interrupted my thoughts as it rang violently.

"Hello?"

"Steve, it's Tony."

Tony? Natasha was going to have some tests done . . . "Is it Natasha? Is she OK?"

"Yeah, this is about Nat. Could you please come to my place right away? It is extremely important."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm on my way," I told him hurriedly then he hung up. Oh my God, it must be really bad for him to call instead of Natasha. I restarted the engine of my motorcycle and drove like my life depended on it. Maybe it did.

I stopped near Tony's gigantic ass tower and had Thor waiting for me near the front entrance door before we got in the elevator. Once the elevator door opened, I took a deep breath of the last fresh air I would get for a while and stepped inside.

What a showplace, I thought as I walked into his huge living room with the plush white sectional, the biggest TV I had ever seen, and a grand piano all just sitting there as they belonged. I have been here for so long and the looks get me every time. "Where's Romanoff?" I asked Thor.

"Tony is driving her here. They are coming down the drive now," I heard from the other side of the room. Bruce.

"Do you know what this is about? Tony didn't say when he called."

Bruce shook his head and answered shortly, "No."

"Good to see you."

"You too." He said curtly.

Thor looked between us then said sadly, "Geez, guys. I thought I'd have a little more fun playing referee here. No broken furniture, shattered windows, not even a little cussing or name calling?"

I laughed softly.

Bruce just glared at Thor who held his hands up and backed off. "Fine. I'll be over here in front of the TV. Let me know if a fight breaks out." Before he could move, his pocket rang and he reached in to take out a cell phone. "Yes. On my way." He closed the phone and immediately left the room.

Bruce followed. Must be Natasha, or he wouldn't have moved with such speed. I turned to go, too, but before I could figure out where they ran, a door burst open and in came Thor carrying Natasha, Bruce on his heels.

"Natasha?" I said softly as she passed me. Even though she had her head tucked down, I could see she had been crying.

"Banner! Stop, I need you here," Tony called out as he walked into the room carrying his black doctor bag. "I want to explain to both of you at the same time what is happening with Natasha. Thor will take her to Pepper, who is waiting for her."

Bruce stopped and wheeled around to say angrily, "I need to be with her, Tony. Just say whatever it is so I can be with Natasha."

Tony chuckled. "Oh, this one is going to raise hell."

"What's wrong?"

I could see from the expression on Tony's face, this wasn't good news. "Alright, just gonna say it, Natasha is pregnant . . . by both of you."

"Both?" I blurted out. I felt like I was just kicked in the gut . . . I was stunned!

Bruce shot me a look that I knew was meant to kill. He lunged at me and was caught by Thor before he even reached me. "How dare you, you son of a bitch!"

"Bruce! I need you to remain calm," Tony said sternly. "I know this is very difficult for you to hear, and we can deal with the feelings later. Right now, Natasha's life is at stake and I need to explain this to you."

Bruce glared at me then nodded to Thor. "Let me go," he directed curtly.

Thor let go but stayed close. Bruce then turned to Tony. "I . . . fathered a child?" I could see he was shocked at that revelation . . . he didn't know he could do that?

"Yes, even though it is very rare. Unfortunately, these babies grow at a very rapid rate, and . . . " he paused, "the mother usually does not survive the birth." I could hear Bruce hiss at that last comment, and I glanced over to see such a look of pain cross his face.

Tony put his hand on Bruce's shoulder and said softly, "I'm sorry, guys. Natasha came to me after learning she was pregnant, and I had her come in for an ultrasound today. That is when I discovered there were two embryos, one fathered by each of you. I can explain the mechanics of it later if you wish, but right now, I need to move on. The embryo that is Steve's is developing at a normal human pace, and is right now, about 6 weeks old. But, the other embryo is growing at a much more rapid rate, which means that soon it will run out of the room and will smother and kill the other embryo. As it keeps growing, I'm afraid that it will . . . it will tear Natasha apart."

Oh my God, oh my God, I can't believe what I'm hearing! He planted a monster inside Natasha that will kill her! My hands were clenching and unclenching as my blood started to boil. _Stay calm, Steve . . . stay_ . . . "You fucking bastard," I growled as Thor stepped in between us.

Tony started talking again, so I took a deep breath and tried hard to focus on what he was saying. "I have explained all of this to Natasha, and she understands the gravity of the situation. She has reluctantly agreed to allow me to remove the larger embryo in order to save her and the other baby."

I looked over to notice that Bruce had not said a word this whole time. Didn't he want to save his child? I sure as hell wanted to save mine! He glanced at me, letting me know he heard that last thought.

Finally, Bruce spoke, asking, "Is this even a child? Or is it a . . . monster?"

"It is a child," Tony began patiently. "But I'm not sure if this child survives its birth, how long it might live if it keeps growing so quickly. . . . I'm so sorry, Bruce. I wish I would have thought to look into this before, I just didn't . . ."

"I understand," Bruce replied solemnly.

"Tony?" He swiveled his head toward me as I asked, "Didn't you say that we had to act fast here? Natasha is our first priority. Her life is hanging in the balance the longer we wait. Please, don't wait."

Tony stood there quietly for a moment then he said slowly, "I will wait only if Natasha agrees. And that means that she will be under constant monitoring and if I see any stress at all on her or the other baby, I will do what I have to do. Bruce?"

"This . . . thing, will not hurt Natasha. I mean that, Tony! You don't allow it to hurt her, no matter what."

"You know I will do my best," Tony replied.

Then Tony turned to me. "Steve, I promise you, I will not let your baby be harmed. Natasha has indicated to me that she wants to keep this baby, and I will do all I can to make sure it is safe."

"Natasha told me on the way here that she would like to speak to each of you alone. Bruce? Why don't you go to Natasha and explain what we've discussed."

Bruce nodded and quickly left the room. Then Tony turned to face me again as he said, "I'm not here to judge you guys. She loves you both. Even though she chose to marry Bruce, I know she still cares for you, and your child. I want you to know, Steve, that I will do everything medically possible to save your baby. But if it comes between saving the baby or saving Natasha . . . "

"Save Natasha," I interjected. "Do whatever you have to do to save Natasha."

He smiled and placed his hand on my shoulder. "I know you too well. I will, I promise. This is a very difficult situation for all of us. I'm very worried about Banner. He already feels bad about . . . well, I'm sure this has crushed him. I know it's asking a lot, but could you please give Bruce some space? I know he's angry and hurt and worried, and well . . . "

"Yes, I understand. I won't cause any problems. Besides, we always have Thor here to referee . . . just in case."

Thor grinned at that and Tony smiled. "Yes, we do," he said as he patted Thor on the arm. Then he turned back to me and instructed me to follow him.

I followed Tony across the huge living room to a hallway, where we turned to the left and walked past several doors. Before we reached Natasha's room, we could hear Bruce's voice clearly through the door.

"I planted a monster inside you, Natasha! It's not a baby, it's a monster, and I'm having a hard time thinking of it any other way."

"Bruce, stop calling it that! How can you be so unfeeling? We made this baby together . . ."

"Yes, I remember, Natasha. I recall vividly all the marks and bruises and the blood . . ." he spits out snidely. It made my blood boil to hear that he hurt her . . .

That's when Tony burst through the door to say, "Banner, enough." Bruce nodded curtly then stopped to look me in the eye. It was filled with betrayal and pain, it was hard to ignore.

"Steve?" Tony called softly. I stepped inside the room and turned to look around as he quietly closed the door to leave us alone. I was surprised to find myself in what looked to be a very complete operating room right here in his house! Although I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, really. When I was hurt, Tony had shown up at my house with all kinds of medical supplies.

I found Natasha lying on a table in a hospital gown, hooked up to a monitor with all kinds of numbers blinking and an IV in one arm, but what I hated seeing most were the tears rolling down her cheeks. I sat down on the stool beside the bed and gave her a small smile. "Well, Nat, you've outdone yourself this time."

I was glad to see her smile through her tears. "Yeah, only I could manage this one, huh?"

I slid my arm beneath her shoulders to lift her into my arms and hold her close. Thankfully, she didn't resist me, and I felt her melt into my shoulder. "Honey, it'll be alright. I trust Tony."

"I know. So do I. I just wish . . . "

"Shhh. I know you do," I crooned as I ran my hand down her hair and onto her back. "Look, this is a horrible situation, for all of us. But Nat," I pulled back to look her in the eyes. "The most important thing here is you. I love that you are pregnant with my baby. I know I shouldn't be . . . you're married to . . . well, someone else. But, I can't help it. It's a part of me and a part of you. But I don't want you to sacrifice yourself for either baby."

She hiccupped and nodded. "I know. I want our baby, Steve. I don't know how it will all work out, but I want it, very much." She was quiet for a moment then she said, "Tony told me about the other baby. That he would agree if I would agree."

"Yes, that's what he said. But he also told her that he would monitor you constantly and if he saw that you or the other baby was in any distress, he would not hesitate to step in and do the procedure."

"I don't know what to do, Steve. I wanted to talk to Bruce about it, but, well, you heard him." Yeah, I heard him . . . and I want to kill him now more than ever. That description he gave about what he did to her was still ringing in my head.

"Nat? About what he said . . . he hurt you, didn't he?" Her head dropped as she pulled away from me. I could see she didn't want to answer me, but of course, I couldn't leave it alone. "Natasha?"

I heard her whisper, "Yes." My hand came under her chin to nudge her head up. I needed to see the look in her eyes. When I did, fury ripped through me I could see she was taking the blame. "It was my fault, Steve. I pushed him too hard. I knew he was afraid of hurting me, but I pushed . . . "

"Stop it, Natasha. Just stop. I can't hear any more," I told her clenched teeth. My body was already shaking, my breath coming harder . . . Calm the fuck down, Steve. Just breathe . . . in and out . . . now is not the time.

After finally gaining some control, I said, "Natasha, please talk to Tony before you make your decision about this baby, OK? Make sure you have all the facts before you make your choice." She nodded as I cupped her cheek and added softly, "Please don't make this decision lightly, Nat. I can't imagine losing you."

Her face crumpled and I drew her close to me again, feeling her tears slide down my shoulder.

Natasha rested there on my shoulder for a while as she cried softly then she shifted so she could look at me. She set her forehead against mine for a moment then she surprised me by leaning in and kissing me briefly on the lips. "Thank you, Steve. For being here, for . . . being you."

I smiled at that. "No problem. I wouldn't know who else to be."

She gifted me with a small, crooked smile, then she surprised me again by whispering, "I really missed you."

"Me, too," I managed to get out over the lump in my throat. I was so afraid for her right now . . . and for our baby.

The door opened and Tony came back in. "Mind if I talk to Nat?"

I nodded and stood up. "I'll be around, if you need me, OK?"

"Thanks, Steve."

I left her with a smile and a kiss on the head and closed the door behind me. I hoped that Tony could talk some sense into her and just go ahead with the procedure. But, knowing Natasha as I did, I didn't think that would happen. She would have to try and save the thing, I knew she would. But then, if the tables were reversed, and that was my baby, would she do the same? Yeah, she would.


	9. CONFLICT

_Natasha's POV_  
_"In a conflict between the heart and the brain, follow your heart. "_  
_” Swami Vivekananda_

* * *

_**NINE|CONFLICT** _

My hand instinctively covered the small bump I felt sticking out on the right side of my midsection. It had just appeared about an hour ago, and I couldn't help but touch it and try to protect it. "Tony? Tell me the truth. Does this baby really have a chance? I mean, if I could go maybe another week . . . would that give it a real chance to survive?"

Tony sunk down to sit on the stool as he explained, "Natasha, the longer you can hold this baby inside, the better the chance of it surviving outside the womb, yes. But the complication here, is the other baby. The larger this baby becomes, the more chance of losing the other. You will have to choose between them eventually."

 _I couldn't choose between their fathers . . . how can I choose between the babies?_ I closed my eyes and sighed _. I can't sacrifice Steve's baby to save Bruce's. I won't do that to Steve . . . or to myself. But, Bruce's baby deserves the chance to live too . . . God, what am I going to do?_

I opened my eyes and looked at Tony. "Can we take this one day at a time?"

Tony gave me a cautious look then nodded slightly. "We can try, but, I will monitor you constantly and if I see that the fetus is causing you any stress, we will go ahead with the procedure. You have to be honest with me about how you are feeling, and trust me when I say enough is enough. Can you do that?"

"Yes, I can. I do trust you."

"But I want you to understand that I cannot guarantee that this will make a difference."

I nodded to him and said simply, "I understand. But I have to try."

I watched his face as he weighed the choices then finally he said, "Alright then. Let me get Pepper back in here to help you get dressed and take out the IV. But listen, Natasha, I don't want any stress put on your body at all. Think of yourself as an incubator of sorts right now. I won't put you on total bed rest just yet, but I will if I see you in too much stress. Stay off your feet as much as possible. You can walk small distances, but no stairs, and no lifting anything. And if you experience any pain at all, you will call for me, understood?"

"Yes, sir. Understood. Now, can you do me a favor?"

"Certainly."

"Come up with something for the others? I don't want them to worry."

"What are friends for Nat?"

Tony moved to the door and called for Pepper. She came right away and removed the IV and then went to get me a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt to dress in. Once I was dressed, she walked me slowly down the hall to one of the guest bedrooms since Tony didn't want me to do the stairs.

This guest room wasn't quite as elaborate as the rooms upstairs, it was decorated in neutral shades to fit whatever gender was using it. It also had an adjoining bathroom so that would be convenient. And just like most of the rooms in this house, there were huge windows that helped to bring the feel of the outdoors in.

I was now tucked into the huge bed, propped up against a pile of pillows sipping tea, still waiting for Bruce to make an appearance. Tony assured me he just needed some time, and that he would be in soon. I knew when my secret came out it would hurt him, but I guess I stupidly didn't realize how much. I never wanted him to find out about Steve and me, but I should have realized that secrets have a way of coming out. _Boy, what a way for it to come out._ I felt so horrible that he had to find out this way. I should have told him . . . it was stupid to try and hide it.

I laid there, lost in my thoughts for awhile until the door opened, and once again I looked for Bruce, but it was Clint. "Hey, Nat."

I smiled at him, even though I was sure I wasn't ready for this yet. "Hey, Clint, long time no see?"

He gave me a smile as he sat down in the chair near my bed "You know, when Steve called me and said he had something to tell me about you, this is the last thing I expected. How are you? Are you alright?"

I nodded then asked, "Did you see Tony?"

"Yeah, he explained everything. He told me you're pregnant with twins and one may not be forming right. He's keeping a close eye on you until he can get a better picture of what's going on."

I had to hand it to Tony. He had a great way of telling the truth, yet leaving out certain facts that he knew would be too much for someone to comprehend. I suddenly wondered if he had done that with me. "Yeah. Soooo, are you . . . shocked? Me being pregnant?"

He hung his head for a moment so I couldn't read his face then he looked up with a smile and said, "Well, it's weird, but I know you've always wanted a family. And now you're getting one. I'm happy for you." I couldn't help but smile.

"So, where is Bruce? I figured he'd be here with you. I talked to Steve who is sitting outside the door like some guard dog, and he said you were in here alone."

"I don't know, Clint. He went out with Thor for awhile. He's not so happy about . . . things."

"He doesn't want kids, even when he thought he couldn't have em?"

"No, it's just . . . neither one of us expected this, and it's just taken him by surprise, that's all," I said, avoiding eye contact by staring at the blanket and picking at it with my fingers.

I glanced up to see Clint eye me suspiciously. _Yeah, I knew he wouldn't buy that one._ I took a deep breath and then said, "He found out something today, and he has every right to be upset with me. I did something that hurt him very deeply." I felt tears coming again and I bit my lip to hold them back.

"Nat, what's going on here? Talk to me," he said softly.

"I cheated on him, Clint. Two days before the wedding . . . with Steve. I slept with Steve and now, he might be the father . . . shit" I couldn't finish. It was just too humiliating.

"Dammit, Natasha ." Clint scooted over to sit on the bed beside me and hold me while I cried all over him. I had never done that with him before, not even when Bruce left me all those months ago, and I'm sure it was not a new experience he really enjoyed. After awhile, he shoved a wad of Kleenex into my hand and I blew my nose and tried to stop the waterworks while he moved back to the chair. "So, you slept with Steve. Why then did you go ahead and marry Bruce?"

"Cause Clint, I love Bruce," I sniffed.

I could see by the confused look on his face, he wasn't getting this. "But you must have feelings for Steve, too. You're not the kind of woman who sleeps around. At least, I didn't think you were."

"No, of course I'm not. Steve . . . he was ... it was, oh God, I can't believe I am having this conversation with you." I put my hands over my face to hide the redness that I was sure was spreading.

"Yeah, it's not so fun for me either," he mumbled. Then he took a deep breath and said in a tone I was sure he used when he was interrogating a suspect, "So, you and Steve . . . you know, but you still went ahead with the wedding because you love Bruce."

"Yes, Clint. I love Steve, too, but . . . this is just so horrible. How can I be in love with two different men?"

Clint actually smiled at that. "You're asking me? I don't have any experience in that area, Nat. I'm still trying to get by the fact that Steve didn't use a condom."

I rolled my eyes at him. "We didn't plan on having sex. I hadn't seen him in a long time, you know that, and he just showed up out of the blue, and it just happened, so fast, and . . . I don't want to talk about that with you."

"Good. I don't want to hear it. But you know, Nat, you could have avoided this mess if you just would have realized you were marrying the wrong guy. I knew how you felt about Steve, even he knew. Everyone, but you."

Just then, we heard a knock on the door and Steve stuck his head in. "Can I come in?"

Clint winked at me then said, "Come on in, Cap."

Steve stepped inside, closed the door behind him then cautiously walked toward us. "So, I guess Natasha told you?" I quickly tried to give him a look that said, " _Not the whole truth,_ " but I couldn't tell if he caught it or not.

"Yes she did. You ready to be a father, old man?"

"Hell yeah. Natasha isn't due until end of March or beginning of April, so that gives me a couple of months to get everything together. "

I just stared at Steve and wondered how the hell he thought that would work.

"Well, good luck, Captain," Clint told him.

"This is my family. I will be there to love and take care of my family." Then he looked down at me and added softly, "And Natasha, too, if she'd let me."

I shot him a look that told him he better stop right there. Clint was already on his side . . . I didn't want them both to gang up on me right now. "Look, can we talk about all that later? I mean I'm only like 6 weeks along. Nothing has to be decided right this second."

He looked over at Steve and shook his head. "So you never thought about a condom?"

"Oh my God, Clint. Really?" I cried out, completely embarrassed.

Of course, Steve just smiled. "You're a dick," he explained slowly. "But, I should have stopped when I realized where it was going."

Clint sighed. "Well, what's done is done." He slapped Steve on the back and left out the door.  Then he waved and walked out of the room as Steve flopped into the chair.

"Well, he didn't freak out like I thought he would," he said with relief.

"Well, obviously, I didn't tell him the whole truth. I told him that you _might_ be the father. I couldn't tell him that one was yours and one was Bruce's. It was humiliating enough just to tell him I cheated on Bruce with you. I really don't want to talk about it?"

His face softened as he reached out and took my hand into his. I knew he meant well, so did Clint, but I just couldn't deal with any of it right now. "Is it OK if I turn on the TV? Maybe we can find something good to watch on the Food Channel. "

I smiled at him and nodded, "Yeah, OK." I knew he was itching to watch the big flat screen that was mounted on the wall opposite the bed, even if it meant watching the Food Channel. He turned it on and we settled in to watch Paula Deen cook some barbeque.

"God, I hate watching Paula. I'm starving now." Steve said jokingly.

I smiled at him as he took my hand again and thought how it was so comfortable sitting with Steve. He was still my friend . . . the best one I had ever had. I walked away from him once, but now, we would be bound together for the rest of our lives by this baby, and I just realized how happy that really made me.

I must have dozed off because I jumped awake when I heard a knock on the door. I looked over at the chair where Steve was slouched down with his head back and his mouth open, snoring softly.

"Come in," I called out.

The door opened and Bruce finally stepped into the room. I quickly pulled my hand from Steve's and reached out to shake him awake. "Steve! Wake up."

Finally he opened his eyes and looked at me and placed his hand on my stomach with a start. "Huh? You OK?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Bruce is here and I'd like to talk to him," I explained, nodding toward the door.

Steve looked over at Bruce and then back at me. "Of course." He stood and stretched then looked down at me and added, "I'll be back tomorrow."

"See ya," I said with a nod.

"Yep," he replied as he walked slowly past Bruce, giving him a longing look, and then out the door.

Bruce closed the door then walked toward me and stopped at the end of the bed to grip the footboard. "How are you?" he asked quietly.

"I'm fine."

"So, you've decided to wait. Are you sure that's wise?"

I glanced down at my hand that was resting over my baby bump. "No, I'm not sure, but I've got to try, don't you think? I would have asked your opinion, but you disappeared so I made the decision myself." I didn't realize how pissed I was at him until right now. Clint was right. He should have been here with me, instead of Steve. He is my husband and this baby's father.

"I'm sorry. I needed some time to think."

"And?"

He stepped over to sit on the bed beside me. "And, I'm having a difficult time coming to terms with what I've done, what you've done, and the consequences of those actions."

I snorted, "Consequences . . . you make it sound like a prison sentence or something."

"It feels that way to me. How do you think it will for me to watch you growing bigger every day with Steve's child?" he asked coldly.

The look of pain that crossed his face was too much for me to bear and words just started spilling out of my mouth. "I'm so sorry, Bruce. I never meant for it to happen. It's not like I set out to have sex with him. He came back two nights before the wedding, and I hadn't seen him for months. I know it sounds so stupid, but it just happened. I should have stopped him and I didn't and I am so sorry that you found out this way. I never wanted you to know because it was a one-time thing, and I didn't want to see you hurt. I went ahead with the wedding because I love _you,_ and I wanted to be with _you_."

"But you love him, too. I know you did but I thought . . . I was so sure you loved me more when you took me back. I just never imagined that you would go that far. I guess he could give you something that I couldn't, or wouldn't."

"Dammit, Bruce. _I_ did this, and _I'm_ sorry. It was a mistake . . . it should never have happened, and I don't expect you to forgive me, but I hope . . . somehow, maybe we could get past it."

His head shook back and forth as he said slowly, "Now you are pregnant with a baby from each of us . . . I have _no_ idea how to deal with that. It's like you'll always have to choose between us."

I reached out to grip his arm. "But I did choose . . . I chose _you_."

He gave me a small sad smile. "Yes, you did. And look what you got. Natasha, this thing, this . . ."

"Baby, Bruce. It is a baby."

"This _baby_ , will kill you, Natasha. I did my own research. Most mothers don't live through the childbirth."

"But none of them had Tony standing by to take it out before it hurts me. I trust him, Bruce."

"I trust him, too. But then there is the matter of . . . the other baby. Are you willing to sacrifice it?"

I felt that I should say yes, but I couldn't. I shook my head slowly. "No," I admitted quietly.

He turned away from me to lean forward resting his forearms on his thighs. "So then, this is folly. Just let him take it, Natasha. I can't stand the thought of having a reminder of my failure around me all the time." He dropped his head to stare at the floor as I thought about what he just said.

 _Failure? This is about him?_ I sat up straighter in my anger to ask," Did you seriously just call our baby a 'reminder of your _failure?'_ How is this about you, Bruce? We made this baby _together_. We were in love, on our honeymoon, when some people end up making babies. How is that a failure? You're not even supposed to be able to make babies! I think it's more like a miracle!"

"A miracle?" he sneered as he shot off of the bed. "My God, Natasha. I saw what you looked like after we made this little _miracle_. What I did to you. And now, this _miracle_ is growing too fast and will probably end up killing you!"

This was quickly becoming beyond ridiculous. I couldn't stand to hear the words that were coming out of his mouth. "Stop it, Bruce. Just stop. I can't take anymore. You can be upset with me over what happened with Steve, but not this. This is _our baby_ , Bruce. It deserves a chance to live, so I am going to try and give it a chance. Tony will know when enough is enough and I will listen to him. But I will not tolerate you hating this child because it reminds you of your _failure._ "

Bruce looked at me and nodded curtly. "Fine. Do whatever what you want. But I'm not sure I can be a part of it." Then he turned on his heel and walked out of the room. I laid back against the pillows and let the tears come once again as I wondered, _How  the fuck are we ever going to get through this?_


	10. CLOSE

_Steve's POV_  
_"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."_  
_-_ _George Burns_

* * *

_**TEN|CLOSE** _

A smile hovered on my lips as I flew down the road from Brooklyn back to New York, pushing the bike up to 70 and loving the feel of the engine roaring under me. The only thing that would make it better is if Natasha was sitting on the seat behind me, with her arms locked around my waist. Maybe someday . . .

I pulled up to Tony's tower parked the bike then made my way slowly over to the front lobby, up the elevator, through the living room passing Thor, Clint and Tony in the process. I then stopped at the door Natasha was on the other side of and softly knocked on it.

After hearing her call out, "Come in," I walked in, closing the door behind me and made my way over to the bed to say, "Hey, Nat." She was sitting up against a pile of pillows, and I noticed the tan she had when she came home from her honeymoon was fading fast. She still wore her Paramore t-shirt and her red curly hair was now pulled back into a pony tail.

She greeted me with a small smile. "Hey, Steve."

"You don't look so good," I told her, trying to hide my concern with a smile.

"Gee, thanks. I'm dealing with morning sickness. It's a fucking blast. You should try it."

Sitting down on the bed beside her, I said sincerely, "I'm sorry. What can I do to help?"

"Hand me that glass of ginger ale."

I handed it to her for her to take a few sips then hand it back. "Does it help?"

"Yeah, it really does."

She snuggled back into the pillows as I asked, "So, why are you laying here all alone? Where's your husband?"

A look of sadness mixed with anger came over her as she said, "I don't know. He's . . . upset."

"Well, duh, Nat. Aren't we all? He should suck it up and be here to support you."

"He's having a hard time getting over the fact that I slept with my best friend two days before our wedding and got pregnant. Kind of hard to 'suck that up.' "

"Bullshit! He's got a baby here that might die. He should be more concerned about that right now. If he wants to fight me later, fine, but he needs to get his fucking priorities straight."

I saw her bite her lip, which she only did when she was really upset. "I don't think he wants this baby to live, Steve. He told me he didn't want a 'reminder of his failure.' "

"His failure? What the hell does that mean?" Bruce has a lot of nerve to make this all about him.

"It means that you succeeded where he failed, alright? He hates himself for not being able to make love to his wife without causing me so much physical pain. And the fact that he didn't get there first is just salt in the wound. And on top of that, your baby is a normal, human baby, growing at a normal rate, while his is . . . well, he is sure it is some kind of monster that will kill me."

I closed my eyes briefly and let out a sigh. "OK, I get that. It's a pride thing. But, still, you need him. He could push that aside right now and get his ass in here."

"Yes, he should. But maybe he's not capable. I don't know. This whole thing is such a mess." Natasha eyes fluttered shut just as one lone tear escaped and made its way down her cheek.

I reached out and gently brushed it away with my thumb as I told her softly, "Natasha, I know this is a mess, but I'm not going anywhere."

Suddenly, she sat up and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I know I shouldn't, Steve, but I really need you right now."

My arms went around her and I buried my face into her neck to inhale her needs me. And God knows how much I need her.

Reluctantly I let go as she pulled away after a minute or so and laid back against the pillows again. "I'm already so sick of being held prisoner in this room, and it's only the first day! How am I going to do this until this baby is ready to be born?"

"Well, it is a beautiful day out there, Nat," I said with a smile. "Why don't you come outside with me for a little fresh air? Tony certainly can't be against that."

Her brilliant smile made my heart flip-flop. "No, he can't. I think it's a great idea."

"OK then," I said as I stood up. "Are you allowed to walk, or should I carry you?" I asked with a grin.

With a roll of her eyes, Natasha threw the covers back and climbed out of bed. "I can walk, but thanks for that completely selfless offer," she replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm, which made me chuckle.

Natasha slipped her feet into her old Vans sneakers then we walked slowly out the door and through the living room toward the gigantic balcony doors. I passed by the guys again in the living room and they gave us wicked smiles. Dickheads.

I opened the balcony door and stepped aside for Natasha to walk by me then I followed and took a deep breath. "Ahhh, smell that fresh air? Come on, Nat, take a deep breath."

I watched as she inhaled deeply then admitted, "It is nice."

Taking her hand, we strolled across gigantic balcony until we found a nice spacey area in the sunshine then I stopped and suggested, "Let's sit here in the sun for awhile." I helped her get settled on the ground then I plopped down beside her."

"Here, let me get behind you so you have something to lean on." I laid on my side and propped my head on my hand as Natasha leaned back against my stomach. "How's that?"

"Good, thanks."

It was a beautiful warm day, and I was laying in the sun with the woman I loved who was pregnant with my child. I was having a hard time containing my joy! I wanted so badly to reach out and draw her down to me, to kiss her full lips and tell her how much I loved her. I would run my fingers through her red hair and . . .

Natasha suddenly broke the silence between us and brought me back from my fantasy world by saying, "Steve? I have no idea how things are going to work out with . . . our baby and all, but, I want to say that, I think you'll be a good father."

I could feel a huge smile stretch across my face as I said, "Wow, thanks. I hope so. I'm really going to try."

Natasha looked at me and surprised me by running her hand through my hair as she said, "I know you will. You are already." And _he_ wasn't. I heard her subtle meaning. Then she surprised me even more by asking, "Do you ever . . . um, think about . . . that night?"

That night? When don't I think about it? "Uh, yeah. Like every night. And every morning when I take a cold shower."

"God, Steve, you're such a guy," she said with a slight smile.

"What? It was the best night of my life, Natasha. Of course I'm going to relive it over and over. It may be the only one I get."

"I doubt that. You'll find a woman someday, Steve. Someone who will love you the way you deserve."

"Yeah, right," I scoffed as she shook her head at me. Then I thought about her question, and decided I had to know. "Do you? Think about that night?" I asked as my free hand developed a mind of its own and slowly moved to run my fingers down her neck.

"Yes," she admitted quietly.

I sat up to look into her eyes. "And?"

Her shyness just made me want her all the more as she admitted, "And, I shouldn't. But I can't help it."

God, I want to kiss her so badly right now. Would that be taking advantage of her? She's so vulnerable . . . I found my body was way ahead of my brain as it was already leaning toward her, my hand moving to cup her cheek . . . then I froze as I heard, "Sorry to interrupt, but kindly remove your hand from my wife before I break it off."

I felt rage run through me instantly as I jumped up to face the little prick. "So, you finally remembered you had a wife, you fucking coward."

"Coward?"

"Yeah, the first time your wife needs you, you take off to run and hide."

"And I can see you were more than happy to fill in for me once again, weren't you?" Bruce snarled back.

I got right up into his face and said evenly, "Well, like then, she needed a man, and since I am the only one around . . ." He grabbed my by the shirt as he growled and I yelled, "Bring it on!"

"Stop it! Stop it both of you!" Natasha yelled at us she pushed herself to stand behind us.

I shoved Bruce away from me and turned to Natasha. "Hey, don't move. You're supposed to be off your feet."

"Yeah, well, someone has to stop you two. I can't stand it!" Bruce turned to leave as Natasha shouted, "I need you here, Bruce. Don't you dare walk away!"

"I think three's a crowd, don't you?" he answered with a sneer at me. I glared back at him. Can't believe how torn we are now.

"Stop it. Steve just brought me outside to get some fresh air and sun, that's all."

"Really, Natasha? You're actually going to stand there and deny the fact that you were close to letting him kiss you?"

Natasha closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. "Steve? Can you give me a minute alone with Bruce please?"

"Are you sure?" I asked her, never taking my eyes from him.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Alright, I'll just be right over there." I nodded to the right while throwing a glare at Bruce as I walked past him to wait inside. With my enhanced hearing, I knew I could still hear every word they said.

"Bruce, I need you," Natasha began. "I need you to support me and be with me. That's what a husband does in a crisis like this. I know you're pissed about Steve and you should be. And me spending time with him doesn't help. But one of these babies is his and as it's father, he has a right to be here, the same as you. And . . . he's here and you're not, and I am very confused right now." I heard her voice break on that last part, and I knew she was close to tears.

"Is that some kind of threat, Natasha? If I'm not here to take care of you, you'll turn to him? Because of the past, I'm well aware of that." A growl erupted from my chest and it was all I could do to stand still and not run over there and rip his fucking head from the rest of his body.

"Look, I deserved that, I know, but, as I've tried to tell you, I did not run to Steve for sex. Whether you believe it or not, it just happened, and that's the truth. Look, Bruce, can we please stop this? Can we put this aside for now and just focus on our baby? I'm scared . . . I don't know what is going to happen with this baby, and me . . . and I need you to sit with me and hold me . . . " she was really crying now. "Please, Bruce? Can we go back to the house now . . . together?"

I found myself standing there, holding my breath waiting for his answer. He was right . . . I was more than ready to step in if he said no.

Finally he nodded and without a word, picked her up into his arms to carry her back to the house. I closed my eyes as they walked passed me and felt all the air just go out of me. "Now he decides to do the decent thing," I muttered. I was so close . . . so close to kissing her. I leaned back against the wall and ran my hands through my hair in frustration. _"OK, Steve, to be fair, she is his wife, not yours. No matter how much you wish she was. She will always choose him._

With a deep sigh, I pushed myself away from the wall and made my way slowly around to the elevator. Tony and Thor tried to convince me to stay, but there was no use sticking around now. As soon I made it to my motorcycle, I crawled onto the seat, cranked the engine to life and roared down the long drive away from the woman I loved. I kicked my motorcycle down when I arrived at the HQ gym and ran straight to the bag. Throwing my jacket off angrily, I began punching the bag as hard as I could.

 _Left, Right, Right, Right, Left, Right, Left , POW!_ It snapped violently off the chain and flopped on the ground, leaving a dull silence in the air. I let out a sob before I laid on the wooden floor.

I had no idea how long I had been lying here. With my eyes closed, all I could see was her . . . the scent of Natasha's hair was still hanging on me. The hole in my chest ached until I couldn't stand the pain and I was shocked as this horrible wail escaped from my throat and pierced the gigantic room.

Suddenly, I felt hands on me, pulling me up and arms surrounding me and holding me. I clung to the soft, warm body as lips touched my forehead then my cheek then instinctively I turned my head to meet those lips and they moved with mine then opened to my tongue. There was hot skin against mine and I reached out to run my hands over it. I had waited so long for her to come to me again. To let me touch her like this. Moving my lips to her shoulder, I bit into it as she cried out. Hands moved and grabbed and grazed and touched . . . before long, I was rock hard and throbbing, desperate for a release. Before ripping our clothes to shreds, I lifted her up and placed her against the wall and I plunged into her and rocked frantically trying to find it. A shudder went through me as I emptied into her and I collapsed, letting out a sob. Those arms stayed around me and held me tight until I could finally catch my breath to roll off and lay on my back. My face was wet with hot tears as I finally opened my eyes and the realization of what just happened sunk in.

I was staring into the night sky at the stars as her breath brushed my cheek. Turning my head, there was Wanda lying on her side, her brown hair covering part of her face, watching me with wary eyes. It really happened. It wasn't just a dream. Not Natasha. "Wanda," I said hesitantly.

Wanda touched her finger to my lips and whispered, "Steve, don't. I understand."

"I don't," I admitted. I had never felt like that . . . it was almost . . . primal.

Reaching out, Wanda touched my cheek and I could see tears in her eyes. "Steve, I could feel your pain. It was . . . tortuous. . . . ." Her compassion surprised me, but I didn't deserve it.

Feeling so guilty at how I had just used her, I rolled away from her and stared out into the gym room to try and make sense of everything I had just been through. But it made no sense to me. Natasha is everything to me, my whole world, even though she will never belong to me. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to make myself believe that she was one of them. She belonged completely to him now. I had known it was coming . . . she told me over and over, but I always held on to that dream that maybe . . . just maybe she would change her mind and pick me. But she married him. I saw her and she was so beautiful, and I could feel fresh tears run as I wondered, why was I never enough for her?

"Steve? Are you alright?" Wanda touched my arm and I froze. Oh, God, and then there was Wanda. So shocked at my behavior, I couldn't look at her. 

I swiped my arm over my mouth and let out a loud belch then lied to Wanda, "Yeah, I'm OK. Sorry."

Rolling again to my back, I stared at the ceiling as Wanda sat up to say, "Steve, let's just go. Let's get the hell out of here. There's nothing holding you here now. Remember what we talked about that day in the board room? We could maybe head towards Canada and blend into the city for awhile. I can go my way and you can go yours, or we can stay together, it's up to you. But I can't stay here any longer and neither should you. You've been tortured for way too long. It's time it stops. You don't deserve this, Steve."

I just wanted to lay here and die. 

"Steve? Tell me what you're thinking. Please . . . just say something," Wanda pleaded quietly.

I finally turned to look at her and was thankful to see she had pulled on a pair of black gym shorts and a worn yellow tank top. Realizing my clothes were torn,  I sat up and covered myself as best as possible before answering, "Wanda, I.... can't. She's got my kid...and I can't abandon her. I love her too much"  Wanda nodded slowly as tears slid down her cheek. She moved closer to me and leaned her head on my shoulder. "Wow, that's amazing. I'm so happy for you. Well, I wont leave without you. Just... know that I care about you and... love you, Steve." she whispered the last three. I froze as I heard those words leave her lips. What am I suppose to say, what could I say? I just had sex with her in a gym, told her Nat was pregnant and she tells me she loves me. On top of that, I just betrayed a close friend of mine yet again. Vision. I closed my eyes letting a sigh leave my lips. Why was I so good at hurting the ones that are close to me? Looking at Wanda, I wrapped my arms around her and just sat there in my misery.


	11. FEEL

_Natasha's POV_  
_"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it."_  
_— J.K. Rowling_

* * *

_**ELEVEN|FEEL** _

Bruce actually tried a little harder to put things aside and be there for me after his encounter with Steve and me outside a couple of days ago. He would bring my breakfast tray in each morning and sit with me until I would get up to shower and dress then he would disappear until the evening when we played Backgammon or Cribbage to help pass the time. We talked very little . . . I guess he still wasn't ready for that, and I didn't push him. I hoped he would open up after he had a little more time to process everything.

True to his word, Tony kept a very close eye on me, checking in at least three times a day to take my vitals and measure my baby bump that was growing larger every day. I was still having trouble with the nausea, which was making it hard to keep food down, but he kept encouraging me to eat often instead of waiting for just three meals a day. I kept crackers with me at all times, as they were the one thing I could still eat that stayed down.

Steve came by each day after lunch and stayed until dinner. I would spend time with him in the living room, or sometimes in the back yard if the weather was good, but always in view of someone. I really felt horrible about what Bruce witnessed between Steve and me . . . I was so close to letting him kiss me. I know I shouldn't have, but I was just so confused. Steve was so sweet and caring and always there for me, while Bruce was so moody and distant. Those intense feelings I had for Steve kept resurfacing, no matter how deep I tried to bury them. I chalked it up to a weak moment and tried harder to keep Steve at arm's length.

I noticed Steve was unusually quiet the last couple of times he visited and I could tell that something was upsetting him, but he refused to talk about it. He insisted that we focus on just me and the babies, so I let it go.

By the end of the week, Tony decided it was time for another ultrasound to see exactly what was going on, so at the appointed time, he drove Bruce and me to the hospital and I arranged for Steve to meet us there. The radiology department was quiet today, as it was Sunday, so Tony figured this would be a good time to do it.

Tony ushered us all into the same small room he and I had used before and I climbed onto the table and laid back while he readied the machine then instructed, "Alright, Natasha, same as last time." I slid my shirt up then pushed down my sweatpants just a bit so he could squirt some gel on my stomach and I heard Steve gasp.

"Yeah, it's grown faster in the last couple of days," I told Steve as he stared at the rounded mound on my belly.

"Here goes," Tony said as he took the wand and ran it over the gelled surface.

I was excited for both Bruce and Steve to be here. This would be the first time either of them would see their child. An image popped up on the screen and it was my turn to gasp! Bruce's baby had grown so much in just a few days! "Oh my gosh, Tony. It's a lot bigger. It looks like a baby!"

"Yes, she does," he said as he quickly took the measurements.

"She? It's a girl?" I asked in awe.

Tony nodded with a small smile then went back to work as I immediately turned to Bruce hoping to see the same amazement I felt at the sight of this baby we created written on his face, but instead was greeted with a blank, stoic expression that told me nothing.

I tried to hide my disappointment at his reaction, or lack thereof, and turned back to Tony as he explained, "This embryo was 6 centimeters at our last ultrasound, and now it is the size you would expect at almost 5 months. The other embryo is right on course for its age, at almost 7 millimeters."

"The other baby doesn't have much more room, does it?" I asked anxiously.

With a shake of his head, Tony answered, "We can only wait another day or two at best."

I nodded and glanced at Steve who was completely enraptured at the image on the screen. I could tell just by looking at him how much this baby meant to him. There was no way I would allow any harm to come to it. Then I turned to Bruce who in contrast was staring at the floor. I felt he had no attachment to our baby at all, and it hurt me so deeply.

"Alright, Natasha, you can clean up and get dressed," Tony said as he typed on the keys.

I did just that then sat up as Tony smiled and held out his hand to help me down from the table. "Thanks."

The three of us walked out into the hall, as Tony stayed behind to finish up, and I excused myself to use the restroom. When I returned, only Steve was there leaning against the wall waiting for me. "Where's Bruce?"

"He went ahead with Tony . . . he said he had some questions he wanted to ask or something."

Nodding, I turned to walk down the hall, but Steve stopped me by putting his hand on my arm and saying, "Natasha, that was amazing . . . seeing our baby like that. I mean, it doesn't look much like a baby right now I guess, but . . . I was blown away."

I had to smile at the look on his face. He really was excited about this baby. "Yeah, it is pretty amazing."  _It's too bad Bruce couldn't see it that way._

"I just wanted to thank you for letting me come and see that."

"Of course, Steve. You're the father. You have every right to be here. And . . . I wanted you here."

As we started walking, Steve stated, "I think I'd like a little girl to spoil."

He would spoil her, too, I could tell. I glanced at him and said, "That's just what we need, some little princess walking around getting everything she wants."

Steve stopped walking and as I looked over to see why, I watched in awe as his eyes softened when he explained, "Naw, she wouldn't be like that. I want to spoil her with hugs and kisses, not material things. I want to read stories to her at night and teach her how to swim, like my mom taught me. Take her out and show her the stars at night and tell her about our battles. . ." He stopped talking to look at me shyly then ask, "Sorry, I sound like a real sap, don't I?"

New tears formed as I shook my head. "No, you don't. You sound like a daddy." I reached out to wind my arms around his waist and rest my head on his chest. His arms closed around me as I whispered, "Ours is a lucky, lucky baby."

"Thanks, Nat."

I selfishly allowed myself just a moment to relax in his arms and enjoy the feeling of being loved and cared for before finally forcing myself to step back. Steve smiled at me took my hand again and led me the rest of the way down the hall toward the parking lot.

Only Tony was waiting just outside the door, and I asked him, "Where's Bruce?"

"He told me that he would see you back at the house. He, uh, needed some time alone," Tony explained then added sympathetically, "I'm sorry, Natasha. I can drive you home."

So, Bruce needs time alone . . . again. I found myself wondering how much time it would take for Bruce to face the fact that this baby was real and it would be here very soon. With a sigh, I asked Tony, "Um, is it alright if I have Steve take me to see Clint? I haven't seen him in a couple of days.

Pausing for a moment to consider my request, Tony finally relented by saying, "Yes, but please don't stay too long, and keep your movement to a minimum."

"I promise I'll be good. Thanks."

Tony nodded and then smiled as he held out a small piece of paper to me. "I thought you guys might want this."

"What is it?" I asked as I held out my hand.

"A picture of your babies," Tony answered softly.

I couldn't help but smile as I held the picture in my hands. "Wow, thank you. This is . . . this is really cool." I knew I could never show it to anyone else . . . they wouldn't understand the difference in the sizes of the babies, but it was still very precious to me.

"You're welcome," Tony returned with a smile, then he walked to his car, leaving me standing there alone with Steve.

I sighed and hung my head until I felt Steve's hand on my back. "You alright?"

"Yeah, just peachy," I sighed as Steve opened the car door for me. I used to think I knew Bruce so well, but lately he confused the hell out of me. One minute he's bringing in my breakfast tray and asking me with what I thought was genuine concern how I felt, and the next he finds out we're having a girl and he pulls his disappearing act.

"You don't mind taking me to see Clint and the kids, do you? I guess I should have asked you first," I asked Steve sheepishly as he slid behind the wheel.

"Nope. I don't mind at all," he answered with a grin as he started the engine and took off toward house. Yeah, I knew he wouldn't.

I let my head fall back against the headrest and sighed, "I just couldn't go back there, not yet. It's so . . . suffocating." Had I just admitted that? To Steve? Oh well, I don't care it's the truth.

It was a short ride to Clint's house, but when Steve pulled into the drive, I noticed the car wasn't there. "Hmm, I wonder where they are?" I took out my cell phone and dialed Clint's. He carried one for work, so I knew he would have it on.

He answered with his official greeting, "Clint speaking."

"Clint? I'm at your house. Where are you guys?"

"Natasha? Laura and I took the kids out for a picnic. Why are you at my house?"

"Tony did an ultrasound and I didn't feel like going back to the tower yet, so I had Steve drive me to your house to visit. But that's OK. I can see you later."

"I'm sorry, Nat. I wish I would have known."

"No, no, don't worry about it. It was a last minute decision. Have fun."

"OK. Is there any news yet . . . on the babies? What did Tony find today?"

"Well, the one baby is developing more rapidly than the other, and he still might have to . . . take it. We still don't know."

"Oh Nat, I'm sorry. Are you alright? Did you say that Steve is with you?"

"Yes, Clint, Steve is with me," I stated as I looked over at Steve and rolled my eyes. "And I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow, OK?"

"Alright. Take care, Nat."

"I will. Bye." I hung up and looked at Steve. "He's out with his family, let's go inside for awhile. I kind of miss this old place."

As I opened the car door, Steve jogged around to pick me up into his arms as he told me with a grin, "Tony said to keep the movement to a minimum."

"How convenient for you," I teased. I knew he would take any chance he could get to touch me. I felt guilty when I realized I didn't mind as much as I should.

Steve carried me to the front door, where he waited for me to unlock it with my key then he walked inside and deposited me gently on the couch. "Do you think they any food in the house? I haven't had much to eat today and I'm starving."

"I don't know. You can check out the kitchen, but good luck in finding anything edible." While Steve was rummaging in the kitchen, I made myself comfortable on the couch.

It wasn't long before Steve walked back into the living room to plop down on the couch beside me with a carton of chocolate ice cream and two spoons. "Here you go," he said as he handed me a spoon.

I smiled at him as I took the spoon and dipped into the ice cream. I wasn't sure if my stomach could handle it, but it was just way too tempting to resist. Steve ate a huge spoonful and smiled, "I miss this, Nat. A lot."

"Me, too," I admitted. It was true. Steve and I could always just hang out and be comfortable with each other. We were friends first, and I could see that was one huge thing missing with Bruce and me. We fell into this sweeping romance, and never took times to become friends.

Steve and I finished off the carton in record time, and as always, I was now freezing. Steve set the carton with the spoons in it on the coffee table then sat back to hold his arm out. I smiled and slid over to lay against him as he put his arm down over me with Laura's wool blanket. "Mmm, warmth," I mumbled.

Only this time, guilt washed over me as I realized I was enjoying this way too much, while my husband was off somewhere all alone, dealing with his pain. But he didn't have to be. He could be with me, looking at the picture of our daughter. Why couldn't he be excited about her? Why did he hate this baby so much?

I snuggled closer to Steve as I remembered how he talked about wanting a little girl. All those things he wanted to show her and teach her . . . that's the way a father should talk about his coming child.  _This isn't a competition, Natasha_ , I scolded myself. I shouldn't be pitting them against each other, but I couldn't help it. I was feeling closer to Steve as Bruce pushed himself farther away from me.

Steve was mindlessly running his fingers lightly up and down my arm while he flicked channels, and it was creating a slow burn deep inside me. It had been too long since I had any close, physical contact with Bruce, not since the island, really. Suddenly, I craved being held and touched and kissed and loved . . . I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation Steve was creating, and before long, visions of the night we spent together came to mind: His lips on mine, roughly taking what he needed, the feel of his hands as they gripped my hips . . . his naked body in all it's beautiful glory . . . how it felt when he pushed inside . . . I opened my eyes with a start.

"Nat? You OK?" He must have felt me jump.

"Yes," I said quickly as I pushed myself into a sitting position then brushed my hair from my face.

"You sure? You look a little flushed."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."  _Get a grip, Natasha. You're married, remember? Act like it._

I excused myself to use the bathroom and when I returned, I made sure to settle on the couch with some space between us.

Steve noticed and asked quietly, "You're upset about him leaving today, aren't you?"

I looked at him blankly for a moment and then realized he was talking about Bruce leaving the hospital without a word to me. Oh yeah, I was pissed about that. Yeah, that's good . . . talk about that. Anything but what's really going on inside.

So, getting in touch with that anger, I said, "I couldn't believe it when he left today. What kind of an asshole leaves his wife at an ultrasound of their baby? We found out it's a girl and he had nothing, to say. Nothing. Dammit, Steve, I honestly don't know what to say to him. He mopes around like he's such a victim in all this. Well, he is, I guess . . . I mean, I cheated on him, and I've apologized over and over! But, his daughter is hanging onto life by a thread . . . she is going to be born soon and I am wondering if he'll even show up for it."

"Of course he will. This is the only child he'll ever have . . . he wouldn't be stupid enough to miss that, even if he isn't happy about it. He'll be there, Nat," he assured me.

I looked over at Steve and gave him a small smile with a shake of my head. "You always listen to me rant and whine and bitch, but you never tell me what's going on with you. You've been very quiet lately and you look worried a lot. Are you alright?"

He glanced at me then said, "Yeah, I'm fine." His tone didn't quite convince me.

"You sure?"

"I got a lot on my mind, that's all. No big deal," he shrugged.

"You keep telling me that, but I feel like you're holding something back from me. What's going on? Talk to me, Steve."

He let his head fall back against the couch cushions then he looked at me and said, "Something happened with the pack, but I didn't want to bother you with my troubles, so I didn't tell you."

Reaching out to touch his arm, I reminded him, "Steve, we're still friends. You're always listening to me whine . . . I think I owe you. Come on, Captain, talk to me." That made him smile.

"Bruce, can't believe how much I hurt him. We were all so close friends, and now we're all just.. torn"

"Torn." I said the same time he did. We both looked at each other and laughed.

Then, my gaze shifted downward as my hands had instinctively closed over my fast-growing baby bump. "Do you...regret that night?"

Steve turned his body toward me as he barked, "Never! I will never..." Then in a calmer tone he added, "Look, I hate that we hurt him, but, regretting that night is like saying we will regret our child. And believe me I don't. So, don't say that," he finished with a small, crooked smile.

I squeezed his hand and smiled back. "Life is grand, ain't it?"

That made him laugh, which made me very happy to see. "It sure is, and it just keeps getting better and better. Kind of makes you afraid to wake up in the morning to see what's waiting for you, doesn't it?"

I had to agree with him there. "Yeah, sometimes it does." We were both quiet for a moment then I said, "Steve? Thanks for telling me. I don't want you to ever hold anything back from me, OK? I really hate that."

"I know you do. It wasn't a big of a deal, and you had a lot on your own plate. I guess I didn't want to burden you any more."

"It's OK. You can burden me anytime," I assured him with a smile and a small punch on the arm. Then I scooted closer to put my arms around his neck and hug him. "You're my best friend, Steve," I said softly into his neck. "I want to be here for you like you are for me."

We sat there wrapped around each other for quite awhile, just leaning on each other for strength. It was a very powerful moment for me, to know that I could give him comfort. I was always taking from Steve . . . it was about time I gave back.

Finally I pulled back just enough to see his face, but made the mistake of looking into his eyes. They were like a mirror to his soul . . . always showing exactly what he was feeling. Now they were shining with love for me, with such an intensity it took my breath away. I had known for a long time now that he loved me, but this . . . this was different. There was a longing there . . . one that matched the one I was trying to hide so deep inside myself.

Our eyes locked and I felt this warmth seep into the lower region of my body . . . that need, that passion that always had to be denied was trying it's best to convince me to give in and feed it. His hand cupped my face and I licked my lips in anticipation as Steve leaned closer to me. I knew if I didn't get away from him right now, I would fall into that trap of temptation and beg him to kiss me . . . to touch me like he had that night in my room . . .

My brain screamed,  _Stop, Natasha! Stop it now! With all the strength I could muster_ , I shoved myself away from him and mumbled, "I have to get back."

"Natasha . . . " he started softly.

"No, Steve," I said as firmly as I could. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to mislead you, but I can't do this . . . not now. Please take me home."

"Shit." His eyes shut for a moment then I saw him quickly adjust himself before I could turn away.  _Yeah, I'm right there with you, babe._

"Yeah, OK," he answered roughly. "Let's go."

I was off the couch and out the door as fast I dared go. My heart was beating way too fast right now . . . I had been so close to doing something so wrong yet again. Why did I want Steve so badly? Would I always feel this way about him?

As Steve started the car and threw it into gear, I turned my head to look out the open window. I had to be more careful. My feelings for Steve were getting harder to control. I had made my choice . . . I was married to Bruce and I would have to work harder at making our marriage work. And I knew spending time with Steve was not helping . . . it was pushing Bruce and I farther apart. But I couldn't help it. I wanted to be with Steve, to feel his arms around me, see him smile at me . . . he made me feel so good . . . Stop it, Natasha! You are not being fair to either one of them. Why was I such a selfish bitch?

I squeezed my eyes shut and begged my brain to shut up and leave me alone. I was so sick and tired of thinking about the both of them. No matter how much I thought about it all, it never made sense. I was never going to find a livable solution to this mess. I would always be pulled back and forth between them, now even more because of these babies. And yet . . . I loved these babies and felt such a protectiveness for both of them. I pulled the ultrasound picture from my purse to look at it again. No matter what happened with their fathers, I knew I would always love both of these babies with all my heart.

We stayed quiet on the drive back until right before we got to Stark's home. Then Steve broke the silence by saying, "Nat, I'm sorry I upset you, but I won't apologize for how I feel about you. Whatever you saw on my face that scared you so badly . . . well, you should know by now that I can't hide how I feel."

I finally turned to look at him again. "I know that, Steve, but you have to remember that I am married to Bruce, and no matter how I feel about you, I have to be true to him and to our vows."

That pissed him off. "Are you fucking serious? It's just become very clear to me what's going on here." He jerked the car to the side of the road and slammed it into park. "I knew, that night we spent together before the wedding . . . I knew how you felt about me. I could feel it in how you responded to me. It was like we were made to fit together that way. And the next night when we said good-bye, how you clung to me, begging me to kiss you once more, hating to let go . . . Natasha, you knew then it was a mistake to go ahead and marry him, but you felt you had to because that was what was expected. I suppose you thought you could forget me and everything would be perfect with Bruce just like you planned. But it's not, is it? And now, you don't know how to get out of it."

God, is that true? Did I really do that? Do I feel that way now? I hung my head and muttered, "Look, Steve, now is not the time for this conversation. I've been gone way too long as it is . . . "

Grabbing my arm, Steve demanded, "Natasha, look at me." I forced my head up and turned to face him. "You don't have to stay in this marriage out of principle. You need to be with the one you love . . . the one you need, and I think we both know, that's me."

I pulled my arm from his grasp and spit back at him, "Stop being so full of yourself, Steve! Yes, I have feelings for you, but I love Bruce and I need him." Oh God, that sounded kind of weak. He'll never buy that.

"Sounds kind of weak to me." I knew it.

I took in a deep breath as I commanded him, "Drive me home . . . now! If you don't, I'll get out and walk, but I am NOT having this conversation with you."

"Dammit, Natasha!" Steve's fist hit the steering wheel so hard it made me jump. He took a minute to calm himself then he shoved the car into gear and took off with so much force, the tires squealed.

Steve was quiet for a moment, and I could see he was trying his hardest to calm down. Finally he glanced at me to say, "Look, I know that you aren't supposed to be under any stress right now, and I don't want to be the cause of any for you. I'm here to support you, Nat, and I'll try to just be your friend. Even though I know it won't be easy, I promise I'll try harder to be good."

That brought a small smile to my lips. Steve was always promising to be good, but it usually didn't last very long. He just wasn't any good at trying to hide his feelings. He stopped the car at the Tower and I quickly opened the door and got out. Before I closed the door, I stuck my head back in to say, "Thanks, Steve."

"Yeah."

I shut the door and made my way to the house as Steve left, throwing gravel as he sped down the driveway. I knew I hurt him yet again, but I didn't want to hear what he was saying. I needed time to figure out how I really felt about the both of them, not how he thought I felt. Although, if I was going to be honest with myself, he was pretty close.

I was surprised to find Bruce waiting for me in my room, quietly sitting in the chair beside the bed reading a book. He looked up at me as I walked in and asked calmly, "Are you alright? You've been gone quite awhile."

"I'm fine," I answered. "We went to Clint's and then Steve brought me home. You were certainly in a hurry to leave the hospital today," I added curtly, letting him know I wasn't happy about his leaving me like that.

He said nothing as he laid his book down on the table. What, no excuse?

I pulled the ultrasound picture from my purse and dropped it into his lap. "Tony gave me a picture of our daughter. I thought you might like to see it."

Bruce let it sit there for a moment then he finally picked it up and looked at it briefly before setting it on top of his book. "I saw the ultrasound, Natasha. I know what it looks like."

"SHE, Bruce. What SHE looks like. We're having a girl. This baby is real, and she is going to be born soon. I wish you could be happier about it."

"You mean like him? I'm not Steve, Natasha, no matter how much you wish I were."

And there it is. I finally walked over to sink down onto the edge of the bed and sigh, "I'm sorry, Bruce, if my being with Steve makes you uncomfortable. I realized today that given what happened between Steve and I in the past, you have every right to tell me not to see him. But he is the father of one of these babies, so we are all going to have to find a way to live with this. I just haven't come up with the perfect solution yet."

"Natasha, I won't lie to you. I hate Steve now more than I ever have and it causes me great pain to see you with him. I don't like you being alone with him, and I don't want you to lie to me."

"Do you think I'm lying to you now?"

His gaze shifted away from me for a second before he answered. "Are you?"

I closed my eyes and felt the knife of guilt twist in my gut. Even though Steve and I didn't technically do anything wrong, I came close to kissing him yet again, and I knew that for my marriage to work, I had to find a way to stop those feelings. I knew that Bruce was right to feel jealous and it made me feel horrible to see what I was doing to him.

I took a deep breath and told him, "Steve drove me to Clint's house, only to find he wasn't home. I called him and he told me he was out with Laura and the kids. So, Steve and I sat on the couch, ate some ice cream, talked for a bit, then he drove me home. We even argued in the car on the way home, if you must know, and that is the truth."

Bruce stood up and moved to the window to stare out into the city. I pushed myself off of the bed to walk over and stand beside him. "Bruce, I need you to talk to me. We haven't really talked since you found out I was pregnant. Please, sit down with me now and tell me how you really feel."

He gazed down at me as he shook his head and gave me a sardonic smile. "You want me to tell you how I feel? Do you really want to know?"

"Yes! I hate that you feel so distant to me . . . I want to know what's going on inside that head of yours. Just talk to me!"

"I hate what you did to me!" he exploded. "You had sex with Steve, our friend, our  _closest_  friend . . . do you have any idea how that makes me feel?" I shook my head and he went on, "I feel betrayed . . . like I mean nothing to you. All those months of you telling me how much you love me, how much you need me . . . begging me to come back to you . . . was that all a lie?" he bellowed.

"NO! They weren't lies, Bruce. You know me better than that."

"Do I? Because the Natasha I knew would NEVER have betrayed me the way you have. It's like you're a completely different person to me now." Grabbing my arm, he turned me to face him as he stared into my eyes. "I don't have to read your mind to know how you feel about him. All I have to do is watch you when he's around. It's disgusting," he growled as he let me go. "Now you tell me you were ALONE in that house and all you did was eat ice cream and talk? Please, Natasha. Give me a little more credit than that."

I closed my eyes and willed myself not to cry. I deserved this . . . all of it. I needed to be strong now and just take it. "I told you the truth, Bruce. But, I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry for the way I hurt you."

"You were never going to tell me that it happened, were you?"

I stepped over to the bed to sink down on it again as I sighed, "No, I never wanted you to know. I knew how it would hurt you, and I didn't want that. I never intended to have sex with him in the first place. I know you don't believe that no matter how many times I tell you, and I guess it doesn't really matter anyway. I did it, it was wrong, and I am so sorry. But, now I am pregnant, with a baby from BOTH of you and this is . . . such a fucking mess and I am so sick and tired of trying to find a way to make both of you happy. It's impossible and I guess we'll all just be unhappy, miserable people for the rest of our lives."

"Some of us longer than others," I heard him mutter.

An awkward silence settled over the room. I was frustrated, nauseous and just plain exhausted. I wanted to just curl up in this bed and close out the world for like a week, but there was one more thing I had to know from Bruce while he was still here and willing to talk to me. "Bruce? Do you really hate our baby as much as I feel you do?"

His eyes closed as his head dropped for a moment, thinking how to answer my question. Finally he looked at me to say softly, "I don't hate this baby, Natasha, but I don't believe, as you do, that it will survive. I've read all the research, and . . . maybe I don't want to attach myself to something that will never be."

"It's not just that. I know it's not."

"No, it's not," he admitted. "I hate how this baby was conceived. I couldn't make love to my wife like I should have. I couldn't control myself . . . the raw lust that took over . . . was more than I expected. Then, right as I . . . released . . . something took over. You think I want a reminder of that staring me in the face everyday? I know how wrong that sounds, but . . . "

"I understand. I get it," I interjected softly. I did because, in a way, I felt that way about Steve's baby. It would always be a reminder of my betrayal to Bruce. But my love for this baby far outweighed any guilt I felt at conceiving it. I would always want it and love it. I just wished that Bruce felt the same about our baby.

I stood up and faced him to say, "Thank you for being honest with me. As hard it was, I needed to hear it. I don't know where we go from here, but we have to figure out a way because I believe that all three of us are going to become parents to two very special babies. They are going to need us to get along somehow."

"I understand . . . but I'm not sure right now I can do that." And with that, he turned and left the room.


	12. MISERY

_Natasha's POV_  
_"Like most misery, it started with apparent happiness._  
_-Markus Zusak_

* * *

**_TWELVE|MISERY_ _  
_ **

Now that I knew exactly how angry Bruce was with me and how he really felt about my baby, I took to staying in my room and avoided all contact with him,

I really didn't feel like talking anyway. Not even to Steve, who called that next morning to apologize again for the argument we had when he brought me home. I told him I forgave him, but I didn't want him to come over to see me. I just didn't feel right about seeing him here in the same place as Bruce. I should never have done that to Bruce in the first place. I told him I was fine and hung up quickly. I felt like being alone in my misery. I felt I deserved it for what I had done . . . like it was my penance.

So, I moped around for two days, eating very little as the ever present nausea still kept me from being hungry, watched TV and attempted to read a book about pregnancy, until finally, I couldn't stand it anymore. I felt as if this room was swallowing me . . . I needed to get out before what little was left of myself was gone. It was Wednesday, and I would see Clint and the kids tonight, so I forced myself out of bed, showered and dressed and went to inform whoever was around that I was going to see them, so Tony would know where I'd gone.

As I entered the living room, I found Thor lounging on the sectional, playing a video game. He called out, "Hey, look who's finally out of her room!" as he stood up to envelope me into one of his famous bear hugs. It actually felt pretty good.

I stepped back to look at him as I said, "Thanks, I needed that. I am headed over to Clint's. I promised to spend time with them. Have you seen Bruce anywhere?"

I hadn't seen Bruce since Sunday night, when he finally opened up to me and let me know just how hurt he was. I noticed Thor looked rather uncomfortable about answering me so I asked, "Thor? What's going on?"

"Um, he left Sunday night and he hasn't been back."

I tried to hide the shock and pain that went through me at that statement. He . . .left? "Oh. I wondered when I hadn't seen him . . . " my voice trailed off. I knew he was hurt and angry, but to just leave like that? "Did he go alone or did he go with someone?"

"He went alone. He has his phone with him, so if something happens . . . " he said as he glanced down at my stomach, "we can call him."

"I see," I sighed. Thor rested his huge hand on my shoulder in an attempt to console me and I gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Thor. I guess I'll drive myself over to Clint's."

"I can do that," he volunteered with a grin. "Then you can just give me a call when you're ready to come home and I'll pick you up."

"Thanks, that's sweet."

A grin spread over his face as he quipped, "Yep, that's me. Sweet Thor."

That made me laugh as we turned and headed for Tony's garage. Thor was really such a huge teddy bear, yet, I'd seen him in action, and he was deadly. It amazed me how he could be two such different people wrapped up in one very handsome muscular body. "Are you sure you should go out? You look tired." he asked me.

"The baby has settled down somewhat, so we are now on a day-to-day basis, I guess. Tony told me last night that he was hoping I could go just a couple more days then he would feel better about delivering her. I'm just going kind of stir-crazy here. I need to get out, and I really want to see them."

Thor finally relented and we decided on the Jeep since it was a warm sunny day. It felt great to roll down the road with the breeze in my hair. It was so easy to be with Thor . . . it seemed he was always in a good mood, smiling and laughing. How I wished I could be like that instead of feeling like I was dying inside.

He stopped the Jeep at Clint's and I climbed out with a, "Thanks, Thor."

"No problem. Just give me a call later, and take it easy, OK?"

"I promise." I turned and moved to the front door and knocked on it first as he drove away with a honk and a wave. Laura opened it and greeted me. We sat down in the living room and made small talk. She teased me for my pregnancy and I guess I deserved for all the times I teased her. It was great to see her again, I really missed her a lot. And the kids. As soon as she left to cook, I leaned back against the couch and let out a ragged breath full of emotion I did not want to feel. How could Bruce leave like that without so much as one word to me? I am pregnant with his child . . . a child who may not live long and . . . I squeezed my eyes shut and willed myself not to cry. I was not going to shed anymore tears over this . . . at least not right now.

Suddenly,there was a knock on the door. Clint came down the stairs and opened it for me to find Steve there, wearing a pair of jogging pants and an Under Armour compression shirt and his signature grin.

"Hey, Nat. Clint, how's it going?" he said cheerfully as he glided by Clint into the house. Clint gave me a small smile and a wink before he left back upstairs.

I closed the door with a sigh. "OK, I guess. How did you know I was here?"

"It's Wednesday. You told me you promised to spend time with the kids and Clint and Lauren," he explained.

"Oh yeah," I remembered as I plopped down onto the couch beside him.

"How did you get here? There no huge tank parked outside."

I shot him a smile and said, "Thor brought me."

"Oh. You look tired. You feeling OK?" he asked as he took my hand in his.

Suddenly, I felt tired, really, really tired. But instead of admitting that to Steve, I said, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just been a rough couple of days." As soon as that was out of my mouth, I wished I wouldn't have said it. Now he would want me to talk about it, and I really didn't want to.

"Why? What's going on? Is it the babies?" he asked anxiously. I liked how he said 'babies' showing his concern for both of them and not just his. That kind of surprised me.

"No, the babies are alright. It's . . . it's Bruce. We kind of had a fight after you dropped me off Sunday night."

"After the fight we had. Great."

I had to smile at that. "Yeah. For some reason it just wasn't my night."

Immediately, he started apologizing again. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you like that . . . "

I squeezed his hand up to stop him as I said, "Don't. You've already apologized enough, Steve. We're fine."

"Good," he conceded as he relaxed back into the couch. "So, what did you two fight about?"

"What do you think we fought about? You," I told him as I turned to look at him. "I asked him to tell me how he was really feeling, and well, he told me. We hurt him, Steve, very deeply. I don't know if he'll ever be able to forgive us."

"Oh," was all he said.

"The last thing we talked about was the babies. I told him that no matter how we all felt about each other, we would have to find a way to get along for them. That we were going to be parents one day soon and they would need all of us. That's when he told me he wasn't sure he could do that and . . . he walked out. I just found out this morning from Thor that Bruce left Sunday night, and he hasn't been back since."

Steve's brows furrowed in anger. "He just left? Without telling you?" I nodded slightly and then he asked, "Who does that?"

I gave him a look of disapproval. "Come on, Steve, think about it. Seeing us together . . . knowing that I am carrying your baby, I mean, it must be really hard for him."

"You think it's not hard for me to know that you're carrying his kid, too?" he huffed. "That you had sex with him? It hurts like hell, Natasha, but I'm still here."

I shot him a look of surprise. "But, I married Bruce . . . we were on our honeymoon. You had to know that I would have sex with him . . . "

"Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, Nat," he threw at me. I could see in his eyes exactly how much it hurt. "The whole time you were gone, it tortured me . . . I hated the thought of you with him . . . of him making you feel like I did. I still fucking hate it." His head dropped as he sighed.

Before I could stop myself, I admitted, "He didn't."

His head turned to me slowly as he asked, "Didn't what?"

I closed my eyes and willed my mouth to stop talking, but of course, it never listened to me. "Make me feel like you did."

I felt his hand under my chin and I opened my eyes as he forced me to look at him. "What do you mean?"

I sighed and shook his hand away as I said quickly, "I shouldn't have said that. I don't want to talk about that with you, alright?"

"No, you can't say something like that then just stop. Talk to me, Natasha. Finish what you were going to say."

My eyes looked to the ceiling, then the floor, anywhere but at Steve. I didn't want to answer his questions, but knowing Steve like I did, I knew he wouldn't give up. "You heard him, that day we found out I was pregnant. It was horrible, how much it hurt . . . worse than I ever thought. I shouldn't have pushed him . . . I thought he could handle it, but he couldn't. So I never tried to push him again . . . once was enough."

I could see the shock on his face at my last comment. "Really? You only had sex once with him? All this time you've been married?"

I nodded silently. God, why couldn't I ever keep anything from Steve? "Yes. And I got pregnant. How does that even happen?"

Steve smiled softly as he said, "It happens more than you think, I'm sure. Look at us."

"Yeah, look at us," I repeated softly as I looked in to Steve's eyes. Us . . . what were we really? Were we still just best friends, now that I was pregnant with his baby?

"So . . . you never, um . . . you know, had . . . or felt that, except with me?" Steve asked softly.

It made me smile to realize he was to shy to say the word "orgasm." He certainly wasn't shy that night we made love, and I had not one but two, if I remember correctly. "Are you trying to ask me if I had an orgasm, Steve?" I teased. I couldn't help it . . . he was being so pathetic.

With a sigh, he admitted, "Yes."

"I just told you how painful it was . . . so, no. You can feel all manly now knowing you are the only other person I ever felt that with."

I swear his chest puffed out just a little as the smile grew on his face. "I'm sorry . . . I shouldn't have asked, it's just . . ."

"Yeah, I get it. Look, Steve, that night was . . . well, we both know what it was to us. But . . . now I'm married and pregnant with babies from both of you, and," I stopped then sighed, "I really fucked this up, Steve."

"Yeah, you did, with help from me," Steve said as he put his arm around me to haul me to his side. "I'm sorry, Nat. I never thought when I crawled through your window that night, that all this would be set in motion. I mean, I don't regret that night for anything, but, I hate what it's doing to you now."

"Yeah, I know," I sighed as I leaned into him to take advantage of his closeness, because for some reason, the last few days I could never seem to get warm. I felt him drop a kiss onto the top of my head as he relaxed back into the cushions. "Do you ever wish you had a big rewind button that you could push so you could go back and do things differently?" I asked him wistfully.

I felt his chest rumble under my head as he chuckled. "Like every day." He was quiet for a moment then he told me softly, "But we can't go back, trust me. We can only move forward and hold on to those closest to us."

"I know, Steve. And if I ever lose you . . . "

"You could never lose me, Nat. I mean, I was frozen for 70 years and look . . . I'm still here!"

I let out a soft laugh and rubbed my cheek on his bare chest. "Yes, you are. And I would still be lost without you." I snuggled into him and reveled in the warmth that was my Steve. Not just the physical warmth, but the love that radiated from him. It was intoxicating and getting harder and harder for me to resist. As I lay there wrapped in that warmth, I felt myself getting sleepier as I got warmer and before long I drifted off to sleep.

"Nat, honey, wake up." I opened my eyes as Steve gently pushed me up to a sitting position. "We both fell asleep. It's almost five."

What? Did he say five? "Oh wow. I knew I was tired, but I didn't expect to fall asleep like that." Then, an intense wave of nausea took me by surprise and I jumped up to run to the bathroom. I made it just in time to empty what little food was in my stomach into the toilet.

"Nat? Are you OK?" I heard Steve come into the bathroom after me then I felt him gather my hair from around my face to hold behind me as I heaved. I heard water running then I felt a cold washcloth on the back of my neck.

"Thanks," I croaked when I was finally finished. Steve handed me a small cup of water to rinse my mouth then I flushed and sat down on the floor next to the toilet to try and calm myself. I hated throwing up . . . but I was certainly getting good at it.

"You didn't have much to puke, did you?" he asked as he sat down beside me.

I shook my head. "I'm not hungry and when I do eat, this is what happens."

"This can't be good for the babies."

"Maybe I should just go home. I'm not going to be able to cook now. I still feel so tired."

"I'll take you to Tony," he volunteered.

I looked over at him and gave him a small smile. "Thanks. And, um, thanks for holding my hair while I puked. I'm sure that had to be the highlight of the day for you."

I expected him to say something funny or tease me . . . what I didn't expect was the look of love in his eyes as he said, "No, that was holding you while you slept."

"Steve," I started then couldn't finish. He was really getting to me today . . . listening to me whine, holding me, taking care of me . . . I was having a harder time keeping him at arm's length like I promised myself I would.

Steve bent forward to put a soft kiss on my forehead. "It's OK, Nat. I'll go pull the car around to the front of the house." And with that, he got up and disappeared out the door.

My eyes closed as my head fell back to rest against the wall. Oh Natasha. What a mess you're in. You are married to the man you were ready to give your life for, and falling deeper in love with your best friend. How are you going to deal with this one?

I finally shoved myself up off of the floor and grabbed my purse to head out to the truck. Once inside, I pulled out my cell phone and called Clint and Lauren to apologize for not being able to have dinner with them. Of course they understood and told me to get some rest and the would call me tomorrow to check on me. Once I finished my call, I let out a deep sigh.

"You OK?" Steve asked.

I shook my head, but said nothing as I looked out the window at the world rushing by, wondering if I would ever be OK again.

Once Steve had the car parked in front of Tony's, I turned to him and said, "Thanks, again. I'll call you later." Then I saw him open his door and get out of the truck. I opened mine to crawl out as I asked him, "What are you doing?"

"I actually have something I have to run by Tony," he answered.

"Oh. Why didn't you tell me that?"

Steve grinned as he said, "I wanted you to think I was just being a nice guy."

I rolled my eyes at him as I we went inside and we found Tony was there in the living room, talking with Pepper, while he waited for Steve. He rose and crossed the room to extend his hand as soon as he saw us. "Steve, right on time." Steve shook his hand and then nodded to Pepper as she excused herself from the room.

I was more than curious to hear what they had to talk about, so when Tony invited Steve to sit down, I plopped down on the sectional beside him. "What do you think you're doing, Nat?" Steve asked me.

"I'm sitting down. Is that wrong?"

"Well, this is technically a meeting between Tony and I to talk business."

"Yeah? So? Do I need to know a secret handshake or something to be able to stay?"

Steve shook his head and looked over at Tony for some help, who just smiled. He knew how stubborn I was. Exasperated, Steve turned back to me and said, "No, but what we have to talk about is . . . look, I would feel more comfortable talking to Tony without you here, OK? So go lay down, or I'll tell him about you not eating."

I glared at him as Tony said, "Natasha? You haven't been eating?"

"Yes, I have, but it doesn't stay down," I rebelled.

"And she's very tired and cold all the time," Steve threw in for good measure.

"As soon as Steve and I are finished, I will come in and take a look at you," Tony told me. "I can see by the dark circles under your eyes that you are not feeling well."

Steve shot me a pompous look as I huffed and shoved myself off the sofa. "Fine. I will go to bed like a good obedient child." As I turned to go I heard Steve call out, "That would be a first." So, of course, I turned back and stuck out my tongue. _Real mature._ I heard them both laugh as I walked to my room and slammed the door.


	13. SCARS

_Steve's POV_  
_"The wound is the place where the Light enters you."_  
 _” Jalaluddin Rumi_

* * *

_**THIRTEEN|SCARS** _

"Thanks for meeting with me, Tony," I started after Natasha was finally gone. I really didn't want her to hear us discussing her child like it was just a thing that had to be dealt with instead of a baby to be nurtured.

"No problem, Steve. I put together some of the research I have found for you to take with you. Maybe it will help you to read it yourself when you get a chance." Then he held out a blue report cover with about an inch's worth of paper inside it.

"Thanks," I uttered as I reached for the book. "What did you find?"

"Bruce's child will be an adult in seven years," he clarified. "But, I can only find just a few documented cases. Even in the best circumstances, avoiding all viruses and sickness, most of them died before their first or second birthday. I do believe there are others out there that may have grown to adulthood, but like I've said before, there is just not much data to go on."

"Has Natasha seen this?" I gestured to the papers I know held in my lap.

Tony shook his head. "No, but Bruce has."

"So that's why he's disappeared instead of being here for his wife?" I let slip out before I could stop myself.

"Steve, you know that's not it...," he said slowly.

I got his meaning and then suddenly felt like a dick. "I'm know. I shouldn't have said that. I know why he's upset and I know I'm the cause. This whole thing is such a damn mess."

With a nod, Tony said, "Yes, it is, Steve, and I have no idea what the perfect solution would be. But, I believe, as does Natasha, that you all have to find a way to deal with the emotions of this situation. You will all be parents very soon, and it will be fucking chaos to the children to have their parents hating each other."

I let out a huge sigh as I nodded. "I know. I've thought long and hard about that."

"So has Bruce, and his only way of dealing with this right now is to take some time to think, away from Natasha . . . and away from you."

I nodded my understanding then said, "I won't come to the house anymore. He doesn't need to see me here, I get that. But, Natasha is carrying my child, too, and he has to understand that I have a right to be there for her and that child."

"Yes, you do, Steve. But . . . " he stopped just as the door opened and Bruce walked in. "Hey, Banner."

I stood to go as Bruce glared at me, not even taking the time to answer Tony's greeting. "Thank you, Tony, for this," I said as I held up the papers he gave me. "I'll be in touch."

I made my way to the front door, fighting the urge to go and say good-bye to Natasha, and walked toward the truck. Bruce appeared practically out of thin air before I could even reach for the truck door handle. "Whoa! What do you want?" I asked him in surprise.

"How did I know that I would return only to find you here?" Bruce asked with a sneer as he stepped between me and the truck.

"Look, I just came to talk to Tony, alright? So back off," I returned evenly, trying so hard to keep my anger in check.

"You ruined everything for me Steve . . . for us," he growled. "Stay away from here . . . and from her."

"I'll stay away from here, but _not_ from Natasha," I answered angrily, my blood starting to boil. "She's carrying my baby, too, and I have a right to be there for that child."

"That's just an excuse and you know it," he spit out as we began instinctively circling each other. "I trusted you, Steve and you betrayed me."

"You shouldn't have left her," I shot back. "I didn't want to hurt you, ok? We both didn't, but I love her, Bruce. Nothing can change that."

That's when Bruce's clothes ripped, and he was no longer Bruce. He lunged at me with a look to kill but I was ready for him and took the hit then rolled to the side as he readied himself for another. Rage poured through my veins for him but there was another part that made me not want to fight my friend. I could feel my body getting heavier when he hit me full force and threw me into a building so hard I heard the building tremble. I lay there stunned for a just a moment until I heard him roar loudly that my ears ached.

That's when I let go and allowed the rage to run free and I ran to the car and quick grabbed my shield before proceeding . Leaping at him, I slammed it as hard as it smacked his face.. I watched blood fall out of lips as his jaw moved disgustingly. A face for a rib . . . seems fair to me.

Bruce shouted loudly as he came at me again. I was ready this time and easily tripped him before I pinned him to the ground and had my hand around his gigantic neck when we heard Tony roar, "ENOUGH! STOP THIS NOW!"

I was shocked as Bruce immediately stopped fighting. I was equally shocked to hear Tony shout so loudly. I had never seen him angry before and I realized now he was quite a force to be reckoned with. But the adrenaline was still pumping through my body as I held him to the ground, my fist mere inches away from colliding with his face, everything in my being telling me to kill him, until I heard another voice . . . Natasha's, asking, "What's going on out here?" I felt Bruce shrink under me as he calmed down. I looked around and saw a big crowd around us now along with destroyed cars and torn buildings.

I turned my head to see Natasha stop behind Tony, now dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants, looking more pale that she had this afternoon. Seeing the terror in her eyes at the scene before her, I finally realized what this was doing to her. She didn't need this right now. Using all the restraint I could muster, I looked down at Bruce who was turned back and said, "Way to go, Bruce. She's exhausted, sick and already feels like shit. Now she has to deal with this? Grow up", I backed off and let him up.

"Shut up!" he spit at me before he turned to Tony and Natasha. "I'm sorry you had to see that, Natasha."

"Your face," Natasha said to me, her face contorted with fear. "Oh my God . . . your fucking face!"

I just stood there, feeling like a complete idiot. I hated the look on Natasha's face. I wanted so badly to walk over and take her in my arms and make that look disappear.

"Steve, I think now would be a good time for you to go," Tony said to me.

I nodded then stepped closer to Natasha. I hoped she could see in my eyes how sorry I was to scare her like that. Her return gaze told me she knew. "Go, Steve," she said to me quietly.

I kissed her forehead then with one more look at Bruce, I turned and got in the car. I ran hard, trying to use up the adrenaline that was now coursing through my veins, as I realized how close I had come to killing him. That could never happen again. As much as I hated the fucker, Natasha would hate me forever for killing him, and I couldn't live with that. And deep, deep down, he was still my friend.

That night, after I finally calmed down, I laid in my bed and read the research that Tony had given me. At least I had the foresight to stop and take it between my teeth before I ran off.

Tony had done a good job gathering information . . . there was at least 100 pages of stuff to read here, and I was about halfway through and thoroughly worried.

I went on to read the part about the mothers of these things, and how they didn't survive the birth. Oh my God . . . Natasha. I was suddenly very glad that she had Tony by her side at all times, ready to take this thing out of her.

Closing the file, I threw it down onto the mattress beside me with a sigh. As I rubbed my eyes, tired now from hours of reading, I realized this really didn't help me as much as I hoped it would in making a decision. There were still too many holes in the research . . . too many variables. I decided that I would give this folder to Vision in the morning and have him read it. Maybe he could decipher something I couldn't.

I turned off the light and settled against the pillows to try and nap for a few hours before I had training. As I closed my eyes, I saw Natasha as I held her this afternoon. She was so relaxed in my arms . . . she fit there perfectly. I finally drifted off to sleep, dreaming of a day when I could always sleep with Natasha in my arms.

Later, as I ran my training session with Vision and Sam, I unwillingly shared with them some of what I read last night as it was still foremost in my mind.

"Might kill her?" Sam was shocked by that. "But Tony won't let that happen, right?"

"No. He's assured me he will do everything he can to make sure that Natasha is safe."

"How long is he going to leave that abomination in her?" Vision asked.

"I don't know. When we got the ultrasound, he indicated it might only be a few more days. I hope so, cause she's getting weaker and sicker every day that goes by."

"Do you think it would be OK if I went to visit her?" Sam wanted to know.

"You know, Sam, she might really like that. She gets pretty bored just sitting around, and well, I told Tony that I wouldn't go there anymore to see her since it pisses Bruce off so much."

Then the fight with him jumped into my mind and spilled my guts to them. Man, I had wanted to kill him so bad it hurt, but I'm glad Tony stopped it when he did. Regardless of what I felt for him, he was still my friend, Natasha still loved him, and they did have a kid to think about, so . . . I would have to find some way to avoid him. Having Sam be my eyes and ears there at the house was really a pretty good solution.

"You can't keep that anger built in you, Captain."

Vision was right. I had to control this anger I had for Bruce. It almost got way out of hand last night. "Sorry, Vision. It's just . . . God, I wanted to kill Bruce last night! If Tony hadn't stopped us . . . I'm afraid I would have. And Natasha would have hated me for it."

"You're right . . . she would have. You two are going to be parents soon. Maybe it's time to grow up and act like it."

That made me laugh, even though I knew he was right.

We finished up our session and I headed home for some more sleep then when I woke up, I immediately called Natasha. I was so worried about her, and not being able to go and see her was killing me.

"Hello?" she answered sleepily.

I glanced at the clock to see it was after ten in the morning . . . she should be awake by now, shouldn't she? "Hey, sleepyhead. How ya feeling? Did Tony check you out?" I asked.

"Um, yeah, last night. He put in an IV line to give me some fluids to keep me from dehydrating and added something to help with the nausea."

"Is it working?"

"The nausea is a little better, but I'm really sleepy."

I could hear that in her voice. Every fiber of my being wanted to be there, to hold her and let her know how much I cared about her. "I wish I could come and see you, but I promised Tony that I would stay away, from the house for . . . Bruce."

"I know, I think that's best after last night."

"God, I'm so sorry about that Natasha. He came home while I was talking to Tony, so I got up to leave and before I even got to the truck, he was there in my face . . . I should have just walked away . . . I shouldn't have let it get that out of hand . . . "

"I know. He already apologized to me. He promised he wouldn't let it happen again."

Somehow I doubted that, but instead I said, "Me, too. I can't afford to do that again . . . that was my best shirt," I told her to try and lighten the mood a little.

"Steve, I'm so sorry. I'll buy you a new pair . . . "

"Stop it. I can get my own shirt, I was just trying . . . never mind. Hey, um, Sam asked me if he could visit you. Would that be OK?"

"Yes, of course. I like Sam. It's sweet that he wants to see me." _And be my spy_ . . .

"Alright, I'll let him know." There was a lull in our conversation, and I felt that I was tiring her out, so I said, "I'll let you go, Nat. Please call me later and let me know how you're doing OK?"

"OK," she agreed weakly.

Before I could stop myself, I mumbled into the phone, "I miss you."

There was a pause then I heard her say softly, "I miss you, too." Then she hung up.

After placing the receiver back into the cradle, I let myself slide down the wall to sit on the kitchen floor and rest my head in my hands. God, I hated this! I wanted to be with her . . . I needed to be with her. What little patience I had was slipping away fast. It was all I could do not to charge into that house, pick her up and bring her here to Brooklyn to keep her with me forever. But, right now, she was in the best place she could be . . . close to Tony. I had to trust him now to keep her safe. I had no choice.

Later that afternoon, I headed out to the garage to work on the Harley.

With my new found Natasha duties, I hadn't had as much time as I wanted to work on the bike. I wanted more than anything to just bury myself in fixing this thing and forget everything else. The stress was killing me! Once in the garage, I grabbed some tools, plopped down next to the bike and went to work.

I was happy to actually get three hours to myself until Sam came into the garage. "Hey, Steve."

"What's up, Sam," I said with a glance at him as I sprayed some WD-40 on the pieces I had in my hand, as some of these parts were old and rusted, and hard to break apart.

"I just came from seeing Natasha."

I looked up to see that he wasn't his usual happy-go-lucky self. He looked worried. "And?" I said as I laid the part on the work bench then grabbed a rag to wipe the grease from my hands.

"And, she's not doing so good, Steve. She's really tired and weak, cause she can't seem to keep anything down, and man, she's only getting worse."

"Shit," I sighed as I threw the rag down. "God, I hate this."

"I was so surprised when I saw her," Sam went on to say. "She tried to smile and make it not as bad as it looked, but I could tell she was faking. I'm really worried about her."

"Yeah, Sam, me, too." This was not what I wanted to hear. How could I make myself stay away now? Now that I knew she needed me more than ever?


	14. BIRTH

_Natasha's POV:_  
_"There are words in the soul of a newborn baby, wanting and waiting to be written."_  
_— Toba Beta_

* * *

_**FOURTEEN/BIRTH** _

A constant buzzing sound finally forced my eyes open. I ran a hand over my face in the dark then realized it was my cell phone buzzing. I had put it on vibrate. I reached over and opened it to mumble, "Hello?"

"Natasha! Oh my God, I was so worried when you didn't pick up the first eleven times I called," Steve practically yelled into the phone.

"You called me eleven times? Why?"

"You were supposed to call me and let me know how you were doing. When I didn't hear from you, I got worried. Sam came to see me and told me you weren't doing so hot. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm just tired. What time is it?"

"Um, it's 12:30 in the morning. Sorry, but I got back from patrol and I knew I wouldn't sleep until I heard your voice."

I sighed and relaxed back into my pillows as I said, "I fell asleep. I'm just so tired." I just realized I had been sleeping on and off now for almost 10 hours! Wow.

"Natasha, I hate not being able to see you. You sound so weak. You're not keeping anything from me, are you?"

I swallowed hard and willed myself not to tell him. I didn't want to keep leaning on him . . . I needed to be strong. But all my strength was gone and I was scared and so tired of being alone. "I'm scared, Steve. I'm so fucking scared," I got out before the rush of tears took over and I couldn't talk.

"Natasha, honey, talk to me. Please talk to me and tell me what the hell is going on," Steve begged.

I hiccupped and tried hard to stop crying. I grabbed the box of Kleenex and blew my nose then said, "I'm sorry, Steve. I'm so sorry."

"You're freaking me out, here, Nat. I am one second from hopping on my motorcycle and driving over there. Talk to me!"

"Pl-please don't. I'm OK. It's just . . . getting to me . . . I'm feeling a little overwhelmed," I sniffed. I blew my nose quickly again before going on,"I'm so afraid."

"Is it about . . . our baby?

"That's why I'm so scared. This baby is stretching for room . . . I can feel it. I am so afraid for our baby."

"Then have Tony take it out . . . now, as soon as possible. Natasha, please don't wait and let our baby die." I could hear the desperation in his voice and it pierced me like a knife in the heart. But I felt the same.

"I won't, I promise, Steve. I will not lose our baby," I told him with determination.

"Natasha," he said so softly, "I love you so much, and I love our baby . . . this is killing me, you have to know that."

"I know. I love you, too," I admitted, new tears flowing down my cheeks. _I need you, Steve, God how I need you!_

We stayed on the phone, neither of us saying a word, yet there was so much flowing between us. I could feel his love for me coming through the line and I took it and held onto it, hoping it would make me strong enough to go through with the decision I knew now had to be made.

"Nat, I . . . "

"I know, Steve. Me, too. I have to go. I promise I will call you in the morning when I know exactly what is going to happen."

"If I don't hear from you by nine, I will be there in person by nine fifteen," he told me and I smiled. I believed that.

"OK. Good night, Steve. Thanks for calling me. It really helped."

"Yeah, for me, too." We finally hung up and I held the phone to my chest over my heart. Something had changed tonight . . . something I had been fighting for so long and could no longer hold back. I finally realized that I loved Steve with my whole heart and wanted to be with him more than I have ever wanted anything. I wondered now if I would ever get that chance.

I slept restlessly on and off as the baby was moving and stretching and causing me some discomfort. Suddenly, around three, I felt a violent kick into my ribs and then pain as it gave way. "Help!" I called out. I had no idea if anyone was around, but I was in so much pain and very afraid for Steve's baby, so I kept calling out until Thor rushed in.

"Natasha? What's wrong?" he asked anxiously.

I was having a hard time catching my breath, but managed to get out, "I need . . . Tony. NOW!"

Nodding, he turned to go then I shouted, "Wait!" I held out my phone and added, "Call . . . Steve. Please?"

Taking the phone, he said, "Alright. Stay calm, I'll get Tony."

"Th-thanks."

Thor rushed out of the room calling for Tony as the baby again moved violently inside me. I felt like it was trying to claw it's way out. I prayed that Steve's baby would be safe. I couldn't stand the thought of losing it.

Finally, Tony appeared. "Natasha? Tell me what's happening."

I tried to fill him in quickly as I was having more difficulty breathing and it was hard to get the words out.

"Alright, Natasha, just lay back and rest. It sounds like you have a broken rib. We need to get you to the OR and deliver this baby."

I cried out in pain again just as Bruce came in. "Is she alright?" he asked as he rushed to my side.

"This baby has decided it's time to be delivered," Tony answered. "I'm heading to the OR to make sure everything is ready. Will you help me get her there?"

"Yes, of course." Bruce threw the covers back and scooped me into his arms while Tony grabbed the IV pole.

We made our way quickly down the hall to the operating room and found that Pepper was already there making preparations. Bruce placed me gently on the table as Tony parked the IV pole next to the bed then walked over to Pepper. She nodded to whatever he asked her then she was at my side asking Bruce to step out while she helped me into a hospital gown.

As soon as I was ready, Bruce returned to my side, just as Tony stepped up with a tray of syringes and explained, "Alright, Natasha, I am going to give you a light sedative just to relax you. You should feel it work pretty quickly." He squirted the contents of the syringe into my IV line then said, "I am also going to give you a few shots of local anesthesia so you won't feel the incision. You will feel a few pokes, alright?"

I nodded and could already feel the sedative kicking in, which was good because I hated needles about as much as I hated blood. I did feel a few pokes on my stomach and then Tony smiled at me and said, "Good job, Natasha. Now relax while I quickly scrub and then we'll proceed."

I nodded as he turned to leave the room then I looked up at Bruce and admitted softly, "I'm scared."

"It will be alright. Tony will take good care of you," he assured me with a small smile.

I closed my eyes and tried hard to rest until I heard Bruce say softly, "Natasha . . . I'm sorry for the way I behaved the last time we talked. And for disappearing for those days without telling you. It was wrong of me to do that to you."

I opened my eyes to look at him, but said nothing.

"I just don't understand how we went from being so in love and so happy to . . .  _this_  in such a short time. I'm just so . . . lost."

Seeing the heartbreak in his eyes and hearing it in his voice, was too much for me to deal with right now. I squeezed my eyes shut and whispered, "Me, too, Bruce."

He didn't have a chance to respond as Tony came back into the room wearing a blue surgical gown and cap, and rubber gloves on his hands.

Pepper was now wearing a yellow gown, pushing a clear plastic box on a trolley. I wondered at first what it was then it dawned on me this was for the baby. This was really happening . . . soon I would see my baby! Pepper stepped over to hand Bruce a yellow gown and a pair of gloves and instructed him to put them on quickly, which he did.

I looked over to Bruce, who was now standing near my head and said, "Can I hold your hand?"

"Of course," he replied as he took my hand in his gloved one. I could see in his eyes he still cared for me, but it was . . . different somehow. "Everything will be alright now," he tried to assure me. I wished I could believe him.

Pepper pushed a small table of instruments over to Tony who looked at me and said, "Natasha, please lay back and relax. This will go better if your muscles aren't tensed. Once I begin, this should go pretty quickly." Then he looked at Bruce and said, "Bruce, pay attention. I may need some assistance."

I closed my eyes and felt a little pressure on my stomach. I tried hard not to think of it as a knife cutting through my skin. After a few minutes, I heard Bruce gasp and I looked over at him. I gagged a little as I saw red blood spattered on his yellow gown. "What? Is it the baby?"

Bruce turned his back to me as he helped Tony and when he didn't answer I started to panic as I couldn't see anything that was happening. I closed my eyes and started praying that everything would be OK. Finally I tried again to find out what was happening. "I don't hear anything. Shouldn't she be crying or something? Is she breathing?" I asked anxiously.

"Tony is suctioning her nose and mouth," Bruce reported. "She's trying."

I held my breath as I waited in agony until finally Tony appeared in front of me and held up this tiny being so that I could see her. She was still covered in blood, but she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. "Here's your daughter, Natasha. She's breathing even though she's not crying. Pepper will get her cleaned up while I finish with you."

"OK," I said, tears streaming down my face. I looked at my little girl for only a few seconds then she was gone. As hard as I tried to fight it, the sedative was making me more sleepy than I wanted to be right now . . . I felt myself slipping away . . . and then . . . nothing.

When I opened my eyes again, I was in bed, back in my room, and Steve was sitting in the chair by the bed with his head in his hands. My lips and throat were very dry, and I had a hard time getting out, "Steve?"

His head popped up when he heard me. "Natasha. How are you feeling?" he asked anxiously.

"Thirsty," I said as I tried to lick my lips.

"Oh, yeah. Be right back." He immediately jumped up from the chair to go to the bathroom and soon returned with a cup of water. Sitting down on the bed next to me, he put his arm under my shoulders to help me sit up to drink. "Here," he said softly as he held the cup to my lips.

I took several drinks then nodded to let him know I was done. "Thanks."

He set it on the nightstand beside the bed as I laid back against the pillows then told me softly, "Tony said he could give you something for the pain when you woke up. Are you hurting?"

"Not really. I suppose I will when I move around. How long have I been out?"

"About three hours." Steve smiled at me as he tenderly brushed a lock of my hair from my face and hooked it behind my ear. "I'm so glad you're alright."

"What about the baby? Did Tony tell you anything? Is our baby OK?"

"He thinks so, but he needs you to watch for any cramping or bleeding and let him know right away. He said something about doing another ultrasound sometime at the end of the week. He wanted me to get him when you woke up so he could look you over."

My hand instinctively covered my belly where our baby was still growing. I hoped that now this baby would be safe, and in a few months, Steve and I would get to see it and hold it. Which made me ask, "Have you seen her? My baby?"

Steve shook his head. "No. She's still in the other room. Thor called me and by the time I got here, you were in surgery, so I waited here for you. When Thor and Pepper brought you back, I told them I would sit with you so Pepper could help with the baby."

"Is she . . . going to make it?"

"I'm not sure. They really didn't tell me very much. I'll go get Tony now and you can ask him yourself, OK?"

"Will you? I can't stand not knowing."

"Sure, sure," he said with a smile as he leaned forward to put a kiss on my forehead then he added, "Be right back."

I watched him walk out the door and hoped with all my heart that he brought back good news. I only got to see her for a second . . . I never even got to hold her. Then a smile crossed my lips as I thought, I have a daughter. I hadn't even thought of a name! Bruce and I rarely ever talked about the baby, let alone a name for her. I guess I better put some thought into that pretty quickly.

After what seemed like hours, but I'm sure was really just a few minutes, Tony walked in alone and asked, "How are you feeling? Any pain or cramping?"

"No, not right now. Still fuzzy from the drugs, I guess," I answered.

He nodded as he took my pulse and blood pressure then he lifted my gown to look at the incision.

"Um, where's Bruce?" I seem to be asking that a lot lately.

"He's with the baby. He seems very . . . taken with her."

"Really?" I was very surprised to hear that.

"Yes, he hasn't left the room since she was born." Wow . . . I didn't see that coming. I was so afraid he would want nothing to do with her.

"Is she alright? Will she . . . live?"

"Right now she is holding her own. It's too early to say more than that, I'm afraid."

As Tony pulled my gown back down into place, he called out for Steve to come into the room. Once he was at my bedside, Tony explained to both of us, "After I removed the baby from Natasha, I quickly took a look around to see if it had done any internal damage to her, other than the broken rib. As far as I can tell, everything looks fine."

I felt Steve take my hand in his and give it a squeeze as Tony went on, "But, Natasha, I am putting you on complete bed rest for now, just in case there was some damage done to the other baby that I couldn't detect with the naked eye. I need you to let me know right away if you have any cramping or bleeding, alright? No leaving the bed on your own. You will have to use a bedpan instead of the bathroom for right now."

Seeing my grimace at the word 'bedpan', Tony smiled. "Sorry. It's just for a day or two until we can make sure this baby is going to be alright."

"I'll be good, I promise," I said to Tony then I asked, "Can I see my baby?" I could see that he wanted to say yes, but he was hesitant. "I only saw her for a few seconds . . . please?"

"Alright, but I won't let you walk there."

"I can help with that," Steve offered with a grin.

I shot him a look then couldn't help but smile at him.

Tony relented and said, "Alright. Steve can carry you there, but I will only let you stay for a short time. You need your rest, too, Natasha."

"Thank you so much, Tony. For everything." He smiled and patted my arm then turned and left the room.

Steve looked down at me with a smile. "So, you ready to go?"

"Yes." I threw the covers off and hooked my hands around his neck as his slid under me to easily pick me up and hold me in his strong arms. It was exactly what I had been longing for . . . to be in his arms, and it felt so good. How could that be? Shouldn't this baby be bringing me closer to Bruce instead of Steve? I winced a bit when he picked me up and he quickly apologized. "I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"

"It's my rib." I realized that I was wrapped very tightly around the chest.

Steve shifted me a little so I was more comfortable. "You'll have to grab the IV pole," he reminded me.

Instead, I touched Steve on the cheek and said softly, "You are really something . . . you know that?"

"Me?" he smiled. "Yeah, right. Must be the drugs talking."

"No, really, you are. I'm so lucky to have you in my life. I'm just sorry it's taken me so long to realize it."

Our eyes locked for a moment and I could feel so much pass between us. "Nat," Steve whispered as his face came close to mine, his nose running along my cheek, I knew taking in my scent. Then his lips brushed my cheek as he pulled back to look at me.

"I know that now is not the time," I started, "but, I have so much I want to say to you . . . so much I need you to know." Then I kissed him, softly on the lips, and said, "Later, OK?"

Never breaking eye contact, he nodded then breathed, "Yeah, OK."

I reached out to grab the IV pole then Steve began walking slowly to the door. As he carried me to see my daughter, I thought how my timing always seemed to suck. But I needed to start being honest with myself. I wanted to be with Steve. I needed to be with him. I still loved Bruce, but it was becoming less and less . . . more what you might feel for a brother or other family member. Maybe it was him pulling away from me that made me see what I had been missing all this time . . . what I really wanted all along was . . . Steve.

Steve stopped at the door to the room and asked Tony, "Where should I put her?"

"Here, set her here in the rocking chair," Pepper answered as she put a pillow on the seat of the chair.

Steve carefully set me down into this beautiful, brown antique rocking chair that was sitting beside the clear plastic crate that held my tiny baby. As soon as I was settled, I stared in awe at her: she was lying on her back, her arms and legs laid out to the side, and she had wires and tubes taped to her. I smiled as I noticed the soft brown hair that covered her small head.

"I know it looks a little scary," Tony explained, "but the tube is for oxygen, and the other wires are hooked to the monitor so I can keep an eye on her vitals."

I nodded then asked, "Can I hold her?"

"I wish you could, but right now, I think it's best for her to stay still. You can certainly touch her though," he answered. "She needs to feel your touch."

I finally looked over to Bruce, who was sitting on a stool beside the crate, his finger running gently over our daughter's arm as he gazed lovingly at her.

I touched him on the shoulder and smiled, "Hey."

Bruce tore his eyes away from her long enough to ask, "How are you?"

"I'm alright. She's so tiny," I said in awe.

"Yes, but Tony assures me she will keep growing at a rapid rate, so by next week at this time, who knows what she'll look like."

I smiled at him in wonder. He really was taken with her. You could see it in his eyes . . . it was like no one else existed in the room but our baby. I glanced away long enough to notice that Steve had slipped out. I guess he would feel a little out of place here.

I finally reached out to touch my baby for the first time. As my finger lightly ran along her arm, I was amazed at how soft her skin was. She looked so tiny and fragile. I hoped she had the strength to make it. Looking back to Bruce, I said softly, "I was thinking about names . . . what do you think about Talia? And as a middle name . . . maybe Marie? After Tony's mom? Without him, she or I might not be here."

Pulling his gaze from the baby to look at me, Bruce said with his crooked smile, "I like it. It will mean a lot to him."

"Talia Marie Banner."

Smiling his approval, Bruce said, "I like it very much"

I could see by his smile, he liked it. I was surprised by him taking my hand and giving it a squeeze before he called Tony and Pepper over and told them the baby's full name, and for somebody who keeps their feelings buried, Tony seemed really taken aback.

"Thank you, that is . . . it's very nice," Tony stammered, which was so not like him. Pepper beamed as she held his arm. "I'm very touched by this honor."

I sat back and stared at my child, wondering how long she would be with us. Looking at her now, you would never know she wasn't a normal human baby, fighting for her life. But she wasn't normal, and I wondered how soon we would see those differences come to light.


	15. PATH

_Natasha's POV_  
_"There are no wrong turnings. Only paths we had not known we were meant to walk."_  
_— Guy Gavriel Kay_

* * *

**_FIFTEEN|PATH_ **

Having a baby in Tony's house was a first, and Talia caused quite an uproar. Pepper was working hard on finishing the nursery for her back at my our house . . . she even had Thor painting and putting together furniture. It made me sad in a way because those were things that Bruce and I should have been doing, making a nursery for our baby.

Since I was on total bedrest for the first few days, unfortunately, I didn't get to spend much time with my new daughter. Tony checked in on me at least three times a day, and Pepper again brought me food and news of Talia. Thor volunteered to carry me down the hall to see Talia at least once a day, and I was very grateful to him for that. I liked to think of Thor as the big brother I never had.

Thankfully, Talia showed she was quite a fighter by growing very quickly and getting stronger every day. On her third day, Tony took her off of the oxygen, and I wanted more than anything to hold her. I took Talia into my arms for the first time. As she gazed at me and I saw my own eyes looking back at me, I cried. I couldn't believe that I was a mother. That this little being who had caused such an uproar was finally here, in my arms. It was a very surreal moment.

Then I started to notice the differences in my child that made her so unique. For starters, she was born with a full set of tiny teeth, making me glad that she didn't need breast milk. She didn't cry much at all . . . in fact, she was very quiet which kind of freaked me out at first, but Tony assured me she was fine and I shouldn't worry. I loved the feel of her skin as it was smooth and flawless . . . almost like a china doll, but with more color.

I felt so bad that I couldn't stand to feed her but I did help change diapers and I held her and rocked her to sleep.

Tony finally took me off of total bedrest as I had shown no signs of cramping and had no bleeding at all. My incision and broken rib were healing nicely, and I was now allowed to walk down the hall to see Talia instead of being carried. I was still sleeping in the guest room downstairs and I had a feeling that it was my permanent room now until I go back home. Pepper had slowly moved most of my things into this room as I needed them, and I figured as soon as I could use the stairs, I would move the rest of my stuff here. Bruce had made it clear to me, not so much in words but by his actions, that our marriage was over. Since Talia was born, he spent all of his time with her, and when we were together, the only time he spoke to me was if he had something to say about the baby. It was like he had shifted all the love he had felt for me onto Talia. It was a very lonely feeling.

So, I found myself looking forward all day to crawling into bed at night and waiting for Steve's phone call. He was once again my lifeline . . . the one thing that was keeping me afloat.ing better . . . I need to see you."

"I know, Steve . . . I want to see you, too. Tomorrow is Sunday, and I thought I would ask Tony about doing the ultrasound on our baby then. If that works out, I will call you with a time, OK?"

"Yeah, that would be great. Then can we spend some time together after that?"

"Yes, most definitely."

"Good. Call me first thing tomorrow."

"I promise. Good night, Steve."

"Night, Nat." I hung up the phone with a smile. I would get to see Steve tomorrow. I couldn't wait!

Tony agreed that it was time for an ultrasound and we set the time for 1:00. I called Steve and arranged for him to meet us there then I went to spend some time with Talia. Of course, Pepper was rocking her when I walked in and she gave me a small smile. I was surprised to see that Bruce wasn't here.

"Where's Bruce?" I asked.

"Tony and Thor dragged him out of here to train at the HQ."

"Good. I was worried about him. Has Tony been in today to measure her?"

"Yes, she's 10 pounds 2 ounces now and 23 inches long."

"Wow. Five days ago, she was barely 4 pounds," I said in amazement. At this rate, she would be a toddler in just a couple of months! "I'll take Talia . . . why don't you take a break?"

"Of course," she smiled at me and gave me Talia before she left.

I looked down at my daughter and felt a smile spread over my face. "Hey, pretty girl, your mama is here. Are you going to open your eyes and look at me?"

Just then her eyes opened, as if she heard me and understood. "Hello," I smiled. "Look at you. You're getting so big . . . and so pretty. Your daddy is going to have to lock you up when you get older to keep the boys away."

"You think so?" I heard from the door. I looked up to see Bruce standing there, a small smile on his face.

"Yes, I do," I told him as he walked in and sat down in the chair beside me. "I'm glad they got you to leave for a little while. You look better."

Giving me his crooked smile, the one I hadn't seen in a very long time, he said, "I feel better. How is she?"

"Just fine. She was sleeping when I took her from Pepper and then I asked her if she would open her eyes for me and she did. It's almost like she understood what I was asking."

I smiled down at Talia again as I said to Bruce, "I want you to know how happy it makes me to see you with her. I was so afraid that you might not want anything to do with her. When I was pregnant . . . "

Immediately his smile disappeared as he interjected, "Natasha, I'm so sorry for how I behaved then. I was in shock, I think, and upset with myself for putting you through all that. I really believed that she . . . well, Talia isn't what I thought she would be. She is so . . . beautiful and I can't believe that I wanted to . . . "

"Hey, it's OK. She never has to know that. All she knows is that she has a daddy that adores her and will love her and protect her. That's all us girls really need in a dad."

Bruce smiled as he lightly ran his palm over Talia's soft, fuzzy head. It seemed that he couldn't stop touching her in some way. "Well, I do adore her, and I would give my life for hers. She is . . . amazing, Natasha. Thank you so much for keeping her safe."

We sat there quietly adoring our new daughter until she began what I would call fussing, but was more like a mewing. Bruce took her and I watched in amazement as he changed her diaper like he'd been doing it all his life then Pepper came in with a bottle for her. Bruce took the bottle from Pepper and sat in the rocking chair to feed Talia. I figured that was my cue to leave and get ready for my ultrasound.

"Tony would like me to go to the hospital with him for an ultrasound today," I announced to Bruce. I waited for a response, but he was too busy gazing at Talia taking her bottle. "So, I will be gone for a little while if that's alright with you."

Finally he realized I was talking and looked up to say, "Oh, of course. Take all the time you need." Then he turned back to Talia and I felt completely forgotten.

"Alright. See you later," I said to no one, really, then I turned and left the room.

A short time later, Tony came to my room and knocked, letting me know he was ready to go. On the way to the hospital, I asked him all the questions I had concerning Talia. He assured me that she was doing surprisingly well, and that he was keeping a close eye on her development and recording everything. He realized with what little research he found on the subject that he needed to keep data on her for future reference.

When we arrived at the hospital, Steve was already there, pacing outside the front door. Tony parked and before I could open the car door, Steve was there hauling me out of the car and against his massive chest. "Oh my God, Nat. It seems like years since I've seen you," he said longingly into my ear.

"Me, too," was all I could get out.

Finally letting me go with a grin, Steve took my hand to follow Tony into the hospital and down the hallway to the exam room. I knew the drill well by now, and was ready when Tony coated my middle with the gel. Steve and I focused our eyes on the screen and waited for Tony to finish taking measurements then declare that the baby looked just fine. We let out our collective breaths and I felt Steve put a light kiss on my head as he squeezed my hand and whispered, "Thank God."

"The baby is right on target for a due date of March 31st," Tony explained, and then went on to say, "But you've been through a lot the last couple of weeks, Natasha, and you are going to have to work hard to get your strength back up. You need to continue with the prenatal vitamins and get back to a healthy eating regimen. You are recovering well from the surgery, but I want you to take it easy for at least another week or so, alright?"

I nodded and assured him I would. I would do everything I could to make sure this baby was healthy and delivered safely.

"One more thing," Tony said, "Here is a picture of your baby to take with you." He held out a piece of paper to me and as I took it, I felt a smile spread across my face. I looked down at a printout of what we had just seen on the computer screen, and there it was, our baby.

"Steve, look, we made that," I said as I held out the picture in awe. I glanced up at him and could see the same big smile on his face.

"Wow, Nat. It's just . . . wow."

I handed the picture to Steve so I could clean the gel off of me and adjust my clothes. Once I was cleaned up, we all left the room and Tony smiled at us "Please take it easy today, Natasha. I'll see you at the house."

"I will. Thank you, Tony," I said quickly before he turned and walked away. I needed to be out of that house for awhile . . . I felt it was suffocating me, and turning me into someone that I hated. I had that selfish need to be with someone who made me feel loved . . . and that someone was Steve. I turned to him with a smile and stated with relief, "Our baby is OK."

Steve enveloped me into a hug as he admitted, "I've been so worried about both of you."

We finally made our way down the hall and out to the parking lot where I happily found myself standing in front of my beautiful black car! "Steve! You brought my Corvette?"

"Yep. I know how much you miss it." Dangling the keys in front of me, he asked enticingly, "Want to drive?"

I was still recovering from a broken rib and surgery, but I wanted to drive that car more than anything. "Hell yeah," I answered, snatching the keys from his hand. After Steve helped me up into the driver's seat, he jogged around to jump inside and smile at me as I started the engine and put it gear. "Oh wow. This feels great." And it did. It was like a little bit of the Old Natasha was coming back to life. That Natasha who was free to do what she wanted, when she wanted, and with whomever she wanted to be with. That Natasha had no heartbreaking choices to make . . . she had no idea how good she had it.

I turned from the parking lot with a small wince at the pull on my ribs and headed west. Steve grinned at me, "Rockaway?" I just nodded with a smile and set my eyes to the road. I knew he would want to have that talk I promised him and where better than Rockaway?

I drove straight to Rockaway Beach and parked the truck. "Are you sure you're up to a walk on the beach?" Steve asked with concern.

"No, not a walk, but I think we can find a spot."

"OK, but if you get too tired, you let me know and I'll carry you," he offered with a goofy grin.

"I'll remember that," I assured him with an eye roll and a smile.

Making our way slowly down the beach, I noticed it was a rather quiet day here for late summer, but I'm sure that the Washington weather had something to do with that. It was cool for late August, only in the sixties, and gray, but no rain. As usual, I hadn't thought to bring a jacket, but then I guess I didn't have to worry about that with Steve around. He was like having your own personal space heater.

When we reached our spot, I sat down carefully on the sand and then Steve plopped down beside me. "You OK?" he asked scooting closer so I could feel the heat of his body.

"Yes, I'm fine. A little tired, but glad to be out of that house."

The two of us sat there quietly for a moment or so, just looking out at the waves rolling in.  found it very calming to be near the water. I let my body relax and then I took a deep breath of the salty, wet air and turned to Steve. Wanting to ease into this conversation, I asked him, "When do you start training the army inductees?"

"This week, on Wednesday," he answered. "But it feels so wrong to be going back. I mean, I'm going to be a dad soon."

"No it's not wrong, Steve. You need to , not only for yourself, but for the baby. We don't want our child giving up."

Steve rewarded me with his signature grin. "Oh, good job, Nat . . . using future guilt to make me go. Man, you're going to be good at this mom stuff."

"I don't know about that," I huffed as he laughed.

Then his arm came around my shoulders and he pulled me close. "Sure you will."

"Well, I'm not so far."

"It's only been a week. Give yourself a little more time before you come down so hard on yourself," he retorted. "How is she, by the way?"

"Fine . . . growing fast. She's already over 10 pounds."

"Wow!"

"Yeah."

"Well, seems like you got this mother thing in the bag. You're going to be great with Talia, she's lucky to have you as a mother."

I sat back and just stared at him for a moment.

"What?" he asked suspiciously.

"Sometimes you amaze me, Steven Rogers. You sure are 96, because you sound so wise, old man." His laughter at that warmed my heart. I had really missed just spending time with Steve. Then I let my head fall onto his shoulder and he squeezed me a little closer. We were quiet for a minute or two before Steve broke the silence. "Natasha, I have been thinking so much about you and our baby and . . . us," he said cautiously. "I want the three of us to have a future together . . . to be a real family."

OK, so he had been patient long enough. I took a deep breath and sat up to face him. He looked so nervous . . . I could see how much courage it took for him just to say what he wanted and how much it was killing him waiting for my answer. I wished I could give him the answer he was looking for. "I've had a lot of time to think over the last couple of weeks, and . . . I think . . . I want that, too, but . . . "

"But? But what?" I could see the excitement in his face as he shouted, "I knew it! I could hear it in your voice, and the way you looked at me and kissed me the day you had Talia . . . I knew something was different. You love me, Natasha, I know you do."

His hand came up to caress my cheek as I said, "Yes, I do, but that doesn't mean . . . "

"Yes, it does, damnit! If you love me, like I think you do, then it means that we should be together." Steve insisted angrily.

"If only it were that easy, Steve! I have Talia to think of now. She's so small, and I need to spend time with her to bond with her. I'm afraid of her not knowing I'm her mother."

Then it was quiet . . . too quiet. I expected Steve to explode at that and yell at me, but instead he pushed himself off of the ground to stand a few steps away from me. I was now staring at his strong back, only his shoulders were slumped a little as he hung his head. I could handle the yelling and screaming . . . not this.

I finally forced myself off of the log and stepped over to touch his back lightly with my hand. "Steve?"

"No, Natasha. No, not this time." Steve turned to face me and in a second his hands were on my upper arms and his lips were crushing down on mine. I could feel his anger and frustration at me wrapped up with all the love and lust he felt for me in that kiss. It was meant to be punishing, yet it excited me more than I had been in months. As his lips ravaged my mouth, I pawed at his t-shirt, fisting my hands into it as I clung to him. I did love him, more than I had ever loved anyone, and I needed him . . .

"I won't let you go this time. I should have fought harder before and not let you marry him, but I didn't and I'm not making that mistake again." I watched as he closed the gap between us to tenderly take my arms in his hands this time. "Natasha, I don't have to tell you how I feel about you . . . you already know. I've told you over and over. And even though I can feel it when I kiss you, I need to hear it from you. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me the honest to God truth how you feel about me."

As I gazed into his eyes, I thought again how there was no holding back with Steve. He had loved me for so long, even when I treated him so badly, and it was still there shining in his eyes for me and all the world to see. He deserved to be loved like that . . . to be able to see in my eyes all the love I had inside for him. I knew I was in love with him, I wanted to be in love with him. I didn't want to hold back any longer.

"I love you, Steve Rogers," I finally admitted, my voice shaking with emotion. "I tried not to, and I see now how fucking stupid that was. You are the kindest, most loyal person I have ever known." Tears were running down my cheeks as the words poured from my lips. "From the first day we first met, I knew that you were something really special, but I had no idea what our friendship would turn into. You held me together when I wanted more than anything to fall apart . . . you love me unconditionally. You are warm and funny and so sexy and yet very fierce when protecting me. You are everything I want, Steve, everything I need and I love you so very much . . . " my voice trailed away as the tears took over. I was sobbing now as I fell into Steve's arms.

"Oh, Nat . . . it's OK. Shhh . . . " he crooned as he held me close and whispered in my ear for a few minutes until I could gain control again.

"I'm sorry . . . I guess I've been holding that in for way too long," I finally hiccupped with a small smile as I attempted to wipe my eyes. I watched in awe as Steve stepped back and tugged his t-shirt over his head and held it out to me.

"Here, use this. It's pretty wet already," he said with a lop-sided smile.

"Thanks." I returned his smile as I took the shirt and wiped my face with it. Holding it there for just a moment, I took in his scent before lowering it and looking up at him. His bright smile went straight to my heart and moved me in a way I had never felt before. I dropped his shirt and reached up to take his face in my hands to bring him closer. "Steve," I breathed as I focused on his lips before I kissed him, softly at first then with more intensity as I let go and just felt all of the love I had for him bubble up inside me. I melted into him as he took me into his arms and kissed me back in the way I had been longing for every night for too long now.

We finally broke apart for some much needed air and I pushed gently on his chest to give myself some breathing room. The heat radiating from him was so intoxicating . . . I needed to think, I needed to tell him . . . "Steve, I do love you, I really do, but . . . "

"No buts, Natasha. Whatever it is, we can work it out. Now, today." I could see the determination in his eyes as he took my hand and led me over to sit back down on the log. True to his word, he was going to fight for me. "Now, tell me."

"Do you remember that fight we had in the car when you took me home from Dad's?" Again he nodded. "You were right, Steve. You were so right. I never should have married Bruce. And . . . I did know it, after that night we spent together. I felt it, like you did. You and I fit together so perfectly, like we were meant to be. But it scared the hell out of me . . . because I thought I had everything figured out, you know? I was going to marry Bruce, and live out my life with him. I was sure that's what I wanted, so . . . I went ahead with the wedding. And I think now how all of this could have been avoided if I had just trusted my heart. It was screaming at me to run to you . . . to stay with you, and I just ignored it . . . and I am so, so sorry for that. I have hurt both you and Bruce over and over so many times, and I hate the person I've become."

Natasha, I . . . "

"Wait, I'm not done." Steve smiled and nodded, so I went on, "I know I was still hurting from Bruce leaving, but, when I was around you, that hurt would disappear and I felt more myself . . . the self before Bruce. If I had been honest with myself then, I would have seen that I was falling in love with you, but I was so caught up in this romance of Bruce. I see now that it was all such a fantasy, but . . . I wish I could go back and change things, and of course, I can't, so for now, I will just apologize one final time and we'll move on, OK?"

"Yes, please," Steve begged with a smile. I knew how much he hated to hear me say I'm sorry.

Leaning forward, I kissed him softly on the lips to show him I meant what I said. Then I pulled away to say, "So now, since I made the choices I did, we have this huge mess that we're in. I finally realize how much I love you, and I want to be with you, Steve, I really do. I think even Bruce realizes it, but . . . "

"But?"

"I just don't know how to be with both you and Talia." I crossed my hands over my belly.

"So, even though you love me and want to be with me, you are going to stay with him for Talia? Is that it?"

"No . . . yes . . . oh, I don't know what to do," I sighed as I dropped my head.

I felt his hand under my chin, forcing my head up as he said, "No, Natasha. There has to be a way for us to work this out. Talia needs you, I understand that. But I need you and so does our baby."

"I know, but this whole thing is so fucking horrible. Somebody has to lose here, Steve, and it can't be the kids, so it has to be me! This is all my fault and I have to be the one to sacrifice . . . "

"It's not ALL your fault, Natasha. I had something to do with it, too, and so did Bruce. You don't have to sacrifice anything."

I pushed my hair from my face as I mumbled, "I am so sick of trying to come up with a solution that will please everyone. I just don't think there is one." I let my head fall into my hands as I let out a huge breath. I just didn't have the strength to do this anymore. There was no solution. We would all live long and miserable lives because of the choices I made.

I felt Steve put his arm around my shoulder and draw me to his chest. "Natasha, there is a solution, there has to be. And we are not leaving here until we find one." I smiled against his hot skin as I realized how hard he was determined to fight for me and our baby.

I pushed myself up to ask him, "OK, so what do we do?"

"Do you think that he would give you a divorce? I mean, would he be willing to do that?"

"I don't know," I answered. I knew that things between Bruce and I had definitely changed, and I also knew I didn't want to be married to him anymore. But I wasn't real sure of his feelings about our situation. "We haven't really discussed it."

"But, do you want that?"

I looked into Steve's eyes and could see the hope there. "Yes, I do. Like I said, I shouldn't have married him in the first place, and it's not fair to him to stay married knowing how I feel about you. And it's not fair to me. I want to be with you, Steve. I do."

That made Steve smile. "Good. I'm very glad to hear that." He leaned forward and touched his lips to mine in a soft kiss then urged, "Talk to him, Natasha. That's the first step. Then maybe you can work out some kind of agreement for Talia.

"Yeah, that's true," I admitted. "I guess I could stay with Clint and Laura for awhile . . ."

"Sure you could. I know how much they miss you," Steve said. "And when you're ready, you can come stay with me. I know it won't be easy, but I think it could work out."

"Yeah, maybe," I muttered as I thought about it. Maybe it was the best solution for all of us. I knew I couldn't stay in that house much longer. I was feeling myself slipping away the more time I spent alone in my room there. I needed to be away from there to find the courage and strength I needed to assert myself as Talia's mother. And I needed to spend time with Steve. I couldn't deny that any longer. I loved him and wanted to be with him. I had to do what I needed to do to be happy so I could be a better mother to Talia and to this baby I still carried inside.

I looked over at Steve and smiled. "Maybe this is a solution that will work."

"I know it will because we will make it work." Bending forward until his forehead touched mine, Steve said softly, "Natasha, I love you so much. You and this baby here are my family now . . . and Talia, too, can be a part of that, if that's possible."

I felt tears spring to my eyes again as I heard him include Talia in our little family. "I hope so, yeah."

"Good. Then that's settled," Steve said as he straightened to announce, "From this day forward, Natasha Alianovna Romanoff, you and I are bound together and no one will ever separate us again. Is that clear?"

"Yes," I smiled. "Very clear."

And with that, we sealed our bond with a kiss . . . a wonderful kiss that was full of love and trust and loyalty and . . . a sense of family. Sitting there wrapped in Steve's strong arms, his lips moving with mine, I finally felt what I had been longing for . . . I was home.


	16. POISON

_Natasha's POV_  
_"Love is poison. A sweet poison, yes, but it will kill you all the same."_  
 _” George R.R. Martin_

* * *

**_SIXTEEN|POISON_ **

I heard Steve drive off in the truck as I closed the door then smiled as I leaned back against it. Admitting to Steve how much I really loved him felt good. It felt really good. My heart soared at the thought that our plan could really work. I wanted more than anything to be with Steve, and I knew it wouldn't be easy. But I was determined now to make it work, and the first step would be talking to Bruce. I took in a deep breath as I stepped forward to go and find him. I knew would need every once of strength I could muster to find Bruce and have this talk. I walked into the living room to find Thor and Clint lounging on the sectional watching some kind of sports on the big screen TV. It felt good to be back at my home. "Hey, sis. How's it going?" Thor called.

"Good. The baby is fine and due March 31st," I reported.

"Great, I'm happy for you," Thor returned with a smile. "I know how worried you were."

"Yep. Uh, have you seen Bruce? I need to talk to him."

Thor glanced at Clint as he said, "I think he's with the baby, right?"

"I'm sure he is. He never leaves her."

"Alright, thanks. Carry on," I told them with a smile as I walked by them on my way to the OR room where Talia was staying. As I approached the room, I could see it was dark, which was strange. I flipped on the light to see it emptied out and cleaned up. Where was Talia?

I turned to hurry back to the living room and asked, "Where is Talia? She's not there!"

Clint spoke up, "They moved her up to the nursery today. Didn't Bruce tell you?"

Upstairs . . . to the nursery. As far away as she could be from me. Instantly, I was pissed. Bruce knew I wasn't supposed to be going up and down stairs yet. "No. He tells me nothing," I spit out as I headed for the stairs. I hit the steps running until a sharp pain in my ribs and incision stopped me. "Dammit," I muttered as I bent in half willing the pain to go away. I was still recovering from surgery and I had probably pushed myself too hard today with driving and walking on the beach. And of course, now would be the time my body would choose to rebel.

"Natasha? Are you alright?" Thor asked from behind me.

I fought back a wave of nausea as I got out, "No, I'm not. I'm pissed and in pain. Not a good combination."

I heard Thor chuckle then say, "Let me help you, OK?"

Nodding, I let him put his arm around my waist to help me up the stairs. Thor was so huge, my feet barely touched a step! Once we got to the top, I stopped, as I realized I had no idea where the nursery was.

Thor looked down at me and seeing my frustration, pointed out softly, "This way," as he guided me to the right.

We walked slowly down the hall to the room beside Bruce's. OK, I should have guessed that. I thanked Thor then entered the room and stopped in awe. This former mostly empty room had been transformed into a garden with fairies and flowers and trees with little white twinkling lights . . . it was stunning! There was a unique cream-colored wrought iron crib draped in sage green and gold and the antique rocking chair was now here along with another overstuffed upholstered chair and ottoman in the same sage green with a floor lamp behind it, perfect for reading bedtime stories. There was a dresser probably stuffed with clothes and a changing table, stuffed animals, a bookshelf lined with storybooks, and a rocking horse . . . it was like a dream! And not one thing here was picked out or bought by me . . . her mother.

I finally focused on Bruce, who was sitting in the rocker holding Talia and I asked furiously, "Did you just forget to mention that you would be moving my daughter today into a room that was as far away as possible from me?"

I walked toward Bruce and took Talia from him, bottle and all, and then took his place in the rocker. I smiled my thanks to Thor, who winked back then closed the door behind them.

I turned my attention back to Bruce, who said smoothly, "I'm sorry I didn't say anything this morning before you left, Natasha. It wasn't on purpose. I had no idea the nursery was ready. Pepper suggested it after you were gone," he explained.

"Everyone here knows that I'm not supposed to be going up and down the stairs yet," I returned, not even trying to hide my anger. "Thor had to drag me up here just now. How am I supposed to see my daughter?"

"No one is trying to keep Talia from you, Natasha. I guess we just didn't think about it."

"Of course not. No one here thinks about me at all."

Bruce looked at me as if I had horns growing out of my head as he asked, "What is wrong with you? Why are you suddenly acting like a spoiled child?"

My jaw dropped at his remark. "A spoiled child? Is that what you think? Bruce, look around you! THIS is the room of a spoiled child. Do you realize the amount of money that was spent on this room alone? I can't even imagine how many clothes are stuffed into the dressers and closet and yet not one thing in here was chosen or bought for this child by me, her mother."

"Is that what is bothering you? You think we are spoiling Talia? She is barely a week old. How can she be spoiled?" I noticed how he completely ignored the remark about none of it being chosen by me, which was my whole point.

"Stop it, Bruce. You know what I'm saying. I know that money is nothing to all of you, but I don't want Talia raised getting anything and everything she wants. And I, as her mother, would like to be included on decisions regarding my daughter. Like where she sleeps, what clothes she wears, and what toys she plays with. I feel like you all are trying your best to push me out of her life."

"And I feel like you don't really want to be involved in Talia's life. Not while you have your boyfriend and his baby," Bruce snarled.

I was taken aback at that, but I guess I shouldn't have been. "My boyfriend? Isn't that a little juvenile for you?"

"Well, then, what would you call him?"

I closed my eyes for a moment and leaned my head back against the rocker. I was really hoping we could discuss this like adults, but maybe that wasn't possible. I looked down at Talia and ran my hand gently over her fuzzy head. She had her eyes closed as her bottle was now gone, and her body felt heavy in sleep. I pulled the bottle from her mouth, set it on the small table beside the chair then turned to Bruce. "I need to talk to you, Bruce, but I want us to try and be civil with each other. Can we do that?"

Running his hand through his hair, he finally nodded, "I suppose we can try."

"I know that things have changed between us. I know you don't have the same feelings for me, do you?"

Bruce hesitated for a moment before answering me then shook his head. "No, I don't. And you love him, don't you?"

I, too, hesitated for a moment then admitted softly, "Yes, I do. I'm sorry, I should have been truthful with you before the wedding, Bruce. I should have told you what happened between me and Steve and how I was feeling, but I was scared. I had known for so long what I wanted . . . I wanted to be with you and be happy. I was kind of thrown for a loop at the new feelings I had for Steve, and . . . well, I thought I could go ahead with my plans and forget him and everything would be alright. But, of course I had to get pregnant and now . . . here we are."

Bruce gazed at Talia, sleeping in my arms and said softly, "Yes, here we are."

"I love this baby, with all my heart, and I am so happy that she is alive and doing well. I don't regret her, Bruce. And I can see that you don't either."

"No, I don't."

"But, I can't stay here anymore. I am so unhappy, and feel so alone . . . I hate being shut out of Talia's life and feeling so weak. And I can't have Steve's baby here. So, I would like to stay here for a few more weeks to bond with Talia then I am moving to Clint's house to live and . . . I hope that you and I can work out a divorce and some sort of custody agreement for Talia. I am so, so sorry for how things turned out for you and me, and I will always regret hurting you. I do still care a great deal for you Bruce, but I can't be your wife any longer. I hope you understand."

Bruce stood up and walked over to the wall of windows to look outside. With his back to me, I couldn't tell what he might be feeling or thinking, so I pushed myself out of the rocking chair and moved to lay Talia down in her elaborate crib. Once I saw that she was settled, I walked over to join Bruce by the windows.

"Do you need your answer right now, or can I have some time to think things through?" he asked quietly.

"Of course you can have some time," I answered.

Bruce looked over at me and then surprised me by running the back of his hand gently over my cheek. "I am sorry, too, Natasha." I grabbed his hand before he pulled it away to turn it and place his palm on my warm face to relish his touch. It was the first he had touched me in so long. Then, unexpectedly, Bruce leaned down to kiss me, very gently on the lips. Time seemed to stand still in that moment, but as Bruce pulled away, I had the feeling he was saying goodbye. Then his cool mask slipped over his face once again, he stepped away and walked over to the crib to gaze lovingly again at Talia.

After taking a moment to recover, I said, "I'm very tired, and Tony told me today that I need to continue to take it easy, so I think I will make myself a sandwich and then go to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

Without pulling his gaze from Talia, he uttered, "Alright. Good night."

I walked slowly to the door and opened it then turned back for one more look. Bruce stood at the crib, staring down at Talia and I wondered if he would stand watch there over her all night like he used to with me. I felt a small pang in my heart as I remembered all those nights . . . . it seemed a lifetime ago now.

I slowly made my way down the stairs to the kitchen, where I put together a turkey sandwich, grabbed a carton of strawberry yogurt and a bottle of water then headed for my room. I sat in the chair to eat my sparse dinner while I watched some documentary on the Civil War on the History Channel then when I was finished, I put on some pajamas and crawled into bed read for awhile as I waited for Steve's phone call. I knew he would want to know how my talk with Bruce went, and I wasn't really sure what to tell him.

I actually dozed for a little bit then glanced at the clock when I woke up to see it was after eleven. I picked up my cell phone to see if I had any missed calls. It wasn't like Steve to miss our phone time at ten.

The next day was another tough one. After I showered, dressed, and had some breakfast, I slowly made my way up the stairs to the nursery to see my daughter.  Bruce was there, as always, and when I walked in, Bruce was changing Talia's diaper.

"Good morning," I called out, in as cheery of a voice as I could manage. "How is my beautiful baby girl today?" I asked as I made my way to Bruce.

"She's perfect," Bruce cooed at her with a smile, avoiding all eye contact with me.

"She looks bigger. Has she grown more?"

"Yes. Tony was just here and she has gained 2 more pounds and grown another inch," Bruce reported as he finished with the diaper.

I looked down at Talia and smiled at her as I tickled her belly softly. "Look at you, pretty girl, growing so big." I finished dressing Talia then asked, "How long ago did she eat?"

"About a half hour or so. She shouldn't be hungry again for a couple of hours," he answered rather stiffly. I guess he was still hurting from our conversation last night.

I sat down into the upholstered chair, propped my feet on the ottoman, and laid Talia lengthwise on my lap so I could smile down at her. "Hey, pretty girl. Your mama wants to spend some time with you. Is that OK?" I touched her little cheek and was surprised when she smiled at me. "Did you see that? She smiled at me!"

Bruce gazed at Talia lovingly, as always, and smiled. "Yes, I did. She smiles at me all the time."

Of course she does . . . I should have realized that. I went on chattering at her until Bruce interrupted with, "I guess I will leave you two alone for awhile. Call out if you need anything."

"We'll be fine, won't we?" I cooed to Talia. Then as Bruce turned to leave I said, "Bruce?" Once he turned back, I told him, "Thank you." After giving me a curt nod, he turned and left the room.

So, as usual, I was left alone, but at least I had my daughter with me this time. I talked and cooed to her then picked her up and walked her around the room, looking at all the things that were put here for her. I picked up each stuffed animal and showed it to her then we talked about the fairies on the wall and the flowers . . . at first I felt rather silly, but I wanted her to know my voice and hear how much I loved her.

As I sunk back down into the chair, I wondered if anyone had taken any pictures of Talia yet. She was growing and changing so fast . . . I wished I had a camera. Then I remembered that there was a camera on my cell phone, so I pulled it from my pocket and smiled down at Talia. "Can I take your picture? A mom should have pictures of her sweet baby to show off, shouldn't she?"

Laying her out on my legs again, I snapped a couple of pictures of her. Then I picked her up and held her close while holding the phone out to take one of us together. As I looked at the pictures I took, I smiled and then my smile faded as I realized I couldn't really show these photos to anyone. How could I explain Talia to my friends back at the HQ?

Tucking the phone back into my pocket, I whispered to Talia, "It doesn't matter. I have you here with me, and that's what really counts."

After that, I sat in the rocking chair and hummed a soft song and before long, Talia was asleep. I held her as she slept for awhile then finally laid her in her crib to let her nap.

Stepping over to the windows to look out over the city, I could see the sun peeking out from the clouds and suddenly I wished I had a stroller to put Talia in to take her for a walk. Maybe that was something I could actually purchase for my daughter. I decided I would have to look into that.

Turning from the windows, I looked around wondering what to do with myself now. I realized that if I were a normal mom and Talia were a normal baby, there would probably be plenty to do while she slept. Laundry and cooking and cleaning . . . but none of those things needed to be done here. It was all done for me. I felt rather useless.

So I wandered over to the chair and sunk down into it while I propped my feet on the ottoman, wishing I would have brought my book with me. I had a book on pregnancy that I read each night before I went to bed, but it was on my nightstand. I was not going to make that long trek all the way downstairs to my room and back just for a book. So, instead, I took my cell phone out of my pocket and decided to call Steve.

He never called me back. I hung up and wished for the hundredth time that he would call me.

As I sat there thinking about that, Pepper walked in with a small laundry basket full of clean clothes. "Oh, hello Natasha. Is she sleeping?" she asked quietly.

"Yes. Here, I'll take those," I offered as I stood to reach out for the basket. "It will give me something to do. I feel rather useless just sitting here."

Pepper nodded and let me take the basket, muttering, "Of course." Then she crept over to the crib to look down at Talia. After a moment or two, she turned and walked back to say, "She's so beautiful."

"Yes, she is," I smiled. "We're very lucky. I'm happy she is doing so well."

An awkward silence filled the room as we just stood there silently looking over at the crib. Finally, taking the laundry basket with me, I sat in the chair to fold the clothes and commented, "It's very quiet in the house today. Where is everyone?"

Pepper looked a little uncomfortable trying to give me an answer to that question for some reason. "Uh, everyone is busy today . . . and I have things I need to get done, too. See you later." And with that, she left the room.

I sighed as moved to the dresser, opening drawers, trying to figure out which clothes went where. I hated that I had hurt Bruce, but I couldn't take it back. I knew now that I loved Steve, that I had always loved Steve, and I would be with him. I just hoped he wouldn't try to turn my daughter against me.

Setting the empty laundry basket on the floor by the dresser, I moved to the closet and spent some time looking at all the precious little dresses hanging there. Pepper had just as good of taste in baby clothes as she did adult clothing. There were all different sizes, I assumed allowing for her fast growth. I finally closed the closet door then chose a book of nursery rhymes from the shelf and sat down again in the chair to read through it.

I must have dozed off while I was reading. I woke to Talia fussing and just as I pushed myself from the chair to go to her, Pepper appeared out of nowhere with a bottle for her. I turned to her and said, "Pepper? Would you mind feeding Talia for me? I promised Tony, I would do better on my eating, so I really need to go and get some lunch."

"Of course I will," she said as she gently took Talia from her crib.

"Thank you."

I left my baby in Pepper's very capable hands and went slowly down the stairs to the kitchen to make myself some lunch. Again, I thought it strange for the house to be so quiet as I walked through the living room. Tony would be at the hospital, I suppose, but where was everyone else? And it was really strange for Bruce to be away from Talia for so long. Maybe they were training . . .

I made a huge salad for my lunch and grabbed a carton of yogurt. I ate in my room in front of the TV again because it felt even more lonely to sit at a huge dining room table all by yourself. Once I finished eating, I tried to call Steve again. No answer again.

I hung up with a huge sigh. What was going on with everyone? Steve's not answering the phone . . . everyone here is gone. Is there something going on that no one is telling me?

I made my way slowly back upstairs to Talia's room to find Pepper just laying Talia in her bed for a nap. She quickly excused herself from the room and so I settled myself into the chair to read my book that I remembered to bring with me this time. I hadn't read very long when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and answered quietly, "Hello?"

"Hey, Nat. I'm so sorry I didn't get a chance to call last night."

"Is everything OK?"

"Yeah, had training and patrol. Um, how are you?"

"I'm alright. I spent all day yesterday with Talia, and I'm here with her now while she's sleeping."

"How did the talk with Bruce go?"

I quickly filled him in on what we had said to each other then finished with, "I told him he could take some time to give me his answer, and so far, he as avoided being with me."

"So, he hasn't said . . . anything? I mean, do you have any idea what he's thinking?"

"No, not really."

There was a silent pause then I heard Steve sigh. I knew he was sick and tired of waiting for me and I felt horrible again for the way I had treated him. "Look, Steve, it won't be long. I'll wait until tonight then I'll approach him again, OK?"

"Yeah, OK. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a pain in the ass, but I need to be with you, Natasha."

"Me, too. I miss you so much."

"That's really good to hear." Again there was a pause, and then he said, "I don't mean to cut this short, but I just got home and I really need some sleep. I'll call you later tonight, OK?"

"Sure."

"Hey, I love you."

I couldn't contain the smile that spread over my lips as I said softly, "I love you, too." As I closed the phone and stuck it back into my pocket, I thought how lucky I was to have a guy like Steve so in love with me. Why had it taken me so long to realize what I had? I vowed right then that I would have to work harder every day to let Steve know how much I loved him and that I was so glad he was in my life.

I spent more time in the afternoon with Talia and later, I fed her a bottle, gave her a bath and put her to bed - the first time for that. I actually enjoyed it very much.

Bruce returned just as I was leaving Talia's room and I filled him in on our day. "Where have you been all day?" I asked.

"Training," was his short reply.

"Oh. Well, I'm going down to my room. Unless . . . you want to talk? You know, about what we talked about last night?"

"No, I want to spend some quiet time with Talia." Then he dismissed me with a nod and moved toward Talia's crib.

"Alright then. Good night," I said to his back once again, and walked away.

As I was settling in for the night, I heard a knock on my door. "Come in," I called out, actually hoping it was Bruce with an answer for me.

It was , with a smile on his face and a cup in his hand. " Sorry about earlier, I was afraid you might be asleep already. I brought you a cup of tea," he told me as he approached the bed.

"Oh, wow, um . . . thanks." I tried to hide the look of shock on my face and hoped it looked more like a smile that wasn't being too forced.

Bruce handed me the cup of tea and I took a sip. "It's not too hot, is it?" he asked anxiously.

"No, it's just right. This is very nice."

His beautiful smile lit up his face and made me wonder what the hell was going on. Why is he being nice to me?

"I just want to say congratulations on the child and make this very special tea for you."

I gave him a small smile and took another sip of tea to show him I appreciated his gesture. Returning the smile, he said, "Well, I'll let you get some sleep. I'll be with Talia if you need me. Good night."

"Good night, and thanks for the tea."

Bruce smiled again then left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. As I drank the tea, I wondered what the hell was he up to. Why did he give me tea of all things? I guess it's nothing.

I settled back into the pillows to wait for Steve's call, but suddenly I was very sleepy and could barely keep my eyes open. I managed to just set the tea cup on the nightstand before I fell back onto the pillows and blackness surrounded me.


	17. DECEIT

_Steve's POV_  
_"In a time of deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act."_  
_— George Orwell_

* * *

_ **SEVENTEEN|DECEIT**   
_

After I hung up the phone with Natasha, I scarfed down some leftover chili and took a five hour nap before my next patrol. As I headed out later, I wondered how on earth I could keep up this pace when the inductee training started tomorrow.

I practically crawled back to the house around midnight, and went straight to the phone to call Natasha. I knew she was worried last night when I didn't call, and I didn't want her to worry another night away. Her phone rang and rang, but she didn't pick up. I waited a few minutes then tried again.

After four peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and two pieces of cherry pie, I tried Natasha again. Still no answer. I hung up the phone, and had the nagging thought that maybe they all just picked up and left without so much as a goodbye. Natasha wouldn't do that, would she? What if she didn't have a choice?

As tired as I was, I knew I was not going to rest without seeing for myself that she was still here. Re-energized from the food and the sudden rush of adrenaline, I ran for the door,hopped on my motorcycle and head over to Natasha's house.

Minutes later, I was pounding on their front door, becoming more and more terrified as no one answered it. Finally I decided to try the knob and found it unlocked. I walked in and was greeted with complete silence. No sound from the TV, no one in the kitchen, in fact, I didn't sense anyone here at all . . . except Natasha. My body instantly relaxed from the realization she didn't leave me. She was still here.

I immediately went to her room and opened the door to find her in bed . . . sound asleep. I made my way to the bed and touched her on the shoulder. "Nat? Hey, Natasha, honey, it's me Steve. Wake up."

Natasha just lay there, not moving at all . . . she seemed completely dead to the world, and for a moment I thought the worst. But I still detected her heart beat and she was breathing so I shook her a little harder. "Natasha!" I shouted. "Wake up!"

I noticed her eyelids finally fluttered a little as I sat down on the edge of the bed and touched her face. "Hey, wake up."

"Steve? Whateryoudoingere?" she slurred.

"Um, I just really needed to see you. Are you OK?"

Finally pushing her way to sit up, "Ooh, my head hurts," Natasha told me as she rubbed her eyes. "What time is it?"

"It's a little after one in the morning," I answered. Then I took her face in my hands and ordered, "Natasha, look at me." She complied so I asked, "Are you and the baby OK?"

"Yes, Steve, we're fine," she spit out, showing her irritation at me waking her.

"I'm sorry, but you usually don't sleep that hard."

"Yeah, I know. I feel so groggy, like I have a hangover or something," she said.

"I tried to call several times and you didn't answer."

"Really? I remember coming to bed around nine . . . Bruce came in and brought me some tea, which I thought was really weird . . . next thing I know, you're shaking me and yelling at me to wake up."

"He brought you some tea? Why is that weird?" I asked.

Again she rubbed her eyes . . . I could see she was having a hard time focusing. Like she just couldn't wake up. Finally she explained, "I thought it was weird because he hasn't really been talking to me, Steve. He was pissed at me all day yesterday, he wasn't even home. Now all of a sudden, he's bringing me tea?" Natasha yawned through her last few words then threw the covers back and announced, "I have to pee."

I moved so she could get up then as she shuffled off to the bathroom, I looked over at the nightstand to see the cup sitting there, which got me to thinking . . .Natasha fell asleep right after she drank the tea and then she sleeps so hard she doesn't hear the phone, and I have to shake her hard to wake her and feels hungover. Would Bruce have drugged Natasha for some reason?

Natasha walked back out of the bathroom and asked sleepily, "So why are you here again?"

"I needed to know you were ok, you weren't answering my calls. I heard something about Bruce leaving and I thought.. you wouldn't go, would you? You wouldn't . . . leave me?" I knew I sounded pathetic, but I couldn't help it.

"I wouldn't want to, no, but Talia . . . " and then her eyes grew wide, like she had just figured something out. "No . . . oh, no, no, no. He wouldn't . . . "

"What? Natasha, what is it?" I asked as she jumped off the bed to run toward the door. "Natasha!" I yelled after her as I got up to follow.

She made a beeline for the stairs, running as fast as she could, as I followed and then ran into the back of her when she suddenly stopped in the doorway to a room that must be a nursery for the baby.

"She's gone," I heard Natasha whisper as she walked quickly to the crib. Then whipping around to look at me, she said louder, "Steve, she's gone! Talia is gone!"

"OK, now don't panic, Nat. Look for a note, maybe," I told her slowly. I didn't want to think the worst . . . if he left, I knew it would be nearly impossible to find him. Bruce had decades worth of experience in hiding . . . if he wanted to disappear, I knew Natasha would never see Talia again unless he wanted her to.

Frantically looked around, Natasha went to the dresser and jerked open drawer after drawer shaking her head and mumbling, "All gone . . . her clothes, her things . . . all gone."

Natasha then ran out the door and I quickly followed her into the room next door. She whipped open drawers and then ran to the closet to announce, "He's gone, too. Oh my God, Steve . . . they're gone. He left me . . . again. This time, with my baby." And that's when it hit her, and she crumpled to the carpet. "My baby's gone . . . my baby's gone," she chanted softly as the tears streamed down her face.

Dropping to my knees beside her, I gathered her into my arms and pulled her close. "Nat, I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry."

I sat there on the floor holding Natasha while the sobs shook her body hating myself for not doing something earlier I should have warned her . . . I should have confronted him, something . . . anything. I could have stopped this and I didn't act on it quick enough. Dammit!

After awhile, I gently nudged Natasha and said softly, "We need to get out of here, OK? You can't stay here all alone. Let's get you packed and I'll take you home to Charlie's," I suggested.

Natasha didn't answer, but I felt her head bob up and down against my chest, so I took her into my arms and then stood to carry her downstairs. "Steve, wait," I heard her say. "I need to go to Talia's room."

I did as she asked and walked into the room then set her on her feet. She slowly made her way over to the crib and took out a small blanket then held it to her face. I hated to see how this was killing her. I swore to myself if I ever saw that bastard again, I would kill him for the pain he was causing Natasha right now. How could he do this to her?

I soon heard Natasha crying, so I stepped up behind her and scooped her up into my arms again. She tucked her head under my chin as I slowly made my way down the stairs and into her bedroom to set her gently on the bed then knelt in front of her to say, "Natasha? I know this is hard for you right now, but I want to pack up your stuff. Do you have a suitcase or a bag or something?" Nodding, she pointed toward the closet. "Why don't you get dressed while I pack?" I suggested.

Again she nodded then she got up to pull some sweats and a t-shirt from the dresser drawer and went into the bathroom and closed the door. I decided maybe I should call Clint and warn him that we were coming. I know being in this house would be too emotional for her. Picking up Natasha's cell phone from the nightstand, I dialed the house number. It was still the middle of the night, but he answered on the second ring. "Barton speaking."

"Hey, Clint, it's Steve."

"Steve? It's the middle of the night . . . what's wrong?"

"Uh, I'm bringing Natasha to your place . . . to stay. And she really needs you guys right now."

"What? Is she OK?"

"Physically, yeah. We'll explain everything when we get there, OK?"

"Alright. We'll be here."

"Thanks." I hung up then took the suitcase out and opened it and began throwing everything I could see into the bag. I cleaned out the closet and dresser drawers, then when Natasha finished in the bathroom and walked out, I went in and gathered up everything in there. It took me less than 10 minutes. "Is this everything, Natasha? It doesn't seem like much."

She was sitting on the bed putting on her shoes. "There might be some stuff still upstairs. I didn't have a chance to move everything yet. But I don't care about it." Then I watched her pick up the tea cup and look at me to say, "He drugged me, didn't he? He drugged me. God, I can't believe how stupid I am."

"You're not stupid. How were to know that he would do something like that? That he would just pick up and leave you?"

"Because, Steve . . . he did it before. But at least then he had the decency to tell me first." I watched as she set the cup back down on the nightstand then turn and pick up the baby blanket that she had left on the bed. She held it in her lap, idly running her fingers over it as I sighed and dropped my head. To hell with her stuff. I need to get her out of here now.

"Alright, honey, I have you packed. Can I put the blanket in here, too?" I watched her rub it against her face one more time then she held it out to me. I carefully folded it and placed it inside the suitcase then zipped it shut and carried it to the door. I noticed her lap top laying on the chair and made sure to slip it inside it's case and set that beside the suitcase.

"I can't leave, Steve," Natasha suddenly sobbed. "What if they come back and I'm not here? What if Talia needs me and I'm not here!"

I sunk down on the bed beside her and took her face into my hands. "Natasha, listen to me. I don't think they are coming right back. I will do everything I can to help you find them, OK? But we can't do it here. We will try to find them, but we have to go now, do you understand?"

Finally she understood and she nodded. "Yes, OK," she hiccupped, trying to control her tears. I handed her a wad of Kleenex and she blew her nose and wiped her eyes and then stared down at her hands as I gave her a moment to catch her breath. After a minute or two, I noticed her twirl her engagement ring around her finger a few times then watched in amazement as she slid it and her wedding ring off of her finger and placed them onto the nightstand before turning her eyes on me.

I could see so much pain in those eyes, and yet my heart flip-flopped at the sight of her bare finger. Even though it was wrong to be selfish at a time like this, I couldn't stop thinking how much I wanted to slide my own ring on that finger someday soon. I pulled her close and whispered, "It'll be OK, Nat. Somehow, it will be OK."

Feeling new tears on my bare shoulder, I decided it was time to get her out of here. So, I helped her up, gave her purse, then she shuffled along beside me as I picked up her bags and we made our way toward the front door.

I squeezed her to my side for a moment with a smile while she handed me the keys from her purse then I loaded the suitcase into the back and crawled behind the wheel. As I exited the long drive to turn onto the road that would take us to Clint's, I said to Natasha, "I called Clint while you were in the bathroom and let him know we were coming. I didn't tell him anything else." She nodded weakly as she looked at the road, not uttering another word.


	18. BOLD

_Natasha's POV_  
_"The boldness of his mind was sheathed in a scabbard of politeness."_  
_— Dumas Malone_

* * *

**_EIGHTEEN|BOLD_ **

"What the hell do you mean 'Bruce took her?' Where did they go?"

"We don't know," Steve answered for me. He quickly filled Clint in on what happened then added, "Do you think you could track the cars for us? Maybe find out where they went? I know they have a head start on us, but . . . "

"Damn right I can. I'll run the plates right away and see what I can find," Clint told him then he looked at me. "Natasha, I will find her for you. That bastard can't just run off with your child like that."

"He knows how to disappear. If he doesn't want to be found, we won't find them."

"Well, I have to try." I could see the determination in his eyes and knew I couldn't stop him now if I wanted to. Then his eyes softened for a moment as he looked at me. "Natasha, this is all so . . . I don't know what to believe, but I can see how much you're hurting. I have a feeling there is more you're not telling me, but let's save that for another time, OK?"

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah, OK."

Adding his own smile, Clint said, "I'm glad you're here, Romanoff." I leaned forward and let Clint wrap me in his arms and hold me. I had to admit, it felt really good to be back here. Letting me go, Clint stood and moved toward the door as he asked, "Steve? Will you stay with her while I go to the HQ?"

"Yeah, of course, I'll be here."

"OK. I'll call you as soon as I know anything." And with that, he was gone.

I turned to Steve and sighed. "Well, that went much better than I thought it would. You think he'll find anything?" I asked hopefully, knowing it was a stupid question.

"I don't know, Nat. I hope so, but . . . "

"I know. I know."

We sat there for awhile, just silently staring out into the dim lit room. I could hear the ticking of the mantle clock, and the hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen . . . and Steve's steady heartbeat under my head as I rested it on his chest. Once again, Steve was holding me together while I was trying so hard to fall apart.

I was still so tired from whatever drug Bruce had put in my tea, and as the adrenaline wore off, I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Steve must have sensed this as I heard him say, "Nat? I think maybe you would be more comfortable in the guest bed. You think you can rest there awhile?"

I nodded my head as I was just too tired to respond any other way. Steve smiled as he stood then picked me up to carry me upstairs to the room. "I could get use to traveling like this," I muttered into his bare shoulder.

I felt him chuckle as he returned, "Anytime."

Steve walked into my room and set me down on my feet to pull back the covers on the bed then clicked on the small bedside lamp. He then gently pushed me to sit onto the bed before he kneeled down to remove my shoes. "OK, honey, just lay back and rest."

I did as I was told and laid back onto my bed, which felt so pleasantly familiar. Steve pulled the covers up then leaned down to plant a soft kiss on my forehead as I asked anxiously, "Are you leaving?"

"I just want to step outside for a minute and call the base. I need to let them know what happened. See if they know anything, OK?"

"OK. Hurry back," I mumbled into my pillow. I felt another soft kiss brush my forehead as my eyes fluttered shut then I heard Steve run down the stairs.

The next thing I know, I heard snoring. Snoring? I opened my eyes to see I was back in the guest room at Clint's, and then it all came back to me . . . why I was here. But obviously, I wasn't alone. I turned over to find Steve laying beside me, snoring as he slept. I had to smile at him . . . he always looked so young and innocent in his sleep. I reached to gently brush his hair from his forehead, and he jumped. "Huh? What? You alright?"

"Yes. I'm sorry . . . I didn't mean to wake you."

"Oh, it's alright," he yawned. "How are you? You were sleeping by the time I got back."

"I'm OK, I guess." But I wasn't. The pain in my chest was growing and trying so hard to consume me . . . I kept shoving it away, but it was relentless. Where was my baby now? Was she missing me?

"C'mere, honey," I heard Steve say softly as he pulled me into his arms.

"Why would he do this to me? Is he that angry at me? Is this to punish me?"

Steve sighed then answered, "I don't know. If what I overheard is true, maybe he is just trying to keep her safe. I know I would do anything to keep our baby safe. But, I really think he should have talked to you and told you what was going on. To drug you and leave, well . . . that's just fucking wrong."

I snuggled deeper into his body. "Thank you for staying with me, Steve. I really need you tonight."

"I need you every night, Nat. I wouldn't be anywhere else."

I smiled into his chest at his admission, then soon, both of us slept again.

The next time I woke, daylight was streaming through the window. A flash of the last time that Steve spent the night flew through my mind and I looked over to find him still here . . . and still asleep. If only he had stayed that morning . . . would things be different now? _Don't go there, Natasha . . . if they were, you wouldn't have Talia._  Then the pain returned and I squeezed my eyes closed for a moment as I tried hard to stay calm and keep the tears at bay. That's when I heard, "Hey, good morning. Did you sleep?"

I opened my eyes to smile at him. "Yes, I did. I feel a little better," I lied.

But he knew . . . just like he always knows. "Yeah, right. Sure you do." Steve shifted so he was propped on his elbow, looking down at me. "It's OK to be upset. It's OK to be mad as hell. Whatever you want to feel, go ahead. Don't try and hide anything from me."

That's when I smiled and reached out to gently touch his cheek. "I love you, Steve. I really do."

"Good. Bout time," he returned with a grin as he leaned down to kiss me softly on the lips, lingering for just a moment before sitting up to stretch and yawn.

I rolled my eyes at him as I threw the covers from me and announced I had to use the bathroom. "I need to call Clint, too."

"I know you probably don't feel like eating anything, but you really need to . . . for the baby," Steve reminded me.

I stopped to look at him and say, "Oh, God . . . Steve, I'm sorry. I don't want you to think that I've forgotten about our baby."

"No, I don't think that. I was just going to offer to make you some breakfast."

"That's sweet, but I really don't think burning down the kitchen on my first day here is a good idea," I teased.

Steve's face broke out into a smile. "She's joking . . . a good sign. Come on, I can at least manage scrambled eggs and toast," he said as he climbed out of bed to stand in front of me, dressed in only a pair of gym shorts, his muscular bare chest only inches from my fingers. Suddenly I had an urge to run my fingers over those pecs and abs . . . but told myself, this is not the time for that.

"Alright, go ahead. I'll take out the phone and dial 9-1-1 to be ready to hit send in case things get out of hand."

Steve laughed softly as he kissed me on the lips then I heard him trot downstairs to the kitchen. I used the bathroom then went back to my room to pick up my cell phone and call Clint. No answer. I hung up with a sigh then made my way downstairs to see what kind of mess Steve was making in my kitchen. I knew Lauren had work, and the kids had school, so we'd be here alone for awhile.

I walked into the room to find a mess of egg shells, bowls, forks, pans . . . and Steve at the stove, shaking his hips in time to the song playing on the radio. Smiling, I stopped and watched him, until he turned and noticed me standing there. "I know I made a mess, but I promise I'll clean it up," he told me with a grin as he stepped over to pull out the chair for me.

I gave Steve an appreciative smile and sat down to eat my breakfast of scrambled eggs, toast and orange juice. It was actually quite good and I told him so as he sat down across from me with a plate heaped with eggs. "Thanks," he replied as he shoveled in a forkful of food.

We ate in silence as I found I was much hungrier than I thought I was. Steve was right . . . I had to remember that I still had another baby that needed me, and this one was completely dependent on me right now. I managed to eat most of my breakfast which made Steve very happy.

"I think I'll go up and take a shower while you clean up. Is that OK?"

"Yeah, of course," Steve returned as he picked up my plate to put into the sink.

He had his back to me as I stood up to go, so I said, "Steve?" When he turned to look at me, I went to him and put my arms around his waist. "Thank you, old man."

Pulling me closer, he bent to whisper in my ear, "I love you, Natasha."

It was music to my ears. "I love you, too . . . so much."

We stood there for a moment, wrapped in each other until I felt his lips on my neck. They were gentle kisses, meant to soothe me, but again I was reminded of the night we spent together so long ago. "Steve," I breathed as I turned my face into his and captured his lips in a kiss.

It surprised him at first then his lips moved with mine as the kiss quickly deepened into something else. My hands found their way into his hair as his pushed into my back, pressing me closer to his warm body. His tongue brushed against my lips and I parted them to allow him access to my mouth. Sighing as his tongue caressed mine, I wanted nothing more than to drown in this feeling of being with Steve . . . to shut out everything else I was feeling . . . but the moment ended as the phone on the wall let out a shrill ring. I jumped as Steve pulled away and grumbled, "Goddammit." as he picked up the phone with a gruff "Hello?"

I realized it was Clint as Steve didn't say much but just listened. Finally he said, "Dammit, OK. Thanks for calling," and hung up.

"What?" I asked anxiously. "Did he find anything?"

I could see from Steve's face it wasn't good. "They found his car, the Chevrolet, at the airport in Queens. It was parked in the lot near the private jet terminal. He's working with the airport to find out what jets took off and what flight plan he filed."

"Bruce," I mumbled. "Anything else?"

Steve sighed as he replied, "HYDRA agents have been spotted in New York lately. They heard about Talia's birth and.. plan to get her."

I swallowed hard and turned to rest my hands on the back of a kitchen chair, using it for support. I knew my baby was gone, and I would never see her again unless Bruce wanted me to and now HYDRA was after her. She would never know me as her mother . . . how could I bear it? Goddamn you, Bruce.

I felt Steve's large hand on my shoulder. "Hey, Nat. I'll stay by the phone. Why don't you go ahead and take that shower?" he suggested softly.

Giving him a nod, I pried my hands from the chair to walk slowly from the kitchen to the stairs. As I trudged laboriously up each step, I heard Steve on the phone: "Hey, Wanda, it's Steve. I'm with Natasha and I'll be here all day. No, shit . . . I forgot all about the inductees . . . because this is more important . . . yeah, Clint found Bruce's car at the airport in Queens . . . "

I stopped and closed my eyes for a moment as I realized what day it was. Training . . . Steve was supposed to start his training for the new soldiers today. I thought about marching downstairs and ordering him to go, but I knew Steve well enough to know that there was no way he would leave me now. And I was ashamed to admit to myself that I needed him too much to ask him to go.

I left him to his phone call and closed myself into the bathroom. As I stood under the hot water, I shut my eyes and thought of the time I spent with Talia the last two days. Memories washed over me like the water from the showerhead:Running my hand over her fuzzy head, seeing her smile at me for the first time, holding her close and smelling her clean baby scent, giving her a bath and even feeding her a bottle . . . all of it seemed so precious to me now because it might be the last moments of time I ever spend with her.

Talia had promised me that she was doing very well, and so far, her rapid development had not caused her any pain or stress. But he still had no idea how long that might last . . . her body could still shut down at any time. My body slid down the back wall of the shower until I was just a sobbing heap on the tub floor. I couldn't stand to think that she might get sick and I wouldn't be there to hold her and comfort her . . . or worse yet . . . she could die without me ever seeing her again. My baby girl . . . oh Talia . . . I'd kill Bruce for this, if I wasn't pregnant.

Steve used one towel to cover my naked body, and one to rub the water from my hair. The heat was seeping into me and soon my body stopped shaking. Once he was done with my hair, he dropped that towel on the floor and scooted so he was leaning against the headboard of the bed and just held me on his lap.

I have no idea how long we sat there. I felt like I had all those months ago when Bruce left me: empty, lifeless, wondering what I had done wrong. Only this time, I knew what I had done wrong. I had fallen in love with my best friend and betrayed my fiancé. I had not been true to my feelings and now I was being punished in the worst way, by losing my baby. I guess I was too stupid and naive to think that Bruce would never react in this way.

"Natasha? Talk to me . . . please, honey. Let me know you're going to be alright," Steve whispered in my ear.

I turned my head so I could look up at him. His eyes always showed me exactly what he was feeling, and now they were so full of worry and love, for me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you."

Steve's smile tugged at my heart. "I know. Don't apologize. I can't imagine what you're going through. I know how much I love this little baby, and it's not even here yet." I looked down to where his huge hand covered my middle where our baby was growing. "If something ever happened to this kid . . . well, I don't think I could handle it as well as you are doing right now."

Placing my hand on top of his, I felt his lips brush my forehead. I suddenly realized that I was naked under the towel that was laying over me as I leaned back and felt Steve's chest on the skin of my bare back. "Um, maybe I should get dressed," I suggested, trying to sound not as embarrassed as I felt.

"Do you have to? I kind of like holding you like this," he whispered as his lips put a few very sexy kisses on my bare shoulder and his huge hand began to slide ever so slowly up my leg. I could feel how much he liked it stirring to life under my bottom, and again I reminded myself that no matter how much I wanted it, I was not ready to go there just yet. Not now.

"Mmm, hmm, I'm sure you do, but I don't think that now is the time," I told him as I slid as gracefully as I could from his lap and scooted to the edge of the bed. I stood and quickly wrapped the towel around me then asked him to leave while I got dressed.

"God, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm such an idiot," he stammered as he jumped up off of the bed and headed to the door. "I'll be downstairs." And with that, he pulled the door closed behind him and I heard him hurry down the steps.

I dressed quickly and ran the brush through my hair that was now almost completely dry. I pulled it back and secured it with an elastic band, not really caring how it looked. Sitting on the bed, I felt like curling myself into a ball and just laying here forever. I wanted so badly to give into the grief I felt and just drown in it, but . . . moving my hand to my stomach, I realized that I did not have the luxury of being selfish this time. This baby needed me . . . I needed to find the strength to keep going for this baby . . . Steve's baby. Again, I felt torn between them, but finally, I found the strength I needed to stand and make my way downstairs where I found Steve slouched on the couch, staring at the dark, blank TV screen.

Easing myself down onto the couch beside him, I offered him a small smile. "Good show?"

"Huh?" He looked up at the TV then at me, finally realizing what I asked. "Oh, I didn't really feel like watching anything." Then he turned and said hurriedly, "I'm sorry, Nat, for upstairs. I don't know why I said that. I know it's not the time, but my hormonal body doesn't."

"Stop it, Steve. You don't have to apologize. I love you, and believe me, I want that too, but just not right now. You'll get it soon enough."

"I know that. I know . . . I'm just . . . I'm sorry, OK?"

"You're forgiven." I winked. I was happy to see his smile as he leaned back again and I joined him, settling back into the couch cushions with a sigh as I said, "I just wish I knew she was alright."

"You know how Bruce is obsessed with her . . . he won't let anything happen to her."

"We hurt him, I deserve this."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Come on, I cheated on him."

"Oh, so that makes it OK? Dammit, Natasha! You don't deserve to be treated like this!"

"But he does?"

"No, but . . . it wasn't like that with you and me."

"Wasn't it?"

"No! I love you, Natasha, and you love me. What happened between us just happened . . . "Steve shot at me. Then he must have realized how course that sounded as he quickly added, "I'm sorry, Nat. Shit, I didn't mean . . . "

"Just stop, Steve! I'm so sick and tired of everyone telling me how to feel, how not to feel, where to live, what to wear, who to love . . . I can't take it anymore!"

I shoved myself from the couch to stand a few steps away from him. Anger started to replace the sadness as my mind went into overdrive.

Fury filled my body at Bruce for taking Talia away and at the complete mess I had made of my life! Picking up the first thing I could get my hands on, which was a clay pot with a cactus and I threw it as hard as I could at the fireplace with a guttural scream, "DAMMIT!" The pot smashed into pieces and dirt flew everywhere.

As I stood there staring at the mess, I realized it mirrored the mess my life had become. In shock at what I had done, my chest heaving, I turned on Steve. "Fuck this shit, Steve! I haven't been myself for these last couple of months, and this is complete shit!"

Steve carefully approached me, slowly reaching out his hands to grasp my upper arms. "Natasha, I am sorry. I should have told you what I knew as soon as I heard it, and believe me, I will NEVER make that mistake again. You have every right to be pissed at me . . . "

"Yes, I do. But it's not you I'm really pissed at, Steve. It's him, having so much control . . . and it's not even really that . . . " I stopped and ran my hand over my eyes and through my hair then let out a sigh. "It's me. I hate . . . me, the woman I've become. I'm so weak and so . . . fucking pathetic."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Steve spouted. "You carried his baby even when there was a good chance it might kill you. You are lot stronger than you think you are."

I rolled my eyes as I huffed, "Whatever." Stepping out of his hold, I walked a few steps away to say, "It's just that I've been hurt and not myself. I just want it to stop."

I closed my eyes and wished with all my heart it was just that easy. I felt Steve behind me, as the heat from his body radiated toward me. "Natasha, I love you, all of you. It's not just how beautiful you are when you smile, or you twisted sense of humor and mastery of sarcasm, or how great of a cook you are, although I have to admit I really do like that a lot."

I turned around to look at him as he went on. "You are loyal and brave and stubborn as hell. When you get it in your mind to do something, no one can change it. So, now is the time to get stubborn. Dig in and fight Bruce. He can't take your baby away from you. It's wrong and you know it. I don't care if HYDRA are a threat . . . they cant beat us together."

"You mean, you would help me? You . . . would fight for Talia? You're not just saying that because you love me?"

Steve smiled as he reached out to touch my face. "Of course it's because I love you. Because Talia is a part of you. I will protect that part of Talia."

Leaning against Steve, I rested my head on his chest. Once again, Steve was my savior, my champion. I would have loved to do this on my own, but I knew that if I was going up against HYDRA to fight for my daughter, I would need help. And who better to stand by my side than the man I love?

My head tilted back as I looked up at Steve and said, "Thank you. I love you, Steve Rogers, with everything that I have. And I vow that one day, I will show you just how much you really mean to me."

His smile lit up his whole face as he bent his head close to mine. "I look forward to that day." Then he kissed me with so much love and passion, I found myself hoping that day wouldn't be too far into the future.

We stayed like that for a moment until my cell phone rang. Steve's head popped up as I reached for it and then answered, "Hello?"

"Natasha?"

Bruce! "Bruce, where the fuck are you? Is Talia alright?" At hearing Bruce's name, Steve quickly slid onto the couch beside me to lean in close and listen in.

"Of course, Talia is fine. I would never allow anything to happen to her, you should know that."

"I do, but it doesn't justify taking her away from me like that. What kind of monster does that?"

"I did what I had to do to protect her, Natasha. Look, Natasha, you need to call Clint off of his hunt for us. Every stone he overturns helps HYDRA get closer to us and I can't have that. There aren't too many places in the world left where we can hide that they don't know about."

"How did you know Clint was looking for you?"

"That doesn't matter . . . "

"Then tell me where the hell you are, Bruce. I have a right to know where my baby is."

"I can't, don't you see? I will not allow HYDRA to use my daughter as a lab rat! I will hide her from them for as long as I have to."

"A lab rat?"

"Yes! HYDRA is itching to get their hands on her and pick her apart like she's some specimen."

"Oh my God, you can't let that happen," I breathed.

"Exactly. That is why we must not let them know where we are. And the less you know, the better. That way, they can't get anything from you."

"When did you find this out? How long have you known?"

"A couple of days ago ..."

"How did they find out about her?"

There was a long pause before Bruce said, "It doesn't matter. All that matters is that Talia is safe, and I will see that she is."

Just a friend . . . right. Closing my eyes as I let out a sigh, I asked, "Bruce, why? Why didn't you tell me any of this? Why did you drug me then just leave?"

"Would you really have come with us? Would you have left him behind?"

I squeezed my eyes shut as I thought how horrible it was to have to choose between my child and the man I loved. "I can't choose," I said softly. "It's so unfair of you to put me in that position!"

"You put yourself there, Natasha, when you selfishly decided to have us both," Bruce replied coldly. "Look, I have to go so they can't trace the call. I will have to destroy this phone now, so don't call this number. I promise I will call when I can. Good bye, Natasha."

And with that, he was gone. I closed the phone and let it drop in my lap as tears now clouded my vision. His words had hit me like a knife in the heart. " _You put yourself there, Natasha, when you selfishly decided to have us both." What a dick._

"Natasha? Honey? Are you alright?"

I could hear Steve talking, but I couldn't respond. Pain reverberated through my body, again trying to consume me, and I knew it could easily if I chose to give into it. But what good would that do? Would it bring Talia back to me? No. And now that I knew the truth about why they left, I agreed that she needed to be hidden. I couldn't stand the thought of my sweet baby girl being in the hands of HYDRA. And it wouldn't be forever . . . I had to believe that. I would see Talia again . . . I would fucking see to that.

Remembering that I had another baby growing inside me . . . one that depended on me now for it's very life, I knew I had to go on for this child, and for Steve, and . . . for me. It was time to be strong and put someone else first, that someone being Talia. Finally I turned to Steve and nodded that yes, I was alright. "Talia is where she needs to be right now, and I just have to find some way to live with that."

Then I shamefully collapsed onto Steve and once again let him hold me together, wondering if life would ever feel right again.


	19. LOVE

_Steve's POV_  
_""You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."_  
 _Dr. Seuss_

* * *

_**NINETEEN|LOVE** _

Sitting with Natasha while she struggled to hold herself together, I struggled with my own emotions ripping through me after hearing Bruce's phone call: anger at him for hurting Natasha like he did, frustration at the fact that I didn't stop it, and then guilt at the relief I felt knowing they were gone and I had Natasha all to myself. I couldn't help it.

After awhile, Natasha pulled away from me as she reached for the Kleenex and began the clean-up. "I guess you heard why he left . . . it had nothing to do with you, Steve."

"Yeah, I guess I'm glad about that, but . . . I wish he would have told you. He knows we would have helped to protect her . . . "

"I know that, but I also know that Bruce probably wouldn't have gone for that. I'm sure he believes that he is the only one that can protect Talia."

Nodding, I knew she was right. He was rather egotistical that way, and I'm sure with the way he felt about me right now, he wouldn't want my help.

"It's funny how he couldn't tell me how HYDRA found out. He knew . . . I could tell by his hesitation. What an asshole."

I glanced at Natasha with a smile playing at my lips. It was kind of great to hear her talk that way. Natasha looked at me curiously before asking, "What?"

"You sound like yourself." Seeing her small smile made me hope she was feeling better. "Are you sure you meant what you said about Talia being where she needs to be?"

Nodding, Natasha replied, "Yes, Steve, I'm sure." Then with a huge sigh, she added, "I miss her so much, and I will always feel less whole without her, but . . . Bruce is doing what is best for her and I just have to accept that, for her."

"Yeah, I guess. But . . . are you sure you don't want to keep looking for her? You're her mother . . . you deserve to be with her. I would understand, you know, if you wanted to go to her, for awhile . . . "

A tender smile grew in Natasha's eyes as she touched my cheek to say, "Thank you, Steve, for that. And if they are gone longer than I think they will be, I will find a way to go to her, but . . . I have to wait until it's safe. As much as I fucking hate it, Bruce is right. We have to call off the search. I don't want to lead HYDRA to them. Again, I am at Bruce's mercy . . . waiting until the time is right to see my daughter." With a sigh, she added, "I suppose it will always be that way with Talia. She's more his than she is mine. He's made that abundantly clear."

My hand snuck over to lay on her belly as I said softly, "Our baby is just that, Natasha . . . OUR baby. Yours and mine."

Covering my hand with hers, she turned her head to smile at me, and I felt my heart melt. We sat there like that for a moment until Natasha surprised me by standing up to say, "Come on, it's late. I could really use some sleep," as she held her hand out to me.

"Are you sure? Maybe I should just crash on the couch tonight."

"I kind of like having you next to me when I sleep," Natasha admitted sexily. I have to admit it turned me on.

"You sure?"

With a roll of her eyes, she put her hands back on her belly to remind me, "I'm pregnant, Steve. What other kind of trouble can we get into?"

I laughed softly at her weak attempt at a joke and answered, "Well, I could think of some, but we'll leave that for another time." Natasha's smile warmed my heart as I added, "I guess I'll go out and grab my bag."

"OK. Meet you upstairs."

I trotted outside, grabbed my bag from the car then hurried back inside and crept up the carpeted stairs as quietly as I could. Not thinking to knock, I opened Natasha's bedroom door just in time to see some of her bare back before she slid her tank top into place. "Oh, um, s-sorry . . . " I stuttered as I started to back out again.

Natasha smiled a wicked smile, "It's OK. Come on in."

I slipped inside and closed the door softly then set my bag on the floor. As I stood there awkwardly wondering what to do next, Natasha asked, "Steve? Are you going to sleep in your clothes?"

I looked up to see her crawl into bed, wearing the tank top with shorts, and I willed myself to calm down. I could feel the stretch in my groin as I hardened at seeing Natasha dressed the same as that night I crawled through her window. How the fuck would I be able to keep my hands off of her all night?

"Uh, maybe I should sleep on the couch," I started until Natasha sat up and said, "Oh, don't be like that."

As I stared at her, pleading with her beautiful eyes . . . her shiny hair hanging over one bare shoulder . . . oh my God, I love this girl. I knew I would never be able to deny her anything.

"Alright," I sighed as I turned my back to her and pulled my t-shirt over my head to toss it onto the floor then made my way over to the window to ask, "Is it OK if I open the window? It's kind of stuffy in here."

Natasha stared at me for just a moment before answering slowly, "Um, yeah . . . sure," making me wonder if she was remembering that night, too.

I pushed the pane up, took in a big breath of cool air, then walked over to the edge of the bed announcing awkwardly, "Uh, I usually sleep in just boxers."

"That's fine. I want you to be comfortable," Natasha returned as she reached over and thankfully turned off the bedside lamp.

Now that I could use the cover of darkness, I pushed my shorts down over my ever-growing erection, and quickly crawled onto the bed to lay on my side facing her, hoping that Natasha wouldn't ask me to hold her just yet.

"Steve? Are you alright?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"OK."

I closed my eyes and willed my body to calm the fuck down. I wanted so badly to recreate that night with Natasha . . . to kiss her soft lips and touch her beautiful body in all the right places . . . to feel her underneath me . . . to hear her cry out . . . I jumped from my fantasy as Natasha touched my arm.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Are you sure you're alright?" Natasha whispered.

"I, uh, I can't do this. Not right now," I insisted as I crawled out of the bed and paced in front of the window.

Natasha sat up and asked, "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry, Natasha. I'm so sorry . . . I just can't . . . control it right now."

"Control huh?"

I stopped my pacing and looked over to see her smile teasingly at me. "Don't do that. Don't smile at me. This is hard enough, no pun intended, without you smiling at me."

Natasha laughed softly then said, "Steve, I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh, but . . . I was having the same thoughts."

"Oh great, yeah, that helps." I turned my back on her, placing my hands on either side of the window to lean forward, hoping the cool air would help. Next thing I know, Natasha is standing beside me. "Natasha . . . go back to bed," I warned.

"Or what?"

Again, she smiled, and I thought I would burst soon if she didn't stop it! Straightening, I said, "You know what, I think I'll take a cold shower. Maybe that will help."

Natasha nodded, but before I could leave, she put one hand on my chest and one hand on my neck to pull me closer to her then she touched her lips to mine. It was a soft kiss, I think meant to let me know she was sorry, but soon both of her hands were wrapped around my neck and as she sucked my bottom lip into her mouth, I lost what little control I had and lifted her up to straddle me, digging my hands into her luscious ass.

Leaning her back up against the wall, we kissed over and over, suddenly ravaging each other like we couldn't get enough. My hard-on was raging now as I pressed it into the soft flesh where her tank top had ridden up, and I wanted nothing more than to drive into her as she tugged at my hair and devoured my mouth. Both of us were completely out of control at this point . . . I had no idea how to stop it, nor did I want to.

Tearing myself away from her mouth, I sucked and bit at her neck as my hands slid her tank top higher to free her breasts. As soon as I felt her hard nipples on my skin, I leaned back a little to run my palm over one, then my thumb, sending Natasha through a series of shivers and whimpers. I had to have one in my mouth, so I tore my lips from Natasha's neck and bent to run my tongue over one of her hardened little pebbles before sucking it inside, and enjoying the moan that it brought from her. Natasha's mouth moved to my neck as I worked her breasts and when I felt her teeth on me, I knew I wouldn't be able to last much longer.

Turning, I quickly laid her on the bed, and propped myself over her, my hand scrambling to find her shorts, but instead touching her hand as she was already yanking at them. Taking my cue from her, I pulled at my own boxers until I was free and quickly positioned myself between her legs. I was throbbing now, as I felt the heat that was pouring from her, and with one more look into her eyes, I pushed inside to find that she was just as ready for me. I heard Natasha gasp then dig her nails into my shoulder and I stopped to relish the feeling of her all around me as her legs wrapped around my waist, and she whimpered and tried to force me deeper with her feet.

I gave into her urging and soon was pumping in and out faster and faster as I kissed her and grabbed handfuls of her silky long hair . . . it didn't take long until I felt my balls tighten and then I filled her as my body spasmed and I sighed with complete gratification.

"Oh Steve!" Natasha squeaked out as I felt her body tighten and then contract around me before she fell limp and panted in my ear.

As we lay there, trying to catch our breath, guilt started to creep up around was still married . . . her baby was missing . . . this wasn't the right time . . ."Natasha?" I whispered as I propped myself on my elbows to look down at her.

What I didn't expect was the huge grin on her face. "What the hell was that?" she whispered.

With a grin of my own, I answered, "That was months of sexual tension held back for too long."

"Oh my God, that felt so good!"

I had to laugh as I nodded. "Yeah, it did. But, what happened to it not being the right time?"

Natasha's grin widened as she said, "I don't see you complaining."

"Never was" I replied as I kissed her lips softly then eased off of her. I watched as she tugged her tank top down and then I handed her her shorts as I pulled mine back up and we settled onto the bed, Natasha on her back, and me on my side, facing her.

"I didn't hurt you, did I? Your rib, or your incision?" I asked.

"No," Natasha answered quickly. "Not at all." Then she turned to look at me and say, "I've thought about that night so much, Steve. It was so . . . perfect and . . . you made me feel so . . . "

"Yeah, I know," I smiled as I brushed a lock of her hair back to hook it behind her ear. "I've told you enough that I've relived it many, many times."

With a shy smile, she told me ,"I hate to admit this, but . . . there was a time on my honeymoon . . . on the beach . . . I was alone, and hot and I closed my eyes and thought about you and that night, and I was so close to . . . you know . . . " she stopped, blushing with embarrassment.

I knew what she meant, but wickedly, I wanted to hear her say it. I gave her a look that told her I had no clue what she meant as I encouraged her to go on. "What?"

Natasha huffed, "You know. . ." she stopped and waited as I again gave her the blank stare then she sighed, "touching myself."

I couldn't hide the grin as she finally said it then she realized that I had been teasing her. A smack on the arm was followed by, "You jerk!"

I chuckled as I pulled her close and whispered, "I'm sorry. I just wanted to hear you say it. It's really hot to think of you doing that while you're thinking of me." I ran my tongue over her ear lobe and was happy to hear her short intake of air, as I added, "I always think of you when I do that. And I do that waaayyy too much."

I claimed her lips in a hot, wet kiss that led to some heavy making out. Finally, needing some air, we broke apart and I asked Natasha, "Are you OK with this? I mean, we agreed it wasn't the right time then . . . here we are . . . "

Smiling, she replied, "I don't think we could have kept it from happening too much longer. I love you, Steve. I love you and I want to be with you . . . not just as a mommy and daddy for this baby, but in every way."

"God, you have no idea how long I have waited to hear that. I tried so hard not to give up hope, and now that we're here, I'm so afraid something will happen to break us apart." I was surprised that I had said that out loud. I never wanted to admit it, even to myself.

"No, Steve. I won't allow it. Never again. You and me and this baby will be together no matter what. I promise." Natasha leaned forward to seal that promise with a long, lingering kiss as I entwined my fingers into her long hair.

When Natasha pulled away, I smiled, "Good." Then I thought of the baby . . . our baby. Laying my hand on Natasha's stomach, I rubbed it gently as I asked, "How long before you start to show?"

"Um, I'm not sure. The book says usually about four months, so I guess that's about another 5 or 6 weeks. Why?"

"I know we have a picture, which is in my bag by the way, but . . . I can't wait until I can lay my hand here and feel our baby growing, you know? Feel it kick and move."

That made her smile, something I loved more than anything. "I know. It will be so different this time. I won't be so scared to feel it move around." That beautiful smile faded as she added, "I hope that a lot of things will be different with this baby."

"Like what?"

"I want you and me to do things together for this baby, like pick out a crib and set up a damn nursery and buy little baby clothes . . . and a stroller. I _want_ to buy a damn stroller."

I moved my hand to Natasha's cheek as I said, "Of course we will do those things. This is our baby, yours and mine." Then I realized where she was going with this, and I added, "You didn't get to do those things for Talia, did you?"

Natasha shook her head and shrugged. "I mean, it was gorgeous, but . . . no one even asked me what I wanted for the nursery. What color I would like or what kind of crib I would want. I never got to shop for the clothes or toys or . . . anything. Talia has nothing from me. Nothing."

Putting my hand under her chin, I told her, "That's not true. You told me she has your eyes, and they are really beautiful . . . she's a lucky girl."

That smile I love crept back over her lips as she sighed, "Steve."

"What? Do you know how those eyes haunted me? I did everything I could to forget you, Nat, but those eyes . . . they were with me wherever I went."

Natasha rolled to her side to face me then ran her hand down my cheek. "I'm so sorry for how I've hurt you."

"Stop . . . that's in the past. We're here now, and that's all that matters." Looking at Natasha's luscious lips, I leaned in to kiss them softly and then I found myself lingering there, as we tasted each other in a series of light kisses.

"Mmm," she sighed, "I am so lucky that you never gave up on me."

"I tried, believe me, but . . . I couldn't and I never will."

Gazing into my eyes, Natasha said softly, "I love you, Steve Rogers. Thank you for making me feel so loved."

"You're welcome . . . anytime."

"I want you to know, Steve, that I am going to spend the rest of my life making you feel the same way."

I met Natasha's smile with one of my own. "I already do." Then I kissed her soundly as I added, "Come on, let's get some sleep. Then, in the morning, you can make me breakfast."

"Oh yeah? What makes you think I'm going to make you breakfast?" Natasha asked.

"Well, if you remember, I made you breakfast this morning," then remembering it was way past midnight, I added, "or yesterday morning, whatever. So, it's your turn. And I want pancakes . . . lots and lots of pancakes."

With a smile, Natasha answered, "Pancakes, huh?" As I nodded, she took my hand and led me back into her room then closed the door, and as she pushed me back towards her bed, she said, "Well, if you want pancakes, you'll have to earn them."

And earn them I did.

I opened my eyes and squinted for a moment against the sun streaming through the window, then I heard, "Good morning, sleepyhead." Turning my head, I took in the sight before me and wondered for a moment if I was dreaming. Natasha's head lay on her pillow beside me, her brown eyes warm with a smile. I had to reach out and touch her face to see if she was really there. "Hey, you're real," I told her with a smile.

"Mmm, hmm," she hummed as she leaned forward to kiss me on the lips. "And you are officially late for training. . . again."

Training. Shit. I was really hoping she would forget that lecture today. "What time is it?" I asked as I let out a yawn.

"It's after nine."

"Oh," I said as I turned to face her. "Well, are you going to punish me for missing it again? Maybe a spanking?" I asked hopefully.

"Don't you wish," she shot back before adding, "I will let it go today, but tomorrow, you're going, mister. No excuses."

"We'll see," I told her as I propped myself up on my elbow then ran a finger lightly over her lips. "Do I get a good morning kiss?"

"What do you think?"

"I think," I said softly as I bent slowly toward her lips, "yes," then I kissed her and felt my heart flutter. Waking up with Natasha, and kissing her . . . it was my dream come true. Especially after the night we had. I had no idea how long this would last, and I didn't want to waste a single second. As we kissed, her hands came round my neck and played at my hairline. I loved the feeling of her hands on me . . . along with other body parts.

My hands began to wander her body until I heard, "Steve . . ." Natasha gave me a little shove to stop me. "You horny rascal, we are still guests here "

"True, but you love it anyway ."

"Believe me, I'm very tempted. It's pretty awesome waking up with a sexy man in your bed," she said, wiggling her eye brows at me.

"Sexy, huh? You think I'm sexy?"

"Oh come on, Steve. Like you never look in a mirror? Have you seen this body?" Natasha asked as she ran her hands over my shoulders.

I had to laugh as I said, "Oh yeah, I'm a sex god."

"Mmm, I would have to agree with that," Natasha returned as she drew me down for another kiss. "You certainly know how to make me feel very good."

"Not bad for a 95 year old virgin, huh?"

This time she laughed. " I think we are officially way past that." After one more lingering kiss, Natasha threw the covers back and said, "I'm going to go and pee, then I'll start on your pancakes, OK?"

"Sounds good. Mind if I jump in the shower first?"

"Nope. Go ahead." Natasha pulled on a pair of sweatpants and threw on the same hoodie she wore last night before opening the bedroom door and heading to the bathroom. I laid back and stretched out, not even trying to hide the huge grin on my face. Natasha was mine . . . and I couldn't be more happy. As usual, the timing sucked, but I wasn't going to dwell on that. And I didn't want to push her to be more than . . . well, whatever we were right now. But someday, I would marry that woman, and we would wake up like this everyday.

Sticking her head inside the door, Natasha said, "Bathroom's free. I'm going downstairs." I nodded then she retreated to the hall, and I listened as she padded down the steps. Stretching once again, I finally hauled my ass out of bed and reached down to grab my bag to take to the bathroom with me when I heard, "Morning, Steve. Sleep well?" He said teasingly, holding Nathaniel in his arms.

I looked back at him and smiled widely, "You have no idea."


	20. SACRIFICE

* * *

_Natasha's POV_  
_"I guess that's just part of loving people: You have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up."_  
_” Lauren Oliver_

* * *

 ** _TWENTY|SACRIFICE_**  
  
I finally got myself dressed after Steve left and I couldn't believe how good I felt. After months of holding back my feelings for Steve, I could now let them out and act on them. That passion that always had to be shoved down was now bubbling over and I could admit to myself how much I loved having sex with Steve! He wasn't kidding when he said he was a sex god. This was what I had been longing for. This was what I needed, and even though the timing fucking sucked, I couldn't help but be relieved that I didn't have to hide it anymore.

After making the bed, I gathered up my laundry and headed downstairs to throw it into the washer. I also had to admit how good it felt to be here. I liked taking care of this house and helping Lauren and Clint.

After loading the washer, I cleaned up the clutter around the house and ran the vacuum cleaner. As I was putting it back into the closet, there was a knock on the front door. "I wonder who that could be," I said to myself as I left the kitchen to answer it. I opened the door to find a man there with a huge manila envelope addressed to Natasha A. Banner. "Sign here, please," he asked politely, and after I handed him back the electronic clipboard, he smiled, handed me the envelope and said, "Have a nice day."

Curiously, I turned the package over and noticed it was from some lawyer in Manhattan. I ripped open one end of the envelope and pulled out a sheaf of papers to see written at the top, DIVORCE DECREE. "Oh my God . . . it's divorce papers . . . from Bruce."

Sinking down onto the couch, I started to read through the papers and was amazed at how tidy he had wrapped everything up. "He must have done this that day he was gone," I mumbled as I turned the page. Bruce deposited $200,000 into a bank in New York for me as a settlement! I couldn't believe it. Why would he do that? . But that wasn't all. As for Talia, according to this decree, Bruce would have full custody of her and I would be allowed visitation at his discretion. My heart fell as I re-read that paragraph over an over. At his discretion . . . how could he do this to me?

After reading the letter from the lawyer, I realized all I had to do was sign it in the places marked, mail it back, and it was done . . . over. My marriage to Bruce would be officially dissolved. That is, if I agreed to everything in it. Did I? The money was ridiculous. I never cared about those things, and it seemed absurd for him to include them in the divorce. All I cared about was Talia, and for him to take full custody . . . that really hurt, to the fucking core.

But as I thought harder about it, I guess it made sense. For right now, anyway. Sighing, I had to admit to myself that she was better off with him. Talia was a special child with special needs and she would always need to be with Bruce, just in case. She would always need him more than me.

Sitting back, I let the papers fall to my lap as I thought about the last few months. All that planning, all those nights dreaming of being with Bruce . . . now here are papers that with my signature, would erase it all. I closed my eyes for a moment, as I thought how my life was moving so fast all of a sudden . . . getting married, getting pregnant, having Talia, and now, being with Steve and getting divorced, all in the last couple of months. It was all so surreal, like I was watching it all rush before my eyes and I couldn't do anything to slow it down. I remember telling Bruce not too long ago that I felt like I was on a runaway train. Well, now was the time to stop the train and get off. I needed to take control of my life now and never let it go again. After all, I was the one that asked for the divorce in the first place.

Laying the papers onto the coffee table, I decided I would let them sit there for awhile until I was sure about my decision to sign them. I knew I didn't want to be married to Bruce anymore, and I hoped I could trust him to let me see Talia, but I didn't want to rush into this without some thought on it.

Realizing that the washer had stopped, I got up to shove the laundry into the dryer then moved to the kitchen to see what I had to cook for dinner. I needed to think about normal life things instead of life-changing things for awhile.

Later that night, after dinner, Clint, Lauren and I sat down and we talked about the divorce. Of course, Clint didn't even try to hide his feelings about it. "You know how I feel, Nat. Never should have happened in the first place. I say the sooner it's over the better."

Lauren rolled her eyes at him. "Yeah, no shock there. But, to give him full custody of Talia . . . I know you feel it's the right thing to do Natasha, but I also know it would be hard to actually do it.."

"It would be, very hard." I sighed.

As I looked up at Clint, I guess he could tell by the look on my face what I was thinking. "Natasha, look. Once this all blows over and Bruce settles down, hopefully you will live close enough to see her all the time. But, you don't love Bruce, you know you don't. You love Steve and you should be with him. Period. Talia will be cared for and loved and someday, she will understand. Just like you do."

And then I felt a small smile as they grew in the corner of my eyes. Looking at my friends, I felt such love for them, and grateful that they would always be by my side. "Thanks you guys," I managed to squeeze out over the huge lump in my throat. "I love you both."

Never one comfortable with emotions, he surprised me by getting out of his chair and moving to sit beside me on the couch to pull me into his arms. "We love you, too, Natasha. Very much. You're our family too." Lauren followed and hugged the other side of me.

After wiping up with some tissues, Clint stood up to announce, "Enough of this. We're going up to bed. It's been a rough few days and I just can't seem to get caught up on my sleep."

"I know. I'm sorry about all that."

"It's OK. The kids don't make it any better. Maybe you should get some sleep yourself. I still see some darkness under those pretty eyes of yours."

With a smile, I relented. "Fine. I'll go up to bed." We took the stairs together after Clint locked the doors and turned off the lights. I reached my door first and told him, "I think I'll put some music on low. Let me know if it's too loud . . . I just don't like it so quiet anymore."

"No, I don't mind. You know me. Once I'm asleep, the house could fall down around me and I wouldn't know it."

That was true. He was a heavy sleeper. "OK. Good night, guys."

"Good night, Natasha. See you in the morning." Lauren replies then they walked on down the hall to their room and closed their door. I did the same then moved over to where they kept an old CD player, and turned it on to the radio. I found a station I liked then set the volume to where I could still hear it, but hopefully they couldn't. I really didn't care what was playing. I just needed the background noise.

Suddenly I missed Steve and wondered if he would come back tonight. Hoping that maybe he might stop by, I pushed the window up a few inches just in case.

Still thinking of Steve, I slipped out of my clothes and into the t-shirt that he left behind. I smiled as I pulled it up to my nose and inhaled his woodsy scent. "Mmmm, Steve," I whispered to myself, remembering everything that had happened between us the night before. Just then, my cell phone started buzzing and I grabbed it from the desk to say, "Hello?"

"Hello, Natasha. Did you receive the papers today?"

"Yes, Bruce, I did. That was certainly quick."

"Well, you told me that was what you wanted, and since I saw no reason to drag it out, I decided to take care of it before we left. Are you in agreement on everything in the decree?"

"Not entirely. Full custody of Talia? Will I ever see her?"

"You understand the situation, Natasha. For now, I feel that full custody is best. And I hope, that sometime in the future, we will be free to come and go as we like, and of course, you may see her whenever you wish."

"Look, Bruce, I want you to know that I understand you are what's best for Talia. I know that I can't do things for her on my own . . . I get that. I want what's best for my daughter and even though it's killing me to be away from her, I will do what I have to do for her. So, as long as you promise that someday you will allow me to see her whenever I wish, I will agree to full custody."

"Of course I will. You are her mother after all. I won't let her forget that, I promise." That felt good to hear. I just hoped with all my heart he would keep that promise. "Thank you, Natasha. It is what's best for Talia. I will keep her safe . . . you can trust me on that."

"I do, but I have to ask, why the huge amount of money? Did you think you had to buy me off to get Talia?"

"Of course not. Whether you believe it or not, I still care about you, Natasha, very much. I'm sure I always will, especially since you are the mother of my child. The lawyer suggested a settlement, and I agreed, only we both thought it should be more, but I knew you would have a fit." I had to smile at that. He did know me pretty well. "Who knows where we will be with Talia . . . you may need the money to travel to us if we can't come to you. It's just practical for you to have it there if you need it, that's all."

I should have realized that. Bruce had always been generous where I was concerned, and really, that amount of money was nothing to him. Suddenly I felt bad about accusing him of wanting to buy me off, as I mumbled, "Thank you, Bruce. I'm sorry, I . . . "

"It's alright, I understand. Look, I'm sorry I can't talk long. I can't take the chance of this call being traced. I'll call again soon, I promise. Good bye, Natasha."

"Good bye." I hung up the phone and sunk down onto the bed beside Steve, who had surprised me by sneaking in through the window while I was talking. I looked over at him and sighed, "As I'm sure you guessed, that was Bruce."

"I heard. What's going on?"

"I, uh, I received an envelope from a lawyer in Manhattan today. They were divorce papers, from Bruce."

The shock registered on his face then he found his voice to stutter, "How . . . when did he . . . "

"He went to Manhattan before he left and had them drawn up."

With a shake of his head, Steve sighed, "Wow." Then he looked at me and asked, "Are you OK?"

"Yes," I nodded. "I was pissed at first about the money, but . . . "

"Money?"

"He put $200,000 in an account for me in a bank in New York as a settlement." Again, Steve gave me a shocked look.

"What about Talia?"

I closed my eyes for a moment before I let out a heavy sigh then I looked at him and answered, "Bruce gets full custody."

"What?" Steve exploded. I immediately put a finger to my lips to remind him to be quiet so that anybody wouldn't hear him. He lowered his voice then continued his rant. "He can't do that! She is half yours, too. He thinks he can buy you off and take your kid? You have to fight this, Natasha."

"Talia is better off with Bruce. I have to think of what is best for her. And that's Bruce. That's just the way it has to be for now." As those words came out of my mouth, I thought how brave they sounded . . . welcome back, Natasha. "He said he put the money in the account for me for if he and Talia can't come here, and there is a chance for me to go to them to visit, I would have the money to do that. He was just being practical, I guess. And, he promised me that he would let me see Talia, and . . . I have to believe that."

"Yeah, sure," I heard Steve mutter under his breath.

"Come on, Steve. I think he was telling the truth on this one. Believe it or not, Clint and Lauren were the ones who helped me make this decision."

Throwing his arm round my shoulders, he said, "I know even though you're trying to do the right thing here, it still hurts like hell, doesn't it?"

Steve was right, as usual. It did hurt like hell, but I was going to be strong this time and do the right thing . . . for Talia. Nodding, I let my head fall over onto Steve's strong shoulder.

"Natasha, I love you, and I'm here for you . . . if you want to cry or if you want to yell or maybe throw another plant . . . go ahead. Or if you want to be alone, I can go. Just let me know what you need."

I sat up to look at him, and as I gazed into his dark eyes, so full of love for me, I realized there was only one thing I really needed. "You, Steve. All I need is you."

Steve's eyes lit up as he took my face into his hands. "Well, I can do that, too," he said softly before he kissed me tenderly, making my heart melt into a puddle. "Are you wearing my shirt?" he asked as he pulled back just a little to look at me.

"Mmm, hmm. You left it here this morning."

A big smile crept onto his lips. "That's kind of hot, Romanoff."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he echoed as he laid me back against the pillows, leaning down to kiss me, gently at first then he became a little more aggressive as his hand brushed the tip of my breast through his shirt and I gasped. Soon our tongues tangled and I felt my heart sing. This was what I had wanted for so long . . . not just sex, but this feeling of complete and utter joy. The freedom of loving someone so completely. I wound my arms around his neck and moaned as his fingers rolled and pinched my nipple. It was wonderful and exciting and I wanted more, so much more.

I smiled at him as he tugged at the bottom of the shirt to pull it up and over my head then drop it onto the floor. "I thought you liked me wearing your shirt," I said.

"Mmm, I do, but it's getting in the way," he murmured as his lips kissed down my neck, into the hollow of my collar bone and finally lower to take that nipple into his mouth. "Oh yes," I breathed. I could feel the heat rising in my body as my heart beat louder. I let my hand drift down to tug at the zipper on his shorts, and he quickly got rid of them and laid back down beside me.

We spent time just exploring each other's bodies in a way we hadn't before. He kissed and touched everywhere, and then I took my turn. I never knew sex could be like this and I was in awe of each new sensation. Especially when Steve's hand covered my mound and then he dipped a finger inside to stroke me. I was so aroused already that I felt I could come just from that. He played a little longer until I was in a frenzy and then he moved on top of me and settled in between my legs. "I want you, I need you," he breathed into my ear.

"Yes, yes," I panted.

As Steve pushed inside, I let out a moan as he filled me completely. I was so close to exploding as I grabbed his face and kissed him passionately. Steve and I moved in perfect rhythm, letting the heat build between us until I broke away and cried out as my body shook with my release and he emptied into me. "Oh, yes, Steve!" Wave after wave of pure bliss crested then waned until I opened my eyes and looked into Steve's face.

"Natasha . . . you are so beautiful when you let go like that. It's amazing to watch," he said softly.

I rolled my eyes at him. Steve rolled to the side, keeping me close so that we stay connected as he wrapped his arms around me. Laying here in his arms, I felt like than I had in months. I knew that with Steve by my side, I could handle anything that came along. "I love you, Steve."

"Mmm, I love you, too."

Laying there, listening to the beat of Steve's heart with the soft music in the background, I finally fell asleep feeling like maybe things would work out alright after all. Maybe.


	21. LIES

_Natasha's POV_   
_"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."_   
_ Ralph Waldo Emerson _

* * *

**_TWENTY-ONE|LIES_ **

A couple of weeks later, my birthday rolled around. Since my birthday was on a Sunday, Steve took me to Brooklyn for the day, I found out later to get me out of the way. It was so wonderful to get out of the house for a whole day! I had stuck pretty close to home since moving back in, and it made me realize I really needed to get out more. Steve and I ate lunch at a little restaurant along the waterfront then since the sun was shining, we walked hand in hand watched the boats for awhile before playing a rousing game of mini golf, which I won. We finished off the day with ice cream cones then he drove me to Clint's. When I walked into the house I knew something was up when I saw Clint's grin. He made me close my eyes as he walked me into the kitchen then both he, Lauren, the kids and Steve yelled, "Surprise!"

I hugged them all at least ten times and then turned to Steve. "You were in on this, weren't you?"

Nodding with a grin, Steve confessed, "But, I wanted to take you to Brooklyn anyway, so it worked out for both of us."

Then Clint grilled steaks for dinner and afterwards, Lauren brought out a cake she bought at the grocery store and lit 32 candles. The kids and Steve sang a very off-key version of Happy Birthday and I blew out the candles, wishing that someday, I could celebrate my birthday with both of my babies together. I wanted that more than anything.

A few days after my birthday, I received word that my divorce from Bruce was final. I sunk down on the couch with the letter in my hand and was still sitting there an hour later when Lauren came home from work. I wasn't really sad that the marriage was over. I was ready to move on with my life with Steve, but I missed Talia more than ever and it just brought home to me what I had given up.

I thought about Talia every day and would take out my phone just to stare at her picture and wonder what she looked like now. She had to be so different . . . I hated that I was missing so much. Bruce called once a week to let me know she was alright, and tell me about what new thing she could do. But his calls were always very short, less than 5 minutes as he was still afraid of HYDRA finding them.

As I arrived back to the house one afternoon from my walk, I found Steve sitting on the back step waiting for me. He stood up as I approached then when I reached him, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me soundly. "Hey."

"I have a doctor's appointment at 12:30. You want to come?" Right before my birthday, I found out that Tony had given my records to an obstetrician at the hospital and had called to ask when I would like to schedule an appointment. I went in to see him and he told me that I was progressing just fine and he would see me once a month until I was around 7 months, then I would go in twice a month. He seemed very nice, and I was very grateful to Tony for taking care of this for me. It was nice to know he still cared.

"You know I want to go with you."

Just then, I felt this flutter inside . . . just a little twinge. Kind of like a butterfly flying around inside me. My hand moved to my belly as I stared down at it in awe. I gasped as I felt it again. Steve looked up and asked, "Nat? You alright?"

Looking up, I nodded in wonder as I said softly, "I think I just felt the baby."

Steve's eyes lit up as he asked, "Really? What did it feel like?"

"Um, just a flutter kind of . . . I don't know how to explain it. The doctor told me last time that I should feel it soon, and well, I think I just did." Tears sprang to my eyes as I held my hand over my baby bump. It had popped out a couple of weeks ago and my pants now were getting way too tight so I had taken to wearing sweatpants.

Steve put his arm around my shoulder and covered my hand with his own. "I can't wait until I can feel it, too."

I looked up at him with a smile and added, "Me, too."

We sat there with our heads together, in awe of what was happening until there was a knock on the back door. Looking up, I was shocked to see Thor in his armor through the window of the door! "Oh my gosh! It's Thor," I squealed as I shoved my chair back to answer the door.

After ripping open the door, I launched myself into Thor's arms. "Hey there, Romanoff! It's good to see you, too." I didn't realize how much I missed Thor and his bear hugs until right now. He finally set me back on my feet then said, "Let me look at you." I stepped back and he checked out my belly, which was visible since I was wearing sweatpants, and he said, "How are you? Is the baby OK?"

"Yes," I smiled. "I just felt it for the first time . . . just now, before you knocked," I told him excitedly.

"That's great," he grinned as I pulled him inside to watch him walk over to Steve, who was now standing, and pulled him in for a bro hug, "Hey, Steve. It's good to see you, old friend."

Steve chuckled lightly, "You too."

I looked out the open door to see if anyone else was with him then I heard Thor say over my shoulder, "Sorry, it's just me."

I turned back to him and he smiled, "But I brought you something." Stepping back outside, he picked up a shopping bag and brought it in as I closed the door.

"You brought me a present?" I asked.

"Yeah. I think you'll like it," Thor returned with a grin. Setting the bag down on the table, he pulled out a big book of some kind. He laid it on the table and said, "Here, sit down."

I eased into the chair and caught my breath as he opened the book. It was a scrapbook . . . of Talia! "Oh my gosh, Thor. This is . . . this is so . . . wonderful." On the first page was a picture of just Talia, as she looked when I last saw her. As I ran a finger over the image of her beautiful face, I felt the tears run down my mine.

Thor pulled up a chair on the other side of me, as Steve had reclaimed his chair, and I felt Thor's arm around my shoulder as he said softly, "I talk about you all the time to her, and I have a picture of you that I show her. She won't forget you, Natasha. I promise."

I looked up at him just as a sob escaped and he drew me close and let me cry. I missed her so much and longed to hold her and to sing to her and to just let her know that I loved her. I was so afraid that she would forget me, but now, to hear that Thor was talking to her about me, well, it was just too much for me.

I felt Steve's hand on my leg and finally, I sat up and wiped my eyes and laughed as I told Thor, "Geez, you bring me a present and I bawl all over you. Sorry about that." Steve handed me a couple of napkins for me to blow my nose and wipe my eyes, and once I was under control again, I took a deep breath and reached for the book to turn the page.

"I've been working on this since we left," Thor explained as I turned the pages. "Tony gave me a camera and told me to take pictures of her every other day or so to document her development. So, I made two copies of every picture I took - one for his photo album, and one for your scrapbook."

I did think it was strange that Bruce didn't send pictures. I asked him once and he told me that he didn't want to risk sending something through the mail as he was sure somebody would be watching. Same with email. But as I turned the pages and watched my daughter change before my very eyes, I was more angry with Bruce than I thought possible and very grateful to Thor for thinking of me.

"Oh wow, look at that one," Steve said as we looked at a close-up of Talia's face. "She really does have your eyes," he said softly.

I smiled at him, hoping someday soon he could actually see her in person and turned the page. We reached the end of the book way too soon, and as I started to close it, Thor stopped me and reached over to take a disc out of an envelope on the back cover. "Do you have a DVD player on your laptop?" It was sitting on the table as Steve and I had used to help with his studying.

I nodded and he moved the laptop over and opened the drive to pop the DVD in and then close it. Quickly he set it up then he turned the screen so we could see it and suddenly, there was Talia! "I have a video camera, too, and I made this for you," Thor said into my ear as I watched in awe.

Tears ran again as I watched my daughter smile into the camera. I could hear Thor's voice in the background of the video as he said to her, "Come on, mate . . . smile for Mama."

Talia rolled over and I heard Thor say, "Yay! Look at you, baby girl."

Steve and I watched in amazement as Talia grew right in front of our eyes. She had been gone now for two months, and by the end of the video she was sitting up on her own and waving and playing patty-cake. Right before it was over, on the screen appeared Thor with Talia in his lap. He had put the camera on a tri-pod so he could say, "Natasha, I want you to know that I will make sure Talia remembers you. You will never be forgotten." Just then, Talia's hand touched Thor's face and he smiled. "Look at the camera and wave at mama." Talia waved her little hand as she smiled then I froze as I heard her say, "Mama."

As I gasped, Thor said to me with a smile, "Yeah, I taught her that."

The screen went dark as the video was over and I turned to Thor, smiling through my tears. "She remembers me."

Thor pulled me close again as I sniffed and told him, "Thank you, Thor. Thank you so much. This is . . . amazing."

Sitting up, I wiped my eyes yet again as he said, "Look, Natasha. You know I wasn't in favor of running and hiding like a bunch of wimps. When I found out he drugged you and you had no idea he was leaving, I was pissed! I railed at Bruce and called him every name in the book, but I knew he was barely listening. He had his mind made up and there was nothing anyone could say that would change it."

Anger at Bruce built up until I felt I could rip them both apart. Shoving my chair back, I stood up to pace the kitchen, as my body was now humming with energy. "I can't believe that son of a bitch!" Suddenly, Steve's watch blared loudly, and he told me he had patrol. Then, he left. Thor moved closer as he spoke.

"Bruce is different, Natasha. He's . . . I don't know, he's just so wrapped up in Talia. She's everything to him. He doesn't care about anyone or anything but Talia. Bruce has been lying to you."

"Lying to me?"

"Yes. For the last couple of months now," Thor dropped his hands as he went on to explain, "When I asked Tony about HYDRA, he said HYDRA barely has intel on where _any_ of us are, they're going into hiding. Recuperating for something. They know nothing about Talia."

My heart picked up it's beat as I took in what Thor was saying. He lied to me . . . all this time, he's been lying! "Are you sure? I mean, maybe you misunderstood . . . " I began as I tried hard to understand exactly what Thor was telling me.

"Yes, I'm sure. When I told Tony that Bruce had still been keeping Talia from you, he seemed genuinely surprised. I guess Bruce had told him that you had been keeping in contact, but had decided not to travel while you were pregnant. That you were being overly cautious with this baby because of what you went through with Talia. "

"And he believed that?" I asked incredulously.

Thor nodded before saying, "Yeah, he did. Look, I told you Bruce is different. We never had any reason to doubt his word before. Especially Tony . . . I mean, they've been together for so long and he and Bruce have always been so open and honest with each other. But Bruce is so overprotective of Talia to the point of it becoming unnatural. He doesn't allow us to say your name in front of him or Talia. It's not right."

I sunk down onto the couch as my brain went into overdrive. Oh my God . . . it's true. All these months without her . . . I thought I was doing the right thing. I could feel my anger grow in the pit of my stomach until it was red hot and I wanted nothing more than to hunt Bruce down and rip him apart!

Looking up at Thor, I demanded, "Where is he?" When he hesitated, I said louder, "Tell me, Thor. Where the hell is he?"

"Toronto," Thor answered quietly as he sat down beside me.

"Toronto? Canada?"

"We just moved there three weeks ago. He rented a house there not too far from Tony and Pepper, who have been living there for awhile now. Tony left with him to keep tabs on Talia."

I couldn't believe it . . . for the last three weeks, my baby was merely hours away from me. "How long does it take to drive there?" I asked.

"I made it here in like 7 hours, but I drove pretty fast and . . ."

Standing up, I cut him off with, "Then let's go."

"What?" Thor asked as he stood up beside me. "You want to go? Right now? What about Steve?"

Steve . . . yeah. He would never want me to go alone. But I wasn't alone. I was with Thor. "I'll call him on the way," I threw out as I moved toward the door to grab my coat and purse and Thor followed.

"I'm not sure this is such a good idea, Natasha."

Whipping around to face him, I felt the anger pour through my veins, making me stronger than I had ever felt as I told him angrily, "I have missed three months of my baby's life, Thor. I thought I was doing the right thing by allowing Bruce to hide her from HYDRA, and now I find out he's just playing me for a fool. You think you can keep me here? Just try it."

With a grin, Thor replied, "I may be big and strong, but even I'm not stupid enough to try it. Let's go."

I jerked open the door to see his Audi sitting outside and as I hurried toward it, I was determined to see my baby no matter who I had to go through to do it.


	22. WAR

_Steve's POV_   
_"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up."_   
_James Baldwin _

* * *

**_TWENTY-TWO| WAR_ **

I finally made it to the end of the patrol and I ran home to shower and change. I hadn't seen or heard from Natasha in hours, and I suddenly found myself in a hurry to run to Clint's and visit Natasha.

Instead, I picked up the phone to dial Natasha's cell phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me. You OK?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Natasha paused for a moment then added hesitantly, "I, uh, I am on my way to Toronto . . . with Thor ."

"What? Toronto, Canada? Are you serious?"

"Yes. I'm going to see Talia." She then proceeded to tell me how Thor had come to tell her that Bruce had been lying to her all this time . . . there was no threat, no reason to hide. Instantly my anger towards Bruce was making the vein that had popped out on my forehead want to explode. "Apparently he rented a house just west of Toronto about three weeks ago . . . Thor says that Tony and Pepper live close by too."

"That arrogant bastard," I blurted out before asking, "Where are you now? I'm coming with you."

"Steve, you don't have to do that. I can do this shit on my own. Well, with Thor. I'll call you when I get there, I promise. Please don't worry about me."

"Do you want me to quit breathing?" I shot back at her.

With a soft laugh, Natasha said, "Yeah, I know. If you're breathing, you're worrying. I'm fine, really. I love you so much."

"Natasha, don't," I managed to get out just before she hung up. "Fuck!" I hung up the phone and stared at it for like half a second before I went to the HQ. As soon as I arrived in the training room, Wanda, Sam, and Vision moved their eyes to me.

"Whoa, are you . You look pissed. What the hell is going on?" Wanda asked.

I recalled the phone call I had from Natasha then let him know, "There is no way she is doing this without me. I'm heading to Canada."

"Not alone you're not. I'm coming with you." She replied.

"Count me, in, too." Sam said as Vision gave me a curt nod. 

"Look guys, I appreciate that, but I don't think . . . "

"Doesn't matter. We're going."

"And who is going to take patrol?"

"Clint and Sharon can fill in for us."

"Alright, fine, focus here. We're on a mission. Let's go." We walked to the battle jets and began to fly towards the Canadian border, I just hoped we could get there in time. I wasn't sure what was going to go down, but I had a bad feeling about it that I couldn't shake.

Natasha's POV

Thor turned out the lights on the car as we drove down the drive then pulled it over and parked it a ways from the house. Even though it was dark, I could see that the house was actually a beautiful log cabin, sitting alone in the woods with smoke curling from the stone chimney . . . the kind I always wanted when I was a little girl and hooked on the Little House on the Prairie books. Looking over at me, Thor asked, "How do you want to do this?"

As we drove for the last four hours, I had been picturing this moment in my head . . . how it would be to see Talia again and all that I wanted to say to Bruce. But now that it was here, I wasn't sure of anything. I took a deep breath to push down the panic and tried hard to find that anger that was still boiling inside me, then I turned to Thor and said, "I'm going in to get my baby before he figures out we're here. Let's go."

Jumping from the Jeep, I stalked toward the house, Thor right beside me. When we reached the door, I glanced over at him to catch his wink then he reached out and turned the doorknob and opened the door for me.

We stepped inside into this large open room with a huge stone fireplace at one end. It was quiet, very quiet. Where the hell is he? Thor immediately raced up the stairs and searched, nothing. "Where could they be?" I whispered to him.

Before he could answer, we heard noise from outside. As I listened, I heard shouting and . . . shooting? Thor heard it too and he whipped around to head to the door with me right on his heels. As we ran outside, we stopped in our tracks to see Bruce, clutching Talia to his chest, surrounded by Steve, Wanda, Sam and Vision. I knew he wouldn't listen to me, and thank God he didn't.

"Going somewhere, Bruce?" I heard Thor ask behind me.

"Call them off, Natasha!" Bruce shouted, his voice full of rage. "I won't let them hurt my daughter!"

"You know Steve would never hurt Talia," I returned as I hurried over toward him, adding, "You, however, I'm not so sure." They retreated just a few steps to allow me access to Bruce and I ran my hand along Steve's arm as I passed him and whispered, "Thank you." Excitement ripped through me like an electric current as I saw my baby for the first time in four months.

Then Vision suddenly yelled," No!" I looked at him surprisingly shocked at his outburst, and that's when I saw Bruce pull a gun from behind him, setting Talia down. She ran right to Thor and wrapped her arms around his legs. My heart froze, I didn't know what to do nor what to think. Bruce's smile was wicked and evil. Thor was right, he had changed. But I was livid, "You're really pulling a gun out on me, you arrogant son of a bitch!? Do you have any idea how worried I have been for four months? How scared I was that HYDRA might find her and take her? Not knowing if her body might suddenly shut down from her rapid growth, and I might never see her again? How devastated I have been at every milestone I have missed? She's walking and talking and I've missed all of it! Because of you!" He just stood there defiantly, saying nothing as I railed, "And now this . . . how could you, Bruce? After all we meant to each other . . . how could you do this?"

Bruce leaned just a little closer to snarl, "All we meant to each other? What did we mean to each other? I was in love with you, Natasha! I loved you! And you betrayed me by having sex with Steve, Steve, of all the people you could have fucked and you chose him, our best friend! You got pregnant two days before our wedding. THAT showed me what I meant to you, you . . . whore."

"Whore?" I was taken back by that. I had never heard Bruce use words like that.

"Yes, _whore._ Isn't that what they call a bitch who has sex with someone other than the man she supposedly loves and wants to marry?" Bruce shot back.

"You know it wasn't like that."

"I don't care what it was like! You did it . . . you betrayed me and I will never be able to get over that pain. Knowing that he touched you before we went on our honeymoon and then I . . . I was such a failure at it. How you must have loved that, Natasha. Running back to Steve and sharing that story . . . I'll bet the two of you have had many laughs at my expense, haven't you?"

"My God, Bruce, of course we haven't. What is wrong with you? You're twisting everything around . . . "

"That's not Bruce." Vision interjected as he moved closer to me. I looked at him confusingly before he started talking. "He has no control over what he's saying. His vitals and thought process is corrupted . This isn't Bruce." At first, I thought Vision was losing _his_ mind. But then I took a closer look at Bruce, and I saw. He was shaking violently as sweat covered his entire body. His face looked awful, bags began to form under his eyes and he constantly kept moving his eyes side to side.

My hands covered my mouth as I held back a sob. Vision was right. "Well, what the hell are we doing, we have to save him!" Steve interjected. Vision shook his head slowly," Not much we can do, it's too late."

"No, no! It's not too late!" Steve threw his shield down and moved towards Bruce slowly. Bruce immediately averted his attention to Steve and shot near his foot. "My next shot won't miss, stay back!" But Steve kept moving, " Listen, I know we hurt you, and I am so sorry. I never... I didn't want to... it wasn't our intention ok?" His face weakened as his shaking got less violent. "You're my best friend, I care about you. This isn't you, and you know it's not."

Bruce put his head down in shame, then sobbed softly, "You did this to me, and you were my friend..."

"We are _still_ friends, we are family. You're stronger than this, whatever they did to you, we can fix it."

He looked back up with a look of anger, pointing the gun back at him," _I..._ CAN FIX IT! I can fix this by stirring all this pain and anger, stuff it in a bullet and put it right between your fucking eyes!" Everyone began to move forward, but Steve stopped them. He took off his helmet and moved to Bruce, and with each step, I could feel my heart get steep into my stomach.

Steve stopped right in front Bruce's gun, " You won't, because that's not who you are." His eyes widened surprise while his arm holding the gun began to waver and his eyes began to soften. 'I'm sorry, Natasha. I'm sorry, Steve." Bruce aims the gun at his head, and Steve lunged at him, forcing him to the ground and then suddenly, I heard _BANG!_ The world seemed to freeze around me. I've heard gunshots before, hell, most of the ones I've heard came from me. But this was different. This shot weighed on my heart and ears. Steve and Bruce's body were laying there, not moving a muscle. Then Bruce moved up to his knees and looked at Steve in horror.

"What the hell? Steve... Steve?" Steve didn't move, and neither did my heart. Thor and Wanda ran to Steve's motionless body, as Bruce yelled, "Call Tony!" before he threw me his phone then he turned his attention to Steve, still shaking him to stay awake.

My hands were shaking so much, I had a hard time holding the phone, but I managed to find Tony's number and when he answered, I shouted into the phone, "Come to Bruce's now! It's an emergency!" then I dropped the phone and hit my knees in front of Steve's head. "Please, Steve . . . please hold on," I begged as a sob escaped. "Please, please don't leave me."

Pulling on his arm to urge him to move away, I gave him a nod and then, out of nowhere, Tony appeared in his suit to ask, "What happened?" Seeing the blood on Bruce, Tony instantly put himself between Bruce and Steve.

"Is he still alive? Is he OK? Will he live?" I asked Tony in rapid fire.

With a glance my way, Tony replied, "He's lost a lot of blood . . . his pulse is very weak . . . I need to get him to my house, now." Tony stood and looked at Thor "Do you think you can carry Steve to my house?"

"Of course, I can," Thor answered, immediately bending down to scoop Steve up into his arms.

"Go, now. I'm right behind you," Tony told him, and then Thor was gone in a blur, everybody else stayed put to keep watch over me. I looked for Talia and she now had her clutches on Wanda.

The panic inside me escalated as I grabbed Tony's arm to babble, "Where did he go? I need to be with him . . . I can't leave him . . . how do I get . . . "

"Natasha, it's alright. I will send Thor right back for you, I promise. I only live a mile and a half down the road."

Nodding, I let go of his arm and watched as he, too, disappeared into the dark, leaving me alone with Bruce , Wanda and Talia. Wrapping my arms around myself, I tried hard to calm down. Being this upset wasn't good for my baby, I kept trying to tell myself. Steve is with Tony . . . he won't let him die . . . he can't die. Finally, I took some deep breaths then turned my attention to Bruce, who had his head in his hands.

I took in the sight of Bruce, who stood there bare-chested, covered in dirt, his shirt missing and his pants torn . . . his hair was matted down, and I could see tears fall down his cheek. I crawled slowly to him and wrapped my arms around him.

"Please don't," Bruce returned sadly. "I've put you through enough."

"No, it wasn't your fault. You had no control."

He laughed weakly at that, "I never have control of myself. This was way worse..." He sighed heavily, burying himself in more dirt. My hands moved to his hands and I placed them in mine. "What happened to you, Bruce?"

His eyes tightened together, "I can only remember pieces." I squeezed his hands tighter, "Try." He took a deep breath, and began speaking.

"It was the next day after you told me you wanted a divorce. I was walking and then all of a sudden, I'm unconscious. I was taken to this place, tortured. It was unbearable, I kept hearing this voice... saying 'Kill Natasha, Kill Steve, get your revenge.' Whoever he was, he seemed keen on wanting you dead." Then he looked at me, and I can tell this was the real Bruce. "I'm so sorry, for everything that I've put you through."

I leaned forward and pressed my lips on his forehead before pulling his head on my chest, "No need. I'm here now." We laid there for moments, and I felt him fall asleep on my lap. Suddenly, I saw Wanda come into view with Talia in her arms. I gasped at the sight of her, she's so beautiful. Wanda walked towards me and set her next to me and Bruce before moving back to her spot. Clearing my throat, I said to Talia, "I'm your mommy, Talia. Don't you remember me?"

I wasn't sure if she would answer, or if she could answer. But I waited, and finally, I saw here little head give me a nod. Giving her a small smile through my tears, I said softly, "I love you and I have missed you very much. I'm so sorry you don't understand what is going on. Things will get better, I promise. " She crawled in between my legs and nuzzled up my chest. I smiled lightly, loving her soft body on mine. Soon, I could feel her breathing slow as I knew she was asleep as well. My smile widened while I looked up in the sky and gazed upon the beautiful stars. But it faded, when I realized that Steve was still near the clutches of death. While I was here with Bruce and Talia, Steve was somewhere dying.

Thor suddenly appeared out of nowhere to ask, "Are you ready to go?"

Bruce awoke slowly, but Talia remained sleep. "I have to go Bruce," He nodded his head and stared at Talia. I moved my hand to give him Talia, but he stopped me. "What are you doing?" He gave me a small smile. I knew what that meant, he was leaving Talia, he was leaving _me_. Tears began to fill my eyes, as I looked at Talia sleeping. He couldn't do this to her, she needed him. And me, I would miss him too, so much.

"Please, don't leave us." I whispered.

He got up from the ground and looked at Talia again. He bent down and pressed his lips on her forehead. Then he turned to me and did the same. "Goodbye, Natasha. Take care of her, please." He gave a curt nod to Thor, which Thor returned. Ripped clothes filled the air, a monstrous roar entered my ear and before I knew it, he was gone. I sighed as I held Talia tighter to my chest. He was gone, and even though my selfishness wanted him here, he was doing the right thing. Whatever he was going through now, he had to handle it himself.

Wiping my tears from my eyes, I said, "Yeah, I'm ready." Thor lifted me and Talia off the ground and gestured us to the car and we were there in minutes.

Once we stopped, I was standing in front of an old white farmhouse. I followed Thor up the porch steps to the front door, and walked into what could only be called a parlor. For a moment, I felt like I had walked back in time into the 1930's . . . the furniture, the wall paper . . . everything was redone to look old, yet it had a new feel to it. I gave Thor Talia and I began looking for Steve.

Pepper suddenly appeared to pull me into her arms for a hug. "Natasha, I'm so sorry," she said before taking my hand to add, "Follow me."

I let her lead me up the beautiful wooden staircase to the second floor where we turned into a bedroom and I saw Steve, lying on a bed with an IV in one arm and Tony leaning over him, stethoscope in his ears. Steve was so still . . . and so white . . . .

Hurrying to the bedside, I asked, "Is he going to be OK?"

Taking the stethoscope from his ears, Tony looked at me to say, "Natasha, I won't lie to you. It's touch and go right now. He's lost a lot of blood, and his blood pressure is very low. His breathing is shallow and his pulse is weak. He's in a coma. "

My hand covered my mouth to hold back the wail that was trying to escape. I leaned in and kissed him on his forehead. "You'll wake up, you will. And I'll be right here when you do.".

My thoughts went back to Bruce but I decided I couldn't think about that as I watched Steve lying so still in front of me . . . he was my only priority right now.

Tony sighed before saying, "I'm so sorry, Natasha. I should have seen what was happening, but I . . . "

"Don't apologize, Tony. It's not his fault. I hurt him, badly and whoever did that to him, used that hurt against him."

"Well, I'll find whoever did that to him and make them burn!" He replied angrily.

Calming himself, he finally stepped over to kneel in front of me to say, "Natasha, we're a family. And from now on, nobody's getting separated. We stick together, ok?"

Again, I just nodded then I finally squeaked out, "Thank you."

With a soft smile, Tony patted my knee then stood to take Steve's pulse.

As the night drug on, exhaustion took over and I had a hard time keeping my eyes open. Pepper kept trying to get me to go across the hall and lie down with Talia, but I refused to leave Steve. I kept my vigil, holding his hand, running my fingers through his short hair, putting light kisses on his forehead . . . hoping that somehow, he would know I was here with him. I would whisper in his ear, "Fight, Steve. Come back to me and our baby. We need you."

I couldn't imagine what I would do without him. Again I cursed at myself for taking so long to realize it was really Steve that I loved. All that time, wasted . . . and now, here I was pregnant with his child and we were so happy together . . . he had to come back to me. He had to.

My body could only stand so much, and somewhere in the night, I must have lost my battle against sleep because next thing I know, I was leaning forward, my head resting on Steve's chest, and it was moving . . . and I could hear . . .chuckling? My eyes flew open as I sat up to hear Steve say weakly, "I feel wet . . . I think you were drooling."

"Oh my God, Steve!" My heart soared as I took in his weak smile and I immediately turned to hug him, and let my tears flow freely over his bare shoulder.

"Even wetter now."

Sitting up, I wiped his shoulder then my eyes as I laughed. "I'm sorry . . . I'm just so happy you're awake. How do you feel?"

"Like shit."

I again laughed softly at his answer as I ran my hand through his hair. "I'm sorry about that."

I could see the anger jump into Steve's eyes as he croaked out, "Don't apologize. Not your fault." Then before I could say anything else, he asked, "You . . . and the baby, OK?"

"Yes, we're both fine, thanks to you." Looking around, I didn't see Tony, so I said quickly, "Hold on . . . I'll be right back," as I moved to the door to call out, "Tony! Steve's awake!"

Before I could sit down again, Tony walked in to say with a smile, "Hey old man. Welcome back." Tony immediately went into doctor mode, listening to Steve's heart, taking his blood pressure, checking the IV, all as he asked Steve several questions about how he was feeling. Finally, he asked Steve to turn his head so he could look at the bullet wound and I gasped as I saw a gap in his neck. It was still very red and somewhat swollen and Steve flinched a little when Tony touched it.

"Do you remember what happened?" Tony asked Steve when he was finished with his examination.

Closing his eyes, Steve answered softly, "I remember what happened," then opening them, he added, "where's Bruce?" Tony's eyes went to me, and I sighed lightly. "He left. Talia's down the hall sleeping."

 I could see he was still so tired, but at least he had a little more color in his face, and that made me feel a lot better. As I sunk down onto the chair, Steve asked me, "When did you eat last?"

"I'm fine, Steve."

"But the baby . . . you need to eat." Even in his weakness, Steve was still worried about me. I hated that.

"Steve, stop it. I'll get something in a . . . "

"Natasha," Tony interrupted by putting his hand on my shoulder, then he said, "Steve's right. You need to take care of yourself for your baby. Go on downstairs and get some breakfast. Go."

With a deep sigh, I finally gave in and told them, "Well, I can't fight both of you." Standing, I added, "I'll go, but, I will be back as soon as I'm done."

"You better be," Steve ordered with a weak smile.

Leaning over him, I put a light kiss on his lips and whispered, "I love you, Steve Rogers."

"I love you more."

With a smile, I added one more kiss then forced myself to leave the room.


	23. HOME

_Natasha's POV_  
_"Anyone can live in a house, but homes are created with patience, time and love."_  
_Jane Green_

* * *

**_TWENTY THREE| HOME_ **

_2 MONTHS LATER  
_

After Steve's recovery, Steve and I settled into our house in Brooklyn and began the journey of living our lives together. At times it seemed surreal, and at other times, the most natural thing in the world. I stayed at home and readied our nest for our baby, while Steve ran his patrols, worked in the garage on another Harley and spent time with the new trainees. Talia went on a trip to Dubai with Tony and Pepper and she will be home before Christmas Eve. Still no word from Bruce. I hoped that whatever he was going through, wherever he was, that he was OK.

The two of us were becoming quite domestic . . . I would cook a nice dinner and then we would sit at the little table in the kitchen to eat and talk about our day, then we'd stand at the sink side by side to do the dishes before retiring to the couch to spend the rest of the evening watching some TV before bed. I teased Steve one night about us acting like an old married couple, but he didn't seem to think it was very funny. In fact, he stayed very quiet the rest of the night. We never really talked about marriage. I just always assumed that he wanted to get married, yet he never said a word about it. I, on the other hand, was very happy with the way things were.

A couple of weeks before Christmas, I insisted that I couldn't wait any longer to get a tree, so on a gray Saturday afternoon, Steve and I trudged into the woods to find a tree.

"Are you sure we can't just drive into the city and buy one at the tree lot by the grocery store?" I whined after 15 minutes of tripping over tree roots and freezing my ass off. I looked up at the gray sky and thought, _At least it's not raining_ . . .

"Are you serious? No, I will not pay fifty bucks for some skinny, pathetic ass looking Charlie Brown tree. There are plenty of good trees right here," Steve countered. Then he stopped to look at me and add, "Come on, Nat. Sing a Christmas carol or something. Get into the Christmas spirit!"

With a roll of my eyes, I began singing, "Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg . . ."

"Very funny," Steve shot at me as he turned to continue his trek to find the perfect tree. I had to smile when I heard him start whistling Jingle Bells.

After another ten minutes or so, I heard him say, "Hey, look at this one."

Steve stopped so abruptly, I ran into the back of him. "Umph. Steve!"

Turning back, he smiled, "Uh, sorry. But look at this tree. I think this is the one."

Walking around him, I took a look at the nicely shaped pine tree standing proudly in front of me. It was just as tall as Steve, so it had to be about 6 foot 4 or 5, and circling it, I couldn't see any big holes that would have to be turned to the wall.

"So?" Steve prompted.

"I like it. But how do we know there isn't a family of squirrels living in it? Remember the movie, Christmas where the squirrel jumps out of the tree?"

"Would you stop basing real life on everything you see on TV or in the movies?" Steve laughed at me before sighing, "I will check it for squirrels, I promise."

Finally giving him a smile, I replied, "OK. This is the one. Now chop it down, Paul Bunyan, so we can go home and have hot cocoa," I added, rubbing my hands together and blowing some hot air on them to warm them.

Steve did his best lumberjack impression, and soon we were making our way back to the truck dragging the tree behind us. I had already made a trip into town to get a tree stand and some ornaments and lights, so when we arrived back at the house, Steve hauled the tree in and had it up in no time.

I opened the boxes of ornaments while Steve strung the lights on the tree, and as Christmas music played in the background, I once again found myself very thankful that he never gave up on me. I could have missed out on all this . . . then suddenly, I felt a movement in my belly. "Oh, wow," I breathed.

"Yeah, I think it will look pretty good," Steve commented as he stepped back to view his progress with the lights.

"No, not the lights," I clarified. "I just felt the baby move."

Steve's eyes lit up just like they did every time I mentioned the baby. He quickly dropped the lights and came to sit on the couch with me. "Yeah? Can I feel it yet?"

I was now six months pregnant and my stomach was rounding and sticking out quite a bit more, but so far, only I could feel the baby. "I don't know. You can try. Here, give me your hand." I took Steve's hand and placed it where I had felt the baby move just seconds before. We waited patiently for a full minute then as I looked up to see the disappointment in Steve's face, I felt it again.

Steve's disappointment turned to glee in a second as he shouted out, "I felt it! I felt the baby move!" Just seeing the joy in Steve's eyes brought tears to my own. I again was feeling very lucky. Looking up at me, I think I saw a glimmer of a tear in Steve's eye as he said in awe, "That was so amazing."

"Yeah, it was," I agreed slowly with a nod of my head. Then a smile curved onto my lips and before long, I saw Steve grin then a gurgle of laughter escaped my lips and soon Steve joined in. I couldn't ever remember a time that I felt so much joy that it bubbled out of me in the form of laughter. As Steve pulled me into his loving arms I melted into him and thanked God once again for giving me this wonderful man.

Later that night, as we lay in bed, I got to thinking about how much my life had changed in the last year. I was all set to marry Bruce and live out the rest of my life with him. I never in a million years could have imagined that by Christmas, I would be living with Steve and expecting his baby.

Thinking back, I remembered how important it was to Bruce that we get married and how dead set against it I was. Marriage was something I thought I never wanted. It hadn't worked out so well for my parents, and I didn't really see the need for it. Steve and I were happy living here together. I didn't see how a piece of paper and a ring would make any difference.

But, as I lay here beside Steve, the man I loved, his arms wrapped around me and I felt our baby move inside me, suddenly, all I could think of was being married. Of being Steve's wife . . . making that commitment to him that said "I love you and only you for as long as we both shall live." I wanted our baby to know that it had two parents that were committed to each other and wanted to be a family.

"Steve?" I asked. "Are you awake?"

"Hmmm?" I heard him hum in my ear. "You OK?"

I blurted out, "I want to get married."

That woke him up. "What? Are you serious?" Steve asked as he pulled on my shoulder to roll me onto my back so he could see my face.

"Yes, I am," I answered.

"Where is this coming from? I thought you hated the idea of marriage."

"I thought I did, too," I began. "I mean, it didn't work out so well the first time." I saw him cringe at the mention of my marriage to Bruce. We never talked about it . . . ever. "Marriage to me was just a formality. An excuse to spend a lot of money on some fancy party and get free gifts, you know? I never knew anyone that had a happy one. But, now . . . well, now I feel so different. I want to be your wife, Steve. I want to belong to you, and only you, as long as we both shall live." As I placed my hand on his cheek, I added, "I want us to be a family . . . a real family."

I could see that Steve was still somewhat stunned by my announcement as he just stared at me for a second or two until he whispered, "Are you sure?"

"Yes. More sure than I have ever been about anything. I love you, Steve, with all my heart. Will you marry me?"

Again, there was silence. Suddenly, I felt my stomach churning as I waited for his answer. I always assumed that Steve wanted to get married. Now as I laid here beside him and waited, I wasn't so sure. "Steve?" I prompted.

I watched with disappointment as Steve crawled from the bed and quickly left the room. That was definitely not the reaction I was expecting. Sighing, I sunk back into the pillows and thought that maybe it was too soon. I had only been divorced from Bruce for a couple of months . . . or maybe it was Talia. He would be her stepfather . . . maybe that was something he wasn't ready to deal with.

I lay there torturing myself until finally, a few minutes later, Steve came back into the room and turned on the light beside the bed before easing himself down to sit beside me. As I sat up and looked at him, I noticed he had something in his hand, but I couldn't quite make out what it was.

Then Steve held out his hand and said with a tender smile, "Merry Christmas."

There on his hand was a small box wrapped in Christmas paper. "What? I ask you to marry me, and you give me a present and say Merry Christmas? What's going on here?"

"Just open it."

I took the box and tore at the paper and as it fell away, I realized what I was holding. It was small box from a jewelry store. A ring box. Quickly, I looked up into Steve's eyes. He just smiled and once again said, "Open it."

I pushed open the box then sucked in my breath as I saw this beautiful white gold ring sitting on a bed of black velvet, with a nice size square cut diamond winking back at me. "Oh my God . . . Steve."

"I know it's not big and fancy, but . . ." he began until I put my hand to his mouth to stop him.

"It's perfect," I said softly. And it was. It was big enough to be beautiful, but not too big to be showy. It was nothing like my last engagement ring . . . something I felt that was never mine. This was . . . perfect.

Steve took the ring from me then held my left hand in his as he gazed into my eyes and said, "I planned on proposing on Christmas Eve. I wasn't sure what your answer would be, but I knew how much I wanted it and I hoped that maybe, just maybe, you would too. I love you, Nat, more than life itself, you know that. You and this baby are everything to me. And I want that commitment . . . I want to belong to you as long as we both shall live. Natasha, I love you, and yes, I want to marry you." Then with a smile, he slid the ring onto my finger.

Staring at the diamond ring on my finger, I felt the baby move. "I guess this one approves," I told Steve with a smile as I took his hand and put it on my belly. As we sat there on our bed, feeling our baby move, I knew that this was right. This was what I wanted . . . what I had been waiting for all my life. Looking up, I said with a smile, "I guess I kind of ruined your big surprise moment, huh?"

A slow grin grew on Steve's face as he replied, "No. I was really pretty nervous about it. I was so afraid you'd say no, I was making a list of arguments to counter whatever you might throw at me."

That made me laugh. "Really?"

"Yeah. You blew me away tonight. Never in a million years did I expect you to propose to me."

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I told him softly, "Well, I'm glad I did. I love you, Steve."

Pulling me close he whispered into my ear, "I love you, Nat. So much." As his lips traveled down my neck, I felt that familiar shiver run through me that only Steve could cause. Soon, his lips found mine and as he laid me back against the pillows, I surrendered to the feeling of being completely loved and desired. I relished the feeling of his strong hands on my body, making my skin feel electrified every where he touched. I let my hands travel over his muscular shoulders and back, feeling every dip and kneading them with my fingers. I moaned as his mouth found my breast, his tongue swirling over the tip. Soon I was in a frenzy, needing that release that only Steve could bring. "Steve, please . . . I need you."

Agonizingly, Steve kissed his way up my body until finally, he was on top of me, in position to enter me, and then . . . "Yessssss," I purred into his ear as he pushed slowly into me, filling me up and making me feel whole. Moving slowly at first to build the moment, I rode along with him, raking my fingers through his hair until he moved faster, taking me with him until I was wrapped around him and begging, "Yes, please . . . yes, faster, oh Steve, yessss . . . yessss!" . . . then the explosion inside that led to pure bliss.

As I came down from my high, I felt Steve jerk with his release as he growled.

We clung to each other, our bodies slick with sweat, as we panted for air. Steve looked into my eyes and whispered, "I want this for the rest of my life, Nat."

Smiling at him, I confessed, "Me, too."

Taking my left hand in his, Steve brought it to his mouth and put a kiss on top of the ring that now sat on my fourth finger. "We'll be happy, Nat. I promise. I'll love you forever."

"We'll see," I answered softly as my hands snaked around his neck. "Kiss me, Steve."

"Mmm, I love when you're bossy," Steve sighed as his lips met mine. As I once again melted into him, I knew we would be happy. It wouldn't be perfect. I knew there would be bumps in the road that we would have to get over, but I felt like together, we could handle anything. Steve and I were a team . . . he didn't call all the shots, make all the decisions. He let me be who I was and didn't try to change me. He was my soul mate in every way, and I would spend the rest of my life showing him how much I loved him.

My decision to marry Steve led me to believe that finally . . . _finally_ , I was home.


	24. FAMILY

_Natasha's POV_  
_"When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching - they are your family. "_  
_Jim Butcher_

* * *

_**TWENTY FOUR|FAMILY** _

_ONE YEAR LATER..._

"James Grant Rogers!" I cried in exasperation at my adorable baby as he crawled across the floor away from me as fast as his little chubby legs would go, bare butt in the air, as I tried to put a clean diaper on him. "Steve! Naked baby on the loose!"

"Got him!" Steve called out as he came from the kitchen, carrying 9-month old James in his arms. It was like watching Steve carry a miniature version of himself. James had the same shock of blonde hair and bright smiling eyes that Steve had. "Are you giving your mom fits?" I heard him ask James as he tickled his belly. James just giggled as Steve set him down on the floor. "Here, let me do it," Steve said as he took the diaper from me.

I watched as Steve expertly put the diaper on James then continued to dress him in the little dress shirt and pants I had picked out, adding socks and tying on the shoes before he picked him up and said, "There you go, mister. Now behave for your mom." I smiled as James laid his head on his father's massive shoulder before giving me one of those "I'm so cute you can't be mad at me" smiles that I had seen on Steve's face so many times. They were definitely two peas in a pod.

"Look at you two," I sighed. "How did I get so lucky?"

Steve just smiled and planted a kiss on my lips before saying, "Come on, lucky girl, we're going to be late. Get a move on."

"I know, I'll go get ready," I told Steve as I pushed myself off the floor to hurry to the bedroom to finish dressing. It was Christmas Eve and we were going over to Clint's to celebrate.

Stripping off the sweat pants and t-shirt that I was wearing, I took out the clothes I wanted to wear and threw them on the bed, then as I reached for my hairbrush on the dresser, I glanced at the picture of Steve and I taken on our wedding day. I smiled as I remembered that snowy day in January that we stood in front of the fireplace in Tony's house in front of our closest friends and family and said "I do." It wasn't a fancy planned affair this time . . . it was thrown together in a few days, but it turned out perfect. Instead of a huge designer gown, I wore a simple dress of evergreen, made to accommodate my ever growing baby belly, and Steve borrowed Tony's evergreen tux. Talia was a perfect little flower girl, Laura made the wedding cake, Pepper made food for a dinner and I knew the day would be everything I wanted.

We honeymooned at home and it was a wonderful week, filled with making food together, watching movies, putting together the crib for the baby's room, sleeping for as long as we wanted and of course making love . . . a lot. I couldn't have asked for a better husband than my best friend.

As I brushed my hair, I noticed the small snapshot of Talia. I had on the mirror, and was suddenly excited at the thought that she was coming back home today from the Australia trip Tony took her to. He took her everywhere and she had grown so much in a year . . . she was now the size of a four year old, but her maturity level was much higher. She was so smart, and learning everything that Tony could teach her. And James loved her! She loved being a big sister and was so good with him. I loved to watch them play together.

Now in a hurry, I threw on the pair of pants and the sweater I had laying on the bed, then slipped into shoes and moved to the bathroom to brush my teeth and add a little make up to my usual pale face. Once I finished, I left the room and called out, "Ready!"

Steve had already taken the presents to the truck, and after checking that I had everything I needed packed in James's diaper bag, we were on our way.

Walking into Clint's house, we were greeted first by my Laura, who immediately wrapped me into a smothering hug. "Oh honey, I missed you."

As soon as she let me go, Laura reached for James and he went to her like he did with everyone. He was such a happy baby, most of the time, and loved to be around people. Pretty sure he got that from his dad.

I greeted the kids with a kiss and a hug and proceeded on into the room to find Clint with Nathaniel asleep. I hugged him and kissed Nathaniel on his forehead.

Clint left me to put Nathaniel in his bed and nudged his head towards Steve who was now holding James again. I smiled as I watched him take James into his arms and lift him above his head as James giggled. Oh, how I loved the men in my life. They were the best.

Just then, I heard a knock on the door and my heart soared as I realized the only one not here yet was Talia. I moved toward the door, but Clint got there first and opened it then I heard Talia call out with excitement, "Uncle Clint!"

Clint immediately held out his arms to catch her and swoop her up for a kiss on the cheek. I smiled for a moment as I watched the two of them.

Finally, Clint turned to me and said, "Here, Mama," as he handed Talia to me.

"Hey, baby girl. I missed you," I told her as I held her close, letting her soft ringlets tickle my nose as I took in her scent.

"I missed you, too, mama," Talia said into my ear as her little arms encircled my neck. "Merry Christmas."

I pulled back enough to look into her beautiful little face to say, "Merry Christmas, Talia." She gave me a brilliant smile then she spotted Steve and James and I could see that she wanted to run to them. "Why don't you go see James and say hi, huh?"

Her little head bobbed up and down as I set her on her feet and watched her run to Steve. As soon as James spotted her, he squealed and Steve bent down so they could hug each other. Again I felt the sting of tears as I watched both of my children so delighted to see one another. Talia reminded me so much of her father, so adventurous and curious, and very, very fucking smart. I hope he was having a good Christmas, wherever he was. Maybe one day he could find a way to be a part of Talia's life again.

The door opened once again and I heard, "Romanoff! How ya doin?"

"Thor! You're here!" I squealed, reminding myself of Talia as I hurled myself into his arms. I hadn't seen Thor in months, as he had decided to take off to world for sightseeing.

"Wow, you missed me, huh?" Thor grinned as he set me on my feet.

"Of course I did, you dickhead," I told him as I punched him in the arm. "You are terrible at emailing and texting."

"Yeah, I know. But I didn't always have cell service in some of the remote places I visited. You won't believe the pictures I got! Wait til you see them." Thor had always had an interest in photography. He had invested a lot of money in cameras and lens and tripods and loved to trek out into the wilderness to get nature shots every now and then. I was so glad to see him pour himself back into it. As I took in the grin on his face, it seemed to be just what he needed. Home, with us.

Now he was here with us and looking more like his old self, which made me happy. "I promise to make time to look at pictures," I said before letting him go so he could find Talia and give her a hug, much to her delight. I laughed out loud as I watched him embarrass Steve by putting him in a headlock, scuffing his hair Then Thor bent down to greet James, who was only five months old the last time he saw him. James smiled and cooed when Thor talked to him and even allowed Thor to pick him up and hold him.

"Natasha?" I turned to Clint as he asked, "Is it OK with you if we let the kids open some presents before we eat?"

I loved how Clint was like a little kid when it came to Christmas. "Yes, they can open some presents. I hope you didn't go overboard. You spoil them too much."

His laughed as he said, "I'm their Uncle for crying out loud, you have to let me spoil them a little."

I had to admit, I really loved watching him with my kids.. "Like I could stop you," I told him with a smile.

Clint put his arm around my shoulders as he shouted out, "Who wants to open a present?"

Of course he knew that Talia would jump up and answer, "Me, Uncle Clint! Me!"

Everyone laughed as Talia ran to Dad and he picked her up and took her to the large sparkling Christmas tree where gifts spilled out underneath it. Then my heart melted a little as I heard Talia ask, "Can James open one first, Uncle Clint?"

"Of course he can," Clint answered as he turned to look at James and say, "Come here, buddy."

James crawled at lightening speed over to Clint as I walked over to sit on the floor between my two children. Soon, I felt Steve sit down beside me and I turned to give him a smile. I looked up as Thor moved close, and I saw the camera in his hand.

Suddenly I was a little overcome with emotion as I took in all the people around me . . . Clint and Laura, Tony and Pepper, Wanda and Sam and Vison, Thor, and finally Steve, James and Talia. This room was filled with the people that meant the most to me, and I felt so blessed to be here. As I watched James sit on Clint's lap and yank at the Christmas paper on his gift, I felt Steve slide his arm around me and I laid my head on his shoulder. James squealed in delight as he uncovered the big dump truck that they had given him. I heard Steve chuckle at James and watched as Talia helped clear the paper so he could push his truck on the floor. I looked at Steve and saw a happy look on his face. I leaned in and quickly pecked him on the lips. He turned slowly at me and gave me a small smile.

 "Well, are you happy, Mrs. Rogers?"

Turning to face him, I whispered in return, "Yes, very." Then I kissed him on the lips and turned back to watch our children enjoy their gifts knowing that all the choices I had made led me to this day. It was a rough journey, but being here now, in this moment, I knew it had all been worth it. I was indeed, very happy. 


	25. PART TWO|CIVIL WAR

PART TWO: CIVIL WAR  
_Steve's POV_ _  
"A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences." - **Dave Meur**_

* * *

_**ONE|FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE** _

Steve," Natasha purred in my ear, "wake up."

"No," I rolled away from her, "it's one in the morning, Natasha. Go to sleep."

"I can't."

"Well, I'm exhausted," I complained. I already knew what she wanted just by the sound of her voice. Normally, I would be all for a little seduction and sex under the sheets, but not tonight.

I had spent all day removing tree stumps from the backyard to give us more room to expand the house in a couple of months. By the end of the day, I was covered in grime and my muscles were screaming in pain. The mission in Lagos months ago doesn't make it any better.

"Steve," She crawled over me lightly so that we were facing each other again, "it's too hot to sleep and I get all antsy at night now that the kids aren't here."

"I can't help you, Natasha. Go back to bed."

"It's so damn hot," she breathed on my skin.

"What do you want me to do about it? I already opened the windows."

"I know you're not asleep." She wiggled into my arms, placing kisses on my bare chest. "Please..."

"No, go away."

I tried to hold off, but we both knew where this was going.

I sighed and laid on my back, spread eagle. "Do with me what you wish."

Natasha climbed up and, of course, she knew how to get the right response out of me. Her legs widened over my lap, the cotton fabric of her panties meeting the already hard erection that I was sporting in my boxers.

I brought her face down to my lips, because I was now wide awake and ready to play.

I rolled us over and pinned her underneath my body. I immediately ground my pelvis against hers and could feel the effect of her desire when I felt the wet spot on her panties. Natasha's eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she let out a throaty moan.

"You asked for it." I kissed her neck and started moving down over her shirt-covered chest. Her nipples were hard for me and waiting for attention. On a night like this, though, foreplay wasn't on the menu.

"You're taking too long," Natasha lifted her hips up and slid her underwear down, throwing it somewhere in the room.

My hands traveled under the sheet and gripped her ass. I pulled my throbbing cock out of my boxers as she rolled us sideways so that we were facing each other. It sprang free, ready to find a home between Natasha's legs. I positioned myself right at her wet entrance and pushed in slightly, letting my tip tease her just a little.

She gasped when I did it again, pushing further this time. She needed to be stretched, and Natasha made sure that I was hitting the right spot by rolling her hips into mine. She leaned in close and scissored her legs through mine so that we were entwined, almost one person. Without even having to do any work, I slipped deep inside her wet pussy, both of us letting out a guttural moan at the sensation.

"Aren't you glad I woke you up?" Natasha wheezed and threw her head back, giving me full access to her luscious neck.

"Yes," I growled, sliding over the sheets and deeper inside of her, "I give you permission to wake me up anytime."

"I'll keep that in mind." She grabbed hold of my hair, tugging and pulling in a gloriously assertive way.

Our legs were losing circulation because they were so tightly bound and small tingles started creeping over my skin. While thrusting, we held on to each other for leverage and ultimate friction, letting our bodies fall into sexual ecstasy. My kisses traveled over Natasha's delicate collarbone and pert nipples, making my name fall from her perfect lips.

I knew her body backwards and forwards, so I could estimate when she was close. Natasha's nails started scratching marks down my chest, creating pain and pleasure wrapped into one. She quivered violently as I pounded deeper, skin meeting skin.

Her entire body uncoiled without a word. There were just grunts and whimpers as we both erupted into each other.I shuddered as the last remnants of my release dripped out, and my entire body suddenly became exhausted after the high I just rode.

Neither Natasha nor I moved for what seemed like hours.

"Holy shit." Natasha's head rolled onto the pillow, but she didn't disentangle herself from me.

"Like I said, wake me up anytime." I kissed her lips roughly. "That was intense."

"We haven't done that in awhile." She finally let go and scooted away.

I took a deep breath, bringing my body back to life and stared up at the ceiling. "I'll suffer any punishment for a fuck like that again." I looked at her. "Are you sleepy now?"

She giggled and nodded. "I'm exhausted. Thank you."

"Would it be completely crass of me to fall asleep now?" I shut my eyes, not being able to keep them open any longer.

"Goodnight, Steve." I felt her soft lips on my cheek.

I heard Natasha get situated next to me, and then settle herself into bed. After a few minutes, I opened one eye just to check on her. It had become somewhat of a ritual for awhile. I couldn't sleep unless I knew she was safe and content. Whether we were angry at each other or just had a major argument, I would toss and turn all night. Something inside of me just wouldn't shut off.

I rolled over and didn't even bother covering myself up. It was too hot for that. I just drifted off to sleep.

Sometime around three, the discomfort in my back started to make itself known. I tried to ignore it and forget the pain was even there, but that didn't happen.

I got out of bed and lightly padded into the bathroom. Without turning on the lights, I went straight for those nice little blue pills on the counter and took two of them. The uneasiness subsided within minutes, and I knew I would be alright for the next twelve hours or so.

I pulled my pillows off of the bed and set myself down on the carpet to finish out the night. Most times when I had back problems, I slept here. Natasha hated it. She told me I wasn't healthy, but I begged to differ. At least I wouldn't wake up in twisted knots in the morning.

It took me an hour of restlessness to realize that I wasn't going back to sleep.

"What's going on?" Natasha asked me sleepily as I started to get up from the floor.

"I can't sleep," I told her.

"Why?" She rolled over to look at me through hooded eyes.

"It's nothing. Go back to bed." I kissed her. "I'll be downstairs and I'm turning on the air condition. It's too hot in here."

"Okay."

I closed all the windows in the room, and then ventured out into the hallway to blast the hell out of the A/C. It almost immediately became freezing in the house, but it was better than the hell of the tropical season.

I went downstairs, flicked on the lights, and decided to make myself a pot of coffee. No one manufactured coffee like New York, and it could keep you up for days. It was like crack, but tasted so much better. While I waited, I sat on the couch and watched the news, catching up on what was happening in the real world latley. I tried not to care about anything going on anywhere else, especially after Lagos. It would cause me to try and make a change and nothing mattered but this house, Natasha, Talia and James.

The coffee pot dinged softly, indicating that my morning pick-me-up was ready. My back was killing me still so I couldn't go for a run like I wanted. I settled for sitting on the couch and barely watching the TV.

I heard the light movement of feet upstairs and a couple minutes later, Natasha came down wiping her eyes.

"If we're going to stay up, I need more than coffee." She plopped down next to me and took my cup from me.

"You can go back to bed."

"Not now. I'm already up."

Natasha just didn't like it when I wasn't in the bed with her. That's probably why she hated when I slept on the floor. By now, we had gotten our 'late-night-no-sleep-dates' down to a science. We had them probably about once a week, maybe less with James being around.

"So... I'll get the Scrabble?" she asked, almost hopefully.

"And I'll get more coffee." I got up from the couch and went into the kitchen to retrieve bigger cups.

By the time I had come back, Natasha was on the floor in front of the coffee table, setting up the massive Scrabble Deluxe Edition board.

"We are such fucking nerds," Natasha said with a laugh, "but I love this game so much."

"No making up words this time." I sat across from her, stretching my legs out.

"Excuse me, but I don't make up words. Just because they aren't in the dictionary doesn't mean they don't exist."

"That's exactly what it means."

"I'm sure they exist somewhere." She glared at me.

"You're just a sore loser."

In over a year of doing this, Natasha had never once won a game of Scrabble. Sometimes, I would think about letting her scoot by with a victory, but she acquired this proclivity for making things up. She was smart as hell, and yet she couldn't think of real words to put on the board. She always complained that her letters never made anything worthy of points.

"I'm not a sore loser," Natasha argued. "You just need to stop using those big words that no one can understand."

"I can't help it." I shrugged, superiorly sipping my coffee. "I play to win."

She squinted at me while picking her letters and the game began.

Of course, ten minutes in, we were already quarrelling over one of her words. I tried to explain to her that "s-p-r-a-m-p" didn't exist. Natasha challenged that it did. About two months ago, the dictionary was "misplaced", so I couldn't really debate, but she ended up conceding.

"I can't believe you." Natasha shook her head as she wrote down my sixty-eight-point word.

"Triple word, double letter on a 'W', and triple letter on an 'F'," I gloated. "Don't cheat me either."

"This is ridiculous. Who would have ever thought 'waffle' was going to be my enemy?"

While I reached my hand into the velvet pouch to pull out more letters, Natasha turned the tv back on and a elderly face was staring back at me as a voice said," _Eleven Wakandans were among those killed during a confrontation between the Avengers and a group of mercenaries in Lagos, Nigeria yesterday. The traditionally reclusive Wakandans were on an outreach mission in Lagos, when the attack occurred."_

The man began to speak, " Our people's blood is spilled on foreign soil, not only because of the actions of criminals but the indifference of those who pledged to stop them. Victory at the expense of the innocent, is no victory at all."

"The Wakandan King went on to-"

Natasha turned off the tv before anymore could be heard. I groaned lightly and put my head in my hands, "I fucked up, Nat."

She placed her hands on mine and pulled it to her lap,"It's ok, I know you were... distracted.

"Don't Nat, this is on me."

She placed her hands on both sides of my face and made me face her," I know what Rumlow said, OK? The shit about Bucky. He's not like that anymore, and we will find him. And if I know you, you're not the one to get distracted easily. But when it comes to family, loved ones, you blank out. Everything will be OK."

She couldn't have been more right. It was something that had been put in me as a little child, I can't help but care for people, especially my family. I gave her a weak smile and she gave me one back. Without a I leaned over and pressed my lips against hers. She moaned roughly as she dragged her fingers through my hair. I pulled back and whispered, "Thank you, Nat. Happy anniversary by the way."

Natasha froze. "Oh, is it?"

"Yes."

"Steve, I am so sorry. I forgot." She looked nearly panicked. "I've just been so busy trying to get the kids ready for Clint..."

"Natasha, don't worry about it," I chuckled, interrupting her before she pulled her hair out. I didn't think she needed to know that I damn near forgot as well. "We've all been busy."

"But that's no excuse. I feel so bad." She covered her mouth as if she was in shock.

"Honestly, it's not that big of a deal. I think the law allows us to forget a maximum of two anniversaries throughout our life."

She giggled at my horrible attempt at a joke. "Well, thank you, and happy anniversary."

"Come on, we have a long day planned." I shook her again.

Natasha nodded. "That sounds nice. I'm going to need a big ass cup of coffee."

"Our first stop will be Starbucks." I kissed her again, "Get up."

Natasha heaved herself up and muttered all the way to the bathroom. I left her to do her business and went downstairs to watch the news, which was, of course, nothing important.

After I was dressed, I sat on the couch for about half an hour and Natasha came down in dark Rock Revival jeans, a black leather military coat that looked incredibly sexy and black boots that came up to her knee. I didn't know where she had learned to dress so fashionably but lately, she had been pulling out all the stops, and I liked it.

She kissed the underside of my jaw as she sat next to me,"Where are we going, Steve?" she asked.

"I can't tell you. Just know that you're day has now been filled with plans." I lifted her off of the couch and grabbed my keys along with my wallet. We headed out of the door.

Natasha kept asking me where we were going, but I wouldn't tell her. First, before anything else, I took her to Starbucks because we both needed a pick-me-up. I got a large black coffee, and Natasha ordered some kind of mess that was probably too sweet and too creamy. We walked back to the garage of our building and got into Natasha's Corvette.

She asked again where I was taking us when the buildings of the city began to transform into the land and hills of the country. The sun was out and what little leaves were left on the trees were deep reds or oranges. It was the perfect day for outdoor activities and probably the last one before the dead cold set in.

The drive took about an hour and when I started to see town signs of New York suburbs, I knew exactly where to go.

I took the exit that I needed off of the highway and drove through the streets of a town called Bolingbrook. It was one of those perfect little suburbs with manicured yards, and it made me sick to think that I spent so much time here as a kid.

"What's all of this?" Natasha had her face up against the glass of the car as she looked out of the window at the fall leaves and parade set up that was going on around us.

"It's their annual End of Fall Festival," I answered and drove slowly so that I didn't hit someone's kid.

"Have you been here before?"

"Mom loves it out here. My parents had a house down the street for a long time when we were kids. We used to come to this festival every year. I haven't been since 1930."

"Wow. It's really beautiful."

"It is," I muttered under my breath. It was a little too cookie cutter for me, too different a pace from the city.

"What are we doing here? Are we going to the parade?"

"No, I have something better in mind."

It only took us another couple of minutes to get to our destination, and I parked in the packed lot.

Natasha got out of the car. "What's this?"

"It's an apple orchard," I replied as we walked towards the entrance. The orchard was massive with hundreds of acres, and it was all geared towards families. There were little kids running around, older teenagers trying to pelt each other with fallen fruit and couples, like Natasha and I, who were just trying to have a peaceful day.

There were tents with old wicker baskets under them and rows upon rows of apple trees.

"You pick a basket and then go through the acres. When you reach the end, you weigh them and see how much you have. You pay by the pound," I explained to her and picked up a basket.

"I could make a couple of pies." Natasha grabbed it from me with an eagerness that I hadn't seen in a long time.

"Aren't you tired of cooking?"

"No. The kids love it and I told you it relaxes me."

We began walking through the rows of trees, and I kicked apples that had fallen on the ground. There wasn't much talking between us, but it wasn't uncomfortable like it had been lately. Natasha was trying to find the perfect apples, but since it was late in the season, there weren't that many good selections.

"I've never done this before." She looked up towards the trees. "Ridge tried to take me to a pumpkin patch once when I was younger, but I didn't like it."

"Why? That sounds like a good fall activity."

"I'm scared of pumpkins."

I tried to hold back my laughter, but couldn't. "You're scared of pumpkins?" I repeated slowly.

"It's not funny. You know that Sleepy Hallow legend?" She asked, and I nodded. "Well, I read that when I was younger and probably shouldn't have, but the horseman had a pumpkin for a head. After that, I couldn't stand them." She reached for an apple that was too tall for her, so I got it and added it to the small pile that was accumulating in our bucket.

"That sounds like something that would happen to you."

"Even the cute jack-o-lanterns scare the hell out of me. I couldn't sleep for weeks after that. Besides, it's always too rainy and cold in Russia to do anything like this. I would always slip and fall or something like that. It wasn't a pretty sight."

"I'm surprised all of these are still up. We did have a couple of days in the freezing rain last week."

"I'm glad you brought me here before it was too late. This is actually fun." We continued to stroll through the orchard as the sun warmed up, but there was a strong wind in the air so it stayed cool. I wanted to carry the basket for her, but she wouldn't relinquish her hold on the thing.

"The best apples are in the back. They've had the longest time to grow." I guided her through the thick brush.

"I need some big ones. They make the best pies and maybe I can learn how to make jelly or something like that."

"Aren't you the little homemaker?"

"I try." She gazed up at the larger apples that were barely hanging onto the limbs above us. "I want those." She pointed to a cluster near me.

"Okay, give me the bucket."

"Let me pick them?" she asked.

I knelt down and pointed to my shoulders. "Climb on."

"I'm too heavy. Isn't there a ladder around here?"

"Natasha, you don't weigh more than a feather. Just get on."

"Fine, but if I break your neck, I don't want to hear it. I warned you."

I didn't even feel Natasha settle on my shoulders until she tapped my head for me to lift back up. I stood up, and she began pulling apples from the trees.

"Did you use to do this when you were a kid?" she asked me.

"Every year. Dad would always make it a point to take the day off and we would drive up here for the day. This and holidays were the only times I saw the man until he changed...," I said, slowly breaking off.

"At least you're not bitter," she joked. "You're a better father than he ever was."

"Thank you, Mrs. Rogers." I moved to the side so that Natasha could pick more apples.

She was done after another couple of minutes, and I put her back on the ground with our basket was filled.

"I can't wait to taste your pie." I grabbed Natasha and kissed her on the lips.

"You're dirty," she moaned with her hands on my shoulders.

"Only for you." I moved my lips to her neck. Suddenly, I felt something tugging on my pant leg.

"Oh, can I help you sweetheart?" I looked down into the bright blue eyes of a little girl who was about five.

"Mister, can you lift me up so I can get an apple too?" she asked in a sweet voice.

"Where are your parents?" I asked after I gave her an apple.

The little girl shrugged. "I don't know."

She had short blonde hair and a round face with big blue eyes with a pink dress and a white coat.

"What's your name?" Natasha asked.

"Macy," the girl replied.

"We have to find her parents." Natasha and I looked at each other before we took the girl's hand.

After a ten minute walk we started to hear the faint screaming of a certain mother who was looking for her Macy.

"Does that sound like your mom?" Natasha asked Macy.

"I guess so." She shrugged.

"Macy! Is that you?" I was suddenly pushed out of the way by a short woman who grabbed the girl up in her arms. "Oh my God, I was so worried. Where did you go?"

"I just wanted some apples, Mommy."

"Thank you so much." A man, whom I guessed was Macy's father, held his hand out for me.

"Of course," I answered shaking it firmly.

"She was fine," Natasha told the mother.

The mother hugged her tightly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

They continued to talk for another couple of minutes until I all but pulled Natasha away.

"Wasn't that girl so cute?" she asked as we started walking towards the checkout tent.

"Beautiful, I bet you thought about stealing her."

Natasha laughed lightly, "So, thinking about another kid?"

"Maybe, three's a charm right?"

"We would do a good job with three." She nudged my shoulder.

"We'll see."

After getting a ticket and paying for our apples, we put them in a bag, and I carried them to the car. Natasha was going on and on about Macy and the apple pies that she was apparently famous for. I was just happy to be child-free for the time being.

"Where are we going now? You said my whole day would be full," Natasha asked when I was back on the road.

"Another surprise. Don't worry, I've got the day planned."

I drove for a couple of minutes, still in the small town that was celebrating their festival, and Natasha seemed to be hypnotized by the atmosphere of it all. She was rattling off a mile a minute about the leaves.

I found the small deli called Matt's and pulled into the parking lot.

"What's this?" she asked and got out of the car.

"The deli we used to come to when I was younger. It's famous around these parts for their chicken parmigiana. I thought we could have a picnic," I said, more like a question.

"You sure are jumping through hoops today." She raised an eyebrow when I held the door open for her.

"I know," I replied.

We went into the deli and an old man who had been here since I was five, came up to greet me with a very Italian, very enthusiastic kiss on the cheek and tight hug. He then noticed Natasha and moved onto her with as much enthusiasm. He was speaking so fast that I barely caught any of it.

"What's he saying?" Natasha whispered to me.

"He said that you're the most beautiful girl he's seen come in here since his wife."

"Isn't he so sweet?"

"All Italian men are flirts."

I pushed her towards the counter and we basically ordered everything because I told her how good it all was. Of course, Natasha was one of those girls who would eat half a sandwich and be full, but I always made her eat more.

"Are we eating here?" she asked as we were waiting for our food.

"No, I thought we could have a picnic in a park near here," I suggested.

She smiled brightly. "That sounds nice, really nice."

"I told you I would take care of the day. You were worried."

"I wasn't worried, but I thought we were going to go kick ass or something like that."

"We can if you want."

"No, no. I like your idea better." She hugged my middle as we continued to wait for our food.

We carried the four bags of sandwiches towards the car. I was determined to make her try them all, even if she complained.

I drove us to a small park that was on the outskirts of town and secluded away from the festival that was still raging with a carnival and a bunch of smaller activities. The park wasn't anything as massive as what we were used to in the city. It was basically just a patch of grass with some benches, but it was nice.

I grabbed a blanket out of the trunk and brought it with us so that we could find a spot. Natasha chose to sit under a large tree that barely had any leaves on it, but she liked it and leaned against the trunk.

"So, what should I try first?" She clapped her hands together, and I spread out our massive feast.

"How about... the Caprese salad sandwich?" I picked it up and handed it to her.

"This looks good." She unwrapped the package and took a small bite at the same time.

"The best, even better than Laura's." I chomped on the chicken parmigiana, which I loved so much.

"Don't let her hear you say that."

"She would agree."

We continued to eat in silence for a little while, switching sandwiches. After a while, Natasha pulled out a book and started to read it quietly to herself. I watched her lips move around the words and noticed that her copy of Wuthering Heights was extremely worn. I must have watched her for half an hour without diverting my eyes.

"Stop looking at me." She breathed a laugh without lifting her head.

"I can't. Keep reading." I lay my head down on her lap, turning it so that I could see her. The wind was carrying a strong scent of fall and the grass was the perfect temperature.

"Do you want me to read out loud?"

"Sure." I closed my eyes, my stomach full and my mind tired.

I think I fell asleep, but I couldn't be sure. Even in my dreams, I could hear her sweet voice in my head as she told me the sorted story of Heathcliff and Catherine. I could feel her lay down next to me at some point, but she didn't stop reading.

When I opened my eyes again, the book was resting on Natasha's chest, and she was sleeping peacefully, without a care in the world.

A small smile appeared on my lips and I sat up, stretching my tired limbs.

"Natasha, wake up." I bent down and kissed her neck.

"Why? I like it here." Her eyes fluttered open.

"We still have things to do." I checked my watch and noticed that it was just after two.

"But... I want to stay here."

"Get up. I promise you'll like what's next."

"Okay, fine." She sat up and cracked her neck.

We packed up our stuff and carried it back to the car before we were off again, back on the road towards the city. She leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. That's a better reaction."

I drove us to our last destination, "What are we doing at a tattoo shop?" she asked.

"What do you think?" I smirked and led her inside.

She smiled lightly," What are we getting?"

I held up my hand with my ring on it and smiled," Tattoo band." Something extra too.

Before she could respond, the manager of the store pushed us all into the back.

"I can't wait to see you scream in pain," Natasha laughed and sat next to me.

I pulled my sweater over my head and handed it to Natasha before unbuttoning her shirt and taking that off as well.

"It's just a tickle."

"We'll see."

The man who was doing my tattoo leaned me back in the chair.

"Tell me what you're getting," she begged.

"First we're getting our band and the next is a surprise," I repeated.

The technician wiped my chest clean with a rag and started to open up the inks with his gloved hands.

I watched Natasha biting her lip as she watched her technician.

I winced in slight pain as the needle touched my finger for the first time, digging deeper with the beginning stroke. Natasha snatched my hand into hers without even a second in between.

"I told you it was going to hurt," she muttered as the lady was doing hers as well.

"It doesn't hurt. I just wasn't prepared."

"Sure hurts me." She held my hand tighter.

It took about thirty minutes and surprisingly, with Natasha there, I didn't even really feel anything. After Natasha's was done I stayed put in my chair. Natasha bit her lip as she was watching get another tattoo on my chest.

My left pec was red and bruised with ink by the time he was done. I stood in front of the mirror to check out the new addition to my body.

Over my heart, in three perfect lines, Natasha, Talia, James

Natasha came over next me and placed a soft kiss on where the tattoo was placed. I cringed a little but she didn't notice.

"It's beautiful." She whispered.

I lifted up her chin and pulled her face to mines into a chaste kiss saying," And so are you. I'll be back for another."

"I might get another one myself. Somewhere special." She winked at me as her hands glided down lower.

My phone rang violently before things could get further. I groaned before I answered the phone.

"Rogers speaking."

Tony's voice emerged on the phone, "God, you sound like an old man."

I chuckled," Hows it going, Tony. Anything I can do for you?"

"Yeah , I need you and Nat to come down to the HQ ASAP. You guys got the little agents with you?"

"No, they're with Clint and Laura for that skiing trip. Everything alright?"

"I don't know, we have a guest?"

"Who might that be?"

"Secretary of State, old man. So don't be late?" He hung up quickly before I could respond.

I looked over for Natasha and saw that she paid for both of our tattoos. I pulled my shirt back on and told her we had to leave. And just like that we were in business mode. We've always been like that, once duty calls, there was nothing that could compromise our mission. Guess somethings never change. Or never will.

Arriving there in minutes, the Secretary of State they were talking about, was Secretary Ross. At the long table sat Wanda, Vision, Sam, Rhodes and Tony. I sat down before Nat sat on my lap, commencing the meeting.

"I'm not gonna beat around the bush about this," He began, his tone sounding serious. "You've saved our lives, more times than I can count. We commend you, but there are some who find you... dangerous."

"I'm guessing you feel that way too?" Natasha challenged while gliding her fingers on the back of my neck.

He shrugged softly," Maybe, despite all the lives you saved, there's always a steep price in the end." Ross then showed us files on the screen ahead that revealed landmarks and districts. I immediately recognized that these were the destinations we have had over the last few years. The screen zoomed into one of the markers.

"New York," A second after Secretary Ross said that, the video of them fighting the Chitauri came into view. A lot of people could be heard screaming, and running in terror. While some, unfortunately, were dragged down by the various explosions and buildings collapsing in the scene.

It was very distinct that it was our doing when Hulk suddenly came out and smashed the building to pieces. Not caring that there were still people down there. I felt Nat's fingers grip my shoulder tightly..

She could do nothing but bear to watch it. Rhodey had a remorseful look, and glanced at us . Wecouldn't utter a word. Well, what were we supposed to say? The expression on our faces gave off what we needed to tell him.

"Washinton, D.C.," Ross stated, checking off the list one by one.

It was the time when we realized SHIELD has been HYDRA all along, and tried to stop the hellicarriers from killing thousands of innocent people.

But from the video shown, it looked entirely different from the people's perspective. The hellicarriers crashed down both in the grounds and sea and lead to taking down a lot of other innocents.

Sam lowered his head shamefully.

"Sokovia," Ross went on.

Having to deal with Tony's mistake of creating Ultron, we were essentially filled with relief and gratitude when we managed to stop him in the end.

But then again , there would always be a price of something in return. There would always be a consequence in the end no matter what we do. Good or bad.

Tony, who was seated separately from them, looked sullen. He was having difficulty to watch the videos playing on the screen. He stayed tight-lipped, furrowing his eyebrows every now and then.

"Lagos." Ross finished. The video was enough to remind us of us faults once more.

My eyes immediately snapped a look over at Wanda concernedly, the pained expression on her face was there once again.

"Okay, that's enough." I ordered solemnly.

Ross stopped the video, and took a deep breath before holding his chin up to continue speaking” "For the past four years, you've operated with unlimited power and no supervision. That's an arrangement the governments of the world can no longer tolerate." He paused shortly, "But I think we have a solution."

The man beside him handed a book. From a view, it looked thick and white enough for them to notice it's some sort of contract.

Secretary Ross placed down the papers, "The Sokovia Accords." He gave it to Wanda, "Approved by 117 countries, it states that the Avengers shall no longer be a private organization. Instead, they'll operate under the supervision of a United Nations panel, only when and if the panel deems it necessary."

I could tell Natasha couldn't contain the wary look escalating on her face. She and I wasn't sure how to respond to this. For years we were already used to being on our own, and operating on our own, wouldn't it be the same if we were going to be under the hands of various governments who clearly wanted us arrested back then?

But at the same time her mind drifted off to the lives of the innocent serving as the price for their actions. It wouldn't be fair to them. Sure we were getting bruises, cuts, and hell even fractures when being sent on a mission but how about those who were accidentally being caught in the midst of everything?

"We were brought here to make to make the world a better place, I've felt we done that."  
  
Ross put up a bleak look, "Tell me captain, do you know where Thor and Banner are right now?"  
  
Natasha froze in my lap and I clutched tightly to her thigh.

 "If I misplaced a couple of 30 megaton nukes, you can bet there'd be consequences." Ross stated firmly, still fixing his gaze on me and Natasha. She returned the squeeze on my wrist. "Compromise, reassurance. That's how the world works. Believe me—this is the middle ground."

 “So, there are contingencies?" Rhodey turned to Ross for approval.

"Three days from now, the UN meets in Vienna to ratify the Accords." As Ross continued on, I had only noticed that Tony was being quiet all the time, and was surprise to see him far from where we were. Tony was avoiding his gaze. "Talk it over." He finished.

Natasha asked suddenly— "And if we come to a decision you don't like?"

 

 

Ross stopped shortly, turning back to shot her a look— "Then you retire."

She sent back a dry smile.

I knew that it wouldn't do any help if I would say something to make this more complicated, but before I could stop, the words already left my mouth— "You must be out of your fucking mind if you think that."

"Steve!" Natasha hissed at me.

"And why is that captain?" Ross asked rudely.

 "With all due respect sir, a couple of papers wouldn't stop the threats from arising in the world. A lot of people died, even if our job's trying to save many people as we can, and it's something we can't take back. It's on us, it's on me—but if we can't find a way to live with that—then next time, maybe nobody gets saved at all."

"That's a good speech if you want to be a speaker for world peace Captain Rogers, but I think you're forgetting that the main problem here isn't about the threats— it's about the Avengers _being_ a threat to innocent lives." Secretary Ross retorted, his tone dripping in lack of humor.

"I've saved your damn life countless times you son of a bitch! How dare you tell us how to do our fucking jobs!"

Natasha gave me a look to warn me as she placed her hands on my chest..

"Your argument is irrelevant, so sign the damn Accords." Ross told me as he left the room, leaving a deadly silence in the air.

 

 


	26. PART TWO|SIDES

  _Natasha's POV_  
_"Every side attacks you when you don't take sides."  
-_ _[Marty Rubin](https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1936218.Marty_Rubin)_

* * *

**_TWO| SIDES_   
**

I couldn't remember how long we had been arguing, though it was taking forever for even one of us to come to an agreement. Steve was furiously flipping through pages and I could tell he had already made his decision. 

Tony sat there in usion, having his face covered in his hands.”Tony? You are being uncharacteristically non-hyperverbal."

"That's 'cause he's already made up his mind." Steve snorted.

"Boy, you know me so well." Tony said, standing up, "Actually, I'm nursing an electromagnetic headache. That's what's going on, Cap. It's just pain. It's discomfort. Who's putting coffee grounds in the disposal? Am I running a Bed and Breakfast for a biker gang?”

In the silence, a black man was smiling back at me from a screen.

"Oh, that's Charles Spencer, by the way. He's a great kid. Computer engineering degree, 3.6 GPA. Had a floor-level gig, an intel plan for the fall. But first he wanted to put a few miles on his sole before he parked it behind a desk. See the world, maybe be of service. Charlie didn't wanna go to Vegas or Fort Lauderdaleâ which is what I would do. He didn't go to Paris or Amsterdam, which sounds fun. He decided to spend his summer building sustainable housing for the poor. Guess where...Sokovia. He wanted to make a difference. I suppose. I mean, we won't know because we dropped a building on him while we were kicking ass." He finished bitterly.

I tried to swallow back the lump forming on my throat. I couldn’t even look at him, each word was like a goddamn pipe to the chest.

Tony briefly sighed, "There's no decision-making process here. We need to be put in check! And whatever form that takes, I'm game. If we can't accept limitations, we're boundary-less, we're no better than the _bad guys."_

For once, I couldn't help but see the point of this egotistical jerk. I knew that the intention of the Avengers were pure, and we were formed because we wanted to help people but seeing the consequences just took back all our hard work.

Even if our motive was good, but our actions were wrong ,it's time to take on a different perspective of the situation.

Steve looked at him, "Tony, someone dies on your watch, you don't give up."

"Who said we're giving up?" 

"We are if we're not taking responsibility for our actions. This document just shifts the blame." Steve pressed on as he moved arms tighter around my waist.

Rhodey interrupted, " Sorry, Steve, that... that is dangerously arrogant." A chuckled left Steve’s lips and I felt he was trying to keep everything bottled up."This is the United Nations we're talking about. It's not the World Security Council, it's not S.H.I.E.L.D, it's not Hydra."

"You know what, I'm not signing this. So do what ever the fuck you want." He turned his head away from everyone and sighed as he waited for my response. Everyone looked at Steve in confusion and I let out a sigh of my own as I gave them a look that said we'll deal with this later.

I grabbed Steve's hand and proceeded out the door as I pulled on my leather jacket.

He led the way back to his bike, turning the lights onto a low beam as I got on. Wrapping my arms around his waist tightly, my face rested on his back. He only wore a very thin black tee shirt, a pair of light blue jeans with some worn out black boots covered in dust.

He turned his head and whispered, " We have to get the kids from Clint and Laura soon." before he turned his attention back to the motorcycle.

The bike's engine came to life quietly as he headed back towards home. I glanced up at Steve's face while he drove. The wind was rushing past us, pushing his blonde, cropped hair away from his face. Without even realizing it, my hands had pulled up his tee shirt and ducked in underneath it. Steve caught my gaze from the corner of his eye and smirked crookedly. His eyes had turned a darker shade of brown.

"What do you think you're doing Natasha?" he asked in a annoyed yet smug tone. I needed to do something for him, something to release the tension in him.

"What do you think?" I whispered, knowing he would hear me. My lips brushed along the skin of his neck. My hands ran over his tight, defined abs. I heard a moan escape his lips before the bike turned slightly slower.

Seductively, my lips brushed over his ear lobe with a silky touch of my tongue. "What's wrong Steve?" I whispered huskily in his ear.

"You know what's wrong,  you're trying to kill me."

I giggled at his reaction, starting to kiss his neck as my fingers slowly ran below his abs to the helm of his jeans, running slowly over the button and zipper. Steve gasped in shocked as he felt my hand cupped and lightly squeezed the growing bulge in his jeans.

"We're not going to make it home if you keep that up," he stated breathlessly. I noticed the bike slowing down more each time I did something to him.

"Like I care, it's still our anniversary," I murmured, looking down over Steve's shoulder, at my hand still cupping him. A dark smirk came over my lips. "My Captain," I added, licking the length of Steve's neck slowly.

He shuttered hard against my hold as the bike slowed even more. Before I knew it, Steve was cutting the engine of his bike on the side of the road. He kicked the stand on the motorbike so it stood up itself. All too quickly he turned around, wrapped his arms around my back and pushed me back against the seat of his bike, crushing his lips to mine. I smirked against his mouth, running my hands up his chest and to the back of his head, gripping my fingers in his short hair, wanting him more than anything. _Good distraction, Nat_

His hot body was pressed against mine as Steve's tongue pushed its way into my mouth as his grip around my body tightened with deepening the kiss. I gasped a moan into his mouth as he broke the kiss and started to aggressively kiss my neck. My arms tightened around his neck as my back ached into him, giving him better access. He growled against my skin, sending chills through my body. It didn't even occur in my mind this was all taking place by the side of the road. Anyone could catch us, but I couldn't have cared less. I just wanted Steve's touch.

His lips clasped around my collarbone as he sucked and licked at my skin. I felt my head fell back in bliss, heat flowing through me like sunshine. He unzipped my jacket and pushed it off my shoulders. His fingers slowly started to unbutton my shirt as he kissed my newly exposed skin. Chills went through my body from the cold air and the heat of Steve's lips. It was such a contrast. I could feel a heat rising deep within myself.

My hands dipped under his shirt again. My hands ran over Steve's board chest, defined stomach and powerful shoulders. Steve's moans only made me want him more and I was sure he was the same way. I pulled his shirt from over his head and threw it onto the ground below the bike. He smirked while sitting up, looking down upon me. The sun shone brightly down on Steve's beautifully sculpted body. Anyone would die to just see him like this with his shirt off. I had been even luckier to see all of him. I had to smirk mentally at that thought.

I smiled up at him, running a single finger over his chest, abs and over the material of his jeans. My finger ran over his zipper, feeling his throbbing hard-on. Steve's eyes closed as he growled. 

I leaned up and placed my hand in the middle of his chest, pushing him back against the bike's seat. He stared up at me in wonder. My fingers harshly ran over the length of his torso, leaving red lines which healed in seconds. Steve winced, arching his back slightly, meeting my core through the fabric of our jeans.

Slowly I undid the button of his jeans and then pulled down the zipper. Steve's eyes flashed open in shock. "Natasha, what are you . . . doing?" he asked breathlessly as my fingers ran up and down his massive cock after pushing his pants down to his knees.

Steve smiled, pulling me into his arms as he laid back, licking my lips and making my stomach clench with a wave of passionate heat. I sighed contently into his mouth after he had parted my lips, forcing his tongue into my mouth again. I could taste his hot breath on my tongue.

His right arm stayed tightly wrapped around my shoulders as his other reached down to my jeans and made quick work of them, pushing them off of me completely until they fell onto the bike's tire behind me. He did it all without breaking our extremely deep and heated kiss.

His lips moved with mine in a perfect slow sync as the bike's engine kept lightly rumbling under us. My hands were placed on Steve's chest as he literally ripped my panties off with a growl in his chest. My hands raked through his hair in want and need. I needed him.

Breaking the kiss in shock I pulled away, looking into his lust-filled eyes. He smiled softly as I felt his hot finger caress my folds, making a gasp come out loudly. He had caught me off guard, but not in a bad way. When my eyes went up to his face again he was smirking cockily. I knew that look. All too well

"Natasha," he murmured huskily, pulling me down to him as his warm lips run over the skin of my neck, before rubbing his hard cock against my leg teasingly. His lips came together around my neck, pinching my skin softly. I winced lightly as I felt him suck and then bite me. I knew it would leave a mark but I didn't care, as long as the mark was Steve's.

"Oh Steve," I murmured breathlessly, turning my head to the side, giving him more exposure.

I shivered as his tongue ran the length of my neck slowly. I could feel goose-bumps forming over my body. Slowly he came up to my ear, taking my ear's lobe between his lips, nipping it slightly. "Sit on my bike like your racing," he murmured huskily and oh so seductively. I could feel his hot breath on my face. His voice alone made me shudder in anticipation.

He got off of his bike, giving me room to obey his order. I didn't really know what he was planning or thinking, but I wasn't worried. This was Steve. I trusted him, and he knew that more than anyone.

I felt the bike move a little as he got back on it. His back arched over mine as his mouth assaulted my neck. I moaned out loudly, turning my head to the side, enjoying his every touch.

His hands were lightly holding my arms as his lips moved down my spine in such a loving and sweet manner. I felt his hot and smooth hands taking their time moving down my sides to my hips. Steve always took his time with me. He made sure I enjoyed myself to the absolute max.

"Steve!" I cried as he suddenly pumped deep inside of me. His movement had been so abrupt, though I should have expected it. He liked it most this way, and I couldn't say I blamed him for that either.

Turning my head slightly, I caught his gaze. His eyes went from dark and lustful one second to caring and considerate the next. Leaning down once more, he kissed the middle of my spine again, sending a chill through my body, rocking him within me. He growled lightly as he pulled me into his lap, closer to where he sat at the end of his bike.

His hands moved up from my hips to my ribs and then wrapped his arms around my waist. His fingers ran up and down my torso, causing my stomach to clench again in waves of heat and pleasure. The bike was still quietly shaking beneath us; it made each touch of Steve that much more intense and sensual. I felt like gasping each time he kissed me or even just touched me with his hand. It wasn't like anything I had ever felt before. I just felt so alive, so wake â€“ Steve always had this affect on me, but tonight it was all the more surreal. I never wanted it to end. I needed and craved for more. I needed Steve more than I needed air to breathe with.

The palm of Steve's right hand rested in the pit of my stomach as his other cupped my breast, rolling my nipple between his thumb and index finger. I moaned with the pulses of pleasure and warmth flowing through my entire body. His mouth trailed kisses up my spine like licks of a flame without the pain. Open mouth kisses started on my neck. I could feel and hear my heart pounding a million miles a second. I felt so hot, like I was sitting in the Phoenix summer sun on the beach.

I cried in blissful pain as Steve bit into the side of my neck and shoulder, less than a second later slamming into me hard and fast just the way he knew I needed and wanted it. 

"Mine."he growled into my shoulder, licking up my neck again. All I could do in response was moan. My mind was foggy from the things he did to me with the added vibrations of the bike under us. I knew neither of us was going to last long, but it was probably a good thing with been on a public road. Lucky this road was fairly quiet this time of the night, or we would be in trouble.

"So beautiful." Steve said breathlessly through running the tops of his fingers up and down my stomach slowly, kissing my back again as his speed increased. I felt his hand slip from my stomach to my hip, lifting my ass just that little bit higher from the seat of the bike. I cried out in pleasure, every bit of me that much more sensitive in this new position.

My back ached, rolling my hips into Steve, plunging him deeper within me. He growled a loud cry, pumping into me harder than before. My eyes closed, matching his rhythm. "Ah Steve, don't stop!" I mumbled through pants.

Sweat clung to my body and ran down my face. I glanced back at Steve to see sweat running down over his chest and abs. He was as wet with sweat like he had been out in the rain. His body glistened in th light. His hair was dripping wet the sweat too. It ran down the side of his face as he pushed his hair back with one hand, rewrapping it back around my stomach. I gasped with feeling his sweaty hand cup my breast, rolling my nipple between his fingers before pulling on it lightly. He knew just how I liked it.

A spasm of pleasure and heat soared through my body. A loud whimpering moan escaped my lips as my back ached again like a cat's once more, rolling my hips into Steve's deep, hard and fast thrusts. He growled deeply at the fireworks we both felt roll through us at once. We were both so close now.

Steve clasped his mouth around the side of my neck, his arms around me tightening with his tempo becoming impossibly fast. The heat inside of me was building with every second that passed.

 My whole body felt numb in amazing way I never even knew possible. I never wanted to let go of this feeling. It was too good. I felt so disconnected from the world and so in tuned to Steve and the things he did. My eyes were closed as I kept mumbling his name. My hands were resting on the handlebars of the bike when they suddenly slipped, revving the bike's engine. I jumped slightly at the sound and feeling, before crying out, contracting around Steve.

"R-rev it again," he said breathlessly panting. "Oh Natasha..."

Without even thinking to obey Steve's orders, my sweaty hands slipped on the handle-bars again and revved the engine. I felt both Steve and I go over the edge another twice within that short moment. My body felt so limp on the bike as Steve froze behind me. His arms were still wrapped around my waist. I felt like I wasn't even strong enough to balance myself on the motorbike anymore.

Steve noticed, sitting up and bringing me back into his arms. "I got-ya," he said, still catching his breath. I looked up at him and smiled. The side of his hand rested upon the side of my face as he kissed me for a moment. "So much for making it home."he chuckled, brushing his hand down the side of my face.

"I think I refer your bike anyway," I answered, smiling while still watching his face gleaming with sweat in the moonlight. "It's a little more . . . wild, like you," I added in a husky whisper into his ear, resting my hand on the side of his face.

Steve stared into my eyes, knowing what I meant to happen next. Slowly a smirk appeared over his features before it disappeared in a blink of an eye. Before I knew it, or how it had happened ,I was sitting on top of him with bushes surrounding us, hearing a huge truck going past.

I stared down at Steve, seeing his arm resting behind his head casually as he smiled cockily. We had been so close to getting caught. "I think we better get back home first," he snickered, grinning proudly. He wrapped his arms around me and placed a kiss on my forehead, "Happy Anniversary, Nat."

"Right back at you, Captain."

Suddenly, Steve's phone vibrated in his jeans and quickly reached for it as he read the message.

A distraught look wavered on his face while his breathing began to hitch and hands run through his hair.

"Dammit, fuck!"

My hands placed on his chest to try and calm him down. "Baby what's wrong?"

Tears fell down his cheeks as kept repeating, "She's gone."

I sighed lightly. Peggy.

I took his phone away from him and placed his head on my chest as we laid there on the side of the highway. Steve clutched on my chest tightly while tears slowly slid down his cheek and on me

 

 


	27. PART TWO|FUNERAL

_Steve's POV_  
_"Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you."_  
_— Shannon L. Alder_

* * *

_**THREE|FUNERAL** _

_**LONDON** _

Drip. Drip. Drip.

I gazed blankly out of the car as the cold rain made trails of tears down the window.

This  _wasn't_  happening.

My sweaty, pale hand grasped the passenger door's handle as my breath hitched. I was itching to throw my body outside the car and onto the hard pavement. I didn't want to face this. I couldn't face this.

Peggy. Is.  _Dead_.

Each word was raw and each one left a repugnant taste in my mouth. Each word smacked me into realization as they smothered me at the exact same time. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping I could wake myself out of this nightmare.

 _My_  Peggy is dead.

Peggy would never see me again.

I felt a small, reassuring hand on my shoulder but I didn't dare to look up at Natasha. I knew it was hurting her to see me as such a wreck, hurting her to see me in such pain. Although Natasha and Peggy had never gotten close, I knew that she felt terrible about the situation. She appreciated Peggy for the memories and the relationship we had in the past. Memories that can't fade.

Oh God. I couldn't do this. My legs were trembling, my hands were shaking, and I felt like I was going to throw up.

If couldn't control myself now, how in the world would I control myself in front of her fucking casket?

"Do you want us to come in with you?" I heard Natasha's soft voice ask. That was one reason why I loved Natasha so much. She would put my needs first just to make sure I was alright.

I shook my head at Nat's question, and I gathered the courage to stare at her beautiful face as she held a sleeping James in her arms, "That's alright," I tried to laugh but it came out more of a sob as I told my joke, "Sam's in there, you don't need to see me like this. I'm Captain America."

Her hand left my shoulder and found my shaking left hand. Hot tears started to brim around my lower eyelids, and I wasn't sure why the picture of Peggy appeared in my mind at Natasha's tenderness.

"I love you, honey," She whispered, her sweet breath brushing my face. It was the simplest saying, but the most reassuring and most neededone at the moment. I managed to choke out an 'I love you more' and I fixed myself up and kissed them all before I opened the car door. I opened the black umbrella and immediately put it above my head as I stepped out of the car.

I gave them a wobbly smile and she reminded me to call her when I was ready to go, no matter how late or early that would be. I watched Natasha drive away until I couldn't see the car anymore, and then turned around.

One glance at the funeral home and my hand was fumbling with my pockets in order to get my cell phone.

"Ready man?" a warm voice greeted me and my head shot to the side to see Sam covered in a black suit. I gave him a curt nod and a weak smile.

We walked into the room where Peggy's eulogy would be taking place and the room grew quiet. Most people gave me small smiles and gestures of respect as I walked past them to the front of the room.

So instead of me giving Peggy's eulogy, someone else did instead. I felt a small tap on my shoulder and looked up to see Sharon Carter.

"Margaret Carter was known to most as a founder of S.H.I.E.L.D.," Sharon then looked directly at me, "but I just knew her—  _as Aunt Peggy._ " A small smile moved to my lips.

"She had a photograph in her office. Aunt Peggy, standing next to JFK." She continued on, "As a kid that was pretty cool, but it was a lot to live up to. Which is why I never told anyone we were related." She looked at me again and I gave her a nod of understanding.

"I asked her once how she managed to master diplomacy and espionage in a time where no woman wanted to succeed at either. She said, "Compromise where you can. But where you can't, don't. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree and look them in the eye and say, no, you move."

If my decision wasn’t clear before on the Accords, it is now.

I wasn't going to give in to it. It wasn’t me, it wasn’t how I saw things. We’re not a threat to the world, we save people constantly. If only everyone else could see that.

I stayed where I was, waiting for everyone to leave before I went to go view my best friend. I gave my deepest sympathies to the soldiers and anyone else who came up to say hello. It was hard to do, hard to take in each broken-hearted face that passed by.

Eventually the parade of sorrowful faces left the building and the church grew empty with silence as I moved to see my Peggy in her casket. Before closing the gap between the casket and I, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. In my mind I still was uncertain if I was ready to face my best friend's death, but in my heart I knew I needed the closure. With my eyes still closed, I took the closing step toward the casket and then proceeded to open my eyes.

_Peggy. Peggy._

I shut my eyes tighter.

_Peggy **.**_

"Still didn't get that dance…" I whispered quietly down to Peggy, a small smile on my lips. I gently brushed my fingertips along her cheek and she felt cool.

"Goodbye…" I leaned in the casket and pressed my forehead against hers. I pressed a kiss against it before I pulled back.

It was silent in the cathedral. I was the only one left behind, and while I stared at the picture of Peggy, I gave her a small smile, letting her go.

Then I heard footsteps. As soon as I heard the familiar clicking of heels, I immediately knew who it belonged to. I turned around, and saw that my beautiful wife was at the far end of the aisle.

 _She's as beautiful as always._  I thought.

"Hey honey," she greeted quietly, with a distant look on her face and a folder in her hand. I sighed in unison as I knew what she was currently situated in. The damn Accords..

"Who else signed?" I said breaking the dead silence.

She smiled grimly, "Tony, Rhodey, and Vision."

"Clint?" I asked.

 "Says he's retired.".

"Wanda?"

"TBD." She answered, before walking closer to me, "I'm actually off to Vienna for the signing of the accords. There's plenty of room on the jet. The kids are aboard too, I'm sure they want to spend more time with you."

I responded with a deep breath, unable to look at her in the eye.

 "Honey, just because it's the path of least resistance, doesn't mean it's the wrong path. Remember what we said? That staying together is more important than how we stay together."

I glanced up to meet her eyes, "What are we giving up to do it, babe?" I responded in a doubtful tone.

A sigh escaped her perfect lips.

"I'm sorry, Nat." I said sincerely, "I can't sign it."

"I know... But whether we agree or disagree—you're my husband. I gave you your son, and I need you. Our family needs you. I'll never leave you."

She gently wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me slowly to her. I sighed in content as I buried my head in the crook of her neck.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, "I'm sorry for the shit I’ve put you through. You don't deserve it. I'm so sorry, Nat." He continued to say.

She rubbed my back in a soothing motion, "It's okay, it's okay. It's been rough baby." She whispered back, "For better or for worse, remember?"

I pulled her closer to me, holding her warmth as long as I could.

"I love you, Nat. So much."

She wrapped her arms tighter around my neck, "I love you more." she breathed out.

James needed me, Talia needed me. My  _family_  needed me... I had to resist.

Natasha was my world, and I sure as hell wasn’t gonna let her slip away from me.


	28. PART TWO|BLOWN

 Natasha’s POV  
"Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire"— François de La Rochefoucauld

* * *

_**FOUR/BLOWN**_

_**VIENNA** _

"At a special United Nations conference, 117 countries have come together to ratify the Sokovia Accords."

"So much shit I could be doing right now." I whispered as more people walked pass me to find a seat in the gigantic board room.

Tony had assigned me to be the one sent for the ratification of the accords. Despite protesting at first, I gave in when the cocky bastard was constantly bugging me about it. Of course, I couldn't leave without helping my husband cope. I've never seen in so much pain, so hurt. I guess they were right when they said whenever your spouse feels sorrow, so do you. I'm glad he didn't give up on us, even though we disagreed on the Accords. He loved me and our children unconditionally and would take a bullet for us. Maybe two. I don't know what I would do without him. After the funeral, Steve and I flew off to Vienna with the kids and told him I'd be back in a few hours or so at the hotel.

"Mrs. Rogers?" A light voice said from behind me.

I turned around to see a lady wearing a beige coat and slacks approaching me with a small smile, "Yes?"

"These need your signature." She handed me a couple papers set on a clipboard, "Thank you." When she was done with the papers, she strutted back to where she came.

My thoughts immediately went to Steve as I stood and looked out the massive glass window, "Really wish you were here, babe. If these walls could talk."

I was startled when a voice spoke from behind, "I suppose neither of us is used to the spotlight." My eyes became leveled with to T’Challa, son of ‘T’Chaka.

"Oh, well, it's not always so flattering," I said, forcing a lopsided smirk.

His eyes darted across the room and returned back to me , "You seem to be doing all right so far." He complimented, "Considering your last trip to Capitol Hill, I wouldn't think you'd be particularly comfortable in this company."

I let out a small sigh, answering truthfully, "Well, I'm not." And probably never will be.

"And that alone makes me glad you're here, Mrs Rogers." 

"Why, you don't approve of all this?" I asked him.

"The accords—yes. The politics? Not really. Two people in a room that can get more done than a hundred....”

 "Unless you need to move a piano." A voice finished.

I glanced back to finally come face to face with the Wakandan king— King T'Chaka. I greeted him enthusiastically, "King T'Chaka,"

"Mrs. Rogers," he greeted back with the same tone, before turning to T'Challa. "Son."

Visions of Lagos began to flow in my mind freely. I felt the overwhelming feeling of remorse and guilt and tried to completely patch things up with him.

I started, "King T'Chaka, please, allow me to apologize for what happened in Nigeria."

"Thank you," The king responded warmly, "Thank you for agreeing to all this. I'm sad to hear that your husband, Captain Rogers will not be joining us today."

A knife to the heart, nice one ,your Majesty."Yes, so am I. He's at the nearby hotel with our kids, he sends his regards."

"If everyone could please be seated. The assembly is now in session." A voice announced through the speakers engulfing the huge room.

T'Challa scanned the area, "That is the future calling," he said, then looked back at me, "Such a pleasure, thank you."

I gave a nod and a smile before going off to find an unoccupied seat. This wasn't the first time I was alone, but I had to admit it would be nice to have some company. Like my husband...

God the things we could do in here. I smirked before T’Chaka spoke.

"When stolen Wakandan vibranium was used to make a terrible weapon, we, in Wakanda, were forced to question our legacy." Those men and women killed in Nigeria were part of a goodwill mission from a country too long in the shadows."

 "We will not, however, let misfortune drive us back. We will fight to improve the world we wish to join. I am grateful to the Avengers for supporting this initiative."

Then there it was again—the feeling of something irking in my gut. I could sense something off, as my breathing began to quicken its pace. It didn't help at all when I saw T'Challa glanced at something far behind outside. His facial expression quickly changed to a frantic one. My breathing picked up its pace 

 "Wakanda is proud to extend its hand in peace— "

"Everybody get down!" I heard

I quickly dropped and grabbed the woman to my left down with me. Rubble flew all around us, impacting 

I coughed at the smoke that began to move closer to my lungs, turning to ask if the woman was okay, "Are you alright?"

The woman could only nod in response, coughing as well. I stood up and ran to the nearest exit.

My eyes scanned the room— everything was a mess. The building was mostly destroyed, but that wasn't the most thing that bothered me. I froze in place when I saw T'Challa hovering over his father's body, who was completely unmoving.

I averted my gaze, a sickening feeling forming in her stomach as the smell of blood hit my nostrils.

Shit.

Everything was going into shit, and it didn’t seem like it was slowing down.

Steve's POV

My arms gripped tighter around Talia as she shifted in my arms and breathed heavily as she slept.

Even though she wasnt’ biologically my daughter, she was mine, and I loved her. I loved them both. I didn't know how it was possible because I never felt a connection with the babies before, but with them here in front of me, I couldn't help it. They drew me in and captured me fully, and I made sure I never missed any milestones. Theoretically, I understood love, but I had never felt it for anyone besides Natasha. But this was different. I not only wanted to protect my babies, but teach them, and care for them, and… just look at them.

All my worries and fears were still there, but I decided that they didn't matter. I was a father. There wasn't anything I could do about that. I just learned as I went. That I knew how to do.

Talia was the most perfect little girl ever. Smart, observant, and filled with joy, like Bruce. Except he's filled with anger. Kind of miss that bastard.

Sometime later, I heard, " Daddy, wake up! Daddy!"

I felt little hands try to push my arm in a shaking gesture. I moved to my side and outstretched my arm and began moving my fingers on a now giggling figure.

"Daddy!"

Talia giggled. I opened my eyes and smiled at her. I loved hearing her laugh, so I kept tickling her little stomach a little more until I dropped my arm down. She looked up at me with the beautiful greens that I fell in love with years ago.A spitting image of her mother. James was right next to her as he laughed with her.

"It's time to play!"

"What if daddy doesn't wanna get up?"

She kissed the tip of my nose lightly and giggled again before leaving the room and James wobbling after her. I took that as my cue to get up or they'd be back. I checked the time; it was seven in the morning. I have no idea why Talia was such an early bird. I usually got up at eight for work, but now it differs to when she wakes up.

I quickly pulled out my white button up shirt and a black tie along with black jeans. It was what I wore to the funeral and I didn't feel like putting on any clothes. After I got dressed I quickly brushed my teeth and tried to do something with my hair, but it was useless.

"Tally, James?"

I called out, my answer was a giggle. I sighed and played along. It was easy to find her, but I liked making her think she was slick. I checked the next hotel room, and saw four little legs under her bed. I chuckled and moved on in.

"Where did you go?"

More giggling was heard and I opened the little closet. I even moved the clothes out of the way for more effect.

"Hm, you two sure are good at hiding. I don't know where you are!"

I heard her giggles again, only this time I hid from her. I walked out of the room only to press my back against the wall. Only thing I had to do was wait which wasn't long. After a few moments I heard her footsteps and saw her long black ringlets just outside her door.

"Rawr!"

I swooped in and grabbed her waist while lifting her up in the air. She beamed as she laughed. I placed her up against my chest while smiling at her musical laugh. James giggled as he bounced up and down while watching me twirl Talia.

"You found us!"

I kissed the top of her head before placing her back to the floor before picking up James.

"Looks like I did. Now what do you want for breakfast, Tally?"

"Capt'N Crunch!

She beamed as she raced to the kitchen. I followed after her.

"Tally, sweetie, don't run. I don't want you to fall and hurt yourself."

I smiled because of course, she didn't listen. Stubborn like Natasha.  I walked in to see her sitting in one of the unmatched chairs. I placed a hand in her locks before giving it a rub. She laughed.

"Stop daddy!"

I smiled as I reached the cupboard and pulled out one of her favorite plastic bowls. I placed it on the table while getting a small spoon out along with her cereal. I opened the door to the refrigerator and pulled out the milk.

"Mommy and I want to take you and James to the art museum."

"Wow! I hope it's pretty, Dad."

I smiled bigger at her while preparing her bowl of cereal.

"It will be."

"Daddy..."

"Yes, sweetheart?" I asked as I began to prepare food for James. 

"Do you know where my real Dad is?"

A lump formed in my throat. Ever since Nat and I got married, it was extremely hard to tell her what happened to Bruce, considering she was so young. It was hard telling Tally about our situation, but Natasha told me that it was best to not keep it from her. 

"No, honey. I don't. But I'm sure he misses you and still loves you." I gave her a goofy smile which she returned.

"I love you." She said as she took a spoonful of cereal. I placed a kiss on her forehead  before I went back to feeding James.

After I cleaned up the kitchen, I went back to the room to get her and James dressed for the day.

My thoughts went to Natasha immediately. I couldn't be at ease whenever she was away. Even though I knew she could take care of herself, I still felt uncomfortable when her missions required her being gone for awhile.

I wanted to go with her if I could, lord knows I would. A sharp knock had hit the hotel door. I opened it with James in my arms and saw Sam with a stern look on his face. 

"You need to see this, Cap." He said as he walked passed me to the living room and turned on the TV.

 "A bomb hidden in a news van ripped through the UN building in Vienna."

Here we go...

"More than 70 people have been injured. At least 12 are dead, including Wakanda's king, T'Chaka. Officials have released a video of the suspect, whom they identified as James Buchanan Barnes, the Winter Soldier.The infamous HYDRA agent linked to numerous acts of terrorism and political assassinations."

  
Then there he was, Bucky. My arms tightened around James as he slept. But the thought of Bucky was completely overshadowed 

"Natasha!" Almost instantly, I reached for my phone as my heart was beginning to pound heavily, while my fingers quickly dialed the number. I needed to hear her voice. I needed to make sure she was alright. As every ring went unanswered, I was becoming nervous and fearful for my wife's safety.

  
I hadn't received any calls or texts from Natasha yet since this morning. That wasn't a good sign. She answered all my calls. I needed to know if she was safe.

  
"The number you're calling is currently unavailable. Please try again later." The phone's message would play continuously again. After three tries, I gave up and decided to go check on her himself. "Fuck!"

  
I looked over at Sam and gave him James, "Sam," he called, "I may be out for awhile."

  
Sam furrowed his eyebrows, "To where?"

  
I took my coat, before facing him, "Downtown."

  
"I better get paid for this!" He said as I ran out the door.

 


	29. PART TWO|OPTIONS

_Natasha's POV  
_ _"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."_ _— Haruki Murakami_

* * *

_**FIVE|OPTIONS** _

Everything was a fucking mess. Bodies laid unmoving on the floor. Shards of glass were scattered and debris littered everywhere. People were shaking, trembling, and crying while rushing to get out of the burning building.

I was trying my best to help out, even though the outside wasn't really as much as safe at all inside. Whoever did cause the explosion must still be out there, and whoever did this is most likely to suffer the consequences.

Bubbling rage started to rise within me.  _Now a lot of more innocent people died. Who the hell would even dare target a United Nations panel meeting? It absolutely makes no sense. At all._

I looked down at my clothes, and my hair, and raised my hand to my face- I was covered in grime and sweat. Dark circles started to form beneath my eyes, and I felt like my goddamn arms were going to fall off from my shoulders. I was tired, very tired. Instinctively my hand turned on my phone and sighed when it did.

_(16) missed calls from Husband_

"Shit," I cursed, hurrying to call him.

 My eyes moved to the left and I broke a little when I saw the blank face of T’Challa. I took a deep breath before I moved to him.

When I sat, I whispered, "I'm very sorry."

T'Challa’s face was broken, and you could see the effort he was putting in to not break down. "In my country," he said, "death is not the end. It's more of a stepping-off point. You reach out with both hands and Bast and Sekhmet, they lead you into the green veldt... where you can run forever."

 "That sounds very peaceful."

"My father thought so, but I am not my father." 

A threat, always lovely. "T'Challa.. task force will decide who brings in Barnes."

He stood up with a grim smile, "Don't bother, Mrs. Rogers." He clenched his fist in pure anger, "I'll kill him myself."

There was nothing I could do but watch him walk away-his face filled with nothing but hatred and vengeance. I stood up and sighed in frustration. Suddenly, I felt strong arms turn me around in a whirl. My eyes were fixed on my knight in shining armor.

"Steve," I whispered as my hands cupped his face.

"Natasha." He pulled me in and pressed his lips to mine in a fiery kiss. Our hands were all over each other as if we were separated for years. I pulled away and clutched him closer to me. "Thank God, you're safe. I've been trying to call you since this morning. Are you alright baby? Sick, smoke inhalation? Did you..." He began to rant until I placed my index finger to his lips.

"I'm fine, honey. I'm sorry I scared you, I had to turn off my phone before the meeting," 

“It’s a fucking mess here.”

"I'm just glad you're safe, I couldn't handle it if I lost you."

I could suspect the strain in his voice. I knew him well enough to know if something was wrong. He's my fucking husband for crying out loud. It could only mean that he was planning something stupid or something dangerous. He was so predictable.

"Steve," I stated sternly as I eyed him, "I know what you're thinking."

“Hm?"

”Steve.”

”Hm?” 

“Babe, I know how much Bucky means to you I really do. That's why I'm asking for your sake and his- please, Steve,  _stay out of this."_

He sighed briefly, “Nat...”

" _Steve_. You'll only make this worse for all of us." 

"Are you saying you'll arrest me?"  He challenged.

I quickly shook my head, "No, no. God, of course not. Why the hell would I do that?" I closed my eyes, gripping his hand tightly. How was I going to explain this without us arguing? From the way he's speaking, I knew that I had hurt him.

“But someone would, and I don't want that to happen. If you interfere, that's how it works now." I explained.

"If he's this far gone, Nat, I should be the one to bring him in." he said softly before pressing his lips against mines. He pulled back and looked at me, "Sam's at the hotel with the kids. I wouldn't keep him waiting." He gave me a weak smile before walking away.

As soon as I arrived back at the hotel, the first thing I did was shower. Minutes afterward, I grabbed all the things for James and left with the kids to go back to the compound. Arriving there, I walked us to the meeting room, playing with my kids as I waited patiently.

"Glad you didn’t get your ass cooked down there." I looked up just in time to see Tony waltzing in with a clean-cut suit.

"Nice suit," I complimented.

"I know right." he said with a smirk.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes, "Say hi to Uncle Tony, kids."Talia waved with her cute smile as James ran straight to his arms.

He picked him up with ease as James rested his head on Tony's shoulders. As James became comfortable on him, he looked at me with concern. "You saw it was him, didn’t you."

I nodded slowly, "I watched the footage again, and I can't help but feel.. I don't know. I understand what Steve feels but we can't deny the evidence."

"Speaking of the old bastard, have you talk to him?" Tony asked before rubbing James back soothingly.

"Yeah just before I got here," I quirked an eyebrow, "He won't listen."

Tony snorted, "He never listens."

"So do you." I shot back.

"And exactly why we don't get along." He stated, "The past few months were okay, but recently, he's falling back into my  _'People I highly dislike' list again."_

I sunk back into my seat, knowing fully well that Tony and Steve didn't get along as much as our other teammates did, but ever since the birth of our son, it improved greatly.

I hated to see the two of them go back to the way they were before. I cared about Tony and Steve and wanted them to be good friends just like everyone are.

 "Oh, come on," I exclaimed, "But you two were getting along fine already! I was actually genuinely happy you know."

James wiggled in Tony's arms as he raised an eyebrow, "I guess the blame's on spangles. He started this when he didn't sign."

I narrowed my eyes, "It isn't just his fault." I defended.

He waved me off, "I won't hear it. Despite agreeing with me, I know you're still going to stand up for him."

"Of course, because I'm offended when his name gets degraded while he's not here. He's my husband." I argued.

Tony shot me a look, "Yeah, I'm well aware of that." Then I saw his eyes wandered over to something behind me, "Look what the cat dragged in."

I glared at him, "What are you talking about?"

Tony nodded behind me, "See for yourself."

I snapped my head back to see the monitor's screen showing Steve and Sam walking in. Guards surrounded both sides of them and it looked anything far from good. My eyes widened, as I quickly rushed out of the room, leaving them all behind.

I saw Steve coming my way and struggled to keep my disappointment unnoticeable, "For the fucking record, this is what making things worse look like."

"He's alive." he stated.

"We'll see if we can say the same about you in a minute." I hissed to him.

As all of us turned to enter the room I came in earlier, the first sight that greeted us was Tony without James and Talia. He was still wearing the suit earlier but he ditched the coat. I raised my eyebrows as I wondered where the hell where my kids. He raised his fingers up to me before spoke into the phone.

"Romania was not Accords-sanctioned. Colonel Rhodes is supervising cleanup." He said.

I turned to Sam and Steve, but made sure to make eye contact with my husband solely, "Try not to break anything while we fix this." Bitterness was evident in my tone, and I hated being that way with him.

Steve looked taken aback with my tone and suddenly looked regretful, "Natasha wait-"

"What?" I interrupted sharply.

"This wasn't the way I expected it to happen." he reasoned, trying to keep his voice low.

"Sorry babe, but it happened anyway." I retorted, turning my back to him before I felt him grab my wrist.

"Just hear me out-" he pleaded.

"Did you hear me out?" I shot back.

A guilt-ridden look formed on his face, "Nat.." I snatched my wrist from him.

"I'm so tired, Steve. I'm so fucking tired. I need you more than ever, I need you to just..." I sighed heavily, "Please.. just.. don't."

With that I walked away.

I went to Tony and asked him where did he send my children, which he stated to the children center downstairs. I nodded briefly.

I was about to head to the room of SHIELD personnel when I felt someone's presence beside me.

"Agent Rogers," Sharon stated, "Do you know where Wilson and Captain Rogers are?"

My shoulders stiffened at the mention of Steve's name but tried not to let it show by answering smoothly, "Yeah, I think they've been sent to wait in the meeting room for a briefing about Barnes."

"Oh, alright, thank you," she said, briskly walking past her to round a corner.

I didn't want to admit it but there was something about that woman that made me feel awkward and uneasy. Maybe because of the fact that I had purposely intended to set her up with Steve before. Or maybe because I knew Sharon had some slight attraction towards my husband.

She didn't need to tell me for me to know. From the way she acts around whenever Steve's in the same room with them, I already knew something was up. But I said nothing. Why would I, we were married and I trusted him completely. She was still my friend. Hell, she was my bridesmaid to my wedding. But if she think she's taking Steve from me, she's up for disappointment I guess.

My eyes lifted up to see the interrogation had just begun to start. Good thing we allowed her to step inside the room. I carefully watched the footage of Bucky being questioned.

_"Hello, Mr. Barnes." The interrogator said. "I've been sent by the United Nations to evaluate you. Do you mind if I sit?"_

He said nothing of course.

_"Your first name is James?" the man asked._

Suddenly, I felt broadened arms surround my mid section. I immediately knew who they belonged to. I felt Steve's lips press against my neck which he knew was my sweet spot. I gasped lightly when began to kiss up to my jawline, my cheek then to the corner of my lips. "I'm so sorry, Nat. I didn't mean to hurt you." He whispered lightly, making me melt against him. My hands gripped on his hands tightly,fighting a moan from escaping my lips.

"Forgive me, please." His breath was sending shivers down my spine straight to my toes.

"You're gonna have to do better than this." I managed to wheeze out. A shining jewel was staring at my face, dangling from Steve's muscular hand. I turned around and found him grinning that goofy grin at me. He grabbed my hand to place it in my palm. I narrowed my eyes at him in confusion. He rolled his eyes before opening the gold locket. I gasped when I saw beautiful faces smiling back at me. One had my handsome baby boy James, the second had Talia, and the middle had me and Steve on Christmas day.

Tears were threatening to leave the rim of my eyes, but I couldn't let him win yet. His hands cupped my face before lifting it to him. "Let's get out of here."

"What?"

"Lets go. You, me and the kids. We can leave, separate ourselves from all this unhappiness and conflict. We can go to Rio like we always talked about and settle there. What do you think?" The more I let his words settle in my brain, the more I became intrigued with the idea. Leaving, just us on a beach watching the kids grow up.

I looked up and smiled, clutching the locket to my chest. "Yes." I whispered before I attacked his lips with mine and held him tightly like a lifeline. His hands gripped my waist as he kissed back fiercely.

Then of course, my happy moment was fucked up. The power went out.

I pulled back from him when I became startled, looking around the room to find that everything went dark. I heard someone order, "Come on guys, get me eyes on Barnes."

I looked at Tony, who nodded and quickly did something about it, "FRIDAY, get me a source on that outage."

From the corner of my eye, I could see Steve and Sam ran out of the room. I tugged at the ends of Tony's shirt, “We have to go," I ordered.

"Where?" he asked in confusion.

I looked at him in worry, "The Winter Soldier's on the go."

Tony's eyes widened before he hurried towards the exit with me following closely behind him.

"Please tell me you brought a suit,"I muttered.

"Sure did. It's a lovely Tom Ford, three-piece, two-button. I'm an active-duty non-combatant It's not like you brought anything else besides a diaper bag." he remarked.

I rolled my eyes at his answer before speeding up my pace. I felt someone brush past me again and saw a mass of blonde hair in front of us. It was Sharon.

She looked at Tony and I, all the while still running, "Follow me."

We did what we were told and followed her towards the emergency exits. We came across a flight of stairs and flew past down. Sharon and I headed towards the left side, while Tony took the right, splitting from the two ladies.

"Have you got insight on Barnes?"

"No," she denied, trying to catch her breath, "But I think I might know where he's heading."

"Then lead the way."

After a couple of turns and a long time of running,we finally reached the outside part of the building. I saw Bucky from a distance as he was effortlessly beating the life out of the guards and soldiers who tried to stop him. It was as if they were nothing but dummies I used for training.

We stayed hidden behind a wall. "We're in position," I informed Tony through my earpiece.

Moments later, a figure emerged out of nowhere. We watched as Tony used his hand reactor to shoot a beam straight at Bucky. He was incapacitated for a short while but quickly regained his strength and threw a solid punch at him. Tony managed to block it and attempted to steal the gun in Bucky's hands.

Bucky swiftly took the gun back and aimed it at Tony's face. He pulled the trigger. Fortunately, Tony's glasses served as a shield. If it weren't for them, his pretty face would succumb to nothing now.

Tony retrieved his arm and had accidentally taken the bullets from the pistol. He wondered what to do to it for a moment when his hand spoke for himself. He slugged Bucky in the face using the bullets.

Bucky elbowed him in the face and slammed his knuckles into his stomach sending him a few feet away. Tony crashed on the tables with a groan. I didn't have enough time to react when Sharon immediately came out from tour position and lunged at Bucky.

She tried to kick him but he easily blocked it with his arm. And then another one, but he blocked it again. When it was Bucky's turn to charge, Sharon dodged it by bending down. The same time I came out running and quickly sent my fists in Bucky's chest.

He stumbled a bit and I took this as my chance to punch him in the gut. Sharon stood back up and landed a kick at Bucky this time. Yet he must've thought her next move because he caught her foot and threw her backwards. She landed on the chairs with a burning pain in her back.

I caught him off guard when I hoisted myself up to wrap my thighs around his neck. When I was sitting on him, I used all my strength to jam my fists over and over again to his head— hoping to render him unconscious.

Yet Bucky managed to shrug me off him and pinned my down by the neck. I barely let out a gasp as he tightened his grip until I began feel my lungs collaspe.

I tried to pry his hands off me, "You.. could at least... recognize me." 

I felt the heavens answered my prayers when his grip loosened and saw T'Challa shoving him aside. They started to beat the hell out of each other.

I struggled to breathe, my chest rising and falling heavily as I coughed furiously. As my normal breathing rate started to return, I got up from the table. When I looked to my right, Bucky and T'Challa were no longer there. I turned to my left and saw Sharon starting to get up too.

I walked over to help her up, "Well, he escaped." Natasha informed.

Sharon looked around, "Where's Mr. Stark?"

"I don't know." I answered, before hearing someone speak in my earpiece,  _"Nat," the voice belonged to Tony._

I pressed a finger to her earpiece, "Tony, where are you?"

_"I grabbed the little agents, but you need to move. It's Steve. You've got to catch him. He's heading up the rooftop with Barnes."_

When Sharon noticed the look on my face, she quickly asked, "Is that Mr. Stark? What did he say?"

"Sorry, I gotta go." I hurried out of the room, ignoring Sharon's calls out to me. I ran as fast as my legs could do for me. I was practically leaping at the stairs to reach the rooftop since I was a couple of floors down.

Finally, I reached the last level and pushed open the doors that led me outside. My eyes widened in horror as I saw Steve on the edge with a helicopter. I could faintly see Bucky inside and was gripping Steve's neck.

My feet ran as fast as I wanted them to as saw the helicopter fell over the edge — taking Steve with it.

"No!" I cried out, rushing over just in time to see it splashed down into the water below, "Steve!"

My felt her heart quickened its pace as it dropped to the pit of my stomach. I leaned over the edge, craning my neck to see if any heads were popping out of the water any second. Nothing. Dammit!

I looked around again and saw a wet trail in the concrete grounds. I followed the trail and was puzzled to find that it suddenly stopped just before the streets.

I panted heavily as I spoke into my earpiece, "Tony?"

The response came instantly,  _"What happened? Did you find him?"_

Hesitantly, I answered, "Barnes is nowhere in sight."

_"Sam seems to be off the radar too. How 'bout Cap?"_

"No, Steve's gone _."_


	30. PART TWO|RECUPERATE

 

 _Steve's POV_  
"Sleep is no longer a healing bath, a recuperation of vital forces, but an oblivion, a nightly brush with annihilation."  
— J.M. Coetzee

* * *

**_SIX|RECUPERATE_ **

_She approaches me slowly as she_ _brushes her hair out of her face and wrapping her arms around my neck. "Sorry I'm late," she stated with a smirk._

_"You're here. That's all that matters." I pulled her more tightly against me._

_She smiled lightly at me. "I'm exactly where I want to be."_

_My hands slid lower below her waist. "Damn straight, you are. In my arms, where you belong." My grin turns into a lascivious smirk. "Wanna see how much closer you can get?"_

_She leans up to kiss me, lightly brushing her lips against my own, before whispering against, "You dirty dog."_

_I scooted up and winded my left arm around her waist to pull her in so she's straddling me fully, and my other hand through her hair. I bring her in for a deep, luscious kiss. A growl rumbled in my chest when she rakes her nails against  my scalp, burying her hands in my own thick hair._

_She began placing tiny kisses across my forehead, down the bridge of my nose, and across my eyelids. She pauses to nuzzle along my high cheekbones, and brushes her lips against mines. I tried to pull her in for more, but she moves aside to kiss along my jawline. She moves down to discover a sensitive spot underneath my chin, and I felt her grin in triumph when I sucked a sharp breath in._

_Natasha pulled back and kissed me once more before whispering ,"Don't leave me._ _"_

"Hey, Cap!" I jumped quickly out of my trance before I looked over my shoulder to see Sam nod his head in front of me, "He's up."

I nodded and walked his direction, trying to quickly gain my composure. Bucky was stirring his head, letting out a slight groan, "Steve," he said, clutching onto the metal object that's holding him captive for support.

“Bucky?"

Bucky took a while to answer, as if he was hesitating to say something or not. Then after two seconds — "Your mom's name was Sarah." I quirked an eyebrow at him. He responded with a weak chuckle, "You used to wear newspapers in your shoes."

A small smile made its way to my lips, "Can't read that in a museum."

Sam looked at me disbelievingly, "Just like that and we're supposed to be cool? The bastard did try to kill me you know."

Buck groaned in frustration, "What did I do now?"

"Enough."

He let out a breath, shaking his head, "Oh, God. I knew this would happen. Everything HYDRA put inside me is still there. All he had to do was to say the goddamn words."

"Who was he?"

"I don't know."

"People are dead. The bombing, the setup, the doctor did all that just to get ten minutes with you. I need you to do better than I don't know."

Bucky went silent, trying to think deeper. He forehead creased, "He wanted to know about Siberia. Where I was kept. He wanted to know exactly where."

"Why would he need to know that?" I pressed.

"Because I'm not the only Winter Soldier." 

"Who were they?" I asked, proceeding to lean my back against the wall.

"Their most elite death squad." Bucky answered, "More kills than anyone in HYDRA history, and that was before the serum."

"They all turn out like you?" Sam piped in.

"Worse," he chided.

I crossed my arms, eyes narrowing, "The doctor—could he control them?"

Bucky had a look of hesitation before lowering his head down, muttering just loud enough for us to hear, "Enough."

"Said he wanted to see an empire fall." I mused.

"With these guys, he could do it." Bucky gave us a look of worry as he explained everything truthfully, "They speak thirty languages, can hide in plain sight, infiltrate, assassinate, destabilize. They can take a whole country down in one night and you'd never see them coming."

Sam let out a sigh of defeat, walking a tad closer to me, "This would have been a lot easier a week ago." he whispered.

"If we call Tony...."

"No, he won't believe us." He interrupted, "Perhaps Natasha would. Any chance you can talk to her about this?"

My shoulders stiffened at the mention of my beautiful wife. God, I miss her. It's been two days since I've last seen or heard from her. I needed her like I needed air. Tally, and my baby boy, I miss them too. But this was my fight, I won't drag my family down. I shook my head, sighing. "I'm not getting her involved in this."I stated solemnly."I won't do this to her. Plus... she signed the fucking Accords."

"Are you saying.." Sam looked at me incredulously, "I don't mean to offend you, but when all this comes down to a fight, you won’t even look her way."

"You damn right." I closed my eyes in frustration, "God, this is hard for me. I can't hurt her. I can't." I shook my head at the thought of it, "But if I can't fight her.. I'm just gonna have to avoid her as much as I can, we're on our own now."

"Maybe not." Sam let out a smirk, "I know just the man for the job."

"Call him, I already have two other friends of mine ready for battle. If it gets there... Sharon's probably waiting for us. Let's go."

After a whole half an hour of driving, I had the car stopped to a halt, seeing another silver one in front. I turned off the engine and proceeded to head out when Bucky asked me. "Should we come?"

I shook my head. "Stay here, this will only take a sec." I shut the door and waited as Sharon got out of the car in front of us.

She looked at me, mildly amused. "I'm not sure you understand the concept of a getaway car," she started to unlock the trunk.

"It's low profile." I shot back, nearing her to take a look at what she was doing.

"Good," she remarked, lifting it up. "because this stuff tends to draw a crowd."

I was given a view of his shield and Sam's suit. He never felt more relieved to see my beautiful babies again. I was surprisingly not used to not having my shield and suit away from me anymore. Taking it felt like taking away the identity of Captain America from me as well.

"I owe you again." I said playfully.

"Keeping a list." Sharon gave me a lopsided smirk, glancing behind us to see Bucky. I saw her shiver slightly "You know he kinda tried to kill me." she reckoned.

"I'm sorry." I said as I cocked my head, saying, "I'll put it on the list too."

A light chuckle escaped from her lips. Her eyes dropped down to the trunk of her car—where the shield and suit were placed. I seemed to know what she was thinking once a troublesome expression settled on her face.

"They're going to come looking for you." 

Sharon nodded in understanding, "I know."

I smirked lightly—realizing how far she's willing to go just to help us out. Sharon Carter's a good friend. 

"Thank you, Sharon. You're really a good friend."

Sharon smiled at me in return. "Think of it as a way of saying 'I'm sorry' for before."

I waved my hand, "I told you I'm over it now. I understand really, don't go so much thought into it. Actually, now I'm the one drowning in favors. It's gonna take a while for me to return it back."

She chuckled, gazing into my eyes, "I'm convinced you're a man of your word, Captain Rogers."

"I don't know how can I repay you for all this, Sharon." 

My eyes glanced over when she suddenly inched closer. A glint of mischief flashed through her eyes. My heart began to stammer at the sudden close proximity. I instinctively took a foot back.

"I think I know one way." she said suggestively.

I didn't like where this was going.

I stammered, nervously laughing, "S-Sharon? What a-are you doing?"

As she continued to inch closer, I was all the while trying to move further away from her. I could feel the questionable gaze from my two friends inside the car as they watched them from afar.

Then as quickly as lightning, Sharon pushed me. She had me fucking pinned on the side of her car.

"Sharon, you know I'm married. I love my wife, and my kids. So stop." I stated solemnly, trying to lean back as far as possible.

Instead, Sharon rested her hands on my chest, her face daring to move closer to mine.

She gripped a fistful of me shirt, grinning flirtatiously before dragging down closer to her. "I think I have quite an idea." she whispered, her voice becoming huskier.

I grabbed her wrist and slammed it on the door of her car. A dull silence filled the air as she stared at me with fearful eyes.

"I-I'm sorry, Sharon... but..." I couldn't afford to go on any longer as I took in her heart-shattered look.

"I-I'm sorry, Steve. My mind was... I wasn't thinking straight." she explained desperately, her voice slightly trembling, "I just thought..."

"Just.. don't.." I growled.

Sharon smiled weakly, "Natasha's a lucky woman."

I opened my mouth to answer when I was cut off. Again.

"Don't I know it." A voice answered in the distance.

Our heads snapped in the direction of the voice and saw a silhouette walking towards us.

"I didn’t want to kill anyone today, but I guess it’s come to that."

We waited until the silhouette came into view. When it did, I felt my heart speed up again. It’s been doing that for awhile, guess some things never change.

My eyes widened, shocked to find her here. It had been days since I last saw her and her being a few feet away from me right now was enough to send me yearning to envelop her in a tight hug.

I swallowed the huge fucking lump in his throat. "Natasha."

Her gaze hardened at the sight of the us, eyeing the lack of distance between the two. Her face dimming a whole lot. "You've done your job here, Agent Carter. Now, leave." You could practically sense the venom in her voice.

Sharon raised an eyebrow at her, seemingly annoyed at what she just said, "Who are you to tell me what I should or shouldn't do?"

"Leave. Now."

"Babe..." I tried to say, but she didn't even spare me a glance.

"Excuse me, Agent Rogers but you're the one who should leave." Sharon shot back. "What are you even doing here? You're helping out Mr. Stark right, betraying your husband?"

Natasha let out a sigh of irritation, shaking her head. "I don't have time for this." she muttered under her breath.

Then taking us all off guard, she started to walk briskly towards Sharon's direction, her fists clenching. Her knuckles almost turning white.

Sharon knew what she was about to do and started to back away, "Wait—wait! Stop!"

I caught her arm. "Natasha!"

She snatched it out of my grip. "Stay out of this, Steve!" Just as when she was about to advance again, I caught her by the waist, my grip tightening each time she struggled to get out. "Steve!"

"Just stop!" I held her firmly. She kicked furiously, trying to pry his hands off her only to no avail. "Natasha!"

She whipped her head around to meet his. "What!?" she lashed out in anger.

I stopped the moment I saw her eyes. They were puffy and red, indicating that she had been crying for some time now. Her eyes were beginning to water again. He felt his heart shatter to pieces.

"Natasha..." I said softly, loosening my grip to cradle her face in my hands. Natasha went mute—her rage calming down a bit. I bent down and pressed my lips to hers in a quick kiss. She pulled me in to her and began sobbing in my chest. After a few seconds, she took a deep breath and rested her head. I turned to Sharon, "Sharon, I think it's best if you leave now."

She looked at with a weak smile, "I think so too. But your shield and the suit..."

"Right." I nodded before starting to get our things and walked over to the car. I arrived by Natasha's side, just in time to see Sharon off.

Sharon took this as a sign and let out a breath. "I'm sorry." she said sincerely. "I mean no harm, really. I don't know... what came over me. And hey—don't put the blame on him. He didn't even try to kiss me back. It was all on me."

"I appreciate the act of kindness, Sharon but you do know I'm still struggling to not strangle you right now, you know?" Natasha asked rhetorically.

She smirked. "I know, I'm not stupid. A lot of guys wouldn't do what he did. Keep him, Natasha." She opened the door to her car and stepped in.

I wrapped my arms around Nat's waist and tugged her to me," Thanks again, Sharon."

"Anytime, captain." Sharon responded, turning on the ignition. "And I'm sorry again!"

Then she sped off, leaving us behind. Natasha turned to me, and I sighed knowing what was coming. But it didn't, and then it did.

"I want to know why you disappeared off without so even a trace or even a phone call for that matter, and why when I came here expecting to see you, Bucky and Sam, but find you damn near locking lips with Sharon Carter instead."

"It's not what it looks like, Natasha." I reasoned.

Natasha scoffed. "That's what it pretty much looked like to me."

"I shoved her off like a ragdoll babe, I only have eyes for you." I clarified.

I could see tears prick at the corner of her eyes. She sighed. "I don't know, Steve. These past days... you've been so distant. You don't listen to me anymore, hell, you don't even talk to me anymore..."

"Because there are so many things going on, Nat." I tried to reason. "I'm sorry if I haven't been giving you and the kids much attention but you know how things are right now."

"Even a phone call?" she inquired in a deadly tone. "You couldn't even find the time to give your wife a damn phone call?"

I sighed deeply, "Believe me, Nat. I wanted to, more than anything. But I couldn't. How could I? I'm on the country's watch list right now. A phone call from me would give away our location."

A look of shock washed over her face, "Oh, is that what this is all about? You think this is about the  _fucking_  accords or warrant of arrest against Bucky?" she seethed in frustration.

"That is what it’s about.” I shot back.

Natasha scoffed. "I can't believe you." I could see she was trying not to break. "Don't you trust me anymore? I wanted that phone call to make sure you were safe, Steve."

"And I do too." I countered, my heart breaking. "But it's different now, Nat. You know what I'm talking about. I'm trying my best to keep our marriage from falling apart."

"Yeah, I can see that pretty clearly." she said sarcastically.

I grabbed her shoulders and held her in a gentle grip. "You have to believe me. I swear to God, Natasha, there isn't a day that's gone where I don't think of you or Tally, or James. Your face, your name, it would always fill up my mind. I missed you. I miss being with you and I miss hearing your voice. I miss sleeping in the bed, waking up in the morning playing board games with you."

Natasha's voice trembled. "If you had told me where you were in the first place we wouldn't even be in this situation. You know I won't tell anything."

"You signed, Nat." I reminded.

"And you know I wouldn't give a damn about it if it means protecting you and our family."

"Then you'll be on the watch list too just like me. Then what will happen to our kids?" I added in a low tone, moving his hand to cup her right cheek. "I can't let that happen."

"I can take care of myself, Steve." she said, raising her hand to touch my own. She nuzzled into my touch as a single tear drop from her cheek. "I love you."

I closed my eyes for a moment. "I love you too. More than you'll ever know." I forced the tears to stop spilling across my face. "That's why I can't let you go after me."

Natasha looked up, her emerald-green eyes striking in confusion. "What?"

"I will always see you as my strength, someone that I could trust my life with, and someone that I would die protecting. I promised myself that I would do everything I can to keep what we have, and I mean it. You mean everything to me, Nat."

"Steve... I don't — of course, I know that and you mean the world to me too. But I don't understand?"

"I can't let you risk your name for me." I finally said, trying not to break down in front of her. "I know that all your life you just wanted people to trust you and now you finally earned it. But if you continue doing what you're planning to do, you'll lose everything again, Nat—"

"I won't lose everything because I'll have you. I'll have Talia and our beautiful baby boy." she interrupted. Her face was filled with determination, "We made vows. You're the one person who believed in me long before anyone else did. I'm not doing this just for a favor, Steve, I'm doing this because you're more important to me than anything else!"

I whispered, "I love you." Then I met her eyes and used all my strength to tell her what I needed to tell— "But you have to go."

She froze.

"You're leaving me?" Her voice trembled.

I averted my gaze, unable to look at her anymore. Natasha raised her voice in disbelief. "Dammit Steven Grant Rogers, look at me!" she punched my chest violently, "Why?!"

I lifted my head. "Because...we have no way out of what's coming." I cupped her face.

"We'll be together,"she whispered, tears streaming down her face.

"In less than an hour people are coming to get us and if we get lucky we'll outrun them and we'll go into hiding again. And then what happens? You'll help us and get on their wanted list too? What will happen to James and Tally?"I asked. "I'm not giving up, Nat. Never. But for now, we don't have the time to keep this going on. I care about you more than I care about myself and I don't want you to lose what you have. Please understand what I'm trying to say."

When she didn't respond, I attempted to reason with her one last time. "I'm hurting now. A lot. But if this is the only way to do what's best for the both of us... " I hung his head low. "I'll do it."

Natasha's pained face was breaking my heart. I reached in my pocket and placed the locket she left with me in her hands," When this is over, I'll come back for you. No matter what." She reached her arms around my neck and pressed her lips against mines in a fiery kiss. I breathed in her scent and kissed every inch of her face as I possibly could. To remember her like this, for the last time, in a long time.

She whimpered when I pulled away,"Please. Don't."

"I have to go, Nat."

And with that, I left, leaving my other half with her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	31. PART TWO|DAWN

_Steve’s POV_  
_“The day of battle dawned pink as the fresh-bitten thigh of a maiden.”_  
-Roger Zelazny

* * *

_** SEVEN|DAWN**_

 

The ride in the car was filled with silence. Sam and Bucky didn't bother asking me what happened earlier the second they saw my face. I'm pretty sure they were both knew I was not in a talking mood.

After a while we finally reached the parking lot of the airport. Sam was the first to step out of the car, then Bucky. All the while, I was stuck glancing at my wedding ring.

I shut off the engine but kept looking at the wedding tattoo ring that was on my finger. A smirk was placed on my face as a certain memory popped into my head.

_"Quick! Steve! Come over here!" She called urgently, making me practically spilled my coffee in alarm as I put it down and rushed over to her, "Shit, Nat, you okay? Need any help?" I asked frantically, moving my hands frantically over her body_

_"No, it's okay," She reassured me. "Look, put your hand here." She smiled taking my hand -I waited for what seemed like an eternity then frowned , looking at her suspiciously, not sure what i was supposed to be feeling for.  He always did that when I was there but kicked the shit out of Nat when I left. I was about to open my mouth and ask when the baby kicked. "Is that...?" I asked, in awe, looking at her large belly.  "Yes." Nat said softly, with a wide smile. I returned it, grinning even wider when he felt yet another kick._

_"He did it again!" I said excitedly, "Natasha! He kicked again!" I informed her, hand still resting there. She rolled her eyes at me, "I know that, Steve. I can feel it." She replied, putting her hands over mine. "You make it seem like it's your first time feeling him, babe." She chuckled before running one hand over my hair._

_"'I'm glad he's doing well." I said, "One more month and he'll be here"_

_She nodded, replying, "Yeah, a few more weeks."_

_"Hey, Steve." She asked, drawing my attention away from her belly. " Yeah?"_

_"Do you... Do you think I'll be a good mother to our baby boy?" She asked quietly, looking over at Talia who was reading a book on the floor._

_"Of course, you've been doing so well with Tally and when the baby comes,  you know I'll be there for you. ." I replied, my expression  completely serious._

_She pulled my face in a gave me a small kiss on the lips, "Thank you, I don't know what I did to deserve a husband like you."_

_"Don't worry, this ring isn't going anywhere, Nat. I promise."  I said playfully, wiggling my fingers._

_"And neither am I." She chuckled lightly before pulling me closer to her._

_"We could take this upstairs." I whispered huskily in her ear._

_She rolled her eyes at me before pushing me away. "Horny bastard. Go and make me a coffee."_

_I grinned at her, but got up, and downed my own drink, "One cappuccino coming right up for Mrs. Rogers." I said, walking over to the machine while hearing the beautiful laughs of Tally and Natasha._

"Steve,"I jumped in my spot and I looked and saw Bucky peering through the back door window.

"It's time to go, bud."

I continued to graze my fingers over my wedding ring and sighed deeply. I nodded and got out of the car  and immediately came across a white van. Clint walked up to me and pulled me in for a bro hug, "You know I wouldn't have called if I had any other choice," I stated to him.

Clint shrugged it off. "Hey, man, you're doing me a favor. Besides..." he trailed off, looking at the girl who emerged from the van. "I owe a debt."

A smile went across my lips. Wanda.

"Oh my God, Steve, I was so worried," Wanda said into my ear as she squeezed the life out of me with a vicious hug.

"Thanks, Wanda , but, could you loosen your grip a little? I can't breath!"

Letting go, she punched me hard in the arm. "Don't you ever do that to me again, Steve Rogers!"

With a grin, I rubbed my arm promising, "I won't, OK?"

 I watched the anger melt from her face as her eyes softened and she put her arms around me once again to hold me close. "I was so scared, Steve. I couldn't stand to lose you, too."

Wrapping my arms around her, I whispered, "I know. I feel the same about you." We stood there for a moment or two until finally Wanda stepped back and leaned forward to put a soft kiss on the corner my lips.

I turned my attention back to Clint. "Are the kids safe?"

He nodded sadly, "Laura's taking them all to L.A until things cool down for us. They'll be fine, Cap."

I gave him a curt nod. I knew the consequences of my actions. I also knew that I was practically asking these people for a great deal of sacrifice just for the hopes of protecting my best friend. I knew it almost made me sound... selfish, but I wasn't giving up the last piece that remained a part of my past life.

I wasn't going to give up my brother without a fight.

"New recruit?"

"He's rarin' to go. Had to put a little coffee in him but," Clint went to open the door of the van, revealing a man lying down on the seat. The sudden sound jolted him awake. "he should be good."

I quirked my eyebrow at Sam who just gave me a nod of approval.

The man groaned, squinting his eyes to try and adjust to the light. "What time zone is this?" He asked, getting down from the van.

Clint fought the urge to roll his eyes, instead, giving him a slight push on the back. "Come on, come on."

His eyes gleamed in amazement when they landed on me. A gasp escaped his lips. "C-Captain America..."

 "Mr. Lang," I acknowledged. 

"It's an honor," he exclaimed, before finally noticing what he was doing. "I'm shaking your hand too long." 

I nodded in agreement.

 "Wow! This is awesome. Captain America—" he looked around when his eyes landed on Wanda, "I know you too, you're great." he praised in recognition.

Wanda smiled in amusement.

Scott Lang squinted his eyes and took me by surprise when he suddenly placed both of his hands on my shouders. "Jeez..." he admired.

A faint smile was placed on my face.

"Ah, look, I wanna say," he started, "I know you know a lot of super people so— thinks for thanking me."

I smiled in response.

  
Scott eyes landed on Sam, "Hey, man!" he greeted enthusiastically.

He smirked. "What's up tic-tac?"

"Uh, good to see you." he started, quite nervously, "Look, what happened last time when I—"

Sam laughed softly, cutting him off, "It was a great audition, but it'll never happen again."

"They tell you what we're up against?" I asked, joining in the conversation.

"Something about some... pyscho-assassins?" Scott answered.

"We're outside the law on this one." I reminded, "So if you come with us you're a wanted man."  
  
Scott shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, what else is new."

"We should get moving." Bucky called out, knowing full well how much limited our time was.

"We got a chopper lined up." Clint intervened.

Suddenly, a voice from the speakers filled our ears. It was an announcement spoken from a different language.

  
"They're evacuating the airport." Bucky declared.

  
Sam had a look of sternness. "Stark," he muttered. Scott caught onto what he said. "Stark?" he exclaimed in disbelief.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the worst to happen and finally turning to my new team.

 

"Suit up."

  
——————————————————————————————

Natasha's POV

Another wave of nausea had hit me as I threw in the toilet. _God, what the fuck was wrong with me._ This was the third time this week. Maybe my stress was just getting to me or something. Or maybe...

I shook the thought out of my head and walked out the bathroom.  _No fucking way...not now_

  
"Natalie!" 

  
I looked to my right and saw Tony, now wearing his power armor walking towards me. I stopped in my tracks.

  
"How did it go?" he questioned. "Cap said yes?"

  
I swallowed the lump in my throat as I hung my head low, "No." i said quietly.

  
"Oh," he muttered. "Well, his lost. Guess we have to go back to plan A."

  
"Where are the others?" 

  
"Rhodey's on watch. I've estimated the Cap's probably suiting up now and, if my assumptions are correct, he's going to head straight for the chopper right... there." I pointed in a certain direction.

I followed his line of sight, "You sure this is a good idea?"

"No, but the old man's not giving us any other options." he said subtly. Once he noticed the troubled expression on my face, his tone turned into immediate concern, "Look, Nat, I know this is hard for you. You have son together and your'e married but you've got to put your feelings aside for now. Now that the little agents are somewhere safe, we need you to kick some ass."

I kept deadly quiet and of course, Tony tried one more time. "I'm not saying you have to hurt them. I promised that we're not going to kill anyone right?"

"Since when do you keep your promises, Tony?" I arched an eyebrow.

"Hey," he defended. "You believed me the second I told you that."

I gave a defeated sigh. "I don't know if I can." I admitted, steering the topic back to his question earlier.

"We're just going to hold them off if they ever try to run. Probably neutralize them but not anything more than that." Tony explained, "Even if we try to pull our punches, what's saying they're not going to do the opposite?"

"They're our friends, our family." I reminded.

A sad look crossed the his features. "I know." he said, turning to face me, "But just for how long?"

I shook my head. "I'll try my best to fight." I said with all seriousness in my tone but it went away when I said, "Just... keep him away from me, please."

Tony already knew who I was talking about. "Don't worry. I know you can't lay a finger on Rogers. Enemy or not, he's still your husband." he suddenly shuddered, "Can't imagine being tied down to a guy like him. Just how do you do it?"

I just shrugged it off, "I love him and he loves me. He has my son and he makes me happy. Plus, I'm a handful myself."

Tony scoffed. "Yeah, I bet."

"Let's just get this done, Stark." I snapped, giving him a look of determination. "Like you said, I've got to put my feelings aside."

Tony nodded in agreement, finally letting his helmet cover his face full on. The eyes of the suit lit up.

"If it ever comes to a fight, I'll be the one to take him on." Tony suddenly voice out. "I know you can't hurt him."

I had a look of relief, it was as if he was able to read what I was dreading for a long time now. "You're damn right about that."

Then an announcement was heard from the speakers. It must be coming from the airport.

"Well, it's now or never." said Tony. Giving one final nod at me, Tony gave out his order.

Suit up."

——————————————————————————————

_Steve's POV_

I emerged from the shadows and looked around the deserted airport. Seeing that there was still no trace of anyone, my feet rushed towards the chopper in sight.

Yet just when I was a good ten feet away, an electric shot penetrated the chopper, making it unable for usage.

  
Steve immediately glanced up and was not surprised to find the source of the fire. Tony was hovering in the air with his hand pointed at the direction of the chopper. _Fuck._

He landed on the ground a couple of feet away from him along with Rhodey, who was also in a suit.

"Wow, it's so weird how you run into people at the airport. Don't you think that's weird?" Tony asked Rhodey, quite sarcastically, just when his helmet opened up to reveal his face.

"Definitely weird." Rhodey agreed.

"Hear me out, Tony." I tried to reason. "That doctor, that psychiatrist, he's behind all of this."

My attention was diverted to someone else's presence behind me. The figure landed in a provoking stance. "Captain," he greeted.

T'Challa. "You're highness."

"Anyway..." Tony started. "Ross gave me 36 hours to bring you in. That was 24 hours ago. Can you help a brother out?"

I held my ground. "You're after the wrong guy."

"You're judgment is askew." Tony spatted. Irritation ticked off his jaw as his eyes held pure annoyance. "You old war buddy killed innocent people yesterday."

"And there are five more super soldiers just like him. I can't let the doctor find them first, Tony. I can't."

"Steve."

That voice. That voice that I knew too well.

My heart was still racing like it did before. I would always feel this way towards her. Immediately, the pain struck my heart once more. The pain of leaving her, of telling her that we had to let go, of kissing her and feeling her pain pour into my soul.

Every bit of it was precious to me.

Now that we were faced with the direst situation, I could only hope it won't come to a time where I'm forced to come to the decision of needing to fight her.

After everything that had happened, it took all ounce of my strength to look behind me and face the woman that meant the world to me.

The second I saw her, I felt a lump forming in my throat. A sad smile was placed on my lips. "Nat.."

She said in a restrained tone, one so dark and full of warning. "Babe...you know what's about to happen." she added. "Do you really want to punch your way out of this ?"

  
"Do you?"

  
"Of course I don't." she answered coldly. "Not until you leave us with no other choice."

  
I was not shaken by her words. I knew that maybe, I was once again, hurting her. She may hide it very well but I already knew her well enough to tell if something was wrong. But this time, I was sure I was talking to not my wife, Natasha Rogers, but to the ruthless assassin, Black Widow.

  
"Alright, I've run out of patience." Tony suddenly said before yelling out— "Underoos!"

  
Before I could move a fucking muscle, a shot of web suddenly snatched my shield and aimed at my hands. I felt something sticky and found my hands basically glued together. My eyes followed the red-blue figure until it landed on top of a car, with my shield in his hand.

 

"Nice job kid." Tony praised.

  
"Thanks!" The kid said excitedly. "Well, I could've stuck the landing a little better, it's just... the new suit. It's nothing— Mr. Stark. It's perfect, thank you."

  
Tony attempted to stop his ramble by lightly scolding. "Yeah, we really don't need to start a conversation."

  
"Okay." The kid suddenly turned to me, giving a salute. "Cap—Captain. Big fan. I'm Spider-Man." he introduced himself.

  
Tony looked slightly annoyed now. "Yeah, we'll talk about it later just..." he held out a hand.

  
"Hey, everyone."

  
"Good job."

  
"You've been busy." I asserted.

  
"And you've been a complete idiot." Tony snapped, his eyebrows knitted together in frustration. "Dragging in Clint, rescuing Wanda from a safe place she doesn't even want to leave—a safe place. Knowing damn well she would leave because of how she feels about you!"

I sighed deeply.

  
"I'm trying to keep—" Tony paused, taking a deep breath, trying to lower down the tone of his voice. "I'm trying to keep you from tearing the Avengers apart."

  
"You did that when you signed," I stated solemnly.

  
Tony looked at him in disbelief, "Alright, we're done." he stated. "You're gonna turn Barnes over and you're gonna come with us — now because it's us! Or a squad of J-SOC guys with no compunction about being impolite."   
  
My head sunk down low.

  
"The team still needs you. Don't do this now. Look at what you're doing to her. What about the kids? They need you. James is only two years old and he may never see his father again. Your marriage is on the line. Don't. Do it. "Tony pressed boldly, "Come on, Steve." he added quietly.

I felt something inside me snap but I knew this was Tony's way of hitting a nerve because he knew my weakness. If I was going to let my emotions get the best of me now, I would  betray the people who went this far with me.

  
Looking back at Natasha, I saw the tinge of hope still etched on her beautiful face. I felt this was going to be the hardest decision I was going to make in my entire life.

Now I'm  forced to answer the question he's been dreading to think for a while now.

I was going to choose whether to salvage his marriage with Natasha, be with my children and be with the Avengers again under the control of the UN or hurt her entirely for good to save Bucky and form a new team along with the remaining people on my side.

"We found him." Sam said in my earpiece, "The quinjet's in hangar five. North runway."

I sighed inwardly, shaking my head. I spared a final glance at Tony before turning to Natasha,my gaze on her lingering the longest.

"I love you," I whispered.

She quickly wiped the tears off her before whispering back," I love you more."

With that, I raised my arms and waited as the archer fired a shot at my hands—breaking them free.


	32. PART TWO|BATTLE

_Natasha’s POV  
_ _It is certain, in any case, that ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have. - James A. Baldwin_

* * *

  _ **EIGHT|BATTLE** _

Pain. Pain is physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury, and that’s exactly what I’m going through. My body aches in every fucking corner, and this battle wasn’t making anything better. I’ve never felt this kind of emotional trauma in my life. It was quite sickening to be honest and the feeling sucked a lot.

I don’t know how long the fighting had been going on, but it seemed like neither of us were going to give up smoothly. Stubborn as hell. Like Steve.

Steve.. my husband, my heart, my everything. I haven’t looked at him one time since the fighting started. I know it will be too painful for me to even bare. How the hell did we get here? We were all happy living our lives until these fucking accords came, and now a year of my marriage is going down the damn drain.

A year of a happy marriage.

“ _Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate a new beginning, a new union…" the celebrant began. "Not only are we bringing two different cultures together, but we are also bringing a family together with matrimony."_

_Matrimony. I couldn't help but grimace. Steve smiled at me and I knew he knew what I was thinking. He knew how much I hated the word._

_I turned and realized that the celebrant was looking at me expectantly. Oops._

_"I, Natasha Alianovna Romanoff, take you, Steven Grant Rogers, as my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live," I said quickly. There, that wasn't so bad, I thought._

_"I, Steven Grant Rogers, take you, Natasha Alianovna Romanoff, as my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, from this day forward, as long as we both shall live," he stated loudly and clearly for all to hear. He was grinning so hard that I wanted to smack him._

_After the exchange of wedding bands, the celebrant smiled upon us._

_"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss –"_

_He didn't even get to finish. Steve interrupted him by grabbing me and swooping me down into a passionate kiss. Applause rang out, but Steve didn't release me until he had to come up for air._

_"Yay!" I heard Talia cry out from somewhere._

_"I now present Mr. and Mrs. Steve Rogers," the celebrant pronounced._

_The entire evening was filled with dancing and music and family time. The only people that had showed up to the reception were Thor, Tony, Pepper, Clint, Laura, Wanda and Vision._

_Happy hurried over to the piano as we walked in and started playing a soft waltz._

_"May I have this dance?" Steve asked huskily._

_My heart thudded still and I smiled._

_"Of course," I said. "But you know I can't dance."_

_"I'll take my chances," Steve smiled genuinely._

_He held me close to him and I rested my head on his shoulder, sighing contentedly. We were soon joined by Tony and Pepper, Clint and Laura, and Wanda and Vision. I closed my eyes and gently swayed to the music, Steve’s arms holding me close, his body heat radiating through me as he_

_"I love you," I whispered to him._

_"How could you not?" he replied, cracking a grin at me._

_Before I could respond, a loud voice boomed into my ear, “ I think it's time for some cake! And some talking!"_

_"Oh, come on," Tony said. "You know I'm no good at these best man speech things."_

_"How would I know if you were good at them if you've never been a best man before?" Steve asked, nudging his shoulder._

_"Oh, fine," Tony said_

_Steve led me over to the wedding cake, holding my hand. The cake was beautiful; a chocolate cake with white icing, three tiers and complete with sunflowers adorning it._

_"Laura, you're a goddess," I said, shaking my head in wonder at it. "How did you plan all of this food?" I asked her._

_"Oh, that's nothing," she replied, grinning._

_"Ahem," Tony said, clearing his throat. "I just want to say that I am so happy that you two finally saw what everyone on this team saw since we all got our bands of misfits together." Laughter followed his remark. "And I am thrilled to see you both happy. You guys are absolutely perfect for each other and I can't imagine you two not being together. Granted, it's been two and a half years since you two finally made things official, but Natasha, you've made Steve so happy. I've seen him down when you two were on the outs and I've seen him up on cloud nine when things were going well. I just want to wish you all of the happiness in the world. Also, I’m not baby sitting when the little one comes," he finished with a smile._

_I couldn't help but smile. Who knew Tony could be so sweet?_

_"And on that note," Pepper said, picking up where Tony left off. "I just want to say that I am absolutely ecstatic that you two finally tied the knot. I mean, I know Tony and I waited a while, but it seemed like this wedding was never going to get here. Natasha, I'm so happy that you let me plan this wedding for you. It means so much to me. And I guess I want to say that I hope you two have many more happy years together. You two definitely deserve it." Pepper came over and gave me a quick hug and I could see tears welling up in her eyes._

_"Now, if anyone's going to be crying, it should be me," I teased her. "I'm the one that should be emotional. It's my wedding day."_

_Everyone laughed and Pepper just shook her head, smiling._

_"I really am happy for you," she said, smiling._

_Later that night, while Steve and I were dancing, he lowered his head down to my ear._

_"Can’t wait for my little boy to get here," he murmured in my ear, placing his hand on my belly. His sensual voice sent shivers down my spine._

_"He’ll be here, and you’ll be the first on poop duty?" I teased as I placed my hands over his._

_"Wouldn’t have it any other way." Steve said as he bent down and went face with my stomach. I couldn’t help but laugh,”What the hell are you doing?” My fingers ran through his hair._

_"Talking to my son, of course," he chuckled._

_“Alright kid, it’s me again. Your mom and I just got married, super stoked about by the way. And I just want you to know that we’re going to be a happy family. You, Me, your mother and your sister. We will never be a part. I promise. I love you, champ.” With that, he placed a small kiss on my stomach before standing back to me._

_“And you... I just need you to know that I love you. And that I'm never going to leave you. I might let you down, but I promise you that I will always be here for you, fighting for you, loving you, and being everything you need me to be. For you, Talia, our boy, and for any other kids we might have down the road. I love you."_

_“I love you, so much Steve.” He bent down and softly pressed his lips to mine._

“Natasha!” Tony’s voice yelped in my earpiece. My instincts kicked in and I immediately responded, “I’m here.”

“Steve and Barnes are headed for the jet, you’re the closest one there. We need you to hold them off until we arrive with backup.”

A lump quickly formed in my throat. I feared this moment would come, my dilemma. Save Steve and let him continue to do what he think is right, or fight my husband and destroy our family and marriage. This was not gonna end well in any way.

“I’m on it.” I hissed.

I ran, ran as fast as my legs could possibly go. Memories began to flash in my mind, of me, Steve, James and Talia. Our family in happy times. Christmas, our anniversary, Talia’s constant growth. Memories that can never fade, and too important to break.

Suddenly, the building began to collapse and I hurriedly found myself safe as gigantic boulders began to fall around me. The shaking stopped, and there he was. My soldier standing next to Bucky.

His eyes landed on mine, and I could see how much this was eating him alive. Hell, it was tearing me apart by the minute just being separated from him.

He began to walk slowly to me, dropping his defensive guard. Then he stopped inches to where I was standing, in front of the jet.

"Natasha, I'm so sorry," he whispered weakly.

I sighed. I have heard those words so many times..too many times before. I was worn down – so tired of all the hurt, anguish and pain I felt within my crushed heart.

"I know you're sorry, Steve," I managed to croak out. "You tell me you're sorry all the damn time - almost as much as you tell me you love me. The words just slip from your mouth like a bad habit...like it's routine, and yet lately all you've done is hurt me, and the worst thing about it all is that you know you're doing it...you know how much it kills me and you still do it."

I risked a glance at him, my sudden burst of anger subsiding as quickly as it had risen. His head is bowed, as a tear threatened to drip down his bruised cheek. He looked so vulnerable, so breakable. I stubbornly looked away from him, fearing I would break down in front of him.

I felt his fingers skim against my chin before he began to tilt towards him.

Brushing my tears away from my cheeks with his thumb, he lean in closer towards me. His lips meets mine in a desperate kiss as I sighed in exasperation. A heavy exhale escapes me as he pulled away.

My lips tightened together while he, wrapped his arms tightly around my waist. My hands found the back of his neck. A gut-wrenching sob erupts from her throat, as he cried, "I can’t leave you!”

My hands cradled his face and kissed him one last time before I whispered,” When this is over, come find me.”

I shoved him out the way and fired an electric riot suppressor at T’Challa who was only inches away from us.

“Go.” I hissed at him, avoiding his eyes.

“Don’t do this, Natasha!”

I fired another round, “ Go, Steve!” And then, he was gone. The jet was fired up and prepare to leave. T’Challa drastically leaped for the jet but lost his grip, letting the jet flee.

He then turned to me in a menacing pose,” Ross will hear of this Mrs. Rogers.” He disappeared in a flash.

My eyes looked up to where Steve flew, “ I hope it was worth it, babe.”

————————————————

No, this can't be happening right now.

  
I stood, banging my head against the cold wall in the bathroom. I took deep breaths and tried to think rationally, but it was hard to convince myself of anything other than the truth when it was staring at me in the face.

  
Ten pregnancy tests were lined up on the counter all with some form of "positive". There were two lines, pink dots, plus symbols, and even the word 'pregnant' on one of them. There was no denying it.  
I was going to have a baby.

  
Besides all the physical evidence, I could feel it. There was something growing inside of me, and I was holding back a flood of emotions that were threatening to break. I couldn't do this again. Not yet.

  
I was about a five weeks along and I could count back the days perfectly. I knew exactly what night it was. Our anniversary. All the signs were there: my boobs starting hurting a couple of days ago, I woke up from eight hours of sleep still exhausted, my back ached slightly, I could smell everything, and this morning I threw up twice.

  
I looked at myself in the mirror and turned to the side, trying to see if I could tell. I could have sworn that there was a bump. Maybe the hormones were making me delusional.

  
I wanted to smile, and then I wanted to cry… and then I wanted to smile again. I was going to have a baby—another baby. Dammit, I could lost it in this fucking battle!

  
Not only that, this wasn't the best time. He’s a wanted man for God's sake. Now we had to worry about a child. This was not going to go over well.

  
I opened the door to the bathroom only to be met with Tony’s bruised face and his arm in a brace.

  
"Natalie," he said obviously pissed. If there was a reason he was here, it wasn't good.

  
“I'm here to bring bad news, unfortunately, but we'll get to that later. Are you OK?"

  
I began to move pass him, but his arm stopped me.”What do you want?" I spat. "I need to get my kids."

  
"I'm sorry, Nat, but that won't be happening today. Why don't we just talk?”

  
"Let me go." I tried to get pass him again.

  
"Where is he?" he demanded.

  
"I don’t know ."

  
"Where is he?"

  
"Let me go."

  
"Did you let him go?"

  
"No, he got away. Just leave me the fuck alone, Tony.”

  
“It's not nice to lie, Natasha.”

  
“What the hell do you want?"

  
"I'm sorry I have to do this, Natalie. I will do everything I can for you.”

  
He moved out the way to reveal Ross shaking his head to me. “ I really thought you'd be more cooperative. You're under arrest." A well built man swung my wrist behind my back painfully, and I felt cold metal against my skin.

  
"Son a bitch!” This was happening so fast that I couldn't even understand it.

  
"Natasha Rogers, you're under arrest for obstruction of justice. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?"

  
“Fuck off, you prick!”

  
"Very well." Ross and the guards started walking and pulled me behind him towards out the building and to the street where a truck was waiting.

  
"You're just doing this to get to Steve."

  
"Bring down the wife, bring down the man." The guard ducked my head into the back of the car and another officer was in the front seat, "This is the end of Natasha Rogers and I'm sorry."

  
I didn't know what to say or what was going on. I was scared out of my mind and terrified. I wanted to talk to anyone who knew what the hell was happening. How did my life become so drama filled? It was one thing after another, and this was just the icing on the cake.

  
How more fucked up could my life get?

  
Ross got into the driver's seat with a devilish grin. "Natasha, I would get very comfortable, because this is the last of the outside you're going to see for a long time.”

  
“My husband will find you and make you suffer, you arrogant bastard.” I hissed.

  
He grin went wider,” I wouldn’t worry about him, Mrs. Rogers.”


	33. PART TWO|BETRAYAL

_Steve's POV_  
_"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings." -[AnaÃ¯s Nin](https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/7190.Ana_s_Nin)_

* * *

_**NINE\BETRAYAL** _

I left her. My wife, my soul, my everything. This  was the fucking bullshit I was trying to avoid. Her letting me escape, knowing how much trouble she would get into. Saying to hell to the consequences and carried on our vows, no matter what it cost. Some husband I am. God, I hope she made it out OK. I needed to hear her voice, I needed to know she was safe. My beautiful Nat wasn't the only one flying through my mind. My friends who fought with me, Clint, Sam, Wanda, that Ant Guy. Fuck... why was I so good at fucking everything up? As my breathing hitched, I felt a strong hand grip my shoulder.

I turned to see Bucky, giving me  a slim smile," I'm sorry, Steve." 

I sighed in frustration, letting my hands grip tighter on the steering wheel. "Don't, alright. This was my choice. The right choice." My eyes refused to meet his again. I was honestly trying to keep my composure, from breaking anything in my sight. From doing something that I might regret.  Bucky sat next to me in the passenger seat and looked at me," Come on, punk. It's me here. I know you're in fucking pain bud."

"Of course I am!" I hissed at him. "My wife just saved my ass, and I've done nothing but bring her pain and misery. What kind of husband does that to the woman he commits the rest of his life to?" Bucky's face became pained with every word that I spoke, and I immediately regret it. "I'm sorry, Buck. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just... I need to know that she's OK."

He gave me a weak smile, “ Then go back to her man. I’m not worth all of this, you have a family and I don’t want to get in the way of that.”

I placed a hand on his shoulder,” I’m not leaving you, alright? No way in hell. Those things you did , they weren’t you.”

”I know, but I did it.”

A sigh escaped my lips,” Do you know what I named my son?” He rolled his eyes at me. 

“Don’t be a punk about it.”

”I named him James Grant Rogers, after my best friend, after my brother. There’s a mission that needs to be done. And we’re gonna do it, together.” 

He smiled again, punching my shoulder lightly. “Thanks, Steve.”

I nodded to him and suggested he get some rest before we got there. Setting the jet on auto pilot and navigated the location, I did the same before I let my eyes shut as the clouds breezed by.

_I felt eyes on me. I didn't like it, but kept mine shut while I felt out the situation._

_I was on my stomach, my hands under the pillow, and grasped around Nat's gun, waiting until I assessed what was going on. My hands relaxed slightly when I heard the juvenile cough of Cooper, Clint's son ,from next to the bed._

_I opened one eye and found him standing there, his head tilted, just watching me._

_"Can I help you?" I asked in an agitated voice. I needed to sleep._

_"Auntie Nat said you have to wake up. It's Thanksgiving today. Aren't you excited?"_

_"Sure." I turned my head away from him._

_I heard his feet run over to the other side._

_I exhaled, "I will wake up when I feel like it."_

_"But she said now." He climbed onto the bed._

_Cooper_ _was a little kid who jabbered on for hours, and for some reason, enjoyed talking to me. I couldn't shake him no matter what. His sister, Lila, was far easier to talk to since she could actually hold a conversation about something other than toy cars._

_"What's this?" He ran his finger scratched the scar on my skin, above my shoulder blade._

_"Got stabbed by an alien." I shut my eyes, with a small smile._

_His voice raised two octaves. "Wow. And you lived?"_

_"Obviously, kid."_

_"Dad says he can beat you in a fight. Is that true?"_

_"Believe what you want." I chuckled._

_"But I want to know if it's true. I talk about you all the time in class."_

_I opened my eyes. "You do? What do you say?"_

_"I tell them that you're really cool, and your motorcycle is cool too. And that you and my dad kick butt all over the world. All my friends think you're famous."_

_I smiled at him._

_"Do you have a gun?" He bounced on the bed._

_"No, but your Aunt does," I answered, my head banging against the pillows as he jumped._

_"Which ones?"_

_I pulled out the gun from under my pillow and held it up. He stopped his jumping and plopped down next to me._

_"Wow. That's big. Can I hold it?"_

_"No."_

_"Dad's teaching me how to use his bow. He says I'm really good."_

_"Good for you, now why are you here?"_

_"Aunt Nat told me to tell you to wake up. Aren't you excited for Thanksgiving?"_

_"No."_

_"He's lying." Natasha's voice came into the room. "He waits for this all year."_

_I chuckled into my arm. She knew me too well._

_"He goes on diets and works out like crazy, but when it comes to Thanksgiving, he eats like a pig," Natasha joked._

_"Ew." Cooper laughed. "You're going to get fat."_

_"He'll be fine," she said. "I think your mom wants you."_

_"Okay, Aunt Nat." He flung himself off of the bed. "Bye, Captain America!"_

_I groaned._

_"That will be James in ten years." Natasha's hand started to knead the flesh of my back._

_"I know. I'm trying to think happy thoughts. Although, I'm usually not so crabby with Coop. But he did wake me up, so I deserve some credit."_

_"It's ten-thirty. You almost never sleep this late."_

_"Taking care of babies is hard work."_

_Even though I didn't turn to see her, I could feel Natasha's playful glare on me. She hit my permanently sore shoulder, and I hissed in pain._

_"Ouch, Nat."_

_"You barely get up as it is."_

_"I did this morning," I challenged, throwing my arm up and wrapping it around her. I pulled her down to the bed._

_"Steve, stop. I have to get up and cook."_

_"No, you're staying here with me." I pressed all my weight on top of her._

_"Laura's going to kill me if I let the turkey burn. That's my only job."_

_"I can keep you occupied while it cooks." I lifted up her shirt and engulfed her lips in mine before she had a chance to protest._

_She melted into me, completely and fully, as my hands took their time to explore her skin. Her bra went next, joining her shirt on the floor._

_Nat'_ _s pregnancy boobs were incredible. They were supple and felt amazing in my hands; not too big, but certainly larger than before._

_"Am I being too rough?" I asked, my breathing somewhere in between a needy pant and suffocating gulp._

_"No." She shook her head, wrapping her arms around my neck, pulling me closer._

_I could tell that her body was getting back to where it used to be before James was born. Not fully, but she was working on it. Her stomach was tightening up, and the weight was disappearing day by day. She still felt self-conscious a lot of the time, though._

_"Steve, I want to stop you, but I can't." She kissed my neck._

_I grinned to myself. I would win this battle. She couldn't deny the carnal lust that had always been between us. I suspected it always would be. She just had to let herself give into it._

_"Take me," she ordered._

_"Yes, ma'am."_

_I laid her down and gently rolled down her shorts and underwear, throwing them aside. She tried to cross her legs, but I wasn't having it. I separated and settled between them. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as she felt my familiar erection pulsing against her center. She was wet, extremely wet, and after two months of abstinence, we were both ready._

_"Steve… we can't do this here. They almost caught us last time we did this." She gasped when I rubbed myself against her, still in my boxers._

_I didn't say anything in reply. I didn't want to ruin the moment._

_I kissed her hard, and at the same time, started to swivel out of my underwear. I got it off and kicked it aside, off of the bed. I pulled the sheet over us and trapped us in darkness._

_"Is the door locked?" she giggled._

_I shook my head, my lips set in a grin. "We're rebels."_

_All playfulness was replaced by pure lust as I pushed into her then pulled out._

_"Oh, God…" she breathed. "Again."_

_"Was that too much?"_

_She shook her head. "No, please don't stop."_

_I pushed deep this time and stayed put while she adjusted herself to my girth. I didn't know the particulars of sex after childbirth, but I'm sure it couldn't be that comfortable for her. Nat didn't seem to mind so I went even deeper._

_"You feeling okay?" I whispered._

_"The best. Keep going." She smiled and kissed me again._

_After a couple more thrusts, I could tell her discomfort was totally gone. She started to move her hips under me seductively and brought her hands up to tangle in my hair. Each time I moved within her, it felt better than the last, and I couldn't even think straight because every pore of my body was tingling with pleasure._

_"Did you miss this as much as I did?" I asked, digging into her with vigor._

_"More!"_

_"Shhh. We wouldn't want Clint to come up here."_

_We were both panting, as our kiss grew more passionate. I brought my lips to her neck and began sucking. I felt dizzy and didn't know how long we continued to move together, but I never wanted it to stop._

_I felt my body tighten one last time before my spine tingled with the best sensation of my life. It traveled down my stomach and into my legs. Every part of my body was on fire, and Natasha squeaked her release as she reacted to mine._

_I knew she had come as well, and I was happy that I could last as long as I did. A final surge of desire shot through me, and I spilled out into her. My body collapsed on top of itself, and I twitched as the pleasure ripped through my every bone._

_I rolled off of her. We were silent for a couple of minutes, enjoying the post-coital aura in the room._

_"I want to go again." Nat climbed back on top of me._

_"When we get home, I promise." I kissed her softly._

_We laid there for a moment and looked at the ceiling. Her hand traced up and down my chest as she wrapped her legs over my pelvis._

_"Steve.."_

_"I know... I'm thankful for our family too."_

_She clutched tighter to me, "You dork, I didn't get to finish."_

_I shrugged, moving my hands to her bare back. My heart clenched at the sudden thought of separation so I pulled her closer._

_"Hey... what's wrong?"_

_"I... I don't know. Just thinking... what if something happens to me, or you? What if one of these missions, we don't come back home. We lose everything we've been working so hard for."_

_She gave me a weak smile, " Like you said, we do it together. I know it's scary, but we have to have faith. Even when we're apart, just know that all of us are in your heart babe. And we'll be there forever. OK?"_

_I nodded as she rested her head on my chest. I closed my eyes as the scent of Natasha overwhelmed me._

I jerked awake as I felt a rumble under my seat. My instincts kicked in and I jumped up only to see that the jet had came to a halt in front of a nearly torn building. The sound of a gun reloading caused me to turn around to see Bucky holding an AR-50 in his hands.

"We're here." He stated, filling the gun with ammunitions. I nodded before I walked over the corner and grabbed my shield.  The shuttle doors slowly rose down, letting the cold wind breeze in violently. A smile crept to my lips when a certain memory popped in my head.

"You remember that time we had to ride back from Rockaway Beach in the back of that freezer truck?"

His brow furrowed," Was that the time we used our train money to buy hot dogs?"

I grinned," You blew three bucks trying to win that stuffed bear for a redhead."

"What was her name again?"

"Dolores," I grinned wider," You called her Dot."

He whistled lowly," She's gotta be a hundred years old right now."

"So are we, pal." I patted his shoulder before grabbing my helmet and followed him inside the low building.

The silence was aggravating, always has been and it always will be. It's like a damn horror movie, you don't know what to expect so get vigilant and afraid. Well, that's exactly what the hell it feels like right now. The rumbling sound of a door moving behind us moved to my ears quickly, causing me and Bucky to transition to a defensive position. 

"You ready?" He asked, aiming the gun towards the noise's direction.

"Yeah."

The door opened only to reveal Tony. He walked in his armor in slow, steady steps as the helmet slowly disappeared off of his face.

"You seem a little defensive."

I moved towards him, " It's been a long day."

He nudged his head towards Bucky, "At ease soldier, I'm not here for you."

"Then why are you here?" I replied boldly.

He shrugged, "Could be your story's not so crazy."

"Maybe." 

"Ross has no idea I'm here, I'd like to keep it that way," he smirked cockily," Otherwise, I gotta arrest myself."

"Well that sounds like a lot of paperwork."

He chuckled as I dropped my defense, "It's good to see you, Tony."

"You too, Cap." He stated before his gazed landed on Buck again, "Hey, Manchurian Candidate, you're killing me. There's a truce here, you can drop it."

And he did.

I gave Tony a small smile, "Well, lets go finish the job."

He grabbed my arm swiftly before I could fully turn around.

 "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Something... happened earlier today. "

"Should I be worried?"

"I'm about to tell you something, but I want you to just take deep breaths and think before you act."

"What's going on?" I said skeptically, "I don't like the way you're talking."

He sighed deeply before he looked at me. "Natalie got arrested."

It took me a second to digest his words. "I'm confused. What did you say?"

"Natasha was arrested."

"No… what? No..no fucking way."

"Steve, listen to me, this is serious. They didn't take her to the same place they took the others, they took her some where secluded.."

I blinked a couple of times, trying to understand what the hell he was talking about. "She was arrested?"

"I don't like repeating myself and I've done it twice already." Tony sighed. "I'm working on it."

"What the fuck are the charges?" 

"Obstruction of justice, she is in a very bad position right now."

"Why? Just get her out."

"I can't do that. Ross is blowing smoke up my ass and he's starting to ask questions."

"Get her out!"

"It doesn't work like that, Steve. You can't just bypass the entire legal system.Natasha has been arrested and they're trying to get to you. You need to calm down and let me handle this."

"I won't let her go down for my mistakes. She didn't do anything wrong," I argued, my heart starting to thunder in my chest.

"She will be held and I have Happy working on things, but… this is a tricky situation."

"Why? It seems simple to me. Natasha is innocent so she'll get off. How are you not seeing this?"

"Steve, they won't let her go without getting to you first. Nat's just a liability and they're trying to scare you."

"So you're not going to do anything?"

"I'm doing all I can. You have to let this work itself out."

"Are you fucking serious? Is that what you have to say to me?"

"Steve, this is going to get very fucking dirty because Ross isn't letting her go. He's going to use her against you."

"They don't have anything on her." I threw my helmet and was pulling at my hair so tightly that hurt.

"I can't stall much longer and once things get out about this, they won't stop. People are going to ask questions and start searching for answers."

 Before I could even think about it, I brushed passed him and ran to the elevator but Tony ended up in front of me.

"Steve, where are you going?"

"To get my wife back. Get out of my way." I closed my eyes to calm down. The last thing I needed to do was attack Tony out of anger.

"Steve, let me handle this."

"She did nothing wrong!" I shouted at him.

"I know that, but you can't just barge in there and expect things to be resolved."

"You can say that because Pepper isn't sitting in a fucking jail cell."

"I know you're mad, but we're going to get her out. They won't be able to hurt her." Tony stated, "Just calm down before you give yourself a stroke."

I breathed deeply, clutching my shield in my hand. "They arrested her. It was my fault…"

"It's not your fault, Steve . Just calm down and let's finish this "

"I can't just leave her in there."

 "I will do everything I can."

"The second we're done here." I gathered my equipment and turned around back to Bucky.

This was my biggest fear come true. I didn't even really know what the whole situation was, but after the words "Natalie got arrested" were uttered, I didn't really need to know. Because of me, she was being taken, and I would figure the rest out after I got her freed. This was turning into a massive shit storm that neither of us needed to be dealing with right now, and I was going to make sure that the right people paid for this.

I would handle everyone else after Natasha was let go.

When we turned the corner, we were met a gigantic room. The room was dark, with an eerie silence. Dull yellow lights begin to brighten the room, hovering what it seemed like bodies in the inside. 

"If it's any comfort, they died in their sleep." A voice stated calmly, echoing in the lab. I could tell he was right. Bullet holes were in the soldiers forehead as they all stayed still in the same position.

"Did you really think I wanted more of you?" The voice said again," I'm grateful for them though, they brought you here." 

Then there he was. In the second of his appearance, I threw my shield at him fiercely. It bounced back to me in a swift moment.

He scoffed, mocking me, "Please, Captain. The Soviets built this chamber to withstand the launch blast of UR-100 rockets."

We slowly approached him as Tony said, "I'm betting I could beat that."

"Oh I'm sure you could Mr. Stark, given time. But then you'd never know why you came."

My steps got more bold, "You killed innocent people in Vienna just to bring us here?"

His lips twitched slightly, "I've thought about nothing else, hell, I even tricked your monstrous friend into killing you a few years back.."

Son of a bitch...

"I studied you, I followed you. But now that you're standing here, I just realized... there's a bit of green in the blue of your eyes."

He chuckled, "How nice to find a flaw.

I sighed before looking at him again," You're Sokovian. Is that what this is about."

"Sokovia was a failed state long before you blew it to hell. No, I'm here because I made a promise." 

I nodded in understanding, "You lost someone."

He clicked his tongue moving closer to the glass, " I lost _everyone._ "

"And so will you." A faint sound emerged in the barrier he was in, only for the computer next me turn on.

The screen read 16 декабрь 1991. Thanks to my beautiful wife helping me learn how to speak Russian, I knew that it said December 16, 1991.

"An empire toppled by it's enemies can rise again, but one which crumbles from within?"

I looked back at him boldly, "That's dead, forever."

Tony appeared next to me, showing his bruised face again. He tipped his head in recognition, " I know that road." He looked at the tape that had the date labeled on it.  I could hear his breathing hitch beside me. 

"What is this!" Tony yelled in anger.

Then he looked back down to the screen as the tape played. Seconds later, a car crashed. I could already see where this was going. The death of Howard and Maria. They were en route to the Pentagon with the newly-completed serum when the Bucky shot at their car, causing it to crash into a tree. As Bucky approached the fallen vehicle, Howard crawled from the car and asked him to help Maria. He recognized Bucky only to be repeatedly punched in the face and have his skull crushed by Bucky's cybernetic arm. After placing Stark's corpse back inside the car and strangling Maria to death, Bucky looked at the camera before shooting at it.

I looked at Tony in pity. All the while, he was shaking violently, eyes never leaving the screen. Then he lunged towards Bucky in anger, but I grabbed his arm quickly.

"No, Tony."

He slowly turned to me with desperation in his eyes, "Did you know?"

There it was. The question that could possibly tear everything apart. So I lied, "I didn't know it was him."

He tugged me closer, " Don't bullshit me, Rogers! Did... you... _know_?"

 I swallowed the lump in my throat before I said," Yes."

He jumped back from me with a look that broke my heart, the look of betrayal. 

"After everything, I gave you... your son. And you..." He trailed off, nodding briefly. Before I could react, he backhanded me, knocking me on the ground. And everything after... a fucking blur. We fought and fought and fought. Hell, Bucky lost his goddamn arm, and I lost my fucking shield. So who the hell am I? Who the hell am I without my shield? A kid from Brooklyn I guess.

I slowly moved in pain over the giant snowy hill, keeping my body low, and made it about halfway there before my leg erupted in pain. I fell in the snow along with Bucky in the process.

I didn't gurgle a word, taking my punishment in silence and held the wound as snow fell on my face. My eyes averted to Bucky and his eyes were closed as his metal arm made sparks. Footsteps began to come around me, before Bucky was suddenly being lifted up.

"We're going to get you out of here." Voices tended to me.

I was losing too much blood to reply. The darkness was coming quickly, and I couldn't fight it off.

"We'll get Mrs. Rogers soon enough, Captain."

My head hit the cold snow with a thump as my thoughts became clouded over and the blackness consumed me.

 

 

 


	34. PART TWO|DEATH

_Natasha's POV_  
_"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."_  
_— Woody Allen_

* * *

_**TEN|DEATH** _

_**ONE YEAR LATER** _

As I looked out of the small window in my room, I tried to decide what exactly I was going to do with my day. Considering that I was turning thirty five today, I figured it should be something profound or exciting, but how much could you celebrate while in jail? 

Well to be honest, I wasn't in jail; it was more of a daycare. I liked to call it "Martha Stewart" jail. You know, the kind of place where you're locked up but not really? It was a minimum-security facility located deep in the dark forests of southern New York. At least, I think I was still in New York. I hadn't brought myself to care in this past year. The only thing separating us from the real world was a fence. It wasn't very intimidating, either. And since I had my twins, I was well taken care of in here.

Nathan, my beautiful son was a very active little boy. He would never sit still for anything and even in his sleep, he moved around as if his dreams were coming true.

He adapted quite well to life outside of the jail nursery. He and Sarah were like two peas in a pod. I never believed in all that twin nonsense before, but now that I saw it in the flesh, I couldn't deny that there was some sort of connection between the two of them. They had to be changed together, fed together, put down for naps together, and could rarely stand to be separated. Thank God Ross didn't get rid of them. Guess Tony got through to him, thank God for him too.

I think Sarah knew how sick Nathan was, so she didn't like to be far away from him. The doctor said that twins just had that kind of connection. In short, because of his weak lungs and my infection, Nathan had developed a pretty severe case of asthma. Since he was a preemie, he had to be put on a nebulizer. You could hear the crackles in his lungs when he took deep breaths. He would wheeze and cough when he slept on his side, and I had to prop him up sometimes so his breathing would level out. The doctor had given me several different inhalers and also a couple medications.

I was always worried about him. He was so tiny, and I feared that one day, something horrible was going to happen. I kept picturing different scenarios and trying to convince myself that none of them would ever come true. But now, he's the picture of health and so was my baby girl. 

"You could go read," I spoke to Sarah as she was asleep in my lap. "No, you always read. That's all you do."

Last year was actually the first day of my lockup.

My trial had lasted around four months, and it was probably one of the worst experiences I had ever been through, and being pregnant didn't make it better. There was so much I wanted to say but couldn't. I was put through the media circus, and no matter how much I tried to plead my innocence; there was nothing I could do. Happy was a genius. He was working his hardest, but I think there was already a preconceived notion that I was guilty. It wasn't like I was going to jail for murder; there were only small white-collar charges against me, but they still added up.

I was sentenced to spend two years in this place for obstruction of justice. I barely knew what that meant. During my trial, there were a whole lot of words thrown around that I didn't understand, and I just sat there after a while. It was painfully obvious during my arraignment that I wasn't going to get off. Thaddeus fucking Ross was on a power trip from the time he arrested me, and I could have smacked the smirk off of his face. 

Two fucking years. I could have gotten more. Happy actually had my sentence reduced, but I still had to serve my time.

I was walking a thin line during the trial, because how much could I really reveal without getting my husband in trouble? I should have said fuck him and gotten myself off, but it wouldn't have worked anyway. Like I said, the judge and Ross were out for my blood. Nothing I said could change their minds, but maybe I would have felt a hell of a lot better.

According to Tony, it was all for Steve. That's who Ross wanted, and I was the bargaining chip. They expected him to come for me and when he didn't, they were kind of at a loss of what to do. They figured they might as well prosecute me while I was available.

On top of that every one was gone, and surprisingly, none of that mattered to me. Every single person I knew could abandon me, but the one person I wanted to see just wasn't there.

Steve had left. He left me here. I didn't know why—Tony didn't explain it to me—and it still hurt. Why wouldn't he fight for me? Wasn't there something he could have done? Wasn't there a plan for something like this? How could he just leave me here? I wished that I had been smarter about everything. I felt like such a naive little girl and my self-sacrificing, stupid ass just let myself get martyred for the cause.

I hadn't talked to Steve or heard a peep from him in over a year, and my heart hurt every single day every time I looked at my kids. I loved him; I couldn't get over that, but I wanted to hate him with a fiery passion. There were so many things that I could scream and just rip him a new asshole, but where was he?

"Natasha, you have a bunch of gifts." Someone poked their head in my door.

"Oh?" I got up from my seat, still holding my baby girl.

"You sure do. Happy Birthday." She handed me a couple of gift-wrapped presents. I didn't know her name, but she was a neighbor. I hadn't bothered to make friends this past year.

"Thank you." I sat on my bed and tried to see sent them. They were all slightly opened from being checked by the mail people. "I'm guessing they all passed inspection?"

"They sure did." She smiled. "Someone just told me to bring them up since I was already in the mail room."

"Well, thank you."

"No problem."

I looked around my bed at the presents, not wanting to open them, because I was already hating this day and a gift wouldn't make it any better.

Thankfully, I wasn't totally alone in all of this. Laura made a schedule so that I knew when she was coming. And she had my Tally and my baby boy. Every time they came, I could see them slowly growing up behind a glass. They had to visit in shifts, but five-minute segments were better than nothing. Every time I spoke with Tony, I asked how Steve was doing. He would never answer, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get a single word out of him. I don't even think he knew where Steve was. The firestorm hadn't cooled, though.

Ross was still trying to find him, and I couldn't understand why Steve just couldn't come home. I wanted him here. As much as I hated and cried over him, I still wanted him here.

I was such an emotional mess.

I neatly arranged my gifts on the tiny desk in my small room and just lied on my bed with my babies, looking up at the ceiling. Nathan struggled in his sleep so I began rubbing his back in soothing patterns.

 When I was first arrested, the doctors gave me a physical, and once they found out I was pregnant, I begged them not to say anything. It was put in my file that I was carrying a child, and the doctors were actually very nice about it and made sure to take good care of me.

The calendar on my wall was mocking me, and I guessed I should start counting down the days until I was free from this place. It wasn't that I was in hell or anything; it was just incredibly boring. There was literally nothing to do. I sat in jail with white-collar criminals who wouldn't hurt a fly, so no one felt the need to keep us under strict supervision. The woman across the hall from me was in here because she had embezzled money from her boss. She was also eighty, so who knew how much longer she was going to last.

The days were incredibly long and the nights were too short. I wanted to stay asleep and dream, but when the sun rose I would just sit here until I could sleep again. I would read and even tried art just for something to do. Besides that, I stayed to myself and barely uttered a word unless it was to my kids. Tony was so nice that he gave me my own secluded cell with a nice bed for me and the kids.

Just eight more months. I thought as I pressed my lips to my baby boy's head. I missed my family.

 Happy birthday, Natasha.

The week passed like it always did, slow and unexciting.

Today was just like any other day. I was sitting on my bed with a tattered copy of Jane Eyre in my hands as the babies slept when there was a small knock on my door.

"Natasha, you have company," a guard said.

"Watch them." I stated before I climbed off of the bed and shuffled through my room. I went into the hallway, trying to think if someone was supposed to visit today. I was led to the meeting rooms, which just held circular tables with chairs, and I sat to wait.

I sat there for about five minutes and was debating on whether I should stay or not.

"Hello, Natasha," a deep voice said from behind me.

"Please tell me you're not here to pour salt in my wounds."

A man named Timothy Wall was one of the guards who arrested me. He sat opposite of me and fixed his jacket. Something about his face was different. He looked… old and stressed. "I'm here for other reasons."

"I have nothing to say to you." I turned my head away from him.

Throughout my arrest and subsequent trial, I refused to speak to Ross. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction on putting me in jail. He was the only one I would talk to, and we had created somewhat of a mutual hatred for each other. It didn't really matter through. Everyone came out on top except me. Ross even got a fucking promotion.

"Natasha, I know that you think I'm a dick, but I was doing my job," He said sternly.

"You're no better than any other criminal out there," I whispered lowly. "You're a dirty bastard just like Ross."

"Don't you dare compare me to him," he spat. "I like the guy, but his police methods are questionable. I follow the letter of the law."

"Why are you here? Just leave me alone and let me do my time."

"I came with bad news." He sighed and pulled a bag out of his jacket pocket. He hesitated for a second before pushing it across the table towards me.

"What is this?"

"Open it," he instructed.

I glared at him for a second before snatching the small bag up and peeking inside. There was a small flash of silver as I pulled the ring out, and I immediately recognized it. It was his wedding ring with my named carved in it, and it was a small symbol of what I missed for over a year.

"How… how did you get this?" I stammered.

"Before I say anything, I need you to understand that I tried everything I could to help…"

"What are you talking about?"

"We caught a trail of Steve Rogers about a week ago. We just haven't found the right way to tell you."

My heart started to beat furiously as all these unanswered questions popped into my head.

"Wait, where was he?" I asked. My voice was almost non-existent.

"A HYDRA lab in Siberia. It wasn't exactly...pleasant."

"Well, where is he? What happened?"

Tim exhaled heavily. "There was… a brutal fight. We found dead bodies, rubble and blood. Lots of blood. There's a recording of what happened."

Now my heart was stampeding. "Please tell me he's all right," I said hopefully.

"He didn't make it."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"He didn't make it," He repeated. "His shield was found there alone and blood started from there to the outdoors where a body was found."

My mouth was completely dry, and my head was starting to throb like it was being pounded by a jackhammer.

"I… I don't understand. What does that mean?" I asked.

"He's dead, Natasha," He said with finality. "Steve's dead."

Steve Rogers—my Steve Rogers—couldn't be dead. It wasn't plausible. Not once could I remember him being feeble. Not even when we dealt with his heart attack was he in a position of weakness. Now he was dead? I wouldn't believe it.

"No, that's not possible. You have the wrong guy. Steve can't die." My voice cracked. "You're wrong."

“Natasha, I came here to tell you before you heard it from someone else."

"I don't believe you." I shot up from my seat and ran out of the room before I could start crying in front of the liar.

I made it halfway back before I collapsed on the floor and slid down the wall as sobs racked my body.

As much as I wanted to question everything I was told, I knew it was true. I could sense it and there was no way to explain the feelings that were coursing through my body, but I suddenly felt like I wasn't even really here anymore.

It didn't matter that Steve and I weren't "together", I just needed him to be safe.

The earth felt like it had been shattered under my feet and I suddenly forgot how to breathe. Was he gone? Something inside of me said that he was and I didn't know how to deal with it. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to break something and…could it really be true?

Steve was dead.

Just saying that didn't seem right. As much as I wanted to deny the truth, I felt something deep inside of me that was pulling at the last strand of my sanity.

I was over trying to stop the sobs and just let them consume me fully.

It wasn't long before I felt warm arms wrap around me. I wanted to push them off, but I didn't even have the strength to do that.

"I'm sorry, Natasha. I never meant for you to go through this." Tim's voice was, for the first time since I had met him, comforting.

I think I passed out, but couldn't be sure. I just know that I woke up the next day in my bed.

All the lies were confirmed when I got the morning's paper. There was a massive front page story about how Captain America had been found dead after an "isolated incident" in Siberia. There were interviews and pictures and police statements and autopsy reports and… it was all true.

 


	35. PART TWO|ALIVE

_Natasha's POV_  
_"You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, who had ever been alive."_  
_— James Baldwin_

* * *

_**ELEVEN|ALIVE  
** _

_**ONE YEAR LATER** _

"Natasha Rogers," there was a knock on my door, "it's time to check out. The ink on all the papers is dry."

"We're all packed and ready." I threw the backpack over my shoulder, which consisted of nothing more than a couple books and my babies clothes. I reveled the feeling of jeans on my body after two years in an ugly, gray jumpsuit.

"We sure are going to miss you guys around here." The guard led us down the hall, away from the room that had been my sanctuary for my time here. "You were the only one who was actually nice. And the babies were so adorable"

"I'm going to miss you guys too," I lied.

"What are you going to do now that you're a free mother"

"I honestly have no idea."

I didn't know what was available at the moment. I had no job prospects, and no money whatsoever. Thankfully, I wasn't completely down and out. I had gotten the chance to complete my upper education while in lockup. I filled my time with courses and finished a couple years of schooling easily within just two. I now had a degree in literature, which didn't really help me in the real world, but at least it was something. Still, I was fucked big time. A widow with a felon and no money, home or job. I just wanted to make it outside, and then I would take it from there.

 "Okay, well, this is where I leave you. Have fun." He waved to me and turned back around.

I went inside of a room with a singular table and sat in one of the two chairs to wait. This was usually the place where you came to get your stuff when they let you leave. When I was arrested, I didn't have anything, so I didn't particularly know what I was doing here. Couldn't they just let me go already?

I checked the rings on my finger—Steve's —and a small smile crept onto my lips at the thought of him wearing it. I put my arm down when it started to become tired from looking at the ring for too long.

I didn't cry anymore, over Steve. I didn't have any more tears to give. The past year had been rough. I had literally cried myself dry, and I was surprised that my eyes hadn't fallen out. Now it didn't matter how I felt about him anymore; he was gone and would never hear it. I loved him with all of my heart, although, I was still mad as hell. If only I had one last chance to at least talk to him. I never got that closure, which I desperately longed for. 

He was gone, and he was never coming back. At least I had my kids, I had to find a way to get Tally and James too.

 “Do you have a ride, you can’t leave without one." a voice said from the door.

"Yes." I nodded and slipped past her. Stark had made sure to send someone over so that I didn't have to stay here any longer than necessary.

"Well then, we'll be seeing you."

"I hope not." I waved and strode out of the doors with my kids..

I stood on the stone steps of the minimum-security prison and took a deep breath. The July air was still hot, but not unpleasant. It wasn't as if I hadn't been outside during my stay, but this was a new type of freedom, which I would never take for granted again.

I walked down the long, winding road and towards the gates, which opened for us.

"Looks, like the criminal has sprung the coop," a deep voice said. He was leaning on the side of a black Mercedes with sunglasses. His strong shoulders made him look menacing, but I knew there was a heart of gold inside.

I ran and wrapped my arms around Sam's neck as I was lifted off of the ground. 

"I missed you." I clung to him tighter.

"You too, red," he chuckled lowly.

"I can't believe it. You haven't come to visit me at all." I hit his arm when he put me down. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Not by choice." He nursed the spot. "Trust me."

"You deserve it." I examined him up and down. "Where have you been?"

"A raft prison, it was hell. Then Ste.." He stopped quickly, "Eh doesn't matter. Who are these two? Somebody's nephew and niece?"

I smirked lightly," Not exactly."

I picked up Sarah and pulled her to my chest, " Meet Sarah and Nathan Rogers. My twins."

His jaw dropped drastically, " Wow, that's.... wow."

"I know... I know." I sighed. "Kids, meet Uncle Sam." 

 I watched as Sam lifted Nathan in the air, making the most ridiculous faces. I had never seen him like this. Loose, silly, completely enamored.

"Red, your boy is so animated." He said, cradling Nathan.

"He sure does have a personality. That's for sure." 

 "Well, let's get a move on, got a long trip." He picked my backpack up and threw it over his shoulder with Nathan still in his arms.

"Where are we going?" I went around to the back seat of the car, clutching to Sarah and Nathan since they didn't have a car seat.

"Don't start with the questions. Just let me drive."

"Where are we going?" I asked again..

"I said I wasn't answering that." He easily pulled out of the driveway and maneuvered onto the road.

"How are things back home?"

Sam sighed, "What home? There's nothing left back there. Tony doesn't make a fucking sound anymore, Clint went back home and moved to Canada after we all got bailed and everyone else... is where we are going. Talia and James are already there."

My heart skipped, "Thank God, I thought I would never see my babies again."

"James still young, but Talia... she's something incredible." He whistled.

My brows furrowed," What do you mean?"

"You'll see."

“How did you escape?"

He shrugged. "Can't say. How are you doing?"

"I cried for months." I looked out of the window and remembered the horrible time I had with Steve's death. "I felt so weak. I wanted to tell him so many things, but I never got the chance."

"I see your ring." He pointed to my left hand. "He would want it there."

"Yeah, he would. I miss him," I thought out loud, clutching on to my sleeping kids.

"We all miss him."

The ride was silent after that. I wanted to go to sleep, but figured I should soak up the bright sun. I watched the trees pass us by for about an hour until the car started to slow.

"Where are we?" I sat up in my seat.

"Private airport," Sam answered simply and turned the car onto the tarmac.

"Why?"

"Because we're leaving." He reached into the backseat and got my bag and Nathan. "Let's go." He jumped out of the car.

"Wait, I can't leave. Aren't I on probation or something?" I quickly ran after him with Sarah in my arms and had to shout over the whirl of a plane engine.

"I don't know. Do I look like a lawyer? Just get on the plane."

I glared at Sam inquisitively for a couple of seconds. "Are you kidnapping us?"

"Yes." He started to climb the descended steps. "I'm leaving you here if you don't hurry up."

I ground my teeth together and went up after him. The plane was nice and expensive, which made me wonder, how the hell could he afford this shit? There was no one inside, but I could hear the voice of the pilot from up front. Sam went to tell him that we were ready to leave, and the stairs folded shut.

"I don't like this." I sat in a seat next to him.

"I promise everything's going to be all right. Oh, and by the way, we're not to be going here for a while."

"So you are kidnapping me. Where the hell are we going?"

"I can't tell you that, but if you want to stay here, now's the time to say so."

I debated on what to do, but just decided to stay put. It was a mixture of curiosity and lack of enthusiasm over my present situation in life. I theorized that he couldn't be taking me anywhere bad.

"This is very fishy." I sat back and held on to a sleeping Sarah as the plane took off.

I tried to stay awake so that I could scope out what exactly I was doing on this adventure, but my eyes wouldn't stay open after the third hour. The rumble from the plane engine put me to sleep quickly, and I dreamed about God knows what. Most of my dreams nowadays weren't memorable.

"Nat, time to wake up." I was softly nudged.

"No." I turned away.

"Natasha, I mean it. The plane can't stay on the ground very long," Sam's deep voice filled my head, "and you need to change."

"Change?" I opened my eyes. His jeans and tee shirt from before were replaced with a light blue button up and white board shorts. "Are you going swimming?"

"No, but it's hot as hell out there. Go change." He pulled me from my seat and shoved me into the back of the plane.

I went into the bathroom and stripped out of my clothes, putting on the jean shorts and green tank top that were provided for me. I was still confused as hell when I came back out, trying to stumble into my sneakers.

"Where exactly are we?" I asked as the stairs came undone.

"Wakanda." Sam smiled and went outside, holding Nathan's hand.

"Wakanda?" I followed him with Sarah back in my arms. "Are you serious? We can't go to Wakanda."

"Why not?" He shrugged. "It's awesome here."

"I can't believe this." I grumbled my way to a car that was waiting, and Sam took the driver's seat.

I saw signs that said 'Africa' when we were pulling out of the private airport and large buildings started to surround us on all sides as we went deeper into the city. I had no idea what the hell was going on, but Sam seemed confident and didn't question anything.

"How the hell did we get out of the country? Aren't they following you?" I asked, trying to take my mind off of the uneasiness that I was feeling. I should be excited since this was the first time I had ever been out of the county and to Wakamda, no less, but I was too anxious.

"We're all good. We have clearance."

"What does that mean?"

"Stop asking questions." He rolled his eyes. "I forgot how annoying you were."

"Well, maybe I wouldn't be if I had some answers."

The car started going through the streets, and I noticed that the tall skyscrapers thinned as we reached the far eastern side of the city.

"Alright, time to get out." Sam shut off the car when we reached the docks.

"Now a boat?" At this point, I was just going with the flow.

"I don't want to hear it. Just get on." He left the car right where it was and walked through the rows of bobbing ships in the harbor. I followed with my mouth shut.

We reached a small boat at the edge, which was built for speed and not luxury since it only sat two. It looked kind of like a bullet. Sam helped me down and recommended I hold on to the kids, then started the boat thunderously.

He masterfully took off, not even bothering to check a manual or directions, which made me curious as to how many times he had done this. I, for one, had never heard of him driving a speedboat, but he was doing well. I still gripped the side with white knuckles as he ripped through the waves.

Even at our rapid pace, the boat trip still took about forty minutes. It was light enough to see the massive island where Sam was headed. Even though I was confused out of my mind, I had to admit that the scenery was gorgeous. The blue water surrounded us everywhere, and if we weren't going so fast, I bet I could see straight down to the bottom. The island in the distance was mountainous and green foliage covered every hillside..

We neared the island and I saw a dock, but Sam just slowed the boat in the water and let it coast slowly. It stopped on the beach, still in the water, but not that far from the sand.

"Alright, final leg of the trip. Everybody out." Sam took off his shoes and jumped over the side of the boat, landing in the water with a splash. The waves only came up to his knees since he was so tall. He held Nathan in his arms..

I grabbed Sarah and we walked all the way up the beach. "This is getting ridiculous. I need some answers. Tell me where we're going."

 We then stopped in front of a massive beach house. It had giant windows and from the outside, it looked like there must have been at least three floors. I thought I was staring at a postcard with palm trees flanking the path that led up to the house.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Your new place."

"I don't understand."

"Did jail make you stupid?" he groaned. "I've kidnapped you and now you’re  going to be living here for a while. You don't have anything better to do." We started to walk up the path. "No one knows about this place."

It was all very beachy—if that made sense—with plush white furniture, hardwood floors, open windows, and a rustic feel.

"Come on." He ushered us inside.

"I didn't even get a choice in this?"

"Not really. What else did you expect to do?"

"I… I don't know, but Wakanda wasn't on my list for my permanent destination."

"Stop with the questions."

"What the hell is going on?" I stood still, crossing my arms. "I don't like this one bit."

"Too bad. You're here, and you'll like it." Sam took my hand and led me up the stairs quickly to the second floor. He pushed me into a room. "I'll be right back." He took Nathan and Sarah with him.

I noticed that I was in a colossal library. The stacks went up to the ceiling and there was even stairs to another floor. The room looked totally different from the rest of the house, and I thought I was in an antique castle or something.

"Wow." I looked around, open-mouthed and in amazement.

I wondered where exactly the hell I was. Wakanda for sure, but that was it. I didn't even really know if this was Tony's house, but it was obvious that someone was living here. I could tell just from walking through. And what was with Sam? He was taking this very well for a guy who just picked up and left his home. So many questions with no answers; that had become my life lately.

I went over to the dark, wooden desk in front of the open window and picked up the copy of Wuthering Heights. It was one of those old copies and probably a first edition. The computer was warm, so someone must have just been using it.

I turned the book over in my hands, trying to see who it belonged to, but there wasn't a name or anything like that.

"I never understood why you liked that book. It's so dark," a husky voice said from across the room.

I dropped the book from my hands and it landed with a thud by the time I turned around.

I was staring at a ghost; I must have been, because if I wasn't, then jail had made me go insane.

Steve was standing in the doorway, the perfect picture of muscular beauty. The white shirt on his body was unbuttoned all the way, showing off a tight set of muscles that were rolling underneath tanned skin. The blonde hair that I remembered was a little darker now with more brown in it and still wildly tamed, and his beautiful face was taken over by a scruffy beard.

"Hello, Natasha," he said, and the grin that I had dreamed about creased his lips.

My body was shaking so badly that I couldn't see straight. I backed into the far wall. "Who the hell are you?"

He sauntered into the room further, and I wanted to jump out of the window every time he took another step. The man got so close to me that I could smell his scent, and I shut my eyes, wishing that I would wake up from this nightmare.

"You look exactly the same." I felt a warm hand cup my cheek. "So perfect.”

"Stop doing this. You're not real; you can't be." I shook my head.

"Natasha, open your eyes."

"No, you can't do this to me. You're dead." I shoved him hard in the chest, but I wanted to hold him. "You're not Steve!"

"I am."

"You're fucking dead. Just stay dead. I know how to deal with it now."

I opened my eyes, and the man had a sad smile on his lips.

I couldn't control myself as my hand just slapped the shit out of him. Skin met skin and a loud sound echoed off of the walls. I needed that sound to make sure this wasn't my imagination. Maybe I was trying to see if he was real, or maybe I just need to get out some frustration, but I did it again. My frustrations would never be truly gone, but with each slap, they got better.

After the fifth hard slap to the face, the man's cheeks were red, and his hair was falling into his face.

"My Steve is dead." My voice cracked.

"I'm right here, Nat." The man's deep voice was remorseful and sad, but firm.

"Steven Grant Rogers, I swear to God if that's you, I'm going to shoot you myself."

"It's really me." He tentatively moved forward. "All I can say is that I'm sorry."

He opened his mouth to continue, but I had a few things I wanted to shout first.

"Is that really all you have to say to me?" I pushed him. "You left me. You left me to rot for two years and all you have to say is that you're 'sorry'?"

"I…"

"No, you don't get to speak. How could you do that to me!" My throat was already hurting from the screaming and it was only going to get worse, "I thought you were supposed to fight for me or do something. I got no note, not one call, or anything! I had our kids in fucking jail!" I slapped him again, because I now had no control over my rage.

"I couldn't." Steve didn't stop my hand. "They were on my trail and I had no idea where you were until two weeks ago..."

"That's not an excuse.  I wanted to know where you were and how you were doing. I wanted you…there for me. No one told me anything. I took the fall for you, Steve, and then you left me in the cold! I lost everything because of you. I let you go and what did I get? Nothing!"

He didn't say anything, and I suspected that he was waiting for me to continue, but my breathing was coming too quickly to speak coherently.

"I didn't want to leave you. I swear, but things happened so fast that I couldn't stop them, and then I couldn't come back to get you when I realized you're weren't going to get off."

"So while you were sitting here in Wakanda, you left me with two kids in jail?" I asked the obvious, just to clarify, "The time with Tally and James... I lost…."

"Do you think it's been easy for me? I went crazy because there was nothing I could do." If I didn't believe this man was Steve before, I couldn't deny it when he ran his hand through his hair and tugged. "If there was anything ,anything I could have done, I would have."

I slapped him again, just because I could and debated on whether I should knee him in the balls. I didn't so that he could keep some manhood about him.

"Why are you alive?" I spat.

"I don't know, Nat. They just assumed I was gone."

"I cried over you." I was determined not to let the tears fall. "No one told me a thing, and I was sick to my stomach for a full year because I thought you were dead; not that I care, because I'm still pissed at you."

"Everyone else thinks I'm dead. That's the way it has to be."

I left his side and darted towards the large desk by the window. I started pulling out drawers haphazardly and shuffled papers around.

"What are you doing?" He asked me.

"Looking for a gun. I'm going to shoot you and then I'm going to go downstairs and shoot Sam and then I'm going to get my all of my kids and get on a plane . You all deserve to fucking die."

My hands found the metal of a large pistol, and I cocked the thing easily. I pointed it straight at his chest across the room.

"Are you going to kill me?" Steve raised his eyebrow.

"Yes," I said with determination.

"Natasha, listen to me. I know you're hurt, but I brought you here to ask for your forgiveness."

"You think I can forgive you after everything you did?"

"I will beg you if that's what you want." His voice almost cracked. "I will crawl for forgiveness."

I pulled the trigger and even though my arm blasted backwards, I held the gun up straight. I was a pro with any gun by now.

He didn't flinch at the bullet and, of course, it struck his ear slightly as it began dripping blood. The wall behind him now had a huge hole in it.

"I'm sorry, Natasha." Steve was walking towards me slowly, seemingly not afraid of the firearm I had in my hand.

"I don't care. I don't want to hear your apologies." I was shaking.

The barrel of the gun was now pressed up against the flesh of his chest as he made the final steps forward. For a second, I figured that a bullet wouldn't hurt him. The muscles were rock solid, so if even I did shoot him, it wouldn't have done any good.

His hands took the gun away from me, breaking it apart easily and throwing it behind him.

"You're disgusting. After all the shit we've been through, I can't get a fucking phone call? Did you think I would rat you out?"

"Of course not. Everyone needs to think I'm dead; you're not even supposed to be here. I sent Sam for you before Tony got a chance to sweep you up."

"Sam." I became furious with him as well, "He knew you were here from the start and he couldn't say anything?"

"He's a good actor. I told him that he had to keep quiet until you got here."

"I fucking hate you. I almost can't even look at you."

Steve hung his head. "I needed to see you. I can't just sit here anymore and think about talking to you or seeing you or… kissing you. I need you here with me."

"What if I don't want to be here?" I felt a warm tear streak down my face.

"Natasha, I'm sorry for everything I put you through and not just in this past year, but before that. I never meant for this to…"

"Just stop talking." I held my head, which was starting to hurt. "I can't take this anymore."

"Do you still you love me?"

"Is that really what you have to ask me after two years?"

"Yes, that's all I need to know. You can go back to New York or wherever; I don't care as long as you answer that question." He took my hands out of my hair and held them. "Do you still love me?"

"I don't know." I was crying pretty badly by this point. "I can't answer that."

"Why not?"

"Because you hurt me so badly, Steve. I haven't talked to you in years, and then you just show up out of the blue? Do you know how… crazy this is? I can't handle it."

"I wanted to call you every single day and tell you that I was thinking about you, but I couldn't risk it. You have to understand that. I haven't touched another woman or even looked at anyone else in two fucking years; You're still my wife and I can't get you out of my head."

I took my hands from his and tried to calm down. I needed to think about this and without the new Ghost Steve staring me in the face. Could this really be happening? Was Steve really here after all the tears I had cried over him? It had to be a trick.

"What have you been doing all this time, how did you get here?" I asked, just to talk about something.

He sighed. "T'Challa found me and Bucky in Siberia and patched us up. Bucky's in the lab across the sea getting a new arm. But I've been training and raising our kids. Laura dropped them off here after I contacted her. It's a simple life. I got the others out once I found out where they were. Tony... I haven't spoken to him. You know he and Pepper had a son last month. I wanted to go see him, but No one else knows I'm alive."

 "You left me." I felt like I was a parrot, repeating myself every five seconds.

"And for that I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't make it all better."

"I just need your forgiveness."

 "Can you ever go back?" I sniffled.

"One day. I'll probably have to return soon for something and all hell's going to break loose."

I didn't really know what to say. I wanted to scream and shout and cry, but just being this close to Steve was bringing back deep feelings that I had missed. As much as I hated him, I just wanted him to hold me. That sounded pathetic, but I didn't care.

"I see you kept the ring," He noticed my hand.

"Yeah." I nodded.

"I had to make sure you got it."

"I don't want it." I took the rings off and threw them both on the desk. It landed with a loud thump.

"Do you still love me, Natasha?"

"Stop asking me that." I turned away from him.

"Why? I need to know and I'll let you go, but just tell me what you're feeling."

"I don't know. I want to kill you, but I can't."

"Why?"

"Because I still fucking love you!" I shouted out everything I had to give. "I can't help it and I should have just dropped your ass the second I was put in jail, but that's not an option. I can't explain it. Hell, we’re still married."

"Once-in-a-lifetime, Romeo and Juliet love." Steve took my hands again. "Natasha, I know we have so much to talk about, but I need you. These past two years have put everything in perspective. Every time I look at Tally or James , I think about you. I'll let you go if you want, but I'm asking you… begging you to stay here with us."

"No," I said with as much gusto as I had, "I can't. I've wasted too much of my life over you. I'm not doing it again. I love you, but I'm not putting myself through this shit."

"I'm sorry. I can't say it enough."

"I feel like you just except me to forgive you and I can't do that right now. I don't even know you anymore."

"I'm still the same man you married."

"No you're not."

"Yes, I am, Natasha," he said forcefully, taking my hand and placing it on his chest, over his heart. I could feel the tattoo, which he had gotten for me, and his skin was warm.

"Why are you doing this to me? I could have just gone home and…"

"And done what?"

"Lived. Raise the twins....alone." I shrugged.

He dropped my hand and went to his desk. He picked up the phone and started dialing.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm calling T’Challa and he’ll give you a plane so you can go home with the kids and live. You can be gone within the hour."

My feet carried me over unconsciously, and I unplugged the phone from the wall.

"I'm giving you what you want. You won't ever hear from me again and I won't bother you." He didn't lift his head. "I'm sorry I brought you here. If you want, I’ll file a divorce for you. Custody over the kids, whatever you need.”

I didn't know what to do. I had so many questions that he was going to answer, but suddenly I didn't want to hear it all. His excuses didn't mean anything to me. I wasn't ready to forgive him.

As much as I hated him with my head, my heart wouldn't shut up. The kids was here, Steve was here and I was here; finally together again. He was right. We had a bond that was unbreakable, and that was only intensified now.

Once again, my feet carried me towards him. I couldn't help myself.

"Forgiveness comes with time, Steve. You can't just show up and expect everything to go back to normal." I spoke calmly.

"I realize that. I'm asking you to give me a chance. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make this up to you and taking care of our kids. Anything you want, you can have."

"I don't know if I even care enough about you to give you that chance." I lied.

"I will walk through fire, Natasha. What can I do? Tell me, and I'll do it."

"I don't know but you can't just keep me prisoner on this island. We haven't seen each other in forever and I have so much I want to say to you, so much I need to know.."

"Then say it," He almost begged, "Tell me everything."

"We need time for all of that. I need to hit you and scream at you and ignore you so that you know how it felt."

"We have all the time in the world, Natasha. We're not going anywhere. At least…I'm not going anywhere; ever again. I'm here whether you choose to believe that or not."

This was so wrong and he was starting to convince me that I needed to be here…with him. On some level, I wanted to stay and make him suffer. I didn't know what that entailed, but I wanted to just burn his ass so that he was charcoal. Then on another level, I wanted to stay for me. Who gave a fuck about him? I deserved some happiness after all of this. The only problem: Steve was my happiness. My kids were my happiness.

"Look at me," I said.

He raised his head slightly, but didn't say anything.

I couldn't help the smile that I tried to fight as I stared at him. He was still exceptionally attractive and looked younger, if that was possible. I could tell that his eyes were sad. The blue had dulled somewhat, and I couldn't remember him looking so tortured.

"Nice beard, dork." I ran my hand through it.

"Finally gave up on stopping it from grow." He exhaled. "Your hair is darker."

"I haven't noticed."

"You still look beautiful, though." His fingers traced the lines of my face.

"I should hate you right now; I still do, but… I love you." I wanted to kick myself for sounding like some fickle, romance novel, dumb heroine with no spine. Now I understood why there were so many of them. They all had great loves who had thrown their asses in jail. Well, maybe not, but it was the same concept.

I touched his face, running my hand along his cheek. I had to make sure that he was real.

"I was waiting for you." He kissed my palm, which shot an electric current trough my veins. For the first time in two years, I felt like I could breathe again.

"I don't like all this secrecy."

"I know we have a lot to discuss. I'll answer any question you want. No more lies."

"You're so good with your emotion words now." I choked out a laugh, "What happened?"

"I've been practicing since the day I got here. I've had my speeches memorized for a long time." He pulled off his already unbuttoned white shirt, and I really wanted to let my fingers dance across his stomach. It was a wonder that I hadn't exploded yet.

"What are you doing?"

"I got this after I found out about the twins." Steve pointed to his right chest pec. I lightly touched the small set of words and stood out against his newly tanned skin. It was their names and date of birth. It was then I noticed his entire arm had a tattoo sleeve. He wasn’t joking when he said he would get another.

I was too choked up to say anything, until I did.

"Do you still love me?" I asked, needing to know.

"How could you even ask me that question?" He rested his forehead on mine. "You have my heart and my soul; I'm willing to give you anything else. Just…stay with me. I need you here."

I couldn't help myself as I rose on my toes and meshed my lips to his.

It was one of those explosive, eruptive, electrifying, epic kisses that should only be shown in movies. After two years apart, neither of us was holding back and flashes of memories started flooding back of a time when I was happy with Steve, when we had our kids together. Could we have that again? Everything was telling me yes. It was going to take years, tons of tears, and a lot of shouting on my part, but was I willing to even give him that chance?

What was I giving up by not staying? A shot at true love? A once and a lifetime spark? I knew Steve and I had it. We had been through it all and the strength of my feelings was making it almost impossible for me to deny the possibility of staying.

Once we were both exhausted, we pulled away slightly. Steve’s forehead was on mine again as his breath washed over my face. I had soft tears on my face and he wiped them away. I had made my decision and by the look in his eyes, I could tell that he knew what I was thinking.

"I love you, Natasha. Always and forever."

”And I love you, Steve. Always and forever.”

I pressed my lips back to his eagerly, he gripped my waist tightly. I froze in my spot when I heard,”Mama.”

I looked over Steve’s shoulder and there he was, James. My sweet baby boy. He was taller and his blonde hair was starting to get longer. I’m glad he remembered me still. Probably from the visits in jail Laura gave me.

He was here.. in front of me,” James!” He ran to me and flung his little arms around my neck. I dropped down to my knees and cried excessively. I couldn’t help it. When I was in that cell with my kids, I thought about how James might forget about me, how he was growing up without me. But hearing him call me mama, it was the best thing I could ask for.

Steve crouched down next to us, “I showed him pictures of you every day. Told stories about us, he will never forget you.” More tears flowed down freely. I grabbed Steve’s head and brought him in for a hug.

He kissed my forehead softly, “There’s one more person waiting for you.” He nudged his head towards the door. Standing there was a beautiful young lady and her eyes finally landed on me, and I gasped. My eyes, she had my eyes. When she saw me looking at her, she smiled, showing her perfect teeth. She began moving towards me and I began to step forward also.

“Hello, Mother.” She whispered as she got closer.

As soon as she was within reach, I scooped her in my arms, holding her close to me. The fucking water works came back and left my eyes. My baby girl was no longer a baby, but she was a developing young woman.Nevertheless, I stared back at her, taking it all in. She was more beautiful than I remembered.

She had my eyes, and Bruce’s hair which was flown over her shoulders in curls. Her skin was smooth and pale, but she had a hint of red in her cheeks. She was perfect

Suddenly she rested her hand on my cheek, allowing me to let out a loud gasp and tears to run faster.

"You are so beautiful" I whispered.

"I got the looks from you." She smirked.

"That’s true." I whispered to her. Her response smile was blinding.

We sat down and talked, but this time I was prepared. She told me everything that I had missed;  Steve taking care of her, T'Challa training her, Tony keeping up with her growth.

"I missed you, so much baby girl. I love you." I whispered to her, kissing her forehead gently. 

"I love you, Mom."

“Well this family reunion is gonna take a turn for the better.” Sam’s voice stated from the doorway. He looked at me and I nodded. Steve got up and walked slowly as Sam moved out the way to reveal my beautiful kids.

Steve bent down with the look of awe in his face, “Wow...this is..wow.” He breathed. Sarah giggled and Nathan just stared dully.

He cleared his throat. "Hello. My name is Steve. I'm your father.”

She smiled at him.

"Your name is Sarah, and you’re Nathan."

They both giggled before running straight to his arms.

"Um...I love you too?" We all chuckled.

Sarah opened her mouth and stuck her hand in.

"And this is our family," He told them. "It’s not all of us, we’re a little broken right now. I don't even know if they have any idea you're here, but you'll meet them one day. They’ll adore you.”

And that’s when my heart swelled. The rest of that day, we laughed, played,lived.  

It was then I realized that Steve was my life again, now, and he would always be.

And it felt damn good.

 


	36. PART TWO|GREED

_"What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men."_  
_— Leigh Bardugo_

* * *

 

_**TWLEVE|GREED** _

Thanos tapped his gigantic fingers on the bouldered arm of his massive throne. Of course, being the man that he was, he took the head seat for himself. The eyes of the all of that followed and worshiped him were staring at him with waiting expressions.

His eyes averted up as another star was added to the constellation. Of course, it did not satisfy him. Nothing ever did. But that was going to change.

It had been aggravating years for Thanos and everyday for the past four years, Thanos had thought about who was responsible for stopping his world domination.

The Avengers.

The word had been ingrained in his brain since the failed battle in New York, and Thanos hated them. He despised them. They caused him so much soldiers, and it was because of them that he was never truly successful—as much as he should have been, anyway. This was a race and he always came in second. And the one thing he hated more than anything, losing.

The Avengers had stopped his tyranny from running to Earth, taken everything from him and he would never forgot it.

"Why are we here?" Corvus, one of his adoptive sons, asked.

"I have a proposition for you all," Thanos's deep voice croaked, opening and closing his fist.

"We don't have all day." His other son Ebony grunted. "I have things to do."

Thanos' patience was running thin, but he held his composure.

"I need help," he confessed. "As you know, I'm in a… slight predicament."

It was no secret that he had lost a lot of his reputation and respect since his plans have kept failing. Thanos hated admitting it, though.

"Help?" Ebony asked, obviously irritated that he had been pulled away from his daily dealings of evil doings or whatever the hell he did.

"Yes." Thanos's growled as he stood up from his throne. "Children, I think that the time has come to take matters in our own hands with these costumed misfits."

All the despicable aliens sat up a little more in question.

"The Avengers," he said the name with disdain, "have taken too much. Loki has failed me, and I will not be failed again."

Thanos's feet made the steady ground shake when stepped down from his throne, his hands behind his back in an authoritative manner. No one dared speak, because his anger was evident and created a palpable tension in the air.

"We need to hit them where they are weak and I won't stand for failing this time. There interference needs to be ended." Thanos decided to keep the details of his plans vague. He wasn't quite sure if they could all be trusted and he was still working things out in his head.

"This doesn't sound good." A short warrior said quietly.

"Join me. Once I find the stones, we'll bulldoze our way over that wretched planet. The Avengers will be there and we must be the ones to stop him." Thanos continued.

"They're too powerful," A soldier said, almost scared to even talk.

"But they're not invincible," Thanos concluded. "There is no debate here, you will help me. We have the potential to destroy them, add their corpses to the lineage of the stars. We can weaken them, weaken them enough so they can't recover."

"So you're proposing a war?"

Thanos smiled evilly, maliciously, dangerously. Nothing more needed to be said. The grin spoke without words.

"And how do you plan about doing this?" Corvus crossed his arms. "Seems to me like you've tried for a while to destroy Earth and nothing ever seems to get done."

There was a murmur of agreement around the table.

"You let me worry about that. I just need to know that, when the time comes, I will have your backing. I need support."

"What do you have in mind?"a man emerged from the crowd. Thanos couldn't recall his name off the top of his head. "I happen to like living. Just because they're better than you, doesn't mean you have to get everyone killed."

There were a few snickers that hit his ears. The most distinct one came from the large man in armor. He let out a hearty chuckle that he tried to disguise as a cough.

Thanos's body quivered in anger, and that's when he snapped.

He pushed the people out of his way and that's when his hand found the man who spoke. His hand reached around his neck before jerking it forward violently. The man's body became limp in Thanos' hand as he held him in front of the thousand of warriors.

"Does anyone else think this is funny?" Thanos asked, furious that someone had dared to laugh at him. "That is one thing I do not tolerate, disrespect!"

No one said anything and just looked at each other with slightly worried eyes. The same thought was going through all of their heads: This man had gone crazy.

"You all will fight," Thanos said gruffly, slamming the body down on the ground. "When the time comes, I will summon you all. Is that clear?"

Suddenly, each and every one of them dropped to their knees and bowed their heads to him.

"Yes, father." Both of his sons echoed.

"Hail Lord Thanos." soldiers repeated as they kept their heads down.

Thanos nodded curtly before dismissing them all and sitting on his throne.

"Do you really think you're safe, Avengers?" Thanos asked huskily, his voice thick with fury. "You might be crafty, but you will never defeat me." He looked over to the left, where there the gauntlet sat on the armrest, remaining empty.

He stared at it intently and tried to decide on the final aspects of his plans, which was quickly coming together. He needed to be meticulously calculated, and that was going to take time. He still needed the stones.

But he knew what he wanted, the end of the Avengers. The Avengers were going to be in pain, suffering, and they will finally inherit failure on his behalf.

"I'm coming for you, Planet Earth."


	37. PART TWO|FEAR

_Steve's POV_  
_"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."_  
_—[Mark Twain](https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/1244.Mark_Twain)_

* * *

_**THIRTEEN|FEAR** _

_The air was chilling and threatening. Everything around me was destroyed, bodies were all over the ground. Agonizing screams filled my ears along with explosions and gunfire._ _My eyes averted to the left and there he was, my best friend, Tony. His eyes stared back at me in pity as a hole began to form in his stomach._ _I couldn’t move, and lord knows I tried. It was like I was meant to watch this moment. Blood poured out him as he began sink into ground and further away from my heart.  
I could feel myself sink deeper and deeper into abyss while blood continued to flow out of him freely. He was going to die. And I was powerless to move._

_"I don't need saving from a traitor.' He growled before he was engulfed completel._

I sat up in bed gasping for air and looking around. I felt a hand on my chest and I jumped up and out of bed almost knocking over the dresser. Sweat covered my entire body, making me feel moist under the covers. Fuck...another one. As I continued my heavy wheeze, I heard a familiar voice. It was like bells on Sunday morning. "Steve, are you okay?"

I looked over to her bed and she was sitting up with the covers pulled up around her upper chest as the bare skin of her shoulders appeared. She must have just got out of the shower, I knew that coconut body wash anywhere. My Natasha was here. She was warm from the shower and still a little damp. My hand reached for her chin as I groaned into her neck and started to kiss her behind the ear. Her breathes were short and uneven.

"Steve...no...stop. Are you okay?" I kissed up and around her jaw line to her lips and lightly brushed my lip across hers and whispered, "Just stay.." I kissed her deep and hard. I rolled her on top of me so that I could feel her all over me. She straddled my hips and started to move her hips in ways that should be illegal. I was getting so hard and on the verge that I had to stop her. I grabbed her hips and broke away from the kiss, before moving my lips to the hollow of her throat.. "I’ve missed you so much." I asked. She moaned deeply in my ear.

I flipped us so that I was now on top and whispered in her ear which made her wiggle her hips. "Stay, please." She nodded her head and wrapped her arms around me, placing my head on her bare chest. I tugged on to her tightly, stopping the tears from falling.

”I got you.” She whispered, as my eyes reluctantly closed tightly.

My eyes opened and my hand reached out blindly next to me and I momentarily panicked when I realized Natasha wasn't there. Concentrating, I heard voices in downstairs. Rolling onto my back, I looked at the clock. Two in the afternoon. Hm, surprised I even woke up at all. Stretching, my thoughts lingered on my nightmare from last night. These weren't the first ones I've had and the probably wont' be the last. I still haven't fully coped on what happened in Siberia, and they get worse every night. I betrayed my friend and I hurt him deeply. But I'm glad he's happy. He and Pepper got married and had a baby boy last year, and I wish nothing but the best for him.

But there was one thing on my mind right now that I needed to focus on, Natasha.

I jumped up and pulled on my sweat pants and tank top before heading to the bathroom. After brushing my teeth and washing my face I crept downstairs.

The sight that greeted me swelled my heart. It wasn't Nat, but Wanda, holding Sarah and gazing at her lovingly. She ran her finger against her face as she sung sweet nothings to her.

"That's beautiful." I whispered, making her turn her head to me. 

Smiling, her eyes caressed me from head to toe,"So is she. I've never seen such a beautiful baby girl in my life."

I walked over to the couch to sit next to her. Wanda came to Wakanda with me and Sam, to make sure _I_ was safe.  Clint went back to Laura and they left the country. As for Lang, well, he said he'd pop up whenever we needed him again. And Buck... cryosleep. T'Challa assured me he has the top doctors and psychologists working on him. But, two years can really give a man doubt. 

"How are you, Steve?"

 "OK, I guess."

She snorted, "Sure, I believe you. You had another freakish nightmare and wouldn't let go of Natasha for the rest of the night. You're on top of the world."

I had to smile at that. Wanda always had a way with words. "Yep, I'm Mr. Happy."

"I worry about you, you know?"

"I know, and I love you for that. I'm fine. Really. I'm more than fine, I have these beautiful kids."I kissed Sarah's forehead as she cooed.

Wanda's smile spread slowly across her face as she said,"You amaze me, Steve." Wanda reached out and ran her hand through my hair.

"You really have something great here, you know? I kind of envy you."

I smiled at that. "Really? You envy me? Why?"

"I don't know, I guess I've been thinking that . . . I might like to have a chance at something good, too."

I smiled," You will, anybody will be lucky to have you."

Wanda smiled rather sheepishly and I noticed how her eyes were shining. "Vision and I never would have worked, it was just... I don't know. I wish he would've fought for me more."

_A knife to the heart, nice one Wanda._

I took her hand, "I'm sure he tried."

Wanda looked over at me and sighed, "Maybe, but it doesn't matter now. It was two years ago. I'm happy living here with you guys."

With a small smile, I leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. "OK, be patient, and maybe you'll get your dream. I'll be here to support you either way."

"Thanks. Now get out of here and go to Natasha. I got her. She's out back on the beach walking with Nathan."

I kissed her forehead,"You're the best."

She rolled her eyes,"You flatter me, now go find Natasha."

"OK. See ya later, Wanda."

I rounded the house and began to hear the soft waves of the lake lapping at the rocky shore. I saw Natasha down the beach, holding the hands of our one year old as he walked on the sand. He was still a little wobbly up on two legs.

Nathan spotted me first and literally began bouncing on his feet. His smile was infectious, and I squatted down so that he could walk towards me. Natasha let him go, and he stumbled into my arms before I lifted him up.

"You're getting so good." I kissed his chubby cheeks.

"Nathan has had quite the morning." Natasha walked up to me, carrying their shoes. "He found his first fish and tried to eat it."

"Well, he's a growing boy. Always hungry."

"I feed him enough." She pulled me down by my arm until our lips touched. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." I sat on the sand, pulling Nathan into my lap. Natasha followed and scooted up next to me.

The last years had done nothing to her. She looked almost the same as the ever. No lines on her face or signs of aging. Well, I didn't see any, but she assured me they were there. And her body... I won't even begin to discuss that subject or my mind might go to very inappropriate places. It was then I noticed her hair. Short, blonde, still beautiful.

"Nice haircut," I whispered to her, bouncing Nathan on my lap.

Nat smirked. "Figured if you could grow a beard, I could try something different. You like it?"

"Very much."

 She giggled, reaching over to me,"Well, thank you." She kissed my cheek.

"I've made plans for you."

Natasha nodded. "That sounds nice."

Nathan began to reach for his mother, and I handed him over as he started making gurgling noises. I never thought that I would have even one child, let alone three. I would die for them all, and that will never change.

 "You're smiling again," Natasha pointed out.

"Am I?" I looked out to the water. It was so peaceful here.

"You do that a lot more often nowadays."

"I have more to smile about than I used to," I told her truthfully.

She was about to say something else, but we were interrupted by James who ran towards us on the beach. "Daddy, Uncle Sam is here!"

I checked my watch. 

"Come on, let's get you two inside. I don't want him getting too much sun." I took Nathan from Natasha and helped her up. She held my hand as we walked back towards the house.

Sam was waiting in the family room, playing some kind of game with James sitting on his lap. They were best buddies. 

"What did you bring me?" James asked, patting his cheek.

"Bring you? I just saw you last week. Actually, I usually see you every damn day," He replied.

James gasped.

"You said a bad word, Sam. You owe him money for the swear jar." Natasha sat in one of the comfy chairs, placing Nathan on the floor, who began crawling around.

"Damn." Sam pulled out his wallet.

"That's another one," James pointed out. "We're going to be rich."

Sam gave him a fifty dollar bill. "Spend it wisely. Buy a car or a prostitute."

"What's a prostitute?" James asked.

I had to stop this before it got out of hand. I lifted him off of Sam's lap. "You go upstairs buddy and play."

James took off, his question forgotten.

"You really need to watch your mouth." I hit Sam across the back of his head. "He's like a sponge. He soaks up everything and I don't want to have a conversation about hookers with my son..yet."

"I can't help it." He shrugged innocently. "I was born this way."

"You most certainly can help it." Natasha shook her head. "You need to be setting an example."

"What the hell are you doing here anyway?" I sat on the arm of the chair that Natasha was in.

"I have news." Sam kicked his feet up on the coffee table.

I sighed heavily, "Spill."

"They finished on Barnes arm" He sat up straighter. "They also said they're close on finding the key to helping him."

"That's good." Natasha picked Nathan up from the floor. "If you'll excuse me, it's time for a feeding and then a nap."

"I wish," Sam groaned. "The life of a baby must be nice."

Natasha left a long, lingering kiss on my lips before leaving the room.

 I sank into the chair. "Anything else."

"Later. I'm taking a nap if I'm babysitting."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"We could have just stayed at the island. I wouldn't mind," Natasha said.

"No, no. Of course not."

There were only a few nice restaurants in this city, but this was one of the better ones.

The place was fairly small and intimate, candlelit with soft music playing throughout. It was nice enough outside that I requested a table on the patio and we were situated in a secluded corner.

"This is wonderful." Natasha picked up the wine list as soon as she sat down.

"Just something small for my wife."

"Three years and counting." She sighed. "You've put me through a hell of a lot."

I had to physically stop myself from hanging my head. She was so forgiving and patient and... perfect. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up for her.

"If you were any lesser women, my ass would have been on the curb," I admitted. "Thank you for putting up with me."

"No one else I'd rather be with."

I smiled and nodded. "Likewise."

We spent dinner just talking. Sometimes there would be lulls in the conversation, but it was never awkward or forced. It felt really nice to eat without kids. I forgot what silence sounded like. By the time our second bottle of wine was finished, I was more than a little horny.

As soon as we got home, the clothes started coming off.

"Steve, slow down. You're going to rip my arms off." She stumbled away from me as my hands fumbled with her bra.

"Nat, come back." I groaned, feeling cold with her being all the way across the room  She disregarded all of her clothes and climbed on top of me. The lace of her underwear rubbed against my exposed stomach as my shirt rode up my body.

"I can't do it. Don't make me go without tonight."

She began kissing my neck, teasing me with her lips.

"We used to fuck every day back home," I sighed in pleasure. "This is the first time in forever."

"I missed it too." She laughed against my skin. "You bend me over any sturdy structure you can find. Sometimes I can't even walk. It's quite embarrassing, actually. Like your motorcycle."

"Well, fine, but we don't fuck as much as we used to. I miss it too."

"You miss the sex?"

"I miss the constant sex. And more than that, the connection." I was speaking seriously now, but she was distracting me as her tiny hands began pulling my pants away.

"Physical or emotional connection?"

"Both," I breathed out.

"That's what tonight is about."

"Thank you, God."

My clothes were slowly removed by her torturous hands that teased me so horribly.

She climbed up my body, sexy as hell, and leaned forward. I felt her breath wash over my face as my own stopped entirely. In fact, my whole body shut down… my heart, lungs… even my thoughts froze in that moment as I waited for Natasha's lips to touch mine again. My self-control was gone.

Her soft lips descended and my body kick-started into a hot-blooded frenzy. Her kiss was hesitant at first, a mere brush of warm lips, but when I moaned in response, my fingers went into her hair, locking her into me.

Her teeth grated against my bottom lip, then my tongue, and I opened to welcome her, my hands trailing up her thighs. Her ass sat high in the air and I pulled down to meet my waist. She yelped in surprise at the contact, but I wouldn't let go.

My whole body reacted to the touch of her against me. She gasped lightly as my hardened erection nestled between her legs.

"I need you now." She pulled at my hair.

"Not yet. It's been too long." I flipped us over skillfully so that she was staring up at me with erotic eyes.

I smirked and bent down to trail my tongue along her neck, planting wet, nibbling kisses from her shoulder, up to her ear, then back again.

"God. You're killing me," she groaned.

I lifted her hands above her head, tightening my hold so that she couldn't get away once I started my torturing. I pushed a knee between her legs to force them apart slightly. I reached between us and stroked her continuously.

I covered her mouth with mine, swallowing her cries as she rode out her orgasm.

I didn't let her arms go as I pushed my dick inside.

"Jesus," I said through gritted teeth. I pulled out slowly, then pushed back in fully, and we groaned in unison. I had to stay still for a second to get myself acclimated.

"I don't think," I said as I pulled out again, "that I can go slow." I thrust a little harder and my eyes rolled back in my head.

"I don't need slow, Steve. I need you. Now."

I lifted one of her legs onto my waist, deepening my angle.

"Shit," she grunted. "I love you...so much."

I could only moan in response as I thrust powerfully into her again and again… each pounding taking us higher and higher.

"I'm…" I muttered, my eyes clenched tight and sweat glistening on my forehead. "Fuck. I'm gonna…"

My work was quick, really quick because I didn't have the time to lavish her right now. I just needed to get the fucking out of the way early in the night. We could make love later.

We both let the coil go in our bodies, almost bringing the walls down with our shouts. 

I collapsed on top of her, sweaty body against sweaty body. Her small limbs clung to me, forcing us to get tangled within the messy sheets.  I placed my head on her chest and kissed between her breast. Her fingers tangled in my hair, soothing for me to get rest. It worked.

"I got you tonight." She whispered, letting me close my eyes tightly.

For the first time in two years, I slept peacefully. This was proof that I needed Natasha. She loved and respected me for the person I was, not for who I could be or who he wanted me to be. She was in love with me and was willing to sacrifice her own happiness for mine.

There was a time when I would've thought that I didn't deserve the kind of love and devotion she showed me. When she went to jail, I felt unworthy of her. And I still do. But we loved each other beyond words. I would go to through the dark times of the Earth to make sure she's happy.

I woke up in Natasha's arms, our naked skin pressed tightly against each other. The blanket was draped loosely over our midsections leaving our legs and arms exposed. The sun gently filtered in through the tent flap. My head rested on still rested on her chest while our leg was tangled between each others. Her breathing was slow and deep. She looked beautiful, peaceful, and content. I couldn't help but smile thinking about how wonderful it felt to wake up in her arms again. I snuggled closer to her, breathing in her scent. A part of me wished we could stay, just like this, forever.

The door bell rung and I felt Natasha's arms wrap tightly around me. I looked up and and they were still closed.  I pulled me up her body so that we were face to face. I leaned down and kissed her lips softly before I got out of the bed got dressed, and went downstairs.

 I was met with the fearful faces of Wanda and Sam staring back at me with the door opened. They moved from the doorway and there he was. My best friend, my partner, my family.

"Tony."

 

 

 


	38. PART TWO|ANGER

_Natasha's POV_  
_"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off."_  
_—[Joe Klaa](https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/129662.Joe_Klaas)_

* * *

_** FOURTEEN|ANGER ** _

For the first time in two years, I slept peacefully. Happy, content....free. I've been lingering for that feeling for awhile, but it would be so rare since I wasn't with Steve. Lord knows I was lost without him, and even though my twins made me feel content, the sight of them always made my heart swell in pain. I spent a whole year thinking he was dead, and now that I have him back, there was no way in hell I was giving him up again.

I clumsily slumped my arm over to find the bed empty. My eyes opened to find there indeed was no one there. Hmm, where the hell is he?  I stretched my arms to ceiling, relieving my sex muscles to the ceiling. I sighed before I got up and ran to the bathroom to get dressed, putting a black tank top and and some sweats.

"Okay, you look decent." I brushed my teeth in the mirror and turned around to make sure I didn't miss a spot. Before I went downstairs I went to go check on the my kids and they were still sleeping peacefully. Watching them sleep became somewhat of a routine for me. It definitely became a habit when I was in that cell with them. Guess it'll stick with me for awhile.

"Hey." I jumped as I felt strong arms wrap around my waist.

"Arms feeling tense, are you OK." I  turned around and wrapped an arm around his neck.

"No." He kissed my forehead, "It's Tony," Steve mouthed as he was nudged his head downstairs.

"What is he doing here, how did he find us?"  

"I don't know, he hasn't said a word to me." Steve said.

"Must be important."

 He sighed deeply, "I can barely speak to him, Nat. He hates me."

"No he doesn't, ok? He's just hurt, and you know things like this take time."

"I hope so." 

 We walked downstairs to find Tony slowly walking back and forth in the living room. He kept his lips in a tight line, fiddling with a locket constantly. The look on his face was stoic and I knew that look anywhere. He had that look when he had business meetings or when something pissed him off. Tony walked over to the leather computer chair and sat in it, sighing annoyingly.

"Nice to see you re..well, blondie." He laughed softly.

I smiled,"Likewise."

"Why are you here?" Steve asked solemnly. 

He gave him a small smirk," Trust me, spangles. This is the last place I wanted to be. But two beautiful kids and a good friend of mine went missing the day I was suppose to get them off of release. So...here I am."

Steve grunted, folding his arms in front of him. Tony sighed before fiddling with the locket again, opening and closing it. 

"Can I see him?" I whispered. He gave me another smile before tossing the locket to me, letting it land on my lap. I looked down at the small picture only to be met with a handsome baby boy with the same familiar baby blue eyes and curly black hair. He was definitely a spitting image of him and Pepper.

"He's beautiful, Tony.”

”Pretty sure he gets that from Pepper.” He snorted, placing his hand out for the locket. I gave it back.

He sighed,”This is the longest I’ve ever been away from them. I’m so tempted to get back on a damn plane back to New York.”

”Yeah, I know.” Steve whispered roughly, making Tony snap his head towards Steve’s direction.

”Yeah, I bet you know. Considering you left Natalie to raise your damn kids in a jail cell.” 

“Stark...” I tried to warn before shit gets hectic quick, but unfortunately, things went that way. Steve brushed past me and got right in Tony’s face.

”I didn’t have...”

”Yes you did! You had a choice and you chose that son of a bitch over your family. Over everyone, for what?” Steve’s posture betrayed him as his stance became weaker.

”Tony..”

”Shut it! This is where you listen!” Tony interrupted again. “What you did, it hurt me Cap. I didn’t know how to cope with that situation back in Siberia. Until I found out Pepper was pregnant, and I had to put all my pain aside for the sake of my family. But now that I see you again... I just want you know...” He clenched his fist tightly, “I forgive you.”

Steve’s face lightened to a shocked expression. 

“What?” Steve managed to ask.

”Dammit, you know I hate repeating myself.” Tony muttered,” I forgive you, you stubborn son of a bitch.”

Steve chuckled lightly before enveloping Tony in a strong hug. Tony laughed back softly before returning the hug awkwardly. He never was a hugger. I walked over to them and wrapped my arms around them both, smiling.

”The family’s back together.” I whispered, making them both chuckle. Tony broke the hug too soon,”Enough of the mushy business, I didn’t come all the way here just for this.” 

“Of course you are, what’s going on?” Steve asked, getting back to business.

Tony looked at me with an apprehensive look on his face, pulling out an envelope,”I got something for you, Nat.” 

I turned the envelope over in my hands and noticed a familiar calligraphy . And my heart nearly jumped from my chest. A cold sweat broke out over my forehead and my palms. Bruce...

I carefully opened the envelope and removed a thick card.

_Natasha,_

_It’s been to long. Way to long. I have no idea what year it is, where you are, what’s been going on lately. But I just had to reach out to you to let you know that I’m alive. There’s so much I have to tell you, to say to you. My beautiful baby girl, hell, she’s probably grown by now. I need to see you and Talia, now. I've missed so much, I know. But come alone, just the two of you. I hope to see you both._

_Love,_

_Bruce  
_ _New York, New York  
_ _1538 Cumplten Apartments_

The card shook in my hand, as fresh tears spilled on the letter. I looked at Tony in disbelief, making Steve rush over to me and wrap his arms around me.

”When...when did you get this.” I managed to croak out.

”Last week. He sent it to my tower and that’s when I started tracking you guys down.”

Everything in the room stopped. It seemed like everything went in slow motion. I found myself sitting in a chair breathing heavily. I felt Steve's hand on my shoulder, he could sense my emotions. 

"Cap, I need to talk to you." Tony motioned for Steve to come into the kitchen. Reluctantly, he left my side. The massive wooden doors opened to see Talia and Wanda peering from the other side. I quickly wiped my tears, and gave her a soft, fake smile. 

"Mom? Everything alright?" Talia looked around the room in confusion. She paused when she saw me again,"Hey, what's the matter?" 

Before I could respond, I heard Steve yell, "Absolutely not!" 

"Come on, Cap. Don't be a dick about this! Talia needs to..."

"I don't give a damn! I'm her father, not him! I was there, not him! The bastard leaves for four years and you think I'm just gonna let him come back into their lives after what he did? No, so he can just fuck off."

Steve barged through the walkway of the kitchen and sat down next to me with Tony coming out after him.

 "I need to know now, Steve," Tony spoke in a demanding voice. Steve looked over at him and I did the same. My voice cracked as I whispered, "Need to know what?" No one said anything. I looked back at him and he met my eyes, "What's going on, Dad?" Talia jumped in and that's when he gave us a defeated sigh. "Tony wants to take you to New York to see Bruce." Tally and I cringed at his name and I continued, "He wanted to know if I would let you go to do that." I looked up at him in shock. Something inside of me snapped and I just lost it.

"So are you going to let me Steve? Are you going to let me leave you to see him?" He noticed my anger and tried to calm me down, but I was livid.

"How about you ask me? How dare any of you think that you have control over me? So Steve, what did you say? Am I allowed to leave you?" My tone was pure acid as I felt the tears build up in my eyes.

"How about this," I hissed, "I'm going to make this easy for you. I'm going to go and see Bruce. If Talia wants to come, she can. Hopefully by the time I return you have grown up some more." He didn't even move, nor say anything. He kept his lips in a tight line, clenching his fists. That's when crying was heard on the other side of the room. The kids were awake but I kept my focus on Steve. 

His eyes averted to Tally,"Honey, go check on your brother and sister. If..you want to go with your mother, pack a bag." Talia nodded curtly before leaving the room.

I turned and looked at Tony and said, "How soon can we leave, Stark?"

He shook his head out of a trance and said, "Um...as soon as you're packed." I nodded as Steve followed me up the stairs to my bedroom without a word. He stood in a stiff position with his arms folded as he looked at beautiful fever trees and rocks outside the window. I sighed and got to work.

I had a large suitcase spread out on my bed. I emptied the dresser drawers and raided the closet, throwing the bare necessities haphazardly into a suitcase. I didn't bother packing any toiletries. I figured we should travel as lightly as possible, it wasn't like we were gonna be there for long.

All in all, it took less than twenty minutes to pack. I closed the suitcase. The sound of the zipper was loud in the quiet room. Steve still hadn't moved or said a word to me. And even though he was a few feet away, he'd never felt more distant. Leaving him behind was always unbearable. I knew he was upset with me but I had to see Bruce. I just wish he understood that.

"Well, I guess that's it."

I received no response from him. He was slipping through my hands like too much sand and I found it hard to breathe. My breaths were shallow and my heart raced. My skin was feverish as the tears I'd tried so hard to hold back finally broke through the floodgates.

"Goddammit!" I grabbed my suitcase and tossed it to the floor with all my might. 

Heat encapsulated me. That was the only indication that Steve had moved from his vigil at the window. I hadn't heard him move. He spun me around, his large hands resting on my shoulders. He shook me gently, forcing my eyes to meet his. With tears falling down his face he said, "Stay with me, Nat. Don't leave me. I'm begging you."

My breath caught in my throat. His words were like a knife to my already bleeding heart. Steve's normally loving eyes were filled with such darkness and despair. His heart was breaking into pieces and I wanted so badly to give in, to follow my heart and to stay with Steve; to let him protect me like he so desperately wanted to do. But I had to see Bruce. For closure.

"I want to, Steve. God, you know how much I want to stay with you. But, there's so much I have to say to him, Talia needs to see her father. Can't you understand that?"

His eyes narrowed and he glared angrily, "You know he's gonna take you from me. Just like he did back then."

"That's what you're worried about?" I cried, completely confused. He wouldn't meet my eyes and instead he walked across the room, resting his fists against the wall near the wooden bedroom doors. "Steve, I love you with every being in my body. You know that!" He didn't look at me. He just hung his head between his outstretched arms. His body shook violently. "Steve," I pleaded with him to listen. "I have to go. For closure."

And the next thing I knew there was a loud bang and white dust was everywhere. I jumped, startled by the loud noise and that's when I saw that Steve's fist had disappeared inside the wall. I frowned and walked towards him.

I took a calming breath and said, "Now, why did you do that?" I gave a gentle tug on his arm. He pulled it from the wall and sighed. I took his hand and cradled it between my own looking for deeper, more significant damage. He tried to pull his hand away.

"I'm fine, Nat."

I kissed each knuckle which showed a sign of black and blue beginning to form.

I looked up and saw that he was staring down at me, eyes filled with wonder. He was a miracle. He was my miracle. And my weakness, I was killing him. By revisiting my love for Bruce, I was breaking his heart. 

He leaned back against the wall, his long legs spread outward. He covered his face with his hands. "What do you want me to do here, Nat? I don't know how to let you go."

I ignored the weakness in my limbs and the fact that another step might very well bring me crashing to the floor. I stepped between Steve's outstretched legs with my head held high. My heart raced and I couldn't get enough air in my lungs. But, I didn't care, I needed him and I needed to show him that

"What I want, Steve," I said, smoothing his mussed up hair away from his face, "is for you to love and trust me. Like I do for you."

He didn't say anything. The look of love and adoration in his eyes, combined with the pure animal lust seeping from his very pores said it all. He pushed himself off of the wall, his hands anchored on my hips. His dark eyes bore into mine, saying things we didn't have time to tell each other, piercing me down to my very core with the depths of his feelings. And that's when his lips crashed down hungrily onto mine.

I could taste the salt from his dried up tears on his lips. The scent of his breath, hot and eager, had me panting and begging for more. His kisses were wild, biting and desperate; firm, but never dominating. His strong hands palmed my rear and he lifted me up in his arms. I wrapped my legs around his waist and threw my hands around his neck. He was hard between my legs, his arousal pressed up against my core. I moaned against his lips, heady from the feel of his hunger; his heat.

He held me up easily, as though I weighed nothing at all, while his hands took turns roaming my body. They were everywhere, but never anywhere long enough; his touch was teasing, just enough to be almost satisfying. He pulled me flush to his hard, lean body. I was cocooned within his embrace. His grasp was firm and unrelenting, giving me a glimpse of the extraordinary strength he possessed. I clung to him. My body undulated, creating a delicious friction. I couldn't get enough of him. He held me as tight as he could without hurting me, yet it wasn't nearly tight enough.

If we were any closer we would have been fused together. And still, he kissed me. He kissed me like it was the first time; like it was the last time. His kisses tasted of love and hate, ecstasy and despair. Everything he had ever felt for me, everything he ever would feel for me was there in the way his lips caressed mine, in the way he held me and touched me. It was perfect. I had never felt more desired or loved in my whole life. His heart hammered against his chest and I knew he was telling me without words that it beat for me.

He was taking me to places, to heights of passion I'd never reached before. But always, in the back of my mind, I was aware that reality was going to rear its ugly head when this was over. I would be leaving him, leaving his loving embrace. Silent tears fell down my cheek. If Steve noticed, he didn't say anything. Instead, he kissed me all the more feverishly, each touch, each lick and gentle nip a reminder of the passion we could experience together.

Although my tears fell unabated, I ignored them, preferring to focus on drowning in Steve's musky scent. My fingers scratched and clawed down his back and rippling biceps. I tugged at his shirt and he reached behind his neck with one hand and pulled the offending piece of cotton up and over his head, tossing it to the floor. I sucked my lower lip into my mouth, taking in and admiring all his skin that had just been revealed. After I took my fill I met his eyes, only to find his own eyes trained on my lower lip. His brows furrowed and he groaned, attacking my lips with renewed vigor.

Steve started to walk towards the king sized bed. In the next moment, I found myself relieved of my tank top and bra. I didn't even bother thinking about how he managed such a feat without me noticing. Instead, I pressed my naked flesh to his, my nipples immediately hardening at his touch. My hands tangled in his hair while his roamed my body, squeezing, kneading and digging deliciously into my flesh. It was like he was trying to memorize every inch of me, his fingertips taking mental pictures.

He lay me down on my bed. He quickly undid my jeans and tugged them along with my panties down my legs. There was nothing romantic about it, only aggressive, desperate need. His shorts and boxers quickly followed and soon he was on the bed, hovering over me. His eyes were like liquid fire.

"I need you,"he whispered, eyes so bright and intense it was hard to maintain contact.

I nodded vigorously. "And you have me," I reassured him. I took his hand and placed it over my heart. "You have my heart, body and soul, always." His eyes followed his hand and stayed focused on my heaving chest.

He pressed his body down onto mine. My heart fluttered at the feel of his masculine weight pressing me down into the mattress. He caressed my cheek and with an intensity I'd never experienced before said, "If you go, I need you to come back to me."

My mouth fell open, awed by the desperation in his plea. I took his face in my hands and brought his lips to mine, kissing him, branding him with my love. "Always, Steve," I whispered between kisses. "Always."

His lips devoured mine, hands groping and grabbing; always wanting, searching for more. I whimpered, desperate for fulfillment and with one quick thrust he was inside me, all hard and hot. I moaned clutching his shoulders as his hips rocked back and forth. A fine sheen of sweat already coated his rippling muscles. I scratched my nails down his back, eliciting a soft growl. My core clenched around him as if in response.

He made love to me as though I was precious, a goddess. He worshipped me with his hands, with his lips, with his very body. And I returned every gesture in kind, because he was precious to me. He was vital to my existence.

We moved together in perfect synchronicity. We were like one body. And all the while, his dark, observant eyes watched me, perusing my body at his leisure. I was mesmerized by his body; the way his muscles contracted, straining with exertion. He was beautiful. There was no doubt about that. But, when he was in the throes of passion, he was truly exquisite. I was overwhelmed. His strong, calloused hands were so soft and gentle as they stroked and traced the curves of my body. I closed my eyes, giving up all conscious thought and got lost in the sensations. His hands, lips, tongue and teeth were everywhere. The fire ignited between us was all-consuming.

I focused on every kiss, every caress; on the rising crest of pleasure building in my gut, getting ready to explode through my veins. I closed my eyes, getting lost in a primal rhythm. He was crazed, unable to hold the animal within at bay. His pace increased, his breathe ragged. I writhed beneath him, caught up somewhere between tears and cries of pure joy and ecstasy.

"Look at me," he urged, panting heavily. I couldn't help but obey, compelled as I was by the demand in his voice. I looked into his dark eyes and felt as though I was being swallowed whole. He caressed my face, pushing my sweat-soaked hair out of my eyes. "I love you," he said. His hands moved up and down my body, sending tingles down my spine. His touch was sensual, erotic. My back arched up off of the bed, trying to get closer to him, trying to wrap myself up inside of him, the friction making my skin thrum with anticipation. "I'll always love you," he whispered, kissing my lips and leaving a wet trail down my neck. I dug my nails into his back in response and he growled. I squeezed my thighs tighter around his hips, rising up to meet each thrust.

"Come back to me" His voice was hoarse, breathy with strain. His pace increased and he was finding it difficult to hold back, to make the pleasure last that much longer for me and for us. I closed my eyes, ready to fall over the edge. He kissed me harder.

I held him as we came down from our high, his head resting against my breasts. I was pleasantly sated. My legs were still wrapped around his hips, my thighs quivered. I knew I would be sore the next day and I was pleased. At least that way I would have a physical reminder of his touch, and not just the memory of it.

We lay on the bed, wrapped up in each other's arms as our breathing steadied and our racing hearts slowed down. Neither one of us said anything. There was nothing left to say. Steve kissed my breasts and trailed sweet, wet kisses up and down my neck. Gone was the urgency from before. The desperation and morphed into stoic acceptance and he touched me in kind. I didn't care. I had him in my arms for a little while longer. That's all I cared about. 

“Mom, Dad?" I heard Talia call. I heard the stairs creak with her weight. And then, as though she thought better of it, she said, "We're waiting for you. It's time to go." 

And just like that, the spell was broken. Steve and I got dressed in silence. I went to the bathroom to freshen up and when I came back out and kissed my beautiful babies goodbye before seeing Steve again, he was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs, my suitcase in hand.

There was a helicopter planted in the sand and dirt.

Steve dropped the suit case reached for Talia and hugged me.

"I'm sorry we didn't really get a chance to say good-bye, kid." Steve pulled away and held Talia at her elbows.

"What do you mean? What do you think we're doing here?" Her tone was light and accompanied by a smile. But he could see the sorrow in her eyes.

"You know what I mean." 

"It's okay, Dad," she said, nodding with understanding. "I just want you to know that even though he gave me life, you will always be my father," she smiled lightly. "And that will never change."

He smiled before enveloping her in his arms," Take care of your mother for me sweetheart."

 "I know, Dad. We'll be careful. I promise." He hugged her again, holding her just a little longer.

"Dad," She looked towards the helicopter and saw that we were on a tight schedule. Steve followed her eyes and stiffened. "All right," he said. "I love you, Tally. Call me when you get there."

"I will." She said, throwing her bag over her shoulder and hopping in the helicopter.

Steve looked back at me and smiled weakly in acknowledgement and took me into his arms. He held me in the most soothing, loving hug I'd ever experienced. There were no more words left to say. We'd said everything that needed to be said up in my bedroom. He rested his forehead against mine and inhaled deeply, like he wanted to memorize my scent. 

Steve placed me gently on the ground. He gave me a chaste kiss on the lips and simply said, "Come back to me."

I hugged him fiercely. My mouth was muffled by his chest, but I knew he could hear me when I whispered, "Always."

He released me from his grasp and Tony threw his arm over my shoulder, directing me towards the helicopter, leaving him behind. I didn’t look back.

I was quiet throughout the flight to New York. I stared out the window watching the take-off and landing. I was going through the motions, but my mind was numb, blank. I was over seven thousand miles away from my husband and all I felt was numb.

Then out nowhere, BANG! The helicopter went haywire, pieces of it being torn off by every second. Faint screaming rang in my ears as fire began to spread all around me. Darkness surround me as a gigantic shadow slowly approached me.

 

 

 

 


	39. PART TWO|DESTINY

_Steve’s POV  
_ _“Even if things don't unfold the way you expected, don't be disheartened or give up. One who continues to advance will win in the end.”-Daisaku Ikeda_

* * *

_**FIFTEEN|DESTINY**  _

"Are you OK?"

I looked back from the small land to see Wanda hold Nathan with a worried look in her eyes. She held a weak smile on her lips, shaking her arms to soothe him while he slept.

"Anything I can do for you?" I just stared back blankly trying not to break down in front of her. She sighed in defeat. I guess my posture betrayed me. I stuffed my hands in my pocket and walked towards the house.

"I'm fine, thanks," I answered politely, kissing her cheek.

Before I could walk pass her, her hand clasped tightly on mine. I shivered at the contact and she looked at me with all seriousness,"Are you sure?"

I pressed my lips to her hand, "Yes, I'm fine, thanks."

"Well, come and find me if you need anything else." And then I walked away, leaving her in the walkway.

I looked at my cell phone and almost lost it for real. Natasha nor Talia never called like they'd promised me. It's been a 7 hours and yet nothing. My anxiety spiked. Nothing was making any sense to me. A distant voice in my head told me to relax; that everything was fine. And I wanted to listen. I wanted all my fear and doubt to go away. That voice promised it would. But, I just wasn't buying it. I needed to hear Natasha's voice. She always knows how to calm me.

I called Natasha and was pissed when I got her voicemail. This was strange. Unless it was a life or death situation, she would always answered my calls. My anxiety grew with every mile, while that "it's all good" voice got quieter and quieter. What the hell is going on?

"Steve, if you're that worried about her, why don't you just call her?" Sam said as he walked in the kitchen from the side of me.

"What the fuck do you think I've been doing?" I roared.

"Take it easy, honey," Wanda interjected. "We're just trying to help."

I took a deep breath before continuing. "Look, I'm sorry for snapping but I tried calling her. Like a thousand times! She's not answering. I'm just..."

"I hear you. That doesn't sound like Natasha."

"Yeah…I know. And normally, I wouldn't even think that way, but..."

We stayed quiet for a while.

"Did you talk to Talia?" he asked.

"No, I'm calling her now."

A second later of calling, her phone went to voicemail immediately.

"You're killing me. What did Talia say?"

After a pause that went on forever I replied, "She's not answering either."

My heart lodged in my throat. I cursed that stupid voice for keeping me from Natasha; from where I belonged. I should've trusted my instincts from the start. That's when the noise began to rumble all around us, faint screams were heard outside along with more explosions. I closed my eyes tightly. I did not have time for this. I dispensed with orders quickly. "Wanda, get the kids in the armory room and stay there. Sam, call T'Challa and see if you can find about what's going down."

"Steve..." Wanda whimpered.

"Now, Wanda!"

Wanda took off and did what I told her to do. I grabbed the armor T'Challa lent me along with a shield prototype and I charged in the direction of the abyss. My battle instincts kicked in full force. I stepped outside where a small female and a large male were standing. I made sure I was downwind of them. They wore deadly broad gold armor, which stood out in the sun.

"Proxima," the male sighed, "I'm bored. When do we get to kill them?"

I went into full recon mode, hoping to find out as much as I could about them before I tore them apart. Dead people weren't as informative.

"Relax, brother. Father said he'd let us know when they have the package." She giggled. "Don't you just love code words? It's all so cloak and dagger."

The man laughed. "Package, huh? Is that how we're referring to them now?" He sighed dramatically. "Well, these humans do seem to be a complete waste. And, we have gone to a lot of trouble to secure them. Hmm, I suppose 'package' is an apt description."

 I started to shake violently. I was holding on by a thread. A quiet buzzing sound caught Proxima's attention. She reached into her side and took out her cell phone. She stared at the screen and a devious smile lit up her face. "It's confirmed. The package has been delivered. Father has them."

I reloaded the gun on my side and raised my shield,"Shut up!" I exploded into the clearing, aiming to take out the big guy first. He was the bigger, stronger threat. It was the smart thing to do when outnumbered. But I was alone with no backup. And Proxima was closer.

I aimed for her, as I reached for her neck. She spun around at the last second. Instead of getting her neck, I got her shoulder. I wasn't about to waste the opportunity. I pushed down hard, and heard a satisfying snapping sound. I took her arm and twisted it back before tossing her to the ground. She screamed in agony and it was music to my ears. I lunged for her again, but the brother finally sprang into action.

He charged at me, grabbing me from behind and locking his arms around my neck. He tugged and pulled me away from Proxima so that he could squeeze the life out of me. I felt my neck weakening and nearly collapse under the pressure. I twisted and turned trying to loosen his hold on me. He roared and threw me across the clearing. I crashed into a tree and fell to the ground before rolling back up on my feet. It would take more than that and a few broken bones to take me out.

I lunged for him again. He was quick, but I was faster. We circled each other while Proxima moaned and wailed at the pain  of her arm. I liked my odds the way they stood now.

We rolled to the ground. He threw multiple, bracing punches while I dodged them easily. He kept driving me away from the female. He landed a hard blow and I felt my collar bone shatter. With a swift kick, I caught him in the stomach. He punched me in the face, splitting my skin from my cheek to my nose. 

He thought he had me at that point, so I played along. It wasn't hard to pretend to be seriously wounded. I mean, my arm wasn't exactly holding it's weight anymore. In fact, it hung loosely at a wrong angle. I groaned, acting weak and helpless.

He laughed. "I told Thanos we should've destroyed you long ago."

He went for my neck; going in for the deathblow. But I twisted away at the last second. I kicked again at his already damaged leg. He wobbled for balance, but I punched him and brought him to the ground. For a split second he stared up at me, his eyes were filled with shock and disbelief. I pulled out my gun and shot him square in the face as he slumped to the ground.

I turned my head to her, ready for more. She took one look into my eyes and shuffled her legs awkwardly until her retreat was blocked by a tree. With no arms to balance her, she was trapped. She leaned back against the tree, shoulders bowed in defeat. I turned to see extra bodies near me.

Sam, Wanda and T’Challa, with a bunch of well armed soldiers, skidded to a stop when they saw the woman in front of them. And then they all gaped at me. I could only imagine what they were seeing. I had broken bones and open, bleeding wounds all over my suit along with bruises on my face.

Sam stepped forward, fear and concern all over his face. "Cap, are you…"

I held my hand up. "Where are my kids?”

T’Challa intervened,”Safe, I had them evacuate with my mother and the Dora Milaje. They will return when things settle.”

I nodded curtly as I stalked closer to Proxima, ignoring the pain in my leg. I picked up her other arm and pressed a little pressure "You tell me everything I want to know or I start breaking."

"Steve…" Sam and T’Challa started to argue, but I didn't care. I was too focused on the soulless eyes of the woman on the ground.

"What's it going to be?" I asked.

"I'll tell you everything. I swear. Please, just give me a chance…as…as a show of good faith? Please?"

I dropped her arm and then she started talking. She told me that this Thanos had always been able to locate each and every one of us. He was picking us off one by one, collecting the stones Thor had told us all about. 

"How did he find out about us? What’s he planning?”

"I don't know."

I shot near her head and missed, barely. She screamed. "No, please no! I swear to you that I don't know. My father doesn't tell us everything. He just said something about revenge. He said that you were in the way of what he wanted."

I could tell that she wasn't lying about this. She was terrified and out to save herself. There was no loyalty among her family I guess.

"What happened to my wife and my daughter and my friend?"

"Father sent my brothers to retrieve them. "

I couldn't let my emotions out. I had to make myself hard and empty if I was going to face the battle ahead. I had no room for empathy. I had a job to do and there was no place for compassion. I had to close off all the emotions that made me who I was. If we were going to succeed, I needed to be a hardened shell. 

"What were you and that son of a bitch talking about earlier? You said you were waiting for orders. What were you guys doing here?

"We were scouting for my father. My brothers were suppose to be on their way here with all our warriors. They were coming to annihilate you and whoever knows about you once we gave them the word."

Well, that wasn't unexpected, I thought grimly. I swallowed hard and asked the question that had been burning on my tongue. "What about my family? What does Thanos have planned for them?"

"Same thing he’s going to do you, kill them."

Rage was within me, fighting to break out, wanting to make those words untrue. But, I locked it down deep inside. If I let it loose now, I'd never be able to rein myself in. And my friends and family would die as a result.

”Where are they?”

She said nothing. ”Where are they!?" I twisted her arm again for emphasis.

"New York," she screamed. "New York, you bastard! Now I've told you everything."

I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was telling the truth. If she could've cried, she'd be balling right about now.

"Alright," I said.

"So, you're going to let me go like you said?"

I stood up as she looked up at me hopefully, like I was her savior..

"No.”

Her eyes went wide with fear. "But, you said…you promised. I told you everything I know."

“You shouldn’t have messed with my family," I said. Then I snapped her other arm before reaching snapping her legs.

"Steve," Sam yelled, trying to get my attention. "What are you doing, man? Just finish it. This isn't you."

I shot him an angry glare that shut him up instantly. I went for Proxima's other arm. She gave me a defeated glare. "What do you want from me?”

"I want my wife and my family back!" My fury had been unleashed. A wildness erupted from me that I thought would never be tamed. "You shouldn't have taken what was mine!" I reached for her neck and snapped it before throwing her to the ground.

Sam, T’Challa and Wanda looked at me like I was possessed; like I had lost all sense and reason. I refused to meet their eyes. I knew I wouldn't like what I saw there; the judgment, the fear. 

I looked at my friends. Maybe they were right. My heart raced and my body ached to destroy, to hurt; to kill. I wasn't myself. But, how could I be when Natasha’s life was in danger? They had no idea of the pain I was feeling. I had failed to protect her and Talia from harm. I was powerless to help them. Instead, I stood with blood dripping from numerous wounds all over my body. It was all just too much. I began to shake and I dropped to my knees. And then everything went dark.

I woke up with a start, only to find that I was in my own room. Wanda and Talia sat on the edge of my bed with tears in her eyes.

I groaned feeling like I was coming out of a fog. I tried to rub the sleep out of my eyes when I felt a slight tug.

"Tally." I sighed as I saw that an IV drip was strapped to my arm. I ripped off the take and tore the needle out.

"Steve, no," Wanda cried. "That's your morphine."

"Don't need it," I replied, still a little groggy from the pain killers.

I threw the sheet off and found stitches running down my thigh. Somebody had obviously been busy tending to me while I'd been out. I just didn't know how long that was. I got dressed in a hurry. I needed to get to Talia, Natasha and. I couldn't waste another second.

Wanda opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off with a wave of my hand. "Not now," I growled.

My body was sore and broken, but I was healing. That's all that mattered. I ignored the pain that surfaced as the remaining morphine burned in my system. I kissed Talia on her forehead and made my way into the living room on shaky feet.

"Dad, she's right. You shouldn't be up," Talia called after me. "You're still healing."

"I don't have time for that."

I froze as soon as I stepped into the massive living room. It was filled to capacity with a familiar face and a fresh pair of new ones. The first face I saw Thor. Different. One eye, shorter hair and near a pregnant woman in magnificent armor.Then there was this group that just...stood out. A man in a leather jacket with a strange hand gun, a well armed animal, a teenage plant, a green woman, a shirtless brute and a woman with antenna’s. None of them noticed me until I saw Tony, now in his armor approaching me me cautiously.

"Cap, you should listen to them. You had a compound fracture of your femur. I had to re-break it just so it would set properly. You had lacerations over fifty percent…"

"How did you two make it?"

"I was able to get in my suit on time when the explosion kicked in, but I could only save Talia."

"How long was I out?"

He frowned. "About an hour. That's why it's important that you rest so you can heal properly."

"They have Natasha!”I yelled, startling everyone in the room with my booming voice. All eyes shifted nervously to me. "Do you really think I give a fuck about anything else?"

"Steve, just take a breath mate." Thor's voice was quiet and soothing as he rubbed the woman's stomach in a rotational movement.

I closed my eyes and clenched my fists. "This evil son of a bitch has my wife," I said through gritted teeth. "I'm getting her back. Nothing and no one is going to stand in my way. So, either help me or get the hell away from me. Either way, don't waste my time."

A loud roar broke the tense silence. The next thing I knew, someone barreled into me like a wrecking ball, knocking me off my feet. I smashed into the wall behind me, leaving dust from the broken drywall in my hair. A few of my healing ribs re-broke. I looked up and found massive green hands around my neck.

Chaos broke out. Everyone started yelling and that's when Thor moved from the woman and walked over to Hulk, raising his hand up.

"Banner, calm it, now!" 

"Stole Hulk wife, bad man!" He moaned roughly.

The small raccoon pulled out a electric riot suppressor,"Just say the word your Majesty, and I'll splatter em!"

The man in the leather jacket raised his hand,"Rocket, cool it alright? I don't think that'll work for him anyway." 

Rocket sighed in defeat as he put his weapon next to the plant, "Take the fun out of it, don't ya."

"Man makes me angry," He growled menacingly, "but man's Hulk friend."

Thor raised his hand again, "In the past Banner, let him go."  Hulk sighed and dropped me to the ground. He huffed childishly and sat next to the pregnant woman in defeat.

I nodded curtly at Thor, rubbing my sore throat,"Thanks, good to see you old friend."

"Likewise." He nodded.

I pointed to my finger to the eye patch on his face,"What's the story there?"

He chuckled lightly,"I'll tell you over a beer sometime. Got alot I need to fill you in on…"

I found my eyes lingering back on the pregnant woman who was rubbing Hulk's arm soothingly, "Yeah, first round on me," I smiled.

"Deal." He smiled back.

Then my thoughts lingered back on Natasha. I closed my eyes and tried to tamp down my violent urges. I channeled all my rage and pain into a singular focus. I was a leader. My wife had been taken by the enemy and I could either lose my shit right now, or be useful. Being useful was the only way to get Natasha back. So, I locked my rage behind a cold facade. I was dead inside anyway without Natasha.

I looked at the room, "Who are they?" I nudged my head at the strange group.

"Another long story, they call themselves the 'Guardians of the Galaxy.' Useful in combat, found me in a tough spot and brought us back here. They have the power stone so they can help," Thor said.

I nodded, appreciative that it was one less thing I had to worry about. Thor squeezed my shoulder and said, "We're here to help. I got your back mate."

I gave him another stiff nod. One day I would be able to express my gratitude for his help and sacrifice. He gave me a look that said he understood.

I needed Natasha. I felt Tony's strong, reassuring hand on my shoulder. "We've got this, Cap. We're gonna bring Natasha back to us."

My cold façade almost shattered under the love and warmth I felt in the room. I wasn't the only one in pain over Natasha's absence. 

"We're going to bring her back home, Steve," Tony said.

"I'm not coming home without her." I would die before I let that happen went unsaid.

The sound of a gun reloading was heard behind me,”Thought you could start the party without me punk?”

A faint smile rested on my lips as I turned around to see my best friend,”Wouldn’t dream of it Buck.”


	40. PART TWO|ENDGAME

  _Natasha's POV_  
_"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."_  
_— Martin Luther King Jr._

* * *

**_SIXTEEN|ENDGAME_ **

I lied there on the cold floor, completely motionless. Men in gold armor stood vigilant near me and I refused to meet their eyes. My mind folded in on itself. Reality was unbearable. So, I retreated within the safety of my own mind.

A voice ranged in my head, "Lord Thanos wants us all to meet in the throne room." He then looked at me and smirked. "It's time," he said.

My heart almost stopped in my chest. that could only mean one thing; these son of a bitches were going kill me. These last couple of days have been hell. These bastards have been beating the shit out of me, leaving me nearly alive to live through it another day. A part of me would be forever broken. But, at least I would have the peaceful sleep of death to look forward to; where my soul could once again be made whole. But, I would miss my sons, my daughters, my Steve. I just couldn't cope with that. I shook my head and closed my eyes.I didn't think I had any tears left. But they fell anyway.

"I'll tell Lord Thanos she'll be with us shortly," The man said. He closed the massive double doors, where the fuck am I?

My lip had been split open and my shoulder ached terribly. The giant guard's eyes promised even more pain to come. But, I felt like my soul had been severed from my body, leaving nothing but a lifeless husk behind.

He grabbed my face in his hand and squeezed roughly. His fingers pressed against my left cheek bone while his thumb dug into the soft skin under my jaw. As numb as I was, I couldn't help but react to the instantaneous pain. At any moment, his stone fingers could pierce through my soft flesh and grind my bones to dust. I whimpered, clawing and his vise-like grip.

He squeezed harder and it felt like his fingers were boring into my skin. White hot sparks of agony spread out over my face. I whimpered again, but I refused to beg. That's what he wanted. Instead, I glared at him, channeling all my hatred and despair before spitting in his face.

He cocked his head to the side, watching me with renewed interest. Then he tossed his head back and laughed; his grip never loosening. Lightening fast, his face lost all its mirth and his eyes fixed on mine.

"Ah, and here I thought I'd killed that beautiful spirit." His grip tightened, bending my neck back at a painful angle. This time I couldn't help but cry out. "Don't fret, Lord Thanos will make your death swift. Let's get this over with. You have an audience to attend."

He led me down several stone corridors. His arm was wrapped around my waist, pressing me closely to his side. His fingers dug possessively into the flesh of my hip. The way he sauntered through the halls made him look like he was just going for a stroll. He walked with his head held high and a mile wide smile on his face.

My bare feet slapped against the smooth floor as we walked. I was so cold. I clutched my torn shirt to my body, looking for some kind of coverage and protection. The very walls were leeching the warmth from my bones.

All too soon we came to a stop. We stood before giant wooden doors flanked by torches set into the wall. It was then I realized we were in the Museum Of Art, I remember Steve and I took Tally and James here a few years back. God, what the hell did they do this place? I could hear screaming from outside, it had been like this for days now, you'd think I would be used to it. He moved in front of me and opened the doors, guiding me inside. What I saw nearly brought me to my knees.

Everyone was here were. My family, friends and team were there to witness my utter shame and humiliation.

I clutched at my shirt, pulling the torn fragments tighter to my body. I didn't want to look, but I knew that obscene amounts of bruised flesh were already on display. I even tried to comb through my tangled hair with my fingers. I didn't want them to see me like that.

Tony's eyes were filled with compassion and that alone was almost too much to bear. I felt dirty; violated and unworthy. I didn't deserve his compassion. I didn't want it. I was dead anyway. What was the point?

Thor, who strangely had one eye, T'Challa, that Spider kid, Sam, Wanda,Clint, Talia, Vision, a man in a long cape and then Bruce...well, Hulk. There were more strange people with them that I couldn't quite name. With a painful pang, I noticed Steve wasn't here. Which scared the shit out of me. They all stood vigilant as bodies laid all around them, eyes fixed on the massive man sitting on the gigantic throne. But my eyes were fixed on Bruce, He was practically vibrating with seething hatred and anger. His eyes were black with no trace of the beautiful gold I'd loved so much. Those black depths bored into mine. Beneath the rage and hatred he held, I could see his love for me.

"Bring her here." The massive man said.

The guard pushed me forward and I would've fallen to the floor had the man not caught me in his arms. He steadied me and then held me out at arm's length before letting go. He circled around, appraising me like he would a piece of art.

His gigantic hand caressed my cheek almost lovingly. I met his eyes and found triumph reflected back at me. "Fascinating," he murmured. "You all came for one woman, fought through all of my best fighters, all for the sake of her safety."

"Thanos," Talia's voice was pleading. "I offer myself in exchange for my mother. Please. Take me and leave her alone."

"Sadly, sweetheart, your mother's fate has been decided and all of your lives are forfeit."

Moments later, a guard came back leading a frail man. Everyone's faces were stoic. They didn't betray any emotion. But, when the man was led past me I gasped in surprise. Familiar eyes stared into my own. The last time I had seen those eyes, they were being sent away from where they came from. Loki. And boy, did he look like hell, worse than me. One eye was shut swollen shut while he had thick cuts along his torn clothes.

He saw Thor and gave him a weak smile.

"Looks like you were right, brother," he spat out blood. "I'll never change."

Thor's face became desperate and he immediately took a step towards him, but two more guards stepped between them and pushed him back. "It's okay, Loki, I'll get you out." He gave him a reassuring nod. "I promise you," he whispered.

"Years of planning, and now I finally have you all at my mercy," Thanos continued. "It took all of this to bring you back together." He paused and smirked, staring right at Vision.

"Well, my fourth stone is here. How convenient for me." Vision swallowed hard before standing taller. Thanos's eyes landed on the green woman next.

"Gamora, my beautiful daughter, why must you betray me?"

"I am no child of yours!" The green woman snapped as the man in the mask and leather jacket grasped her hand.

"I'll allow that bit of insolence only because I know it will be your last." Thanos's tone was deadly.

"You fools are utterly stupid if you naively think you can change my mind regarding your world's fate."

"I assure you that neither of those are the case. You've miscalculated." Tony stated.

"Miscalculated? How so?" Before Tony could answer there was a loud bang that shook the entire room. It was soon followed by dust and small pieces of debris falling from cracks in the ceiling.

"What the hell was that?" Thanos asked.

"This is ridiculous," A man growled. "Come, follow me," he motioned the two other guards. "I'll go myself and see what's going on out there."

The three guards left the room in a swift and Tony continued to speak,"Your first mistake was going after us. You should've just left us alone. But you didn't. And that's why you're going to die."

Thanos chuckled and his laughter turned into a huge guffaw. "I'm going to die?" he asked. "You really are fools."

"I think you're the fool," Tony replied. "You've sent your strongest warriors halfway around the world to kill people you've never even met. And the guards you kept are quickly disappearing on you."

"They're taking care of a small fire."

"Are they?"

For a split second, doubt crossed Thanos's face before he steeled himself and glared at Tony. They were paying no attention to me, so I instinctively shuffled towards Bruce. When I was close enough he roughly grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me protectively. He grunted lowly in my ear and I closed my eyes and for a moment I let relief wash over me. But then reality came flooding back. Sure, I felt safe with Bruce , but the fact remained that I had no idea whether Steve is alive or not.

My body nearly folded in on itself and Bruce's massive hand had to hold me up to keep me from falling. My back was pressed against his arm.

"What are you talking about?" he roared.

"I'm still referring to your miscalculation, dumbass," Tony replied calmly. "We have allies. We found people all around, people with gifts, people who hate you. And all of them agreed to fight with us; to defeat you."

"Clever," Thanos whispered. "But pointless, you cannot defeat me." He reached on the side of him and grabbed a shining gauntlet on the side of him. He roughly placed it in his hand, "You will all die."

Moments later, something hard slammed into the large wooden doors. The impact loosened the hinges. Another loud bang and the doors blew apart sending splintered wood flying everywhere. The ancient doors crumpled and fell to the floor with a thundering crash. A large head and parts of the other three guards came flying in through the open doorway, landing at Thano's feet.

The room filled with smoke telling me that the fire mentioned earlier hadn't been contained. It was spreading. I coughed and my eyes began to water from all the dust and smoke in the air.

An apparition stepped through the smoky haze as though from my dreams. Familiar bodies walked into the room breathing heavily. My legs gave out from under me and my knees hit the floor hard. I began to shake. "S-Steve," I whispered. Eyes that I thought would never look on me with love again found mine. They were filled with such heat and intensity. I cried out in a mixture of anguish and joy. And that's when all hell broke loose.

Steve ran towards me and that's when things turned into hell.

I was dizzy from the smoke and I found it hard to concentrate on what was happening. I couldn't follow anything really. I couldn't tell who was who. The only reassurance I had was the sight of my wolf moving in and out between all the flailing bodies.

The noise was deafening. The room was large as screams echoed off of the walls and the cavernous ceiling. Bodies crashed against each other and against the wall, making it crack loudly. A guard lunged for me and I was ready to fight. But Steve jumped in front of me and slammed him down.

In two seconds flat, Steve pulled out a massive rifle from behind his back and blew his brains out. He paused only to look me over, checking for injuries. "I'm okay," I whispered. Steve nodded curtly and launched himself back into the melee.

Then suddenly, Thanos bounded off the dais and tackled Steve to the floor. He pounded Steve's head against the ground. Thanos continued to attack at Steve's exposed stomach eliciting a yell of pain.

Steve and Thanos rolled around on the floor trading blows. He gripped Thanos around the throat and threw him across the room. He crashed into a wall and fell to the floor and was just when Steve was about to deal the deathblow, Thanos froze.

Thanos gave me a wicked grin and winked at me from across the room. He circled Steve before kicking him so hard in the ribs that I could hear his bones crack. My worst fears had been realized. Thanos had been toying with us the whole time; fighting like a regular person. But he had finally unleashed his secret weapon. He used one of the stones on Steve, essentially holding him in place while he beat the life out of him. Thanos punched Steve so hard in the hip that the joint popped out of its socket, sending my husband to the floor. Steve was strong. But he was completely defenseless against Thanos, deprived of all his senses. Steve took blow after blow; broken bones and torn skin without making a sound. He didn't moan or whimper in pain. It was haunting.

I wanted to go to him. I wanted to help him; to shield him from the pain. But once again I was forced to face the fact that I was powerless. Then slowly, painfully, Steve got up and started walking pass Thanos who let him walk by.

"I'm going to control him and make him one of my finest warriors." Thanos said. "I'll watch him strip that delectable body naked and watch him destroy you. I'll hear your cries. And he won't be able to do a thing to stop me."

My knees were weak. With every step Steve took towards me, I retreated farther back until my back pressed against the wall. Thanos slowly walked behind as the blue stone in his gauntlet began to illuminate the room.

I looked into Steve's eyes. I looked into the depths of his eyes, beyond the rage and deadly violence and found peace and love. And if that's the last thing I would see, I knew my soul would be at peace. I was already accepting the end, when my last vestige of hope bloomed. Steve grabbed me, pulling me flush to his body. I squirmed and whimpered, but that only served to encourage him. He grunted in my ear and gripped my hips tightly, pressing me against his arousal.

"Steve, it's me!" I yelled, and I felt his hands shiver on my body violently. His eyes wavered slightly as he looked at me. He was tortured and pained, it reminded of Bruce when we found him in Canada. I reached my hand up and caressed his face, but that only made him crush me more.

"I love you." I whispered and I softly pressed my lips to his. Steve stood stiff, not moving his lips at all. I grasped the back of his hair and kissed him furiously, hoping he would come back to me. As if my silent prayer was answered, Steve moved his hand and softly caressed my face, kissing me back. He pulled back, revealing his beautiful blue orbs,"Natasha."

But that's when Thanos lunged at him, taking his legs out from under him. Steve jumped back up in a blur of speed, and Thanos swiped with his massive fist and knocked him back down. "Impossible," Thanos screamed. "You're just a mortal!"

Thanos redoubled his efforts. He unleashed blow after blow on Steve, striking his already wounded ribs and legs. Steve took every hit and kept on coming. Thanos fought back like a cornered animal, landing brutal blow after blow in quick succession. Steve didn't make a sound. He absorbed each crippling hit without so much as a grunt of pain. They were moving so fast, my brain couldn't process what it was seeing. The next thing I knew, a bright light illuminated again and the ground began crack apart. Steve stumbled quickly to me before Thanos could reach him and grabbed me and plunged me to his chest. We all fell back to ground to the battle, and eyes fell back on us.

The moment Thanos's body hit the floor; it was like someone had turned the volume up. Noises came crashing into my conscious mind, deafening and overwhelming. Steve stumbled a second before regaining his feet. He turned towards me, eyes roaming me from head to toe, checking for injuries..

I took a tentative step back and saw that the team had not been idle. All the enemies were dead, some of the warriors were too. Most importantly everyone looked relatively unscathed. There was one left, Thanos.

He stumbled to his feet , his right leg was turning the opposite way. We all stood tall, tiredly waiting to take him on.

"You're...all...beneath me!" He said tiredly, raising the gauntlet threateningly,"You will all perish before me!" Then out of nowhere, a woman in mid air was screaming loudly as she wielded two swords. Before Thanos could fully react, the woman sliced off his gigantic arm with the gauntlet still in hand. Thanos's agonized scream echoed in the nearly destroyed walls, as he fell to his knees in pain. The blue woman landed on her feet and raised her swords to his throat. He looked up at the woman with a grim smile,"Nebula, nice of you to drop in."

"Shut it! You die today!" She screamed.

"See, wasn't it worth it? I tore you apart by pieces, and now look at you, you have me at your will, so what now?"

"You die, that's what!" She rose her sword high before another voice rang, "Nebula, no!"

Gamora rushed to her and raised her hands up,"Don't do it, sister. It is what he wants."

"If death is what he wish then I will gladly grant it for him. This is the only way."

Gamora smiled weakly,"There's always another way."

Slowly and reluctantly, Nebula dropped her swords as Gamora enveloped in her a hug. T'Challa raised his hand to signal the warriors to surround Thanos. T'Challa wrapped a gigantic metal restraint around his body and pulled it tightly, earning a groan from Thanos. He took off his cowl and turned towards Gamora and Nebula,"Do you have a place for him?"

Gamora moved from Nebula and softly nodded,"My friends and I will take him to the The Kyln. He will not escape there." Everyone nodded in agreement as Tony walked over and picked up the gauntlet, letting the hand slide out of it easily. We all gave him a look.

"What? It's for study!" We all laughed and it everything just seemed... normal again. Thor ran to Loki and lifted his unconscious body off the ground. I looked over to see Bucky and Wanda trying to lift up Steve. 

"S-Steve?"

Wanda and Bucky moved aside as Steve turned around slowly, stiffly. His eyes met mine. He didn't say a word. He didn't need to. His heart was in his eyes.

I ran to him, heedless of my injuries. Nothing mattered except being in his arms. I ran as fast as I could into his waiting, warm embrace. He lifted me with a soft grunt and held me close. I sank into his arms and allowed myself to experience Heaven. Tears fell unchecked down my face, only this time they were tears of joy. He held me tightly, but carefully, before setting me back down on my feet.

His hands caressed my face, his thumb glided gently over my split lip. He was so concerned about me that he ignored the fact that his own wounds were still bleeding from deep gashes that hadn't healed thoroughly yet. He was still wounded and covered in blood.

The building shook again and parts of the ceiling crumbled and fell to the floor. Steve shielded me from the falling debris with his body. Tony shouted and everyone scrambled, dragging Thanos with them. I didn't hear what they were saying and I certainly didn't pay attention to their panicked tones. My sole focus was Steve. He was here and everything would be alright. I hugged him again, reassuring myself that he was real.

"I was so scared," I whispered against his chest.

He stroked my hair and I felt his lips lightly brush the crown of my head. "I was too, honey. I was so scared that I lost you; that I wouldn't be able to…" He shook his head as though he were shaking off a bad memory. "It's over now," he continued. "There's nothing to worry about now. I'm going to get you home."

I closed my eyes and inhaled Steve's clean scent of pine and ocean. "I am home."

Our eyes met and I melted. I reached up and touched his face. "Steve, your lip's bleeding." I wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth with my thumb. When the blood came away on my fingers, I noticed that it hadn't been from a cut to his lip. In fact, fresh blood seeped out from the corner of his mouth again. I watched like a curious observer, mystified by the sight of his blood. 

Steve coughed a wet, guttural sound from deep within his lungs. I felt something wet splash across my face and down my shirt. I looked down and saw that the white shirt I had been wearing was stained with red paint. What the hell?

I looked back up at Steve and that's when I realized that I wasn't covered in paint at all. It was blood; Steve's blood.

He looked at the blood and then into my eyes. Panic and fear was reflected back at me. "Jesus Christ," he said. And then he collapsed. I tried to hold him up, but his massive weight sent me crashing to the floor beneath him. I crawled out from under him and held his head in my lap.

"Steve?"

Blood poured freely out of his mouth and ears. He was pale and motionless. He was cold.

I clutched his body to mine, shaking him. "Steve? Baby, wake up. Steve! Can you hear me? Baby, I need you to wake up." I screamed. There was no reply.

"HELP!" I screamed. "Somebody, please help me!"

 

 


	41. PART TWO|HEAL

_Natasha's POV  
_ _"The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it..."_ _— Nicholas Sparks_

* * *

_**SEVENTEEN|HEAL** _

Bucky was by my side in an instant. He tried to pull me into his arms. "Hey, what is it? What's wrong?" I struggled out of his hold, clutching desperately to Steve.

"Help me, please," I screamed.

Tony came next and saw that Steve was the one who was in need of help. "Stay calm,Natasha," he said as he began to look Steve over.

"Natasha, it'll be okay. Steve's in good hands," Bucky said. And it was then that I realized I had been screaming the whole time. I shut my mouth immediately, and focused on an unconscious Steve in my lap.

Tony checked Steve's vitals. He assured me that Steve did have a pulse, but then his brow furrowed when he continued his examination. Steve was alive. I should be jumping for joy. But Tony looked worried and that set my anxiety into overdrive.

There was a loud rumble and the room shook dropping large pieces of stone from the ceiling down to the floor. "Stark," Bucky said. "The whole building's coming down. We need to get out of here now."

Tony nodded in agreement. His face was grim. "I can't do much for him now anyway. We need to get back to the shuttle." He patted my hand and added, "I planned for something like this, Nat. I have a shuttle with an emergency room set up."

I stared at him wide-eyed, unable to speak. All I heard was 'I can't do much for him.' Everything else was just static. It was when Tony shared a look to Thor who then looked to Gamora. She nodded

"Mantis, I need you," Gamora said. "She's in shock.

My mind woke up a bit at that. I glared at the lady with the antenna and said, "Leave me alone. I'm fine. I want to be with Steve. Don't you…"

"Sleep." She whispered.

And that's the last thing I remembered until I woke up hours later on the shuttle.

It took me a while to fully regain consciousness. My body was awake and alert, but my mind was still drifting through a fog. It felt like I was walking underwater, my reactions sluggish and unsure.

As I regained my senses I realized that I was encased in warmth and someone was stroking my hair, whispering soothing words in my ear. But, it didn't feel right. It wasn't the warmth I was expecting. I opened my eyes and came back to full consciousness feeling as though I'd been run over by a large truck. Every muscle in my body was sore. I tried to sit up but a restraining arm held me down. I panicked and struggled, trying to fight my way out of the tight embrace.

"Shh, Natasha, it's just me. You're safe now."

That voice, Bruce? He hugged me, pressing his nose against my neck. He inhaled and then sighed deeply. He proceeded to kiss me repeatedly, on my forehead, my brow and my cheek. When he went for my lips I finally snapped out of my lethargy and pulled away.

"I was so afraid I had lost you," he said.

Everything came back to me in a rush. "Steve," I cried out. "Where's Steve?"

Bruce's face crumpled for a moment before he put on a mask of indifference. "Shh," he cooed. "He's going to be fine, Natasha. Tony's with him now."

I looked into him, searching for the truth. After a moment I breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed in his arms. He hugged me to him gently. "I need to see him," I said.

"Of course."

He stood up and gently set me down on my feet. I was shocked when I looked around. I remembered Tony mentioning he had a gigantic shuttle, but I hadn't expected such opulence. The cabin was larger than my father's living room. Bruce and I were secluded towards the rear of the shuttle where a cozy leather sofa rested up against the wall. There was a door to another room next to us. I assumed that was the bedroom where they were keeping Steve.

Towards the front of the shuttle was a living room with another leather sofa facing a large flat screen television mounted on the wall. Bucky and Wanda flanked Talia on the couch; all eyes were focused on the television. They were listening with rapt attention to a news report.

'Finally after days of chaos in the city of New York, things are quite safe. Although the museum has been completely destroyed, there have been no reported casualties and no confirmed deaths. Thanks to the newly formed 'Avengers, the world is safe again…'

I tuned the reporter out and focused on the images on the screen. The columns and art statues now lay crumpled in the middle of the town square. The museum itself was a pile of rubble and ashes. We were safe.

Bruce held me firmly in his arms, and that's when I realized I was in danger of collapsing. I locked my knees and patted him on the hand, smiling gratefully. "Thanks," I said.

Talia turned her attention from the television and eyed us for a moment before springing to her feet. "Oh, thank god you're up," she cried. "With Dad in the state he's in...I didn't..."

I launched out of Bruce's arms and wrapped Talia tightly around her waist. She hugged back but ended it quickly.

"I'm sorry, Mom. It's just..." She averted her eyes. I looked down and saw that I was still wearing my dirty clothes and that it was barely staying on my body. I was filthy and covered in blood. I looked a mess. I pulled the shirt closed with one hand and took the blanket back with the other. "Thank you," I said. I wrapped the blanket around myself trying to hide the blush creeping over my skin.

"Where is he?"

Bruce led me to the door I'd noticed earlier. He reached for the doorknob, but I grabbed his hand. "Wait."

I panicked. I was afraid of what I would find when I opened that door. Bruce placed a hand on my shoulder and I flinched. I realized it would be awhile before I would feel comfortable with people touching me.

"I'm so sorry, Natasha." His eyes were wounded, like he wished he could take my pain away.

"No, I'm sorry," I said. "I'm just…jumpy."

He gave me an understanding smile and nodded. "It's okay to go in, Nat. He looks a lot better than he did back in that museum. Tony and I patched him up."

"Thank you."

He nodded and left me to it while he resumed his seat. I opened the door and was immediately surprised by the size of the bedroom. It was big enough to hold a king-sized bed and a large bathroom in the corner. There was enough medical equipment to fill an emergency room. Tony diligently checked all the monitors. But, when he started to pull Steve's IV out, I started to lose it.

"What are you doing?"

"It's alright, Natasha. His vitals are back to normal. His color and temperature are good. There's no need for him to be hooked up to the monitors anymore. He's healing on his own."

I heaved a sigh of relief and watched as Tony cleared all the excess equipment from the bed. Steve looked peaceful. There were minor cuts or bruises on his skin, which led me to believe that the bulk of his injuries had been internal.

My breath caught in my throat. Steve was beautiful. His chest was bare and a white sheet covered him up to his waist, showing his beautiful tattoos. He looked like he was just sleeping and not recovering from the brink of death. I wanted to touch him; to lie down next to him. But he looked so peaceful. I couldn't bear to disturb him.

When Tony was finished he looked me over. "I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to check your injuries. I wanted to get Cap stable first."

"Stable? Tony, how bad was it?"

"I'm not going to sugar coat it for you. It was touch and go for a minute there."

My legs went limp and it took everything in me to catch myself before I fell. Tony saw how weak I was and led me to a chair by Steve's bedside. In the blink of an eye he had a water bottle for me. I took a drink and then I chugged half the contents down my throat. I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten or drank anything.

"Easy, Nat. Easy. You're a bit dehydrated. Just take your time."

I nodded and resumed drinking more slowly while Tony continued. "It was clear from the onset that Cap was suffering from some internal bleeding. But, I couldn't tell where until we got to the shuttle. We made sure the plane was set up as an emergency room just in case."

"Just in case?"

"We weren't sure what condition you would be in when we found you. We were prepared for anything."I tried hard not to cringe from the touch of his hands, but they brought up too many painful memories back at museum. "Steve was unresponsive," he continued, pretending he hadn't noticed my reaction. "He had broken bones, lacerations all over his body. But he wasn't healing. I finally used the ultrasound machine and found that his spleen had ruptured. I operated, repaired the tear, sewed him back up and his body immediately started to heal itself."

"So he's really going to be okay?" I was almost too afraid to hope.

"I've never heard of anyone resisting that kind of power. It's, well, it should have been impossible. But, Capsicle…he's a miracle, Natalie. He's going to be okay. I wouldn't be surprised if he woke up within the hour."

I started to cry. But for once, they were tears of joy. I buried my head in my hands, overwhelmed with emotion. I was in pain, I was tired and hungry. But Steve was going to be all right, which meant that I would be all right. It was an unlooked for, unexpected blessing.

Tony watched me with a sympathetic eye, mindful of not touching me. He let me have my emotional outburst without saying a word, for which I was grateful. When I was finished I asked him, "How long was I out?"

He checked his watch and said, "You were asleep for about three hours. We still have another ten hours left of our flight. I'll get you something to eat."

"No, I'm not really hungry."

"Nat, you need to eat something."

"I know, but I'll wait. When Steve asks for food, I'll eat. I just don't feel like it now."

"Alright, since you don't want to eat, I suppose now would be a good time to check your injuries. You ready?"

"Okay," I said.

Tony put on a pair of latex gloves and brought and set up the equipment. Steve stirred in bed, his head coming to rest facing my direction, as if subconsciously he knew I was there.

Tony checked my vitals and gave me a blood test. I told him about my shoulder. He assured me that the joint was fine and healing properly. He cleaned my lip and said that it wouldn't need stitches. I showed him the huge knot on the back of my head. He said I was lucky that I didn't have a concussion. He said I had bruises and contusions over two-thirds of my body, but that they would heal eventually. And then he sighed briefly looking at the gigantic screen, "Well...this is...wow."

"What's wrong?"

He smiled. "Get ready for another Nat, you're pregnant…"

I wrapped my hands around my belly. "Are you...is this...pregnant?"

He placed his hand on my shoulder, "Yes, I'm sure."

I wrapped the blanket tighter around me. "Nat," Tony was standing by the closed door, his hand on the knob. "When we get to Wakanda, I think you should talk to someone about what you've been through. It's not good for you or the baby."

I nodded, not wanting to commit to an answer. He was probably right. After everything I'd been through, even I could tell that I was messed up in the head. But, I'd cross that bridge when I came to it.

"I will," I reassured him.

"Alrighty then," He relented. "I'll be making you something to eat."

"Thank you, Tony. Thank you for…everything."

"No need to thank me. Besides, Steve was the one who came up with the plan. He hated it, but it was all his idea. We wouldn't have been able to save you without him."

"Tony, what about Thanos? "

"I wouldn't worry too much about him. The 'Guardians of the Galaxy' has him prepped and ready for alien jail." And with that, Tony left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

I focused on Steve. Other than turning his head in my direction, he hadn't moved at all. His breaths were slow and deep which was reassuring. I reached for Steve's hand and squeezed it. It was warm. I brushed his hair away from his face and leaned in to kiss his brow. I inhaled deeply. Despite the anti-septic scent in the air, Steve still smelled as wonderful as he always did; male, ocean and pine.

I leaned back in the chair and waited. I wanted to get into bed with him; to hold him until he woke up. But I knew that the moment I got into that bed I'd fall asleep. And I was afraid that if I fell asleep, this would all prove to be a dream. I didn't want to risk that.

I watched Steve for a long time. I looked for any sign of movement, hoping that he would wake up soon. But he just slept on.

I kept vigil and tried to ignore just how sore and uncomfortable I was. Tony was right, once I settled down the pain came to the forefront. My shoulder ached and my ribs hurt whenever I took a deep breath. I pushed through it because the pain was nothing compared to what I had felt when I thought Steve was gone. So, I tucked the blanket around myself and waited.

I must have fallen asleep because I was startled by the sound of a knock at the door. Bruce came in carrying some clothes in his hands. "Steve packed these for you in his bag. I figured you'd want to clean up a bit."

"What's that supposed to mean? I'm not presentable enough or something?"

"Natasha, you always look beautiful to me."

He looked at me longingly and I turned my head, unable to deal with those emotions. "Then why do I need to change?" I asked. I felt defeated and I was too tired to argue.

Bruce knelt next to my chair and it took everything in me not to recoil from his presence. It wasn't his fault and I didn't want to make him feel worse than he already did.

"Steve is strong. He's a natural-born leader who's trained to kill and protect. He couldn't protect you when you needed him…"

"Don't you dare blame him, Bruce. Because I was coming to see  _you_ …"

"No, I'm sorry. I'm not blaming him. I'm just letting you know how he feels. He blames himself for your kidnapping."

I took Steve's hand in my own. His eyes moved rapidly beneath his eyelids and I knew that Bruce was right.

"I'm here, Steve," I whispered soothingly. "You did save me. I'm right here baby."

Steve's eyes stilled and his body relaxed.

Shame suddenly rolled through me, "How am I supposed to tell him?" I asked meekly. "He already blames himself for my kidnapping. He's going to go ballistic when he realizes…"

"You tell him when you're ready. Just clean up as best you can. Now, I have some jeans and a hooded sweatshirt here. That should cover up the majority of your bruises for now. Then when you get home, when you're ready, you can tell him everything. You can get cleaned up right in there," Bruce said, pointing to the bathroom.

I nodded and took the clothes he offered. I stood up but realized I couldn't move. I stared at Steve lying on the bed. "I don't want to leave him alone," I said.

Bruce smiled sweetly. "I'll watch over him. Don't worry."

"Thank you."

I set my clothes on the counter and closed the door. The lights turned on automatically. I saw my reflection in the mirror and nearly screamed. Tony had said that I had bruises over two-thirds of my body. That was so clinical. The reality of it was something else. I had a black eye, my lower lip was swollen and the cut on my lip looked deep. I had bruises that looked like fingertip impressions on my cheek. There was also an ugly red ring around my neck where those assholes had held me. Of course it didn't help that my hair was wildly tangled, greasy and just all around unkempt.

My arm was sore and stiff, and it was hard to maneuver around, but I made do with the simple tasks.

I took off my clothes and I balled it up and threw it in the trashcan. I never wanted to see it again.

I stood in front of the mirror naked, but for the bandaging around my ribs. My hands instinctively went back to my belly. My poor baby...you’re safe now.

It was time to get myself together. I wasn't mentally prepared to deal with what happened to me. So, I decided to store it all away into a compartment in my mind, to be brought out and dealt with later. I need to focus on getting healthy again for my child.

After a nice warm shower, I donned the underwear provided and shimmied into the loose fitting jeans. There was no shirt, but the hooded sweatshirt would offer plenty of coverage and warmth. I tried putting the bra on, but between my sore ribs and my aching shoulder, it made that task nearly impossible. I hoped the sweatshirt would be baggie enough that no one would notice.

The sweatshirt was uncooperative. I just couldn't bend my arm properly. I was frustrated until I gave a final tug and my injured arm finally slid into the sleeve, but not before I cried out in pain.

"Natasha?" Bruce's voice was strained outside the bathroom. "Are you alright? You've got an agitated husband out here."

I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and opened the door. Bruce looked concerned but didn't push, for which I was grateful. "I was just having a hard time getting dressed with my shoulder," I said.

He frowned. "You should have asked for help," he replied. When he saw the look on my face he backed down and looked towards the bed where Steve was moaning and groaning. I pushed past Bruce and ran to Steve's side. I took his hand and he immediately stilled. I looked up at Bruce questioningly.

"He started to react the moment we heard you struggling in there."

Steve remained calm as long as I was near him. That was fine with me because the feeling was mutual. I climbed onto the bed, still holding Steve's hand.

"I'll leave you two alone," Bruce said. He started to back out of the room quietly. I turned towards him. I didn't have words for the appreciation I felt for him and his family coming for me. But, I especially was grateful for the way he watched over Steve, knowing how hard it was for him to be in the same room as the man who'd stolen me away. I tried to convey all that in my gaze. Bruce smiled and said, "I'd do anything for you, Nat."

He reached for the doorknob and paused, "If your shoulder is hurting you that badly, you really should take the pain meds I brought. I can make you something to eat right now."

I shook my head. "Tony's on it, I'm fine." And I was, I had Steve back in my arms, which was a miracle.

Bruce paused by the door. "Nat, I…" He didn't finish the sentence. He just sighed and walked out of the room.

I lay down in the bed and Steve instinctively made room for me. I felt warm for the first time since we'd separated. I had been chilled to the bone for what seemed like days. I wrapped my hands around his arm and held it to my chest. I let his body warm mine. I noticed that I wasn't adverse to touch, not when it was Steve who was doing the touching. He was safety. He was Home. I snuggled into him and waited for oblivion to take me.

I woke up to the sensation of soft, feather-light kisses being placed on my brow, my nose and lips. I inhaled deeply and smiled when I smelled Steve, clean and crisp like an ocean breeze. I opened my eyes, expecting to see Steve's smiling face. Instead, his eyes were wide, tentative, like someone who has awoken a dangerous animal.

"Steve?"

"I'm so sorry, Natasha," he said. His voice was strained, on the verge of tears. "I'm so sorry. I let you down. I…"

With every word he was pulling away from me. A great chasm threatened to separate us forever unless I stopped it. I reached for him, wrapped my arms around him and held him tight.

"You did NOT let me down," I snarled. I buried my face in his neck. "You saved me, Steve. I don't know what I would've done."

I was thrilled, but Steve was still acting strangely. There was something off between us. I sat up on the bed and he looked away. "What is it?" I asked.

"I did fail you," he argued. "Look at you. You're bruised all over. And I can tell you're in pain by the way you're moving. I did this to you. I'm just as much to blame as the bastard who hit you."

I started to cry hysterically even though I cursed myself for the weakness. I was so emotional. I didn't know how I was forming coherent thoughts.

"Honey, please don't cry," Steve pleaded. "I'll do anything to make it up to you. I…"

"Oh just shut the fuck up!" I shouted. Steve pulled back like he'd been slapped. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him. "I've been through too much Steve; too much to listen to you blame yourself for this." I gestured to my face. "I'm tired. I'm hungry. And yes, I am in pain. I've been through hell and back in less than twenty-four hours. I'm about to fall apart here and the last thing I need is for you to blame yourself for something that's not your fault!"

By the time I finished I was screaming. Steve cradled me in his arms, rocking me gently. "I'm so sorry, honey. I'm…"

"Don't be sorry," I said. "Just hold me, please."

He held me and kissed me tenderly. I felt safe and reassured in his arms. The sheet fell away from him revealing the velvety smooth skin below his waist. Flashes of men beating and scratching me entered my vision. I scrambled away from Steve, breathing heavily. Steve, noting my distress, seemed to have read my mind, because he pulled the sheet back into place and covered himself.

After the panic subsided I took a calming breath and scooted closer to Steve. "I'm so sorry," I said.

"Nothing to be sorry for," he murmured, clutching the sheet tightly in his fist.

We stayed like that for a while, both of us trying to regain a semblance of foundation of our love had been solidified by blood and tears. I was safe and I had Steve with me. Everything was as it should be.

"Steve, how are you feeling?" I sat up quickly when I realized that all my weight was on his stomach and that he was recovering from surgery. He smiled his Steve smile and sat up, leaning against the headboard. He pulled me up with him, without so much as a hint of strain or a grunt of pain.

"I'm fine, Nat. I'm a little sore, but I'm healing up just fine."

I smiled and then I slapped him hard on the chest. "Oww!" He cried, though I knew I hadn't hurt him. Hell, my hand wasn't even stinging. "What was that for?"

"You scared the hell out of me Steve Rogers! There was blood everywhere. You're supposed to be my super-healing husband! I thought you were dead." I slapped him on his chest again. "Don't you ever do that to me again!"

He laughed. We had been through hell and back-and had the scars to prove it-and he was laughing. "Wow, you used my first and last name. You really are mad, aren't you?"

"It's not funny!" I roared, but I noticed it lacked the vehemence I had intended.

He pulled me onto his lap and nuzzled his nose against mine. "I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere."

I sank into his warm embrace, loving the strength and protection he offered. 

"I have something to tell you"

"Oh yeah," his hands roamed my hips provocatively. He nuzzled my neck. "What's that?"

"I'm pregnant, again."

He held me at arm's length, a look of confusion in his eyes.

"Wait, are you…"

His eyes lit up and his smile nearly blinded me. "Nat, you're pregnant?"

I nodded as the tears began to flow freely down my face.

I let him hold me. I was pregnant and Steve was safe. I just wanted to bask in it forever.

There was a knock at the door and Tony popped his head in. "I just wanted to check on you two," he said.

He carried a tray and a duffle bag in his hands. He had several sandwiches piled high on a plate along with fruit and bottles of water. "I also figured it was time you two had something to eat." He eyed me pointedly.

"I'm doing fine, Stark," Steve said.

Tony quickly looked him over then nodded in agreement. "I'm glad," he said. "Well there's not much else for me to do here. I brought your clothes, Steve." He motioned to the duffel bag on the floor. "It's still a long while before we land in Wakanda. Why don't the two of you get some rest?"

Steve and I dug into the sandwiches. All of a sudden I felt ravenous and ate happily.

"Oh and Natasha, I left some pain killers for you."

Convinced that we had regained our appetites, Tony smiled and left the room.

Steve and I ate in silence. I took my pain meds gratefully. When we had eaten our full, we took Tony's advice and lay down in the bed. We snuggled together; both of us content to be in each other's arms and to forget everything else. I laid my head on his chest and let the steady rhythm of his heartbeat lull me to sleep.

Some time later, I shot straight up in bed, gasping for breath. I clutched my chest where I felt an intense ache. It wasn't pain. Physically, I'd never felt better. This was something else. I rubbed my chest, but the ache wouldn't go away. Something was wrong.

Steve's eyes were still closed. He was sleeping peacefully, and I was grateful for that. It told me that my sixth sense had nothing to do with him.

I kissed his forehead and went out to the kitchen on the jet and grabbed a water out the refrigerator. I turned around and saw Bruce standing by the counter. He gave me his crooked smile and I smiled weakly before I hugged him fiercely. After a few moments, I felt his arms wrap around me. He sighed, his chin resting against my shoulder.

"I’m sorry on how I've been acting. It's been so long, Bruce. I've missed you." I realized as I said it just how true those words were. Over the past four years I had gotten used to Bruce's absence. At one time, he had been my husband; the center of my universe. So much had changed since then. My world had shifted on its axis. Nothing was as I thought it would be. And yet, I had never been happier. But, that didn't mean I didn't miss the closeness Bruce and I had once shared.

We had gravitated to each other back then because of a deep sense of loneliness. We found solace and family with one another. Still, I sensed that Bruce was still very lonely.

Bruce broke the contact and took a step back. "It's alright, you have a lot going on," he said looking at me," You look…incredible. It's almost like you're glowing."

I was speechless and Bruce turned away, looking off as though embarrassed for saying too much. After a few more quiet moments, I said, "Well, it's good to have you home." Bruce shuttered lightly.

"What?"

"Yeah, about that…"

Bruce's complete shift in demeanor unnerved me. "What's going on?" I asked.

"I'm not staying.” he said.

Bruce was my friend. Though we weren't together, I still loved him. He was an important person in my life, hell, the father of my first born daughter. I couldn't bear the thought of not having here back with his family and friends. "But why?"

He didn't look at me when he rattled off a long list of excuses.

"I don't understand. What's…"

"Oh my God, Natasha! The world doesn't always revolve around you. I have things to do. I can't be here, all right?"

His angry words cut me like a knife.

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "Look, I didn't mean to yell like that. But even if I wanted to stay, I couldn't." He seemed to realize his mistake the moment the words left his mouth.

"Even if you wanted to?"

"I didn't mean…"

"No, I think that's exactly what you meant. Why wouldn't you want to stay?"

"Because I'm still in love with you," he growled lowly.

The small room was silent. I was floored by Bruce's confession. But then, if I was being honest with myself, I guess I had known all along. In many ways, that was one of the reasons I allowed Bruce to keep his distance. It was too hard seeing him knowing I was breaking his heart every time.

"Bruce, it's been four years…"

"It could be a thousand years and I would still love you."

His head hung low and his shoulders slumped. I edged towards him and took his hand in mine. He flinched slightly, but allowed the contact.

“Natasha, when I found out that you and Steve had been…well, I was horrible to you."

"You were hurt. I wasn't exactly being sensitive to your feelings at the time and I betrayed you. And I'm sorry, for everything."

He brought my hand to his lips and gently kissed it.

"Can I just say something?" I asked.

"Did you ever think you might be holding on to your love for me because I'm unavailable?"

He started to protest but I held my hand up. "No, let me finish. I think it's easier for you to love me, knowing nothing can come of it, than it is for you to put your heart out there and risk it getting broken all over again. I think you're afraid. Loving someone is scary. But, if you don't open yourself up to the possibilities, it's never going to happen for you."

Bruce was deep in thought. We sat in silence for a while. "Maybe you're right," he said, finally. "But, I'm sorry. I just can't watch you with Steve everyday with your beautiful family, not when I still wish it was with me."

"Well, I can only hope that you change your mind. I better get back to Steve," I said.

He smiled weakly, "I really am happy for you."

I kissed him on the cheek. "I hope you change your mind about staying," and then I closed the door behind me, locking it. Steve was wide awake as he turned his head towards me. I smirked at him, stripping every clothing in my body before climbing back in the bed with him.

"I love you, so much." He whispered

"And I love you…" I was cut off by lips—searing lips that caused me to moan immediately. It was kind of pathetic at how easily I melted at just his touch or a stare.

"You and the baby need to rest."

"That we do." I tilted my head up, capturing his lips with mine again. I couldn't help it. "But I don't want to sleep anymore. I just want to live in this moment with you"

"You have me, I'm all yours." He chuckled.

"And I'm yours, forever."


	42. EPILOGUE

_Natasha's POV_ _"  
The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever"_ _— Nicholas Sparks_

* * *

**_EPILOGUE_ **

**TEN YEARS LATER...**

The blaring alarm clock jerked my mind out of peaceful sleep and I rolled over, onto Steve's chest. He groaned and shifted under the sheets, his naked body brushing mine. We always slept nude nowadays. It just felt better that way.

"Natasha, get the kids up." He yawned.

"No, I did it last time. You go." I pushed him.

He grumbled into a pillow. After a few silent minutes, I realized that he really wasn't getting up. I huffed and blinked my eyes awake. I nearly fell onto the floor, still tired from being up most of the night.

I grabbed my soft, silk robe from the bed post and tucked it around my body.

It was going to be a hot day. The month of May had been unseasonably stuffy here in New York, but it rained last night so I hoped it cooled off a little.

Talia was finally graduating from college. I couldn't have been prouder of her. She had worked her ass off with a degree in English, focused on creative writing. She had been promoted to Senior Editor at the publishing house downtown. She continues to work there as she told me she started writing her own book.

But before I could even begin to think about the graduation, I had to get the kids up, which was a chore in itself.

I walked up the stairs to the third floor and knocked on the first door.

"Come in," Nathan's voice said loud and clear.

I peeked my head in. "Just coming to see if you were awake."

"Of course." His twelve-year old self stood in front of the mirror, and he fixed his tie. His shoes were shined and his shirt was neatly pressed.

He looked more like Steve every day. I could always count on him to be the most prepared of all my children. His grades were exceptional, his room was always pristine, his goals were always set, and it scared me sometimes how smart he was. He retained facts and could spit them out during any conversation. On top of all that, Nathan was likable. His smile was blinding and he had a draw to him that made people just feel relaxed. I couldn't explain it.

"Do I look okay?" He turned around and tried to fix his hair. It was just as unruly as Steve's as well, but with my dark coloring.

"You look so handsome. Just like your father."

"Really?" His blue eyes shined. "I think so too."

I laughed at his youthful energy. "Why don't you go downstairs and help with breakfast?"

"Okay, Mom. I will in a little bit." He went over to his bed, preparing to make it up.

Everything in his room had to be just right, not a book or pencil out of place. It worried me out motivated Nathan was at some times. I felt like he was growing up way too fast. But Steve encouraged his independence. I just hoped that Nathan would just take a little time to be a kid. He was only twelve, after all.

I shut the door and left him to his morning routine before crossing the hall to Sarah's room. It was painted in light pastel colors of nothing in particular, but the walls were covered in posters. She was sprawled out in bed, her hair falling out of the ponytail she slept in.

I shook her body. "Sarah, it's time to get up."

She groaned.

"Sarah Rogers, we have to get to the graduation on time."

"But I don't wanna go," her sweet voice whined. "Please don't make me go."

"But we bought you that cute blue dress and your new shoes. Don't you want to wear them?"

She sighed dramatically, "I suppose."

Sarah was the little drama queen of the family, quite the actress. She enjoyed being the center of attention, but we made sure she wasn't spoiled. That was the one thing I couldn't tolerate. She realized that value of handwork and made rather good grades like her brother. Sarah enjoyed dressing up and shopping and dancing, nothing like me at her age, but she had a sense of humor that knocked me on my ass sometimes. The things her vivid mind came up with could only come from her.

"I'll be back in ten minutes. Be up and have your teeth brushed," I warned.

"Okay!" She pulled the covers over her face.

Next on my list was Cade. He was a nine year old tornado of destruction. Like me, he was uncoordinated and clumsy, which did not bode well for his adventurous spirit. He would get into everything and we had to watch him like hawks.

His room was a mess, clothes everywhere, and I tripped over three toy cars on my way to his bed. He was going to be cleaning this place up when we got home. I didn't realize how bad it was.

He had dirty blonde hair that lightened in the sun and his eyes were clear blue. He was Steve's clone down to the bone structure and attitude. They even walked similarly. Of course, those two were best buds and Steve encouraged Cade's mischievous ways. He thought it was cute. I begged to differ. I was always worried about him.

He climbed a tall tree in the back yard last week and fell, so his arm was currently in a cast. He thought that meant he didn't have to attend the graduation, but I assured him that wasn't the case.

"Cade, wake up!" I had to be forceful with him or he would sleep the whole day. I ripped the covers from his body.

He rolled away from me and pretended not to hear me.

"I'll send your dad in here," I threatened him.

"Okay, okay." He dragged himself to the bathroom.

I went to his closet and picked out his small suit Tony got him for his birthday. I laid it on his bed. "I'll be back to help you after I get everyone else ready, sweetheart."

I continued down the hall where my next little girl was sleeping peacefully.

Ivana was four and the sweetest child I could have hoped for. She never fussed and rarely cried, even as a baby. She would cling to me like her life depended on it and had us all wrapped around her tiny fingers.

She looked like a cherub in bed with her small mouth opened and eyelids flickering, dreaming of ponies or candy or rainbows. I'm sure that's what she dreamed about because that's all she talked about. Her hair was a soft color like Steve's but a lot curlier, like mine.

"Baby, it's time to get up." I kissed her cheek.

"Mama?" Her hands grabbed for me. I lifted her out of bed and placed her on my hip. "We can go to the graduation today?"

"Yes, and you can wear your princess dress."

"Okay." She yawned. It took her longer to wake up than the rest of them, so I carried her around with me.

"You can help me wake up the boys," I whispered to her.

She nodded her head in the crook of my neck.

Noah and Liam, my other set of twins and my youngest, had just turned two. Like Nathan and Sarah, they were connected in a way that I would never understand. It was strange because they fought like they hated each other, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. We tried to separate them; they refused to be far away from each other. They even slept in the same bed.

"Boys, time to get up." I turned on the lights in their large room. It was filled with all kinds of toys and areas to play. They liked to roll around on the floor so they needed space.

"Mom, I can handle the twins." My baby boy James appeared out of nowhere and rushed towards the crib. James was now fifteen, prior to his birthday being last month. He was everything me and Steve needed him to be. Respectful, determined, and hard working and I couldn't be more prouder of him.

"You go get ready."

"Are you sure? I don't mind feeding and changing them first."

"No, no. It's fine. I can do it all."

"Thank you." I kissed him on the forehead and rushed out of the room. We were already running late.

On my way down the stairs, I heard Steve trying to rip Cade out of bed, and they were fighting loudly. I didn't even want to deal with that. I grabbed Ivana's dress from her room. She could get ready with me.

"Are you up, baby?" I asked, setting her on the bed.

"I'm hungry, Mommy."

"You can have your yogurt after you get dressed." That probably wasn't the best of ideas, but it would take longer for us to get ready if she ate first.

I took my shower last night, so that I didn't even have to worry about it this morning. I chose a bright yellow dress out of the closet and a pair of bright red pumps that would match the then red belt of the outfit.

"That's pretty, Mommy."

"Thank you, Ivana."

"I want to wear shoes like yours." She crawled over the blankets and pillows until she reached the footboard.

"You would break your poor ankles. You can't wear these yet."

"When can I?"

"When you're older."

"That's your answer for everything." She looked at me disapprovingly.

"You have more growing to do," I said simply.

"Cade's gonna be the death of me." Steve came into the room, his hair disheveled and his face red.

"You don't have to get him up for school. This is what I go through every day," I said, zipping up my dress.

"Daddy!" Ivana shouted, holding up her arms.

"Baby girl, you look wide eyed and beautiful this morning." He scooped her off of the bed.

Her arms wrapped around his neck and they lost themselves in their own little world. It warmed my heart so much when I saw Steve this way. He loved all of our kids evenly.

They chatted on the bed and Ivana made sure to fill her father in on her dreams. Steve seemed genuinely interested. He kept her distracted while I did her hair and slipped on her dress. It was quick and easy work, which was unusual for her.

An hour later, we were all downstairs; Steve, myself, and our seven kids.

Our family wasn't the only one that continued to grow. Tony and Pepper had a two year old daughter named Maria along with their eleven year old son, Arno. Clint and Laura never did have more kids as they stuck with three.

Thor and Brunnhilde had gotten married. T'Challa got married and is expecting his first child in the fall. Everyone was off starting their own families as threats steadily declined. Some decided to retire altogether, Steve and I included. We just took on more of a supervisory role. Thor, Bucky, Sam and Vision would continue to fight for a few more years just so that the world would never be left unprotected.

Steve and I are living are living back in Brooklyn in a 12 bedroom, 19 bathroom mansion, courtesy of Tony. He bought the house from his good friend who just wanted to sell the house after his divorce. We still work of course to keep ourselves busy, but Tony makes sure we're taken care of.

Everyone was leading a different life. No one was unchanged. And yet they all came back to New York to celebrate Tally's day. Everyone except Bruce. He couldn't make, due to being in a scientific retreat in Antarctica, though he sends his love. Bruce also managed to find love too, but no more kids. He says he wants work on his relationship with Talia a little more before thinking about more children.

I sighed as I continued to get everyone ready to leave.

* * *

"Do you have the graduation gifts?" I asked Steve as we packed up the kids into the car. It was a giant production to go anywhere nowadays. Diaper bags and car seats and bottles. We needed to start getting ready at least half an hour early to do anything.

"Yup." He patted the front pocket of his navy blue suit.

I stood back to look at him just a second. He was leaning over to buckle in Ivana as smooth as ever. I swear he didn't seem to age. Steve was still the same man he was ten years ago, just a little wiser and more calm. His body was rock solid. His hair was still lustrous and his voice still sent tingles all over my skin.

I don't know how he did it because some days I wanted to just rip my hair out, but he was always my steady rock. No matter what the situation, he had a solution and plan to execute.

"You're drooling, Nat." Steve shut the door of the car with the ends of his lips pulled up slightly.

"I wasn't," I said too quickly.

He took my hand and pulled me towards him. "Mrs. Rogers, you're a terrible liar."

"I can't help it. You're so damn sexy." I blushed.

"You're still hot over me?"

"Always."

His head bent down until his lips met mine. Our hands started to roam and I trailed my nails over his hard chest and pulled at his shirt, hoping that I didn't mess it up too badly.

A throat cleared and I broke away from Steve to see James glaring at us, his window rolled down.

"I don't want to rush anybody, but we're already ten minutes late."

"Later," I promised my husband with a final soft kiss and ran around to my side of the car.

We were off and racing towards the Columbia University. I kept the kids from killing each other in the back on our way. Nathan and Cade were especially feisty today. Those two were just total opposites in every way, and it proved to be quite challenging having them in close vicinities. They didn't get along too well, but I will handle that soon.

"You're going to behave yourself?" Steve asked Cade, fixing his tie when we parked in the parking lot.

"Yes, sir." He smiled soflty.

"Love you kid." He ruffled his hair as we walked.

The kids stayed near me as we walked into the campus. People were milling around the grass, dressed in their finest clothes. Our eyes spotted Wanda and Bucky walking towards us.

"Fucking good to see you punk!" Bucky pulled Steve into a rough bro hug, which Steve quickly returned.

I don't think I would ever get he or Steve to keep their language in check around the children.

"Hi, sweetheart." Wanda stole Ivana from my arms and swung her around. They both giggled and smiled at each other.

"You look so pretty," Ivana told her.

"So do you. I love your dress."

"Mama, just bought it for me. She says I look like a princess."

"Of course you do."

"Mama, I'm going to go see Uncle Tony and Aunt Pepper." Ivana squirmed out of Wanda's arms.

"Okay, but don't get your dress dirty."

I saw Tony and Pepper nearly beam until their cheeks burst as Ivana ran towards them down the row of chairs. I knew they would occupy her for the rest of the day. Everyone slowly start to arrive: Sam, Vision, Thor, T'Challa, Clint and Laura.

"I've been waiting her for over an hour. What took you guys so long?"

"We have kids. It takes a long time to do anything."

"Yeah, I know the feeling." She smiled lightly.

Wanda had two kids now. Both adopted, but she couldn't be happier. I just don't think it was in Wanda's cards to get pregnant. It took her a long time to handle that fact, but she was okay with it now.

"I'm glad you're happy Wanda, it suits you well." Steve said, smiling at her.

"Thanks, I'm happy for you too, always," she replied, returning a weak smile.

"It suits us both."

Even after all these years, those two still had that connection. Steve told me about their attraction when I was married to Bruce. He told me she loves him and he loves her, but only as family. Wanda and Vision remained apart, but Wanda said maybe one day in the future they can work it out. Wanda is a true friend to me and she never pursued her feelings to him. I guess they will always have that unspoken thing between them.

The ceremony began and it was pretty boring. We sat in the hot, blazing sun, listening to boring speeches. And then the interminable wait for the actual diploma began. The whole thing was kind of a blur. It wasn't until Talia held her diploma in her hands that I felt my heart swell with pride.

Of course, we were going wild and her fellow students were looking at her with growing curiosity. Tony, Steve and Thor were blowing obnoxious air horns while T'Challa, Clint, Wanda and I screamed and cheered. The kids whistled and hollered. Talia blushed furiously as all eyes seemed to be on her. And she finally made her way safely off the stage and ran to us. I wrapped my arms around her as she collided to my chest. I kissed her forehead,"My baby girl, you're all grown up."

She rolled her eyes,"Yeah, I'm aware of that, Mother."

We laughed before her eyes landed on Steve. She hopped in Steve's arms as he lifted her off the ground and tugged her close,"I'm so proud of you, sweetheart." He breathed in the crook of her neck.

"Couldn't do it without you, Dad." She whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck tighter.

T'Challa smiled widely as he waked up to Steve and Talia," _Najivunia wewe,_ _shujaa wangu jasiri_ _." I'm proud of you, my brave warrior._

Talia released Steve before crossing her arms and bowing to T'Challa, " _Heshima yangu,_ _mfalme wangu." You honor me, my king._

T'Challa waved his hands and held his arms out,"So formal, just give me a hug." Talia laughed and hugged him.

Everyone then began surrounding Talia in their arms congratulating her, and expressing their love. I sat down on the park bench watching the scene before me. I had the best family in the world, everything seems to be perfect and I never want that to change.

Steve sat next to me and wrapped his arms around me pulling me close. "What's going through that beautiful mind of yours?"

"What do you mean?" I replied dumbly.

"I don't know. Whatever has you all misty and smiling." he whispered into my ear.

"Just...I hope this never changes, us being happy and together."

He held a firm grasp onto my shoulder. "It won't."

I smirked, "Promise?"

"I promise." He said solemnly.

"You know me too well."

"I certainly do, Mrs. Rogers." He kissed the side of my head, as we watched our family celebrate.

The first time I laid eyes on Steve was so long ago, but our love only grew stronger. I couldn't see him not being in my life. It just didn't make any sense to me. I could never conceive that thought. We had been through so much together and I would always love him.

Of course, all those years together weren't easy. Hell no. With seven kids, and I was sure there would be at least one more before it was all said and done. But we made through it, together.

I smiled as I clasped my hands around his, "I'm yours."

His lips quirked up in a small smile before whispering, "And I'm yours. Forever."

**THE END.**


End file.
